Recollecting Her Past

Annabelle's hands were getting cold thinking about tomorrow.

What is she going to do tomorrow?

Until now she had Kiera by her side as her back. But when she is not around, Anna is kinda feeling hopeless. No matter how many times she tried to derive herself from having negative thoughts about tomorrow, she still gets cold fits thinking about it.

Can she expect things to go well?

All of her fans were so excited about the book which was making her super nervous about whether her writing was good enough as they are expecting.

Arghh... this is happening all over again. She is again concerned about others' opinions. But she just can't help it. It really was something really important for her after all.

"What are you thinking about so deeply, huh?" her state was enough to make Theodore notice.

"Ah? Nothing... just some this and that."

Anna didn't want this guy to know about these things. Also, it isn't like he is gonna hear her out or something. Her boring story was boring enough not to share with others. Nobody wants to hear out the problems of a coward after all.

"I don't see that," Theodore said as he peered at her.

Theodore finished all the meals Anna cooked earlier. He wasn't supposed to be a glutton but, yeah, he did like her cooking. Her cooking skills are unexpectedly good. Theodore is not someone who likes just anyone's cooking after all. He was always very picky at eating and had a hard time eating when the meal was not within his likings.

Hmm... he should at least thank this girl properly.

But when he entered the living room to find her, he found an anxious doll curled up in the sofa jumbled in deep thought. Why does she have to think about anything in this posture? She looked like she was facing all the problems of the world altogether. When you make your problem big, it will turn into suffering. Her silky long hair strides were idly hanging around her round beautiful small face. To think of it in another way, she did look like a doll right now.

Suddenly Theodore felt a sudden weird urge to touch those strides. It looked smooth. Maybe they would feel smoother if he touched those, wouldn't they? In a split second, he changed his mind. He didn't want to scare this girl all of a sudden with his actions. He was playing the cold role in front of her, it would be better to continue this for now.

Wait, did he think of it as a role? Wasn't it a usual behavior of him towards any girls until now?

Come to think of it, why is she so anxious? Did something happen?

Theodore came near her, closing the distance between them, and sat beside her on the sofa.

"What happened? I can take anything but 'nothing' this time."

Annabelle looked at Theodore for a minute and lost in deep thought again. Should she tell him? She did need someone to talk to though. She has no friend besides Kiera, and now Kiera's not here by her side too. She is so hopeless. Without someone's support, she just finds it hard to handle on her own.

Then again, she decided to keep it to herself. It wasn't something you could discuss anytime with anyone. Moreover, he was an outsider. Listening to her stories will mean nothing to him. Furthermore, it can't solve her problem or lessen her anxiety.

"It's nothing... you had better take a rest. I have to return home now."

Suddenly Theodore realized it was already past 10 at night.

"Stay here for today." He said with his clear voice.

"What? No way!" Anna cut him off in an instant. How can she stay here out of all places right now?

"Why? Isn't this your friend's house?" Theodore showed a reason.

Annabelle looked really troubled now. How can she stay the night here with a complete stranger? No, he wasn't a total stranger. But still, she cannot make herself stay all of a sudden, right?

Realizing her dilemma, Theodore assured her with a mischievous smirk.

"Don't worry. I am not some kind of sick pervert to take advantage of my sister's best friend."

*Oh, gosh, Anna! Why are you so obvious? He could tell just in one glance what kind of thoughts you were having! *

"No... it's not that. It's just..."

"You have to listen to me at least just for once," Theodore cut her off this time.

"What?"

"You have to tell me about what you were so worried about or just stay here for the night. Which one is okay for you?"

Looks like Anna can't avoid this. She either has to talk about her worry or stay here at night. The first one was obviously better than staying here the whole night.

She played a little with her fingers and then slowly said, "Okay.... I am gonna tell you about it. Just... just give a moment."

Anna took some time to arrange her thoughts inside her mind. She has to disclose her thoughts without getting caught in emotions in front of him.

Theodore didn't say anything and just stared at her with a blank look. His expressions weren't like something assuring, but it somehow made Anna reassured. She kinda felt a bit better after watching him patiently waiting for her to start talking.

Anna took a heavy breath and started slowly as she threw a question towards Theodore, "When someone creates something for others but it kinda doesn't turn out as they expected then what can one do to make it right?"

Theo didn't expect to be questioned but wasn't startled. Instead, he said calmly to her, "Before giving the exact answer, I want to know the whole story."

Anna was silent for a moment. Can she tell him that?

She doesn't know about the consequences but she wanted to try it just for once. Trusting people, that is something which is done by someone who has trust in themselves. And Anna, she was a girl who lost trust in herself long ago. She had a mindset since childhood that she can't do anything naturally.

She wasn't extraordinarily talented. All her achievements she gained until now was by her stubbornness and continuous struggle. Sometimes she asks herself, is she really that good? Is she worthy enough to live in this world?

Her carefree act, it was just a facade, a mask to hide her shameful personality. Acting for so many years made her immune to these things. Sometimes people can't detect when their act becomes real and the real becomes the acting.

But for some unknown reasons, she wanted to share those with this man. This man, who was not even in her life just 2 days ago. Maybe sharing things with strangers lessens your burden. You can't just share anything with them as long as they lend you an ear and also you won't face any kind of judgment from them. She chooses to believe in that.

Looking at Theodore's pitch-black eyes, she found a little bit of courage. The room light was turned off by her a long time ago. There was only a table lamp lightening a small part of the room. So, his eyes didn't reflect anything but gulped all pictures portrayed into it. As if those were telling her to start talking so it can envelop all sorrows into it.

She then started with her slow voice, "When I was young, I always wanted to become someone big, someone amazing. I wanted to reach a place from where everyone could see me, reach me, touch me, love me. I have a big sister. She is 6 years older than me. She was radiant since childhood, smiling brightly, performing brilliantly in front of all huge people confidently and my parents.... They always praised her. Actually, she was worthy of those praises to be exact."

Annabelle paused a bit. Theodore could sense a great sorrowful spirit around her by then. He didn't know how to comfort a person in a situation like this because he never heard anyone's sad stories so earnestly before. Maybe it was kinda in reflex, but he inched a little bit closer to her and put a hand on her head. He didn't pat her head but kept his hand there for a long time.

Maybe, for this reason, Anna felt a bit better. She wanted to talk more, wanted to share more with him. The urge in her was so unbearable that she couldn't hold her emotions back. This was the first time in her life, being this defenseless in front of someone. She could be weak but never allowed to show her weak side to the outer world as she didn't want to make anyone hate her by disclosing her vulnerable self to them. For some reason, Theodore was different, not feeling bored or disgusted by her excessive emotions, and didn't tell her emotions are cheap. This inferiority, that wasn't grown this big by one day. It was sowing inside her and making its way there bit by bit for a long time.

Chapter end