c14 12

16. Sound Arguments Can be Pretty Lame

[sentimentalism]

“...Shihoru?” Haruhiro blinked two, three times despite himself.
He’d had a feeling since before he’d finished climbing this hill, which might not be a hill, but he had nothing better to call it, so he had no choice but to keep calling it a hill, that there was something shining on top of it.
Having climbed up here, lo and behold, there was a shining humanoid figure. It was clear at a glance that the figure was female. For a moment, he had mistaken her for being naked.
Her body was slathered with a gleaming paint-like substance, and his first impression was that this girl might be a little strange.
This being Parano, he thought maybe this was acceptable here, but when he noticed the woman in question resembled one of his comrades, he could only assume she actually was Shihoru, and that changed things.
“That’s you, right? No... I have the wrong