Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Volume 4 Chapter 65 part2

Subaru heard his name in the darkness and saw a figure directly in front of him.
Just as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness of the ruins, her long, silver hair and her alluring, amethyst eyes flooded into his sight, and Subaru couldn’t help but call out her name.

[Subaru: Emilia]

[Emilia: Yes. Yeah, Subaru. ……It’s me]

Pronouncing those four short syllables and hearing her reply, Subaru felt his body on the verge of collapsing.
It might seem like an overreaction, but that was simply the weight of his overflowing emotions.

Fatigue, exhaustion, and the sense of loss.
All these sensations tormented Subaru, and yet, it was only when he stood in front of Emilia that his knees gave way to the emotions that he had forbidden himself to notice.

His body tilted forward, about to fall, but two arms reached out and caught him.
Their touch was soft and warm. He looked up, and saw her fair, beautiful face looking back at him. For a moment, he held his breath, and forgot where he was.
Right now, he was only resting in Emilia’s tender embrace.

[Subaru: ah, s-, sorry…… I felt weak all of a sudden……]

[Emilia: It’s alright. I’m not suspecting you of doing it on purpose or anything. But even if it was on purpose, I still would’ve caught you]

Cutting off Subaru’s excuse, Emilia closed off his escape.
Rather than chiding him, she gently consoled him. For this, Subaru breathed a deep sigh of relief―― but it was only then that he noticed something strange about Emilia.

Emilia looked the same as usual.
Gentle, calm, a little aloof, full of compassion, and cute with a somewhat childish charm―― none of it had changed.

She was the same, usual Emilia from the peaceful days they spent in Roswaal’s Mansion.
And not the same Emilia who was burdened by the duty of overcoming the Trials.

[Subaru: E-Emilia…… while I was gone, uh……]

――Did something happen to change your mind?

Subaru carefully chose his words, intending to ask that question.
But before the words could escape his lips, she softly murmured,

[Emilia: ――lonely]

[Subaru: ……huh?]

Failing to catch Emilia’s whisper, Subaru furrowed his brows and asked her to repeat it.
He could see her beautiful, silver visage just by turning up his face. Staring into her eyes from a distance close enough to feel her breath, this time, Subaru would not miss a single word.
Meeting his gaze, Emilia continued,

[Emilia: I was so lonely, Subaru. ――When you left me]

[Subaru: ah…… no, it’s…… not like that. I was never going to abandon you……]

[Emilia: ――――]

[Subaru: I thought I left you a letter…… explaining there was something I had to do. So I couldn’t be with you for a while. I’m sorry I had to leave your side and made you feel that way, and I even failed miserably at what I needed to do, and……]

[Emilia: Pff..huhu]

Resting under Emilia’s gaze, Subaru frantically tried to explain himself. But before he could finish, as if she couldn’t hold it in any longer, Emilia burst out laughing.
When he saw this, Subaru couldn’t help but doubt his eyes.

They were in the middle of a conversation, and in such dire circumstances, why did Emilia burst out laughing?
What was so funny? Besides, Emilia was never the kind of girl to do this.

[Emilia: Even if you don’t try so hard to explain, I won’t get mad at you. Geez Subaru, even your face is turning green……pf-huhu]

[Subaru: E-Emilia……?]

[Emilia: It’s alright, Subaru. You left a letter for me. After thinking really really reeaally hard, you wrote it for me. I felt so lonely, and I thought I was going to cry, but…… I just read that letter over and over again]

Weaving those adorable words with her lips, Emilia’s smile deepened.
Through that lovely, enchanting smile, her sweet whispers clutched at Subaru’s heart. Listening to her speak of how much she cherished his letter and how it became her support, Subaru felt his heart burning so hot that it was about to burst.

But, what kept his consciousness from being swept away by that soaring passion was the sickening premonition in his chest.
Something was wrong. Something was strange. The sense of foreboding that he had felt from the start had never left him.

What is it? Something wasn’t right. Even when Emilia was so adorable in this instant.
Even though Emilia was answering him so sweetly.

[Subaru: Emilia…… how did the Trial go?]

