Re:Zero Kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu Volume 4 Chapter 91 part2

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[Emilia: Subaru, what's wrong? Did I say something strange again……?]

[Subaru: No… it's not you, Emilia. If anything, it's a problem with the examiner. ……Now, you said you wanted to melt the ice and save everyone, but… were you not able to? Before Roswaal brought you outside, you and Puck were living inside the forest, right? There must've been plenty of time to try…]

Although he knew it was a cruel question, Subaru still asked it.
Having heard Emilia's past, Subaru understood that freeing those people from the ice would only mean having those same people showering abuses upon Emilia once more.
Emilia herself must've agonized about this many times over. Her nails dug into her arms as she cast down her eyes,

[Emilia: I've tried with Puck many times, but…… I couldn't melt the ice]

[Subaru: When you say you couldn't melt it… do you mean mentally couldn't or… physically couldn't……?]

Even if it was a mental reason, Subaru had no intention of blaming her.
It's not easy to do something that you know for a fact will hurt you, that's the same for anyone.
However, at Subaru's question, Emilia weakly replied [Physically couldn't… I think],

[Emilia: That ice is a special ice…… it wouldn't melt no matter what we tried from the outside. Maybe only the one who cast the spell could reverse it, or we'll need something even more powerful…… that's why I accepted Roswaal's proposal……]

[Subaru: Proposal……?]

[Emilia: Ah……]

Seeing Subaru's brows furrow, Emilia covered her mouth as if she had just said something she shouldn't have.
However, faced with Subaru's silent gaze, Emilia's shoulders immediately dropped,

[Emilia: Roswaal, we…… made an agreement]

[Subaru: ――――]

[Emilia: He came with an emblem, asked me to hold it…… and once he saw the gem glow red, he told me about the Royal Selection…… and he said…]

Perhaps, the fact that he'd find Emilia in the forest and that the emblem would glow when she held it were also written in the Gospel.
Subaru could almost see―― in his imaginings, Roswaal's strange smile as he reached out towards Emilia and said:

[Emilia: ――"If you can ascend to the throne, then surely, your wish to melt the ice in this forest can also be fulfilled"]

[Subaru: ……and you believed him?]

[Emilia: I was pretty desperate, I guess. He didn't tell me the details of how to melt the ice, but…… I accepted his offer, and left the forest with Roswaal. Puck…… he didn't object, but just came with me without saying anything]

[Subaru: So that's why you decided to participate in the Royal Selection…… before, when you said you had a selfish reason…… that's what you meant?]

Emilia once said that, unlike the other candidates, she was participating in the Royal Selection for a very selfish reason. Subaru had avoided prying into the details thus far, but now everything was finally coming together.

[Emilia ……You must think I'm terrible, right?]

While Subaru pieced this together in his mind, Emilia quietly murmured.
When he looked up, he saw Emilia timidly watching him with her lips quivering.

[Emilia: All the others…… everyone has an amazing resolve as their reason for competing in the Royal Selection, but mine's just reeaally personal problem]

[Subaru: But I think wanting to help everyone in that village is really amazing as well. The number of people you're helping doesn't diminish how amazing your motive is…… and you weren't lying when you said what you said in the Royal Selection Hall, right?]

[Emilia: What I said in the Royal Selection Hall……]

[Subaru: That you want to see everyone treated as equals… I don't think those words were a lie]

At first, maybe she was just seeking some resolution to circumstances which were beyond her control. But, as Emilia learned of the outside world and of the largeness of a hundred years of time, surely, she would have had a chance to think.
Subaru didn't feel that the words she spoke at the Royal Selection Hall were just insincere, superficial varnish.

If those were her genuine thoughts, and her reasons for wanting to win the Royal Selection remain the same even now, Subaru would have no cause to look down on her.
[Subaru: So it's alright, you don't have look so worried. I'm on your side and you can rely on me, that hasn't changed since last night. My shoulders are yours, even if you say that you're fine]

[Emilia: Ah…… um, about last night……]

[Subaru: Don't, I'll feel horrible if you apologize. Well, I'll just say this… I'll always stay at your side where you can lean on me whenever you need me. Even though I'm happy to see you stand on your own, it's fine to be a little weak once in a while as well]

Thumping his hand to his chest, Subaru relaxed his lips, and saw Emilia let out a relieved sigh. Then instantly, as if being overtaken by that relief, her upper body began swaying,

[Emilia: Now that I feel relieved… suddenly, I……]

[Subaru: That's because you just had terrible dream and didn't get much sleep. Don't push yourself, it's alright to take a little nap. I won't do anything, just stay here and watch over you]

[Emilia: Although that part about "won't do anything" reeaally bothers me……]

While somewhat minding by that unnecessarily-appended statement, Emilia's silver hair went on swaying as she fought the temptation to sleep. Subaru placed his fingers on her forehead, and gently pushed her slender body down.

