Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Volume 4 Chapter 30 part1

ARC 4 THE EVERLASTING COVENANT  Chapter 30 [Incongruities On The Road Back Home]

Roswaal's proposal――To release the refugees of Arlam.
Like the last time, the proposal itself passed without much resistance. Seeing no point in keeping the refugees in the Sanctuary any longer, it was only natural. But of course, unlike last time, there was no accompanying condition that Subaru should challenge the Trials.

[Subaru: This time I'm totally getting hated on by the guy who came up with that condition, after all……]

[Emilia: What's wrong, Subaru?]

[Subaru: Nnno, it's nothing. Speaking of which, is Emilia-tan feeling better? Have you calmed down a bit? If I'm too much of a nuisance in the room I could go outside if you want?]

Flapping his hand with an awkward smile, Subaru said this to the girl beside him―― Emilia.
They were in the bedroom that Lewes lent to Emilia, sitting on the side of the bed, and passing the time without talking about anything particularly interesting.

The time was dusk, approaching the fall of night.

–

After waking up a little before noon, Emilia had some late breakfast before they went to settle the negotiations between Roswaal and Lewes on the matter of the refugees. The discussion proceeded without any problems, and they agreed on releasing the refugees the following day, and dissolved their meeting there――

[Garfiel: So, t'state the obvious…… Emilia-sama'll be challengin' the Trials t'night, yeah?]

As if laying down a warning, Garfiel's words didn't leave much room for interpretation.
Pressing down the urge to click his tongue, Subaru stole a glance at Emilia, and, although it was only for a brief moment, he saw on the side of her face a fleeting trace of fear and grief. In fact, he was almost certain that Emilia will fail the Trial tonight.

Unlike Subaru, who had passed the Trial owing to his memories, Emilia's condition ultimately hadn't changed at all. In order for Emilia to pass the Trial, Subaru will have to take actions to create some drastic changes in the environment around her.
Yet, in this loop, Subaru couldn't see a single way to change her environment in such a short period of time. ――If she challenges the Trial tonight, it will only be wearing her down.

[Subaru: But she wouldn't breathe a word of complaint or even think of giving up… that's just like Emilia-tan]

In front of Garfiel's provocative question, Emilia hid away that momentary emotion within her eyes, and firmly answered, [Of course I will].

But in the end, there was no way to stop this. There were only a few hours left before the start of the Trial tonight.

–

After ending their talks there, she ate lunch not long after her breakfast, and it was about three hours later when they got back to the house. In that time, following by her side, Subaru had been constantly talking to Emilia―― but as the hour of the Trials neared, he noticed she was speaking less and less.
By now, her words have become almost exclusively reacting to Subaru's. But――

[Emilia: Umn…… I'd prefer if you… don't go]

[Subaru: AaAHHH, UNDERSTOOD. NO PROBLEM. Until Emilia-tan's settles down, I will just keep focusing on savoring the air Emilia-tan breathes out, so don't worry]

[Emilia: I reeaaally don't like the sound of that. ……but, stay here]

Faced with the complexities of a young girl's heart, Subaru shrugged his shoulders and stayed like she asked.

Even if, to her, it must have only been filling the void of losing the one whom she relied on the most.

Ever since coming to the Sanctuary―― or more accurately, ever since Puck stopped responding to her calls after they returned to the the Mansion, Emilia's attitude toward Subaru had consistently softened.

That part of him wondered what could be the dangers of Emilia losing her strongest anchor.

[Emilia: ……Hmm?]

[Subaru: Nothing at all? I was just thinking Emilia-tan's eyelashes are so long and cute, I kinda wanna eat them]

[Emilia: Subaru, you keep saying you want to eat my hair, eat my eyelashes, or lick my cheeks…… are you, into that sort of thing?]

[Subaru: Where I come from, that's the greatest possible expression of love, you know~]

Seeing Emilia relaxing slightly and sulking at his comments, Subaru scratched at his cheeks.
Although Subaru would consider making licking-noises to be the utmost confession of love, actually doing so would have been extremely creepy. This was especially true in a world that didn't understand these sorts of things. So he should pay attention to what he says. Although it was too late now.

