Outaishihi ni Nante Naritakunai!! Chapter 208

Mother-in-law calmly continued narrating the story she'd cut short during the day.
Probably Mother-in-law had built up stress, unable to talk about it to anybody.
It seems she won't stop once she started.

"This is between you and me, but I had a very difficult delivery with Friedrich. I wanted to be spared from having another child on top of that. Besides… Perhaps giving a child had changed my constitution, but my duty became harder than before…"
"Mother-in-law…"

T, that is harsh. The act she hadn't liked from the start became even more painful.
It's a common story that giving birth to a child changes one's constitution, Mother-in-law must've suffered from that too.
With a pained face Mother-in-law nodded to me.

"Day after day, days of nothing but pain continued. Recalling that difficult delivery, I did not want another child at all. But, no matter how much I said I did not want it, the King embraced me almost every day. I could not stand how painful it was. Before long I began neglecting Friedrich whom I had cherished at first, both my mind and body rejected him. That child was the spitting image of the King. Even if I did not want it, looking at Friedrich's face I was reminded of the King. I gradually became frigid to that child who did not know anything"

Mother-in-law deeply breathed. There was deep anguish on her face.

"When that child was six-years-old. The decisive incident happened. On that day, the King was together with me in our private room… and we began arguing with each other. I was irritated that the King could not understand me as he tried for a second child, and I said something that should never be said. 'If I had known it would be so painful, I would never have wanted to give a birth. I wish I had not given a birth to that child. I do not want another'. Naturally, it was not what I truly thought. I am the Queen. It is my duty to give birth to a child. I know that well enough. But, I was irritated by the King who would not understand me and ended up saying that… My inflammatory words were simply a retaliation"
"Ah… Perhaps…"

As I spilled words, Mother-in-law nodded.

"Yeah, I believe it is as you imagine. That child overheard our unseemly argument from the other side of the door. Probably, because the days I had been cold to him continued… he must have become lonely. Therefore, he came to our room. Until then, I had never showed that child my discord with the King. I had not wanted to show that child his parents fighting. It was our first quarrel he saw. I think it was a shock for that very young child… And that child coincidentally heard my rash remark, he must have thought I betrayed him… That I had lied about loving him until then"

I recalled the cold eyes Freed had directed at Mother-in-law.
I wondered why, but he surely is hurt even now.

"Since then, that child has never smiled at me. I should have immediately apologized that it was not like that. And then hugged him. However, I was exhausted. I thought it would be better if he did not approach me… If I were alone"
"… That, is…"

I couldn't say anything. My sleepiness has been blown away. Seeing my intently listen to her story, Mother-in-law smiled a little.

"Perhaps hearing my outcry, the King finally understood, as he said, 'Sorry for making you suffer', and immediately after married a concubine. Afterwards has been as I said. I took the chance and changed my residence, since then the King has not visited me… My son hasn't either. Surely I am a failure both as a mother and wife"
"Is it not… lonely?"

I ended up asking so because Mother-in-law spoke in an awfully sad voice.
But, Mother-in-law shook her head with a firm, No.

"This is why I said at first that I was unfair. I knew you would react like that to this story. I do not wish for sympathy. I do not need comforting. I only wanted to talk about my experiences with you, who is in the same position… as such a thing could happen to you. Besides, regarding Friedrich… I reap what I sowed. I am not thinking of trying to start over after such a long time"
"Mother-in-law…"
"Nonetheless, the current matter is a different story. Seeing that child's attitude towards you unintentionally reminded me of how the King was in the past. In truth, considering that child's feelings I should not get involved with you more than necessary, however I could not bear it. That child is trying to do to you exactly what the King did to me"

Mother-in-law sighed as she recalled the past she didn't want to remember, having witnessed Freed's obsession with me.

"Thanks to it I obtained a daughter I can confide in, so it is not all that bad. That child was seriously… saying he hates women and avoiding marriage, but now he is engaged like this. He truly is no different from the King… Even though I was worried I had perhaps traumatized him…"
"Mother-in-law…"

While listening to Mother-in-law's words, I recalled Freed saying he doesn't have good memories of women.
Unfortunately, Mother-in-law's worry is probably not wrong.
What Mother-in-law talked about is surely part of the reason why Freed dislikes women.
After all, it's a sensitive topic for Freed.
"I hate being lied to by my family" probably originated from there.
… He was only six when he heard rash words like "I wish I had not given birth" from his mother who had cherished him. I can't even imagine how much shock he received.

