Touch of Fate 50 Laughing Matters

*Angry buzzing*

"Alright, alright. I'll get going. Geez, everyone's a critic." Mike said while clambering down onto the edge of the hole leading into the hive.

He waved at the departing bees. "Thanks for the ride."

Hands on his hips, he looked into the confusing maze of grey honeycomb. "Welp, better get started on this."

Mike started climbing his way deeper in the hive. A number of drones passed by, but ignored him. Evidently, some message had been passed regarding his presence. He tried to follow the traffic, assuming that they must be going somewhere important.

He stopped by a chamber that seemed to contain to bees' larva. They were wriggling mounds light grey flesh, with bulbous heads. Kind of cute in a horrifying, nightmare inducing way.

This particular room was guarded by a larger and much more fearsome looking bee. It was nearly twice the size of the others and moved with a sort of aggressive energy. It hummed a warning noise at him. Mike figured that this was one of the soldier bees, and decided he didn't really need to see anymore.

After another lengthy climb he eventually reached a large, open chamber. At its center was a huge bee, dwarfing even the soldier bees that were clinging to the chamber's walls. Its lower body was subsumed by a gigantic abdomen. As Mike watched, another of the grayish larva emerged from the end of the organ.

[Ah, the miracle of birth.]

He approached the Queen Bee, stopping only when the soldiers started to make threatening maneuvers.

The Queen questioned Mike's presence in the bees' quasi-language.

"I am here to collect some honey." He held up the two jars. "Just enough to fill these. I'd be willing to trade if there is something you need."

There was a note of rejection from the surrounding bees, the soldiers seemed particularly aggressive in their refusal. The Queen called for silence. She focused her multi-faceted gaze on Mike, as if evaluating him.

The Queen engaged in a lengthy, almost speech, where she identified a threat to the hive. Apparently some kind of bear-like monster had been attacking on a regular basis. The bees managed to drive it away each time, but at enormous cost.

In exchange for the honey, she wanted Mike to defeat this monster.

[I guess bears in this world like honey, too.] He thought to himself, feeling slightly odd about the whole situation.

"Very well, we will help you in this matter."

At Mike's agreement the Queen issued a quick command. Two drones flew up to Mike, took the jars from him, and flew off. A short while later, they returned carrying the jars filled with a strangely luminescent grey honey.

[Wow, that doesn't look appetizing at all. Why is it glowing? Is it radioactive?] Another thought occurred to him. [Wait, how did they manage to open the jar, and then put the cork back in?]

He stared at the two drones willing them to explain themselves, but they merely dropped off their cargo and flew away.

"Fine, keep your secrets."

He placed the jars into his backpack. Looking around, he kind of halfway expected some sort of send-off, but the bees just returned to their previous activities, largely ignoring him.

Sighing, he turned around and started working his way back to the entrance. He wasn't sure what he was expecting from insects, but he still felt a little disappointed.

After several minutes of climbing, squeezing, and scrambling he made it outside. Looking down at the forest floor, he figured that this was the perfect time to try out something he'd always thought was really cool.

He dropped out of the hive, hitting the ground on one knee and one hand, a classic superhero landing.

Shortly afterwards he collapsed over on to his side.

[Oh my God! I think I shattered my kneecaps! How do they make it look so easy in the movies?]

A few minutes of regeneration later, he stood up and faced the other three adventurers, who had gathered around while he was in agonizing pain.

"Are you alright?" Kate asked with a degree of concern. She'd heard a clear crunch of bone on Mike's landing, but he seemed to be fine now.

"Couldn't be better." Mike clapped his hands together and excitedly asked the group. "So, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"

The trio looked at each other, before Philip spoke. "What's the good news?"

Mike pulled the two jars of glowing honey from his bag and handed them over. "Negotiations were successful.

"Alright! See I told you we could do it." Philip threw a fist up into the air in celebration.

"YOU didn't do anything, idiot!" Kate yelled before speaking in a softer tone. "Thank you, Mike. If you hadn't joined our group, we would have failed in this request long ago."

"Well, don't thank me just yet, I haven't told you the bad news."

"What's the bad news?" Anxiety was now visible in two out of the three. Shy continued to look unconcerned.

