Chapter 10-End

I felt so insignificant all of a sudden. Such tug-of-war was pointless. The person I loved the most about was still hurt, and my closest family couldn't understand or forgive me.

I felt that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I didn't want to give up, there was no hope.

I began to stay quiet in the chamber, and my obedient appearance made my parents very happy, just saying that I thought of it cleary, and they didn't lock me up anymore. But when my parents nagged me not to eat rice, I smiled and laughed without saying anything,... I still vomited afterward.

I got up early on Sunday. I cleaned my teeth and washed my face before standing in front of the wardrobe to choose my clothing, but no matter what I tried, it appeared baggy. Chu Shan wouldn't like it if I was too slim, I grumbled.Thinking, I laughed, he would never dislike me

I happily changed into a white t-shirt and jeans, my father hasn't woken up yet, my mother must have gone out to buy food. I crept out smoothly.

I was in a good frame of mind on the way, singing a song, heading straight to the largest department store building, then taking the elevator to the top floor terrace, where I perched on the railing with my legs hanging in the air, closing eyes sat there,quietly enjoying the wind.

For a brief period, I considered if Chu Shian's jet could fly above my head.

As the sun began to rise higher and higher, the throng became more raucous. When I opened my eyes to find a police officer carefully approaching me, I moved my head to look downstairs, where I could see a large crowd gathered there staring up.

The cop watched me open my eyes and cautiously stood in place, without moving forward; next to him was a doctor. I heard what the doctor said to him regarding self-harm, mental disorders, and various types of depression.

"Mr.Policeman, I have a question for you..." I looked at him intently"I have a boyfriend, I'm homosexual, is this a crime?"

"No crime," he made a reassuring gesture, his eyes serious: "There has never been a legislation in any country that makes homosexuality a crime."

"Thank you," I said, returning my gaze to the red-eyed female doctor. "So, am I sick?"

"No, in 1990, WHO eliminated homosexuality from the list of mental disorder," the female doctor said, her voice shaking.

I nodded to thank her and, seeing that she still wanted to add something, I stretched out my hand like a signal to stop her. Because I didn't have an arm to support myself, my body trembled and the people in front of me became pallid.

"Little friend..." The policeman tried to control his tense emotions, "You're still a student,right ? What's the matter, say it slowly, if it's because of what just said, come down, I'll help you, doctor also help you, we will all help you..."

"You can't help me." I said, shaking my head.

"An An!" I heard Chu Shian's scared shout during the tightness of the quiet, he raced from the door, I had never seen such urgent anxiety in his countenance.

"Gege, you're here, I thought I wouldn't see you again," I said as I saw him approaching.

Chu Shian's hair was disheveled, his eyes were red, his chin was rumpled with a new beard, his clothing appeared to have not been changed in a few days, and his forehead was still wrapped in a bandage.

I feigned to reprimand him, saying, "Why do you treat yourself this way?" Immediately following extending my brows and tilting my head with a smile, "But you are beautiful like that, beautiful anyway."

His gaze fell on my knife-stained arm. I discovered then instinctively pulled my arm back, muttering in a low voice: "Don't be angry, I didn't mean it, really didn't mean it, I hurt so much, I couldn't stand the pain..."

Chu Shian's face was tense, his eyes were full of panic and pain, his voice trembled: "I'm wrong, I'm late, you forgive me, can we go down..."

"You mean I look ugly now?" he said as he approached me step by step. "You walk down, go to pick out clothing for me, and I listen to you,since our An An eyes are the finest..."

"You stop!" I gripped the railing tightly."Don't come here!"

Chu Shian instantly stopped moving forward, stood still, smiled at me, and wailed softly: "Okay, I don't move, I don't go, I don't go."

When I saw him pause, I smiled again. "Gege, I just questioned Mr. Police and Miss Doctor, and they said it's not unlawful for me to like you, and it's not an illness," I swung my legs in front of his troubled gaze.

"I'm really happy," I said with a smile.

"I..." Chu Shian sobbed and cleared his throat, attempting to control his emotions: "I am also very happy, An An, have you forgotten, I told you, even when we are eighty years old, I still have to feed you, you even said, we must remain with till we are both old men..."

