Chapter 7

Mrs Lu committed suicide.

My mother texted me several times, urged me to come home. I just arrived home and received this news, which unfolded two days ago.

My mother couldn't help but sigh when mentioned it, and my father discreetly smoked alongside his wife.

"After that day, the neighbors all spreaded, merely stepping out will be highlighted, how can an arrogant person like her stand those baseless words... Lu Fei is still refusing to cut the person off. Even after being beaten, he knelt and asked his mother's forgiveness...She swallowed suicide tablets, then when her son found out, that the body was already cold..."

My heart crackled, and my thoughts became blank.

"I'm going to see Mrs. Lu," I said, not listening anymore, simply turning away with a pale face. When I turned back, I staggered again, almost crashing down.

When I arrived at the grave, I noticed a familiar-looking young guy kneeling in front of the grave, with a lonesome back and a dense melancholy radiating from his entire body.

I stepped up to place the flowers and exhaled deeply at this man who had been kneeling for an unknown amount of time. His eye sockets were scarlet, and his handsome face was bloodless, pallid, and frail. His back was slightly arched, as if he were carrying something big and unsteady on the verge of collapsing, and it would soon be unable to withstand.

I squatted beside him and called out to him, "...Xiao Fei Gege..."

He cocked his head to stare at me, as if trying to figure out who I was, then hesitantly smiled, "It's An An, you've grown up..." Perhaps he hasn't spoken in a long time, his voice harsh. "Thank you, thank you for coming to see my mum; if she knew she'd be a lot of fun."

"..." I opened my lips, attempted to consolehim , but discovered that everything I said looked weak and powerless, and ultimately simply uttered the sentence "hold back your sadness".

"What qualities do I have to repress sadness, an unfilial son like me, should eternally live in regret and pain." Lu Fei blinked ,his eyes starting to come up with tears.

"When I was little, my mother raised me alone, I knew she worked hard, so I always be conscientious in study, wanted to be an affluent figure so that she could enjoy her pleasure. She is someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and is always telling people how wonderful her child is..."

He stooped his head, held his face, and wailed passionately, as if finally succumbing to enormous grief: "But the kid that made her proud, became the largest stain in her life, and eventually made her commit suicide..."

I crouched silently beside him, my chest achy from not being able to breathe.

"I've always assumed that I'm not sick, that I'm not a pervert, that I just love a person of the same gender... I believe we can manage it, but I underestimated the public's tolerance for such things... Otherwise, I have no qualification to be with my lover, no qualification to be happy, and I would never be able to forgive myself... To my mum, I should go down there and apologize..."

My heart skipped a beat, and I was about to speak when I noticed Lu Fei wiping away his tears and reverting to that frail and quiet figure, as if the one who had collapsed before wasn't him.

I reached out to embrace him, but I couldn't disguise my nervousness in my words. "Don't think about it, Xiao Fei Gege, you're only a few years old, everything will pass... Mrs. Lu also doesn't expect you to be like that, cheer up, everything will be fine..."

When Lu Fei patted my head, a weak grimace came on his face: "An An, thank you..."

"You're young, An An, you don't understand..." he said after a time, his tone becoming confused again, like a lost child who doesn't know how to come home.

No, I understand,i feel it. In my heart, I said.

I sat with him for half a day, it became late, he suggested I go home early, I believed his feelings were normal, so I accepted.

When I arrived at the gate, I turned around and saw him still kneeling there from a distance, his back shadow becoming hazy and almost melting into the black night.

After returning home, I didn't say anything, my parents thought I was just going to visit Mrs Lu's grave so long face,but only i knew,i was suffering fears.

The effect on me is too strong; there is no way to avoid thinking about it, no way to regulate my mind; it is a crushing anguish that is practically driving me insane.

I had no idea that the day we spent on each other in the cemetery would be the last time I could see Lu Fei before he leaped from the building the next day.

Descend from the subdivision's top floor.