[Emilia: The Trial……]

[Subaru: Yeah, the Trial. That’s why you came in here, right? I’m sorry you had to endure it alone. I want to apologize, but I also want to know what happened. Even if you failed, I won’t care, but the fact that you’re like this tells me……]

[Emilia: Failed. I failed, you know? It’s the first Trial, and I couldn’t overcome my past. I let you down and made you worry, I’m sorry]

[Subaru: a……]

Subaru regretted allowing that groan to escape his throat.
To Emilia, that voice must have sounded like disappointment just now. In that case, it’d be no different than an immediate betrayal of his words, right after he assured her “I won’t mind”.
The thought overwhelmed him with remorse, when suddenly, he felt a soft, smooth touch against his head.
Emilia slid her fingers through Subaru’s short black hair, and gently stroked his head with her palm.

Unable to understand the meaning of her gesture, Subaru blinked as if in a daze. Emilia smiled as she saw his surprised expression, and a touch of red flushed onto her cheeks.

[Emilia: Subaru, you always want to touch my hair, right? So, I want to occasionally do it to you, too. Hehe, Subaru’s so vulnerable right now…]

[Subaru: Em…ilia……?]

[Emilia: If you really abandoned me, and left just like that, whatever would I do…… over, and over, and over, that thought’s been circling in my mind. I was reaally, reaally afraid. And so, when I saw you come back to me, I was really happy]

Although she had just told him that she failed her Trial, right now, the only thing reflected within Emilia’s eyes was Subaru. Her eyes were feverish, and wet, and fixed upon Subaru.
How Subaru had longed for the day when she would gaze at him this way.
And how he had yearned for her to call his name so warmly, and to look at him with such passionate, teary eyes.

Everything he had done up till now had been for a taste of the passion of this instant.
And that was why――

[Emilia: Subaru. Will you always stay with me? Always be with me? Because, as long as you are with me, I won’t need anything else――]

Subaru never imagined that when the day came for Emilia to sing him these words of blind affection, it would frighten him so.

Holding Subaru in her arms, Emilia went on with her loving whispers.

[Emilia: At first, when I heard that Subaru was gone, I felt reaally hurt. I was so scared. I wondered if it was because I couldn’t do anything right…… and Subaru had grown tired of me. Whenever I thought that, I’d be so terrified, I couldn’t stop my body from shaking……]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: But then, I found your letter, and I knew it was Subaru’s words, and the fear went away. Subaru is so amazing. Even though a moment ago I was still afraid, you blew away that feeling in an instant…… yeah, you’ve always helped me like this, Subaru]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: The contents of your letter made me really happy. You wrote a lot of things so that I wouldn’t worry. And it took me a reaally long time to read them. You took the time to write it for me, and all that time you were thinking about me, it made me so glad]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: In the letter, you told me you loved me a whole lot. When you said it in the dragon carriage, I was reeaally happy, so much so that I wanted to cry…… and when I read it in the letter, I felt like I was really going to cry too. And then, I was thinking, I’ve received something so immense and precious…… and I’ve only just realized it]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: So when I saw Subaru come back, I couldn’t help myself anymore. The little me in the deepest part of my heart was crying Subaru’s name. Then, I wanted to reach out, to touch you, and I couldn’t stop myself……]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: Say, Subaru. Sorry for everything up to now. I’ve done a lot of cruel things to you. Even when I knew what you felt about me, I made you hold it all down. That was reaally cruel of me, I kind of realize that now]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: It must have hurt, to hold all those feelings inside. I must have been so selfish when you were trying so hard. Even though I wanted to think about you…… to understand you, I couldn’t understand at all]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: But it’s different now. I’ve always been thinking about Subaru. You’re all I seem to think about. Just like how you……um, told me that you love me, and that you’re always thinking about me…… now, maybe I…… feel the same way about you too]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: I’m sorry. That was unfair just now. Even when you were scared and didn’t know what I thought, you still said it to me]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: So, I’ll.. say it properly too. ――I want to tell you that…]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: You know, Subaru. I… love you. I really, really love you. I keep thinking about you, I’m always thinking about you, and about how I always want to be with you]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: Subaru, if you feel the same way about me…… I’ll be really happy…… you know]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: Ehehe. Mn, mn……love you. Subaru…… I really, really love you]

Chapter end