Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Volume 4 Chapter 71

ARC 4 THE EVERLASTING COVENANT  Chapter 71 [Ending List]

From the slit where the blade entered his skin, shallow and sharp, life was leaking out.

Fresh, gushing blood dotted the green grass, while Subaru's body reflexively convulsed under the watching, purple-haired youth.
Turning up the whites of his eyes, foaming at the mouth, mass volumes of blood spouted from his mouth and neck. Gradually, the intensity of the bleeding waned, until, hearing a sound like a sigh,

Subaru clearly understood that his past self had died.
It wasn't because his present and past selves shared the same senses. But still, the vivid sensation of his neck being sliced open resounded without end within Subaru's disembodied consciousness―― and soul.

[Julius: Emilia-sama, if you would wipe his…… Subaru's face clean…]

[Emilia: ――――]

[Julius: He would have wanted you, rather than me, to do this. To have it be your hands]

Wiping off his bloodied Knight's Sword and returning it to its scabbard, Julius muttered to the stupefied Emilia.
At the feet of the fallen Subaru, lying face-up on the ground, the silver-haired girl fell hard onto her knees. Her amethyst eyes were devoid of emotion, refusing to accept reality. Nor did she wipe away the teartrails on her cheeks, glistening in the light.

Seeing Emilia like this, sharp pain gouged into Subaru's non-existent chest. Her grieving expression brought out the punishment Subaru had refused to see, made it bare its fangs, and scoured away the callous approach he had taken up to now.

[Emilia: suba…..ru]

Her hand slowly crept onto his face, wiping off the blood and spewed contents with her palm. Barehanded, she did not mind the filth as she did her best to turn Subaru's expression that was twisted in agony into something presentable. And once she finished wiping off the blood,

[Emilia: Why……? Why, Subaru… why did you……]

A question. Emilia asked this empty question to someone who could never respond.
He had neither ears to listen, nor a mouth to answer.
Nothing Emilia could say would ever reach the lifeless Subaru again.

Watching this from above, Subaru searched his memories for the context of this new scene.

――It was second time he battled Petelgeuse, when, unable to resist possession, Subaru's body was destroyed along with that madman.

Ferris' magic had sent the mana of his body into a frenzy, overloading his vessels and organs, so his death couldn't have been called pretty. Blistering rashes covered his exposed skin, and broken blood vessels had dyed his half-open eyes red.
Before being wiped away, the blood from his nose had painted the lower half of his face, and if it weren't for Julius' timely coup-de-grace, his death would have been even more grotesque.

But no matter how neat his death might've been, it would've been no consolation for the ones who remained. Especially those who survived the battle against the White Whale the final showdown with Sloth,  about to set off on their triumphant return to the Capital―― the dejection and regret on all their faces wrenched at his heart.

[Wilhelm: Subaru-dono…… I must beg your forgiveness……]

Dropping to his knees, Wilhelm lowered his head in front of the lifeless Subaru.
Having slain all the Witch Cultists under Petelgeuse' command, Wilhelm's expression took on a bitter taste at the outcome of their battle. Of the old Knights of the expedition, some joined in their lamentations with Wilhelm’s, while others punched their fists into the ground. There were even some who teared up from their emotions.

Subaru fell speechless to see his death so mourned.
That was perhaps even more overwhelming than being shown the events after his own death.

[Emilia: Why…… would you go to such lengths to help me? …… Say, Subaru… why did you?]

Setting her hand on the silent Subaru's cheeks, Emilia went on calling with words that would not reach him.
Witnessing her grief, it was only now, that Subaru realized:

In this world, Subaru had never answered Emilia's question.
He had never given her his honest answer to the question she asked in the Capital, "Why do you want to help me?".
And so, Emilia still didn't know the reason behind Subaru's selfless devotion.

――Though decisively different from the scene he was shown before, both were the results of his irrevocable sins.

[Julius: The world has long suffered from the Witch Cult, and we have slain its vanguard, Sloth. To the world, this is a momentous accomplishment. ――However]

Looking down at Subaru's corpse, Julius tapped his finger on the hilt of his sheathed sword. Over and over, as the intervals between the taps gradually shortened,

[Julius: That could not make up for all the sacrifices made to achieve this. ――I would have liked to speak more with you. Natsuki Subaru]

With that pained mutter, Julius turned away from Subaru's lifeless face.
The knight looked up to the sky, his eyes harboring a melancholy gloom,

[Julius: I would have liked to call you friend]

By the sound of Julius' exhausted whisper, the world of the grassfields was brought to an end.

※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

Again, all fell to black, as the returning Subaru woke with a jolt.

[Subaru: ――Dgh, hwa! ……ah, aaah, hah, haaa!?]

He found himself writhing on the cold, hard floor.
The stench of moss invaded his nostrils as he rolled on the ground, immersed in that senseless act as if to escape from the emotions threatening to sweep up a storm inside him.

"What on earth is happening?" was not the question on his mind.
Tumbling, rolling, his inner-ear aching, he was straining his lungs gasping for air just so he could divert a little of his awareness away from his thoughts, even if so only a sliver could be plunged into unconsciousness.

[Subaru: ――ug, guh!]

But even that demeaning attempt to distract himself failed the moment he bounced off a wall.
He collision drove pain into his spine, and he could feel blood seeping from his grazed forehead. Drawing gasp after gasp with his face against the floor, before he realized it, tears were streaming from his eyes.

――Pathetic. Stupid. Hopeless.

Just how many times, and to what extent, would Natsuki Subaru have to crumble under his own weakness?
And just what would he need to do to acquire that heart of steel that could remain unshaken no matter what transpired, and no matter what pain he would have to endure?
He was so weak, so brittle, and that was why Subaru had always――

[Subaru: Pretended not to see it, and averted my gaze…… so is this my punishment……?]

There was no way he had never thought of it.
In some corner of Subaru's consciousness, more than once, the possibility must have occurred to him.
But even so, the thought never rose to the surface, because he was subconsciously refusing to seek and verify the truth.

For Subaru, who could Return by Death, the moment he begins to consider the existence of worlds after his death―― his entire strategy would crumble beneath his feet.
Everything Natsuki Subaru had hoped to save had left him behind.
Or rather, it was Natsuki Subaru who had left them behind. Pathetically and selfishly choosing to embrace death, Subaru had abandoned those worlds in order to escape to new ones.

If the worlds left behind by Natsuki Subaru's thoughtless decisions still existed, it would be exactly what he had just been shown.
Through Death, Subaru had sought relief from Hell, and those scenes were what followed.

[Subaru: ――Can't… be]

Before he knew it, his consciousness began to grow distant once more.
Unlike sleepiness, here, his consciousness was rapidly turning white as if forcibly being severed from reality.

{Witness, a present that was not to be}

Again, the unrecognizable voice whispered in his ear.
"Whose voice was it?" His fading consciousness was desperately asking―― until he realized it.

――Without the slightest doubt, that voice was his own.

※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※　※

===

Chapter end