He choked: "We're just eighteen years old, and we're going to a location where no one knows who we are... I'm really smart, you know, and one more college admission exam is pretty easy. If you want to take the exam, take it; if you don't want to take the exam, don't take it... I earn money for you, and then we buy a big house, you're just in charge of staying at home as beautiful as flowers, eating and drinking, raising a cat or dog, let's see what you like... If you remember our parents,someday we will come to visit, when we are thirty or forty, we will adopt a baby ... Well, do you prefer boys or girls, I like a kid resembles you more, vivaciously... "

Chu Shian was choked and dumb, tears streamed quietly down his cheeks, and his body trembled.

I was taken aback since, in my memory, he'd never cried since I'd known him, but suddenly he wept. I wished I could wipe his tears and kiss him, but I couldn't.

I smiled at him and said, "OK, I like dogs, cats are tough to raise... My child, I'd like my child to look like you, like me?" I gulped back tears. "It's just difficult to raise as cats too. He or she, if like me,when you give an inch and then they'll take a mile..."

"Okay, then we'll adopt two children, it's up to you, we'll adopt more..." Chu Shian laughed and sobbed.

Tears welled up in my eyes, as if I had seen the future in his words.

"Come down here An An," He was almost begging me, "I'm here, come down."

"In the future, if you meet the right person, try it, don't tie your whole life for me..." I wiped my tears and shook my head at him. ".While I was speaking, the tears that I had just brushed away fell again, . " I thought so, but you just came, and I'm sorry, you can't like other people, you're mine, and you can only like me..."

"I just like you, this life, the next life, more lives, it's always you," Chu Shian said, his eyes burning.

"Or end it, in this life, I can't endure it," I groaned." Next life, I'll be a female, and we'll still grow up together. I'll be your childhood sweetheart, and we'll fall in love in high school ,then when you grow up, you'll come to my house to marry me, okay?"

For the first time, the six-foot-five-foot boy cried out loud in front of me: "As long as you don't become a female, An An, I can also marry you; in the future life, I will still marry you, for all eternity."

A few people around who were listening to our exchange had red eyes, and the other doctor was discreetly sobbing.

"Two guys are too problematic, in the next life I'll be a girl, I'll wait for you to marry me," I carefully depicted his face with my eyes, intending to engrave it in my heart and remember it in my future life.

While I was distracted, I noticed my parents' silhouettes emerge at the door from a distance, so far away that I couldn't see their faces clearly.

"That's right, you tell my parents, tell them to immediately have another kid," I chuckled, stating rudely, "As if I don't have this son, I'm sorry for them, causing them headache, and make them suffer like that. Help me apologize to them; I can never repay them for their upbringing..."

As I saw my parents approaching, I took one final glance at Chu Shian, closed my eyes, let go of my hands, and leaned back, saying, "Sorry, Chu Shian, I love you, you have to live."

Forgive me; I don't know how to face them; I'm terrified to look into the sorrowful eyes of the two individuals who have given their hearts to me.

Sorry, but I just can't do it.

The moment my body flew through the air, I heard a cry "Su An" from Chu Shian's throat, and "Hold him tight", "Someone fainted" chaotically on the rooftop...

Tears flowed from my eyes, mouth cheered up, Chu Shian, in my next life as a girl, you must come and marry me.

...

"An An, I liked you, a long time ago."

"Can't you feel it at all?"

"You just need to know, I love you so much that I could give you my life."

"Don't think of it, in this life, the two of us are tied together like this!"

"As long as you're still here, I'll have courage."

"I love you too,so much that I don't know how to play this role good..."

"I fed you when I was eighteen years old, and I still fed you when I was eighty years old,"

"You've been around me my entire life since I have memories."

"I spent my entire childhood and life loving you."

"When I was eight years old, I only played with you, when I was eighteen, I only liked you, and when I was eighty, I still liked you,"

"I just like you, this life, the next life, more lives, it's always you,"

"As long as you don't become a female, An An, I can also marry you; in the future life, I will still marry you, for all eternity."

...

Sorry I love you.

Chapter end