Occasionally, Subaru would do try to take Emilia's mind off of things by talking about random stuff like this. He now knew some fragments of Emilia’s past. And if he mentions this to her, perhaps something dramatically different from last time might happen,

――But no matter how he thought about it, he felt it wouldn't be a change for the better.

No matter what the situation becomes, in the end, what he needed was time.
He needed time to help Emilia come to terms with her past and find the resolve within her own heart. And he also needed time to mention the fragments of her past to her, and ask her for the truth of what happened. Time, time, time. There wasn't nearly enough time.

[Subaru: Just why do I have to always rush from one thing to another all the time. Ever since coming to this World, was there even a time when I got to properly relax a bit?]

Searching through his memories, if there was a time he managed to spend relatively quietly, it would've been the few weeks after he settled the problem with the Wolgarms in the forest.

And, as he was thinking about these unnutritious thoughts,

[Emilia: ――Subaru]

He was a little slow to react to her abrupt call. Turning toward the direction of the voice―― Subaru saw Emilia's wet, violet eyes very close to him, staring at him.
He was so enchanted in that moment by those tear-drenched eyes that his heart thumped so loudly he was afraid it was going to stop. Subaru gasped. And, seeing him do this, a wavering resolve and hesitation appeared within Emilia's eyes. Perhaps she was trying to decide whether to tell Subaru something before the Trial.

[Subaru: What is it?]

Subaru tried to say this as gently as he could, being careful not to rush her. If she could make up her mind here, then he mustn’t disturb her.
However, hearing Subaru's reply, Emilia only turned down her gaze,

[Emilia: ah…… mn, sorry. It's nothing. I just, wanted to call you]

[Subaru: ――oh, is that right. J-JUST WANTED TO CALL ME!? Why do I get the feeling that's something couples say when they're already in a relationship!]

[Emilia: I… guess I have to go soon……]

Her resolve was gone. Subaru regretted having missed the opportunity, but he pretended not to notice and puffed up his chest nonetheless. Emilia stood up while listening to his voice, and looked outside the window at the Sun that was beginning to set.

[Emilia: ――I have to head to the Tomb. Subaru will only accompany me halfway, right?]

[Subaru: Even if I beg Garfiel to let me see you off to the Entrance, I don't think I can persuade him. ……Emilia, although I know there's no point in me saying this, but…]

[Emilia: ――It's alright. You don't need to say it, Subaru]

……”Don't push yourself too hard.” Emilia already knew what he was going to say, and stopped him before he could say it.
In front of Subaru's quivering lips, a courageous smile emerged on Emilia's cheeks, and she held up a finger in front of her lips,

[Emilia: I'm fine, although everyone might not think so after how flustered I was yesterday, I'll do my best. I want to do my best. And I have to do my best, I think]

Suddenly clenching the hand in front of her face into a fist, [That's why], she continued,

[Emilia: If you want to say something to me, don't say "It's alright to give up". You should say "Do your best", and cheer me on instead. As long as I know there's one person who still believes in me, I'm sure I can find the strength do it]

[Subaru: Believe in you… of course I believe in you, Emilia-tan. The only guy in existence who might possibly expect as much from you as I do is probably that daddy-cat, you know. ――So, do your best]

[Emilia: Mn, I'll do my best]

For the first time today, Emilia smiled without the hint of putting up a facade. Relieved to see her smile, Subaru stood up as well and followed her out of the building.
In the Sanctuary after nightfall, a chilling wind was blowing.

Caressed by the wind, Emilia's silver hair danced and glittered as she made her way forward.
Like a silver river flowing under the moonlight, Subaru watched from behind as she forged on with her stalwart steps,

――Although he knew that she will fail tonight.

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T_T Emilia

I’m loving this chapter so much…

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I’m continuing in the Live Draft now!

Chapter end