Outaishihi ni Nante Naritakunai!! Chapter 174

I shook my head in denial at Sion's question.
It's different. It's been different from the start.
This sensation, this feeling of being okay with being embraced by Freed, has been there from the beginning.
It's not something so recent as the feeling of love (provisional) that I became first aware after being saved from Crown Prince Maximillian.
It's been there from the very beginning.
I tried to argue with Sion's words that it's different for that reason - and I was taken aback.

―――― From the, beginning?
At that word, for the first time I felt a sense of discomfort.

I opened my eyes wide and gasped.
I was overwhelmed by the answer that suddenly appeared before me.

―――― Aah, my goodness.

I thought I'd collapse from dizziness.

Why, why haven't I noticed until now.
That's right, it hasn't been since I was saved from Crown Prince Maximilian.
It's not something so recent. It goes further back. To the very beginning.

"Ah… ah…"

I covered my cheeks with my hands. My body trembled from the truth I suddenly realized.
My tears welled up upon reaching the answer I'd been pretending not to see.

―――― Aah, I see. That's how it is.

Once I came upon the trigger, it was simple to arrive at the answer.
I'd thought it'd be so difficult, and yet, I was easily guided to it.

Right… At the night of that masquerade ball, I was fine being embraced by him, in the end it was only because I loved him. That's all.

I've loved him - Freed from the beginning.
From the first time our eyes behind the masks met at the masquerade ball, ever since that moment.

So that's why.
On the day I first met him, being kissed, being embraced… Everything he did felt good.
That must be it. Because, I can't explain it otherwise.
I understand now.
On that night if my partner hadn't been Freed, I'd have absolutely run away.
The plan was a failure.
I finally understand it was a dangerous plan full of holes, and could only be carried out because he was my partner.

I understand why Brother had an amazed face when I told him about (provisional).
He probably wondered what I was saying that late.
You've loved him for a long time, so what are you saying――――.
Brother is a sharp person sensitive to feelings of others. I'm unlikely to be wrong.

Noticing me going around in circles, Sion only sighed.

"And? Do you still need something to convince you?"

Far from refusing I splendidly solidified, so he must've guessed the situation from my behavior.
Asked in a quiet voice, I slowly shook my head.
I understand well.
This feeling isn't merely something transient. On the contrary, I was finally able to understand what I'd felt for all that time, probably ever since I'd met him.

And now that I did, only the endless love for him wells up.
The feeling of wanting to tell him, who's been waiting all this time for me who continued running away unaware, overflowed.

I raised my face and fixed my eyes on Sion.
I'm nothing but grateful to him who guided me to this answer.

"Thank you… I understand well. I myself find it strange I didn't notice. The answer was right in front of me"

My vision blurred. Wiping the spilling tears with my finger, I smiled.

"Surely you were pretending not to notice… Probably, you didn't want to get hurt anymore"
"Sion?"

Having muttered the second half in an inaudible voice, he shook his head with a No.

"I'm glad if I could be helpful… I once made a severe mistake"
"You did, Sion?"

While I was surprised that such a thing happened, Sion kindly narrowed his eyes.

"Is it unexpected? In the past, I was even duller than you are now. Because of that, I hurt my partner. I regret it very much"
"I see… Is that why you helped me?"
"…"

Sion didn't respond.
The silence continued for a while, eventually with a far-away look Sion continued speaking.

"… I still love her. But, I hurt her deeply. Now I only pray for her happiness"
"Sion…"

I'm surprised there's a woman Senpai has such feelings for.
Probably he met her after dating me.
There's no mistaking it, since Senpai had never loved me.
Still, I'm happy from the bottom of my heart that Senpai could meet a partner he loved like that.
… Because I wasn't able to be one.
Ever since we broke up, I've been thinking it'd be good if such a person appeared for Senpai.
Unfortunately, going by Senpai's story, he doesn't know what she's doing now.
I'd be lying if I wasn't curious, still, feeling like it'd be rude to both question him deeply or offer him my opinion, I silently held my tongue.

"Aah… Please don't make that face. It's fine. I'm now the happiest I've been in several years"
"Sion?"

Nodding that it's alright, Sion looked towards the door.

"You're going back to His Highness Friedrich's place, right? I'm sorry for stopping you for a long time. I pray your feelings will be smoothly conveyed"
"T, thank you"

If I had to say, I feel like I'm the one obliged to him.
Without this encouragement, I surely wouldn't notice. I feel so. I'm grateful to Senpai, who has remained as gentle as before even after years went by.
Looking at Sion, even if his cheek didn't swell, it turned completely red.

"… I'm sorry. I wonder if I struck too hard. We have to cool it down…"

Understanding he'd been acting for my sake, I felt apologetic.
As I started looking around for something cool, Sion stopped me.

"I'll do it myself later, so please go. Besides, I was prepared for this to happen, so you don't have to mind. This much isn't a big deal"
"… Thank you"

This is probably when I presume upon his kindness.
Thinking so, I stopped at only expressing my gratitude.
Sion showed his usual calm smile, and bowed his head at me.

"Thank you very much for bringing Rena daifuku today. I'll eat the rest together with her"
"… Yeah, I'm happy if you do. Next time I will bring her chocolate confectioneries"
"Rena will be delighted"
"Please give Rena my best regards"
"I understand"

I waved my hand at Sion who saw me off to the door, and left the room.
I hope I'll one day be able to return the favor.

As the guards who were waiting for me asked if I want to return to the room, I shook my head to decline.
I want to see Freed as soon as possible.

He must be in his office at this time.
Since I've been told I may come to the office any time, I want to meet him, even if only to take a look at his face. Of course, I'll only confess when we're alone back in his room, but I just want to see him, even if for a glimpse.
That's why I told the royal guards that I'm going to his office.

I feel impatient.
I can't help but feel happy thinking that I can finally tell him.

That's right, I love him - Freed.
All this time since I met him for the first time.

Enduring the feeling of wanting to break into a run, I began walking towards the office where Freed is.

―――― I love you.

Probably, tonight.
I imagined the moment I tell that to him who's been waiting for me all this time.
Before I noticed, a smile that I couldn't hide appeared on my lips.

Author's note

Thank you very much.
Fu, fufu… Finally made it this far _:(´ཀ`」∠):_

Chapter end