[Emilia: Aa……]

[Subaru: Don't worry, just get to sleep]

Without leaving any room for debate, he laid her down on the bed.
Drawing the sheets over her delicate figure, Subaru pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat himself down where he could better observe Emilia's face as she slept.

[Subaru: You've been talking non-stop, and your head must be exhausted, so if what I said could relax you a little…… then get some nice rest. Because we'll need you to do your best again tonight]

[Emilia: ……Is it really alright to spoil me like this?]

[Subaru: Of course it is. Just keep getting more and more spoiled. I'll pamper you till you're so spoiled that you're all rotten inside]

Seeing Subaru give her a shrug, Emilia quietly laughed as she lay on the bed. Then, still keeping her gaze on Subaru, Emilia slowly reached out her arm from under the sheets,

[Emilia: ――hand]

[Subaru: Hm?]

[Emilia: If you're going to spoil me, will you…… hold my hand? Just until I fall asleep, please?]

[Subaru: Ooho, leave it to me]

Subaru took her small, delicate hand, smiling as he savored the luxurious smoothness of her palm. Emilia smiled in return as she followed Subaru's advice and softly closed her eyes.

It didn't take long before she exhaled a quiet breath of sleep.

[Subaru: ……I hope you can have some good dreams, for just a little while]

Watching Emilia as she lay quietly in bed, Subaru gently brushed aside the few strands of silver hair on her forehead and dropped his eyes to the hand still holding his.
If feeling someone else's existence like this could free her from the loneliness of her dreams, then he'd be glad. Because to be left alone in this room, endlessly tormented by nightmares, would be far too cruel for her.

[Subaru: Well, anyway…… sure learned a lot today]

Sitting there, holding her hand, Subaru straightened his back as he chewed over the details of their conversation.
Emilia's past, and her reason for competing in the Royal Selection. Roswaal's proposal as he brought her outside, and why Emilia had no choice but to accept it.
And most importantly, Emilia's Trial, and its true motives for rejecting her even though she should have already reached her answer―― leaving those loose ends untied, and having put Emilia to sleep, here he was.

[Subaru: ――――]

Quietly, he gazed at Emilia as she slept.
It might've been that it pained him to see her so frail, and so he decided to postpone it for now―― but that wasn't why. There was a reason Subaru put off getting those essential answers and practically forced her to go to sleep.
Something that would've been impossible to do―― if Emilia was still awake.

[Subaru: But, all things considered…… this is all I can think of]

Over the past loops, the details that tugged at him and other circumstantial evidence all forced him to consider this possibility. But there was only one way to be sure, and it can be easily done now.
And, if he is right, it would definitely be the light to break through this darkness――

He breathed in, and held his breath.

While listening to the thumping of his own heart and the rushing of his blood, Subaru reached out to confirm it.
Opposite his right hand, which was holding Emilia's, Subaru reached out with his left―― towards the center of her slender, pale neck while she soundly slept, and,

[Subaru: You aren't really sleeping, are you?]

He felt its cold, hard touch at his fingertips.
Straining his voice as he said this, the words nevertheless came out.

A few moments passed in silence, and just when Subaru's heart began to blaze with burning impatience―― suddenly,

{Ah, so you've noticed. ――I'm so glad, Subaru}

From inside the green crystal at his fingertips, the androgynous voice of a spirit echoed directly within Subaru's skull.

-=Chapter 91 End=-

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;-;
Hypeeeee… Puck is back…

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It's been 12 days since I showered >_<
And 50% of my diet currently consists of Oreo cookies…

But the view is stunning here ;-;

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Let me know if you catch any typos! ❤

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Chapter 92 Live Draft:
[I'm saving mobile data right now, I'll update the draft when I get a whole chunk of it done]

Chapter end