Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Volume 4 Chapter 83 part1

(Thank you Austin, Brototype, Dre eam for helping me proofread on the Live Draft! <3)

ARC 4 THE EVERLASTING COVENANT Chapter 83 [Mutual Confessions]

Sensing the prickling pressure on his skin, Subaru understood that his statements had just touched the core of Roswaal's intentions.

Roswaal's smile was now the same smile that he had given before being devoured by the Great Rabbit in the snow as he revealed a portion of his plans.
It was an expression of neither resignation nor delight, one which only exacerbated the alarms in Subaru's heart.

[Roswaal: No~~w what gave you that idea?]

Late as it was, Roswaal's obfuscation indicated that he had no intention of moving the conversation forward. At this, Subaru clicked his tongue with [Even if you say that],

[Subaru: There was just something off about the way you turned down my suggestion just now. When you stick a condition like "The Sanctuary must be liberated" right at the very top, of course I'm gonna suspect something]

[Roswaal: But I've already given you a very logical e~~xplanation? Besides, for the sake of our future cooperation, some proof is necessary. That you can become Emilisama's unfailing support―― that you can always provide her with the optimal solutions at her side: That is what I want you to convince me of. The requirement for this is liberating the Sanctuary]

[Subaru: But that doesn't sound like it has to be liberation. Any other method of escaping should be fine? If you want to give me a chance to prove myself, you can set up plenty of those later……]

[Roswaal: Let me ask you something]

In rebuttal to Subaru's insistence, Roswaal raised a single finger. Cut off mid-sentence, Subaru fell silent as Roswaal gave a calm, collected nod,

[Roswaal: You are the o~~ne who seems awfully preo~~ccupied about the Trials? It's almost as if there is a reason you don't want the Sanctuary to be liberated?]

[Subaru: Of course I want it liberated! I want to get this Barrier opened as soon as possible and move the problems we can't solve in here outside…… but]

[Roswaal: But?]

Rambling before he knew it, Subaru realized he was playing right into Roswaal's hands. If he starts shouting and blurting out words without thinking, this game of deception will go to Roswaal.
As calmly as he could, Subaru picked his words:

[Subaru: I don't want to see Emilia's heart wounded from challenging the Trials]

[Roswaal: But isn't that what your Authority is for? Should Emilisama stumble in the Trials, you can always take her place. What is the problem? The important thing is that the Sanctuary is liberated, you said so yourself]

[Subaru: Nh, gh……]

Caught off-guard by his own words, Subaru bit his lip, searching for something to say. But asserting nonsense on top of nonsense wouldn't lead to any sensible response.

[Subaru: Of course I know it doesn't matter whether it's me or Emilia who clears the Trials. Digging up the wounds of her past is too painful for Emilia. I know I should be doing it in her stead…… it's just…]

[Roswaal: Please don't tell me you are looking for a way out because the Trials are too pa~~inful for you too?]

Roswaal's gaze harshened, as his words grew in sharpness.
To the stumped Subaru, [No, no], he continued,

[Roswaal: To save yourself, to cower from the pain…… if that is the reason you are searching for another way out, is that all that your feelings for Emilisama amo~~unts to?]

[Subaru: That's not……!]

[Roswaal: It's not? Truly? How can you possibly say that? Who would believe it? If you care about Emilisama, shouldn't you swallow down all the pain, the suffering, and the agony? If you love Emilisama, surely you must be ca~~pable of this? If you hold Emilisama dearer than anything else, if you prioritize Emilisama above anything else, if you regard everything besides Emilisama as minuscule existences and place Emilisama higher than anything else…… surely, there shouldn't be any problems?]

Roswaal's fluent and irrefutable speech was on the verge of engulfing Subaru.
Although Roswaal's words were the very definition of extreme, anyone who understands Subaru's Return by Death would likely reach the same conclusion.
If this was before Satella brought out his true feelings at the tea party, Subaru would probably have found himself agreeing with this logic.

――Yeah, that must've been it.

Subaru had wanted to declare to Roswaal that he would never be like him and sacrifice everything for the one thing most important to him.
But, if he had taken Echidona's hand at the tea party, right now Subaru would probably be living exactly the way Roswaal wanted him to.

Abandoning thought, eliminating choice, seeking only the results, scorning absolutely everything else.
No matter how much he gets hurt, so long as Emilia and everyone else are smiling in the desired future ahead, then it's fine. That was what he thought.
But would Natsuki Subaru, after opting to withstand that suffering, be able to smile alongside them at the very end?

――Or would he only manage something forced and barren, out of a sense of obligation to smile?

[Subaru: ……In a sense, what you're saying is right, Roswaal]

[Roswaal: In a sense?]

Narrowing his single eye, Roswaal tilted his head at Subaru's meaningful reply.
Enduring the gaze of that yellow eye, Subaru spat out the words,

[Subaru: Like you said, if I throw everything away and go forward protecting only Emilia…… I'm guaranteed to be able to save her. But that's not enough]

[Roswaal: Not enough……]

[Subaru: I will save Emilia. But I won't be satisfied with only Emilia. Rem, Beatrice, everyone in the Sanctuary, everyone in the Mansion, and everyone who's helped me in the Capital…… I want to save all of them, all together]

[Roswaal: ――――]

[Subaru: Your lifestyle of being satisfied with only one person just doesn't work for me. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's me or you who's greedy here]

Consistently longing for a single person and abandoning everything for that one person is, in a way, beautiful.
One could even say that there is no nobler pursuit than to live by that kind of love.

Perhaps Roswaal's way is just one man's ideals taken to the extremes.
But to really do so requires unparalleled resolve. Scouring his soul and casting away everything but the one most precious to him wasn't a lifestyle Subaru could live by.
Just as always, Subaru was far too petty―― like a selfish little child.

[Roswaal: ……I~~t seems it still wasn't enough to sharpen your reso~~lve]

[Subaru: …………]

[Roswaal: For a moment…… yes, for just a moment, I had hopes. Tha~~t I might live to see my desired future. But…… it seems that is no~~t to be]

Roswaal shook his head, voicing this lament.
Their exchange had revealed to Roswaal that Subaru still lacked the resolve he wanted from him.
Compared to the unfeeling, all-conquering Subaru Roswaal expected him to be, the current Subaru was only an unsatisfactory failure. At the same time, to Roswaal, this meant nothing less than seeing the endpoint of his own life.

[Roswaal: Just how many times…… are you going to disappo~~int me?]

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Let me know if you find any typos! ❤

I’m starting on the next part now!

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Chapter 83 Live Draft:

Chapter end