Legacy of Forgotten Times 77 Her Inner World

They both went inside and took a shower. When she was done drying her hair Jaime walked into Linri's room to find him sleeping at his chair in front of the computer. At first, she didn't know what to do. He first called her for help and now he was sleeping and at a chair at that.

Jaime slowly walked towards him. Each of her steps was light as a feather, afraid that she would accidentally wake him up. It was not always that she could catch him this defenceless. Once she was close enough to hear him breathing Jaime leaned over to his face slowly lifting up his bangs. He had a serene expression, different from his usual charming and a little bit of evil aura. Well, it can also be said that this serene face of his also had a charm of its own.

Jaime smiled gently upon seeing this peaceful side of him. Wondering how everything came up to this point. Just a few months ago he was just some guy she knew from the internet and now she liked him. However, it was not always fine and dandy between them. She knew that for some reason Linri was pushing her away not letting her get too close to him. The worst thing was she didn't know why.

Jaime was beautiful. This was in no way boasting or arrogance, it was a fact. A fact that came from creating her character that way. So considering that he should be attracted to her as much as she was attracted to him.

Then again why was she attracted to him in the first place? Just because he was handsome? No, if it was just that she would have been repulsed by his attitude at this point. She was in no way happy with getting hurt from his sharp words over and over again either. Still, she couldn't help herself and this hurt her even more.

Jaime's gentle smile was slowly gone, getting replaced by a frown.

She let go of his bangs and headed for his bed laying there. She didn't care if he woke up from the noise at this point. Despite that Linri was still sleeping soundly. Jaime continued to think about the reason why she liked Linri in the first place.

When he was not being a douche bag intentionally, Linri was smart, witty, funny and no matter how much he tries to hide it he was a caring person but he also had a calculative and a selfish side. Maybe he was also a little bit of nuts in the hand and there was his arrogance. She also did not know anything about his past. There was this shroud of mystery surrounding him and she liked it. She literally liked every aspect of his personality including the bad ones. At least the fact that he had bad sides showed that this was the real Linri or rather Max.

Because she very well believed that if he wanted to Max could create a persona and act it out without anyone noticing. The thought of this disturbed her. Everything this guy does had to be over the top. If he wants to lie he creates a whole tight backstory without any loopholes. If he wants to deceive someone he would create a whole new persona with a complete background. So this begged the question if he wanted to deceive Jaime what would be his goal? Make her fall in love with him? He already achieved that and if it really was that he would not be pushing her away now. So this could only mean this was his real personality, at least she hoped it was.

Then why did she like him? Was it because she was now Jaime? In the game, Jaime and Linri were a couple so it would make sense to feel attraction towards each other. Jaime thought it was part of the answer but not the whole of it. After all, there was one giant hole in this theory. If it was because they were a couple in the game then why didn't Linri like him? Why was it just one-sided attraction?

The more she thought about her feelings the more confused she became. Just why thinking about feelings were so hard? Couldn't there be an answer to all love problems? I don't know like a book maybe?

It also didn't help Jaime's case that this was the first time she was feeling like this. It was not like she was inexperienced in love. She did have a boyfriend... once. She remembered the time she spent with him and noticed that she never felt like she was feeling right now. It was annoying. It was so annoying that Jaime suddenly got the urge to just get up, strangle Linri and ask him why.

Why was he pushing her away? Why didn't he like her? Was she not beautiful enough? Was she simply not his type? Just why in the hell did he not like her?

Jaime's eyes started to get moist. Her old habit was about to flare up again. She was crying silently. Linri knew Spark or rather Alina as a happy go lucky type of girl. The type that always liked positively. The type that was always cheerful. The type that can always find the best in a bad situation. He was reasonable to think that way as this was Alina's online persona. In reality, however, it was quite different. She was suffering from something maybe all teenagers are suffering from albeit a little more intensely. She simply lacked confidence in herself.

That was not her fault though. It was the result of the environment she grew up in. In every sense of the meaning, Alina was above average. She was smarter than her peers. She was beautiful enough that when you passed by her in the street you would turn around to take another look. Still, she could never really enjoy that feeling because of the company of a single person. Her childhood friend Irina.

Irina was best friends with Alina since kinder garden. They were from the same neighbourhood and their parents were friends. So obviously they grew up playing together. Irina was however different from Alina. She was gifted. Irina was smart enough to be considered a genius. She always got full marks on tests and she was also very good at sports. Things that children valued greatly. That was not all when they started middle school it was apparent that she was beautiful enough to put Aphrodite to shame.

When you grew up together with someone like that you can not help but be compared to them. When they were children Alina was alright with that but as they grew up she started to develop an inferiority complex. There was nothing Alina could do Irina was perfect in every sense of the way. No matter who was compared to her it would always look like a thrash. Alina was the victim of this fact.

During her middle school years, Alina started to be depressed. She did not enjoy her life and couldn't find any value in her life. When even your parents were comparing you to her constantly, denying any semblance of achievement you had it was hard to find life enjoyable. That was when she discovered online role-playing. A place that she can be anyone she wants and not be compared to others.

Eventually, in that environment, she shed from her sense of inferiority and became the Spark Max knew. Now that Jaime's thoughts were spiralling down a dark path she couldn't help but remember her old self.

Right now she was actually blaming herself for Linri not liking her. Like it was actually her fault in some twisted way. From a third party perspective, this was idiotic. How could it be her fault if someone didn't like her? But Alina was just like that. She would rather blame herself than blaming someone else.

At least that would be her normal reaction. During her self wallowing, Alina questioned herself. Why did it matter that he did not like her? Wasn't the answer right in front of her? If he didn't like her just make him. Isn't that what she has been trying all this time?

This was Jaime's mature and ice queen personality affecting her. Thinking about it this was maybe it was actually not that bad of a thing that her personality was slowly changing. This was actually a chance for her. A chance to completely escape from her sense of inferiority once and for all. No more self-deprecation, no more doubts, no more getting concerned by things she could not affect.

She dried her eyes with the back of her hand. She still did not know why she liked Linri but did not care either way. So she got up from the bad and headed over to Linri and gave him a hard slap on his head.

"Wake up!"

It felt good to hit Linri. Maybe she was getting influenced by Linri and slightly becoming evil but as long as it helped her feel better she did not care. It might not actually be such a bad idea to be a little bit of evil if it was gonna help her.

Chapter end