"I may have agreed to help the bees out with a little problem they've been having. You know, as payment for the honey."

Suspicion replaced anxiety, as Kate continued her line of questioning, a little more emphatically.

"What problem?"

"So, apparently there is this bear monster..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Mike was running through the woods, laughing hysterically.

"Would you shut up already?! We're going to die, and it's all your fault!" Philip yelled from his position off to one side.

"I'm sorry.....I'm sorry." Mike squeezed out between bouts of laughter. "This world is just so ridiculous sometimes, and I can't help but laugh."

It hadn't proved difficult to locate the 'bear' monster. A path of destruction through the woods made for an easy trail to follow. They had eventually caught up to the beast as it was attempting to uproot a small, relatively speaking, tree.

The beast was a mound of matted brown fur. When they first approached it was still crouched next to the base of the tree leaving only a broad back and stubby legs visible, but stood and whirled on them. At that point, it was all Mike could do to control his laughter.

At nearly 30m tall, the bear should have been awe-inspiring, but due to some unfortunate quirks of its anatomy, it could only be called ridiculous. Its head was comically oversized and round. It rested, without any visible neck interfering, directly on an equally round body. Short, stubby limbs bore the creature's intense weight. It looked almost exactly like a giant teddy bear.

A giant teddy bear with blood-shot eyes, a mouthful of yellowed fangs, and a set of wicked looking claws.

Mike controlled his mirth long enough to begin negotiations. It was his hope that he could talk his way out of this situation again.

"So, we're here to ask you to leave the bees alone." He called to the bear, who promptly responded with a thunderous roar.

Mike wiped off a bit of spittle that had landed on him. "Are you sure you won't reconsider?"

Another roar was the only response.

"Hmm." He turned to face the other three, "So, I have some good news and some bad news."

"Run!" Kate yelled, as the bear started charging.

The group of adventurers took off into the woods, leading the monster on a merry chase. Thankfully, the bear's short legs and awkward rolling gait allowed them to maintain their distance.

Philip, who by this point was starting to run out of breath wheezed. "Why don't you do something? You're Tier 3, right?"

Mike glanced back at the oncoming bear, and had to stifle another round of giggles. "I can't….it's too ridiculous...those arms." He started laughing again.

Both of them momentarily lapsed into silence as Shy, who had moved a bit ahead of them, suddenly jumped into the air, spun, and fired two arrows at the monster with lightning speed and preternatural skill, but, unfortunately with little effect. Both arrows failed to penetrate the bear's thick hide. He nevertheless landed and resumed running without any visible effort.

Mike started applauding the athletic feat. "That's really impressive. If I had tried that, I would have fallen flat on my face. Not that I'm particularly good with a bow anyway."

Shy gave him a helpless smile.

"WOULD YOU ALL STOP FOOLING AROUND AND DO SOMETHING!" Kate screamed. As the one with the heaviest gear, she had started falling behind the rest of the group.

She looked behind and saw how close the gaping maw of the beast was getting, let out a little 'eep!', and started running faster. "DAMN YOU, MIKE. IF I DIE HERE, I'M HAUNTING YOU!"

"Haaa…" Mike let out one last sigh of amusement. "Alright, alright. I understand."

He spun around and started running back towards the bear. With a flick of his wrist he flung a trio of small fireballs at the creature's head.

They exploded with fiery intensity, causing the monster to roar in pain, and Kate to yell as the shockwave picked her up and threw her a few paces forward.

As the beast started toppling backwards, head still wreathed in smoke, Mike ran up its body until he was about where its neck should be. He summoned a blade of concentrated fire, 5m in length, and with a single swing decapitated the beast.

Mike rode the falling torso of the monster down, not wanting to repeat his earlier mistake, then gently hopped off once it had crashed into the ground with a thunderous impact.

[Now that I think about it, this style of Fire Magic is pretty close to a lightsaber. Still doesn't feel quite right though. I wonder if I can add in some kind of air magic to make the right sound effects.]

He dusted off his shoulders a bit, and turned to regard the rest of the group who were staring at him, too shocked by the display to react just yet. "See, nothing to worry about."

Chapter end