Outaishihi ni Nante Naritakunai!! Chapter 227

"Haa…"

I recalled the exchange I had just now and breathed another sigh.
That nonsense made me tired. Even though I still have a lot of work left, I don't feel motivated at all. I can't help but feed burdened by the files I don't want to see.
I'd rather throw them away, but obviously I can't do that. The moment I felt fed up while heading for the Magician Division headquarters, I caught sight of a small back.

"Lidi?"
"Nn?"

I called her name by reflex. When she looked back, I saw it was indeed the person I love.
I can tell it's Lidi just from her appearance from behind; it's a really serious illness.
I shook off those thoughts while restraining myself.
When I tried asking her what she was doing, she answered that she had no particular purpose.
Seeing the files in my hands she offered to assist me with them.

"N, no… I'm fine!"

I promptly refused. I understand she said it out of kindness, but I absolutely must not give her a chance to learn their contents.
Although suspicious of my attitude, Lidi withdrew.
… Aah, I'm glad. It's a relief.
I thought so, and yet in the moment of relief I dropped the crucial files.
Moreover, even if by coincidence, a blunder of Lidi learning their contests happened.
Lidi innocently asked the frozen me if I'll marry.

… I ended up pushing everything on Glenn.
Because, I don't want her to think about my matchmaking. I thought so, and yet when she looked at me with eyes sparkling expectantly, I felt like I'd lose consciousness from despair.

… I should've understood.
I should've understood from the beginning that she doesn't have no feelings for me.
Despite fully understanding that, it's me who has continued loving her.
Miserably I hoped she'd show at least a little displeased expression upon learning I might be getting married.
Of course, nothing like that happened.
The result was terrible. With a smile that had no hidden meaning Lidi even asked me to introduce her to my lover if I have one.
Aah… My chest hurts so much I have trouble breathing.
Her King's Flower that has grown big torments me. The King's Flower was small until some time ago. Before I knew it, it's grown more than one size, to me it looks as if their love has deepened.
Aah, it hurts. I don't want to see it. I don't want to be shown the proof that she's His Highness's.
I know. I understand.
But I like, I love only one person, Lidi alone.
That feeling made me accidentally tell her about Glenn's hidden love.
Fortunately Lidi didn't ask further… But I was so extremely flustered I also revealed the thing about myself.
It seems it was a very big shock for me to be unable to attract Lidi's interest as a man.
How effeminate of me.
But when Lidi asked if I have a person I love, just a little, really just a little I thought if I shouldn't say it.

―― Who I love is you.

But I immediately held back that feeling.
Because, she wouldn't accept my feelings.
She loves His Highness. Her blushing face, her bashful smile, her sweet gaze are all for His Highness alone.
I wonder what would happen if I pushed my feelings on her now.
I'm sure she'd be apologetic… And afterwards she'd only take distance.
She wouldn't continue treating me as her close childhood friend like until now.
I don't want that.
It's fine if I'm hurt. It's fine no matter how much I sacrifice.
I'm not asking her to look at me now.
However, I want to be near her, it doesn't matter if just as another older brother.
I can only wish for that much after all.

Lidi perceived the atmosphere had gotten dark and, reading the mood, said she'd go somewhere else.
And then she asked about where His Highness is now.
… After all, she only ever looks at His Highness.
While opening a new wound in my heart, I still suggested I'd check where His Highness is.
Even if it hurts me, I want to cooperate if it pleases her.
While thinking that I'm foolish to do that, I connected with His Highness via telepathic communication.
His Highness immediately responded.

'What is it, Will. Something happened?'
'I apologize for interrupting when Your Highness is busy. Actually, Lidi is now near the east tower that's the Magician Division headquarters, however she said she wants to know where His Highness have gone'

When I briefly stated my business, His Highness's voice resounding in my thoughts turned gentle.

'Lidi did?'
'Yes'
'I see. Right now I'm at the Royal Guard Chivalric Order practice ground. Aah, that's right. Ask Lidi if she'd like to come here'
'Ha? I, I understand'

At the Royal Guard Chivalric Order practice ground?
Even though I tilted my head wondering why he would invite his own fiancée to that filthy place filled with muscleheads, when I conveyed what His Highness said, Lidi nodded immediately. Her face looked overjoyed.
When I reported that to His Highness while wondering what it means, together with a laughter he returned 'As expected, huh'.
I returned an acknowledgement to His Highness who said, 'Report that I'll be waiting', and ended telepathic communication.
At a glance Lidi was fidgety.
When I asked her, curious about why she'd want to go so much to such a place, she returned an answer I didn't want to hear, 'I just want to see Freed'.
Lidi's face, when she happily said that His Highness holding a sword would surely look cool, was exactly of a person thinking of her lover.
I got a little frustrated and unintentionally asked something stupid like if she prefers swordsmanship rather than magical arts.
The answer Lidi returned was that His Highness is lovely either way.
… I wanted to cry.
Ultimately, her head is always filled with His Highness, there's no gap for me to enter.
I thought magical arts would make her think of me a little, and yet when she said while blushing that His Highness using magical arts looks cool, I had nothing else to say.

"You really like His Highness"
"Yup"

There was no hesitation or agitation in Lidi as she nodded.
Seeing her attitude that seemed to say I asked something obvious, I felt my chest tighten.

… Come to think of it, it may be the first time I heard her feelings for His Highness directly.
Even though I'd known it, it's painful to have the person herself admit it.
However, my mouth spoke words of congratulations on its own.
Me looking forward to the wedding, what an outrageous lie. There's no way I'd look forward to it.
To tell the truth I don't want to see it. I don't want to see her get married to a man other than me.
But because she smiled with a happy face, I couldn't say anything more.

Chapter end