I was carrying a bottle of soy sauce that my mother had requested me to get and had just entered the subdivision when I heard a few shouts and glanced up to see his body. The slender limbs twisted, and there was a pool of red blood beneath the body,the side of the face close to the ground was covered in blood and flesh, it was almost impossible to distinguish that terrible corpse was him.

This must have been a hard death, yet I could see a relief grin at the corner of his pale mouth on the opposite side of his face.

Surrounded by cacophony, the sound of ambulances, high-pitched screams of people, these noises appear to be shrouded in blankets, feeling surreal.

My hand was free, the soy sauce bottle had been smashed on my leg, glass shards shot out, there were a few incisions through my arm that flowed out bloodstream, I didn't feel any pain, I could only raise my legs clumsily and went back home. Yesterday's encounter with Lu Fei kept replaying in my mind.

There must have been no one in the home who heard the noise and decided to assist. I walked inside the room to take off my shoes and climb into bed, then curled up on my legs, hugging myself with my arms as tears streamed down my cheeks.

The consequences of the entire scenario rushed through my mind, and I instantly had goosebumps, not from terror of seeing the dead, but from deep-seated fear of the unfathomable future.

I finally remembered to pull out my phone and contact Chu Shian after a long time.

In the flash of an eye, I heard Chu Shian's voice, and all my defenses fell, and I screamed aloud: "Ge... Xiao Fei Gege is dead,he jumped down from the top of our building..."

Chu Shian's voice was anxious when he heard my cries and the sound of packing on the other end of the phone transmitted to my ears: "Are you at home now? Don't worry; I'll come find you straight away, and I'll be there!"

"Please do not come here!" My mind was still unresponsive as the words came out.

Chu Shian couldn't come here because he'd know everything as soon as he got here, what he'd think, would he be frightened to back down, would he give up on me... Chu Shian couldn't come here because he couldn't leave me.

Chu Shian spoke slowly on the other end of the phone after a little pause: "An An?"

"I'm just a bit apprehensive," I said nervously as I grabbed the phone,"don't come here, if you accidentally meet Mrs Chu and Uncle Chu, your family will quarrel again..."

Hearing that, Chu Shian was silent.

"I still have some work to do right now; I'll go to school later and contact you when I'm done," I continued.

"...Okay," Chu Shian, maybe unwilling to dispute with his parents, finally gave up, "Then I'll wait for you at the school gate, An An, don't be scared, don't cry..."

I agreed with a hum and then made up an excuse to hang up the phone.

I clutched the phone firmly, my mind racing as the images flashed by alternately. What should I do, what should Chu Shian and I do, my parents couldn't allow it... Even hallucinations arose in front of my eyes, showing that the person who committed suicide was not Mrs Lu but my mother, that the person who entered the hospital was not Uncle Chu but my father, the one who jumped from the floor is Chu Shian, who hard to bear the pressure...

"I've always assumed that I'm not sick, that I'm not a pervert, that I just love a person of the same gender..."

"I believe we can manage it, but I underestimated the public's tolerance for such things..."

"Otherwise, I have no qualification to be with my lover, no qualification to be happy, and I would never be able to forgive myself... "

"To my mum, I should go down there and apologize..."

The sound of Lu Fei's hopeless trance echoed in my ears, accompanied by his corpse repeatedly appearing in front of my sight, the grin at the corner of his lips piercing deep into my heart, tearing my internal organs.

The oppressive atmosphere caused this desperate individual to fall in a silent collapse, gripped head in anguish, wailing and muttering: "Stop talking...

Don't say anything else...

Please don't say anything else..."

I hadn't thought about Chu Shian in a long time. I wiped away my tears and cleansed my face, only to discover that my eyes were red and puffy, I sobbed for a long time before looking at it, sighed, Chu Shian had to worry once again.

My folks haven't returned yet, so I texted them to let them know,said i needed to go back school first, then leave.

Chapter end