Both Mother-in-law and Freed are miserable.
Of course Mother-in-law is a problem for causing mental trauma in Freed, but listening to her story, I understood she is suffering too.
… So then, is the King at fault? I thought so, but thinking that the King didn't notice he was cornering his wife to that extent, I felt like I couldn't blame anyone.
What complicated family circumstances.
I sighed in my heart and wondered.

"Umm, I apologize if it is none of my concern. Mother-in-law… Have you not reconciled with the King?"

Mother-in-law said she's over with Freed. Then I wonder about the King.
Mother-in-law calmly shook her head.

"… Something like reconcile. We are not particularly fighting. He took a concubine with our mutual consent. Besides… Ultimately, I was not the one for the King. The evidence is that he is fine with continuing visiting Mistress Helene since then. After all, instead of me… I thought. Surely the King is fine with any woman to reduce his desire"
"But… His Majesty loves Mother-in-law…"

I can't see it in any other way from what I've heard until now and the King's attitude.
But, Mother-in-law stubbornly denied.

"No… Until now he has not even once said anything like that. The only person he's chosen of his own will is Mistress Helene. For the King, I am only his partner in a political marriage. I too am not asking to be loved by the King"
"That…"

While I was speechless, Mother-in-law gently asked me.

"You are a gentle child. You need not make such a face. Perhaps Friedrich tells you that he loves you?"

I felt like that gentle tone would make me spill tears.
I closed my eyes and nodded my head.

"… Yes. He always tells me. I'm sorry, Mother-in-law. I am happy to be loved by him. I do not want to welcome a concubine, I want to be together with him forever… I love him"
"Lidi…"

No matter what, I love Freed and I don't want him to look at anybody other than me.
I want to be together forever, and even if it's embarrassing, I'm happy to be embraced by him.
Mother-in-law reached out her hand to me. She slowly stroked my hair.

"Why are you apologizing. Since those feelings are mutual, there is nothing more to talk about. It is good that that child's feelings are not unrequited. And there is no problem if impossible burden is not forced onto you. Since you are telling me you do not mind, it is not necessary for me to interfere, is it"
"Mother-in-law…"

I was touched. I was relieved she finally listened to me. And happy that she understood.
When I opened my eyes and raised my face, I met Mother-in-law's serious eyes.

"… However, Lidi. I have just one advice. No matter how much you are told that you are loved, do not allow everything… They are sure to get carried away"
"Eh? Err… Yes"

Chided with a straight face, my face twitched.

"No matter how much you love your partner, there is a limit. Before you are crushed, escape to my place"
"Thank you…"

It's no laughing matter, but I'm honestly happy about Mother-in-law's kind feelings.
I think I'll be alright in that respect since I have the King's Flower though.
And there was something that bothered me a little.

――――  Ultimately, I was not the one for the King.

When she spoke those words, Mother-in-law showed a very hurt face for an instant.
… I think her not wanting more is true, but I wonder if she didn't seriously desire a concubine.
Talking with her like this, I understood Mother-in-law has a personality where she can't be honest no matter what.
Supposing when Mother-in-law said "No more. Take a concubine" the King said "I don't want anybody except you. I love you", something may have changed a little.
However, seeing Mother-in-love is not the King's mate, that's impossible, and it's too late for anything.
The King himself married a concubine and since then hasn't visited Mother-in-law's room.
That is the truth.

Then there's Mother-in-law who said she was relieved.
But, just how sad would it be if it was just the best bluff Mother-in-law could muster, unable to be honest.

I want to be her ally.

Mother-in-law who treats me warmly. Gentle Mother-in-law who says she understands my feelings and tries to protect me.
But that Mother-in-law doesn't have one ally who understands her.
How sad it is.
I want to be the ally of Mother-in law, who showed me consideration.

"Mother-in-law. I too am Mother-in-law's ally"

Before I noticed, I put it into words.
Mother-in-law blinked her eyes. Astonishment was written on her expression.
I smiled and nodded.

"Because, I really like Mother-in-law. Please, depend on me as well. I want to be of help if possible"
"Lidi…"

Mother-in-law shook her head with a face like she couldn't believe it… Then her expression crumpled into a smile, and saying, Thank you, she tightly hugged me.
Gentle fragrance of lilies. Really, Freed too, why do both parent and child smell so good. I can't resist my desire to cling to her.

"I really like you. Mother-in-law"

That's why, I responded to Mother-in-law's hug by softly wrapping my arm around her back.

Chapter end