My Husband Hates Me, But He Lost His Memories Chapter 83.1

Published at 17th of November 2023 02:03:58 PM

Even as I went down the stairs in his arms, I didn’t feel even the slightest shaking. I felt like I was in a cradle. A cozy and comfortable feeling… It was not strange. I can’t believe I have these feelings about no one else but Theodore.

“…It may be very uncomfortable, but please hang on. We’ll be there soon.”

“…….”

No, I never said it was uncomfortable.

I didn’t even show any signs of it.

Thinking about it, my conversations with him were always close to this. He always made a decision before I even spoke and did not listen to what I had to say.

He wouldn’t believe anything I said. It was difficult to tell whether this was his personality or his prejudice against me.

Maybe it could have been both. He was generous to the people within his circle, but he was also self-righteous.

I was conflicted for a moment and then opened my mouth.

“…It’s not uncomfortable.”

“…….”

What I feel is not discomfort, but a different emotion. Theodore stopped and looked at me with widened eyes. His eyelashes fluttered. There was a storm in his blue glass bead-like eyes.

“…You don’t… feel uncomfortable around me?”

He asked in a choked voice. For some reason, he looked emotional. I couldn’t understand why he was reacting like that. I paused for a moment and then answered.

“Rather than uncomfortable…”

“…….”

“I’m… unfamiliar. With you.”

“…….”

Theodore went silent as he stared at me with complicated eyes. The heavy silence lasted for a while. As this atmosphere, like the calm before a storm, began to feel uncomfortable, Theodore, who had held me, began to walk again.

“Will you please get used to me like this… someday?”

He asked insinuating about the future. But when exactly is the ‘someday’ he is talking about? How many days later? How many months later? How many years later?

…I don’t think we’ll ever be together.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since I gained Somnia’s power. What will I do with this power, for the rest of my life?

And when it’s all over…

…But now was not the time to tell him that.

“It must be difficult to get used to you in just a few days.”

“…….”

“And to be honest, sometimes I get scared… You’re so nice to me now, but I think you might suddenly become cold again…”

Suddenly, he stopped walking again. The eyes looking at me were trembling.

“Every time that happens, my heart still races… Still I… must be scared.”

Even though it seemed to be okay, suddenly at some point.

I would end up seeing the past through him in the present.

The cold gaze, cold voice, and sharp venom aimed at me.

When those old memories that left countless scars on me come to mind, my heart begins to pound helplessly. The scary and anxious feelings from that time did not disappear, but seemed to last forever.

How ironic. The joyful and happy feelings are temporary, but the painful and hurtful feelings last for a long time.

“…The me, who was hurt by you, continues to remain within me.”

“…….”

“And often without even realizing it… It just pops out.”

I was suddenly curious. I wonder if he will admit that he hurt me or not.

Looking at his attitude these days, it seemed like he felt sorry for me.

But feeling sorry and admitting a mistake are two different things. He might have felt justified in hating me.

He hated the Everett family. Everett trampled on Valentino in a vicious way, so his hatred was justified.

…So, from his perspective, it would have been natural for him to hate me, the daughter of Duke Everett.

But he didn’t know. About me… what kind of life I have lived and how I feel.

If only he had listened to my story from the beginning, if only he had looked at me just once instead of turning away from me.

If that were the case, a lot of things would have been different…

‘Now… It’s too late.’

Time that cannot be turned back, wounds that cannot be healed, relationships that cannot be repaired.

I’m not sure if I can ever forgive him.

I wonder if the resentment in my heart will ever completely disappear… I do not know.

Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? Deep wounds cannot heal completely. It always leaves a scar.

And I didn’t want to live with that scar. By his side, feeling that pain from time to time, like that…

So we can’t talk about the future. Because his future and mine will not be together.

“…Please give me some time later. I have something urgent to say. It’s important.”

“…What is it about?”

“That… I’ll tell you then.”

“…Alright.”

The conversation was cut off. Until we got to Avoridge Hall, neither of us spoke up.

It felt like something sharp was scratching his heart.

Theodore was finally able to understand what it felt like to be ‘so pained that it was difficult to breathe.’

…In the past, he never imagined that someone could hurt him this much.

He swallowed his self-deprecation and walked his steps expressionlessly.

Lily, who was still in his arms, just fumbled with her hands and said nothing.

Her expression was calm and her heart rate was stable. The silence in her lowered eyes made Theodore even more anxious.

He suddenly remembered a time when she looked at him earnestly with those eyes. The longing and affection filled her eyes resembling a summer forest.

He kept looking for traces of those emotions that he could no longer see.

‘Duke… I… I have something to tell you…’

‘I’m busy. I’ll talk to you later.’

‘I heard that many knights were injured in this battle. Is there anything… I can do…?’

‘You? It would be more helpful if you just hide from the knights instead of appearing in front of them.’

‘…Well, today, actually…’

‘I don’t have time, so let’s talk later.’

‘Is today… the Duke’s birthday…?’

‘…I have no desire to be greeted by you.’

‘Still… Happy birthday.’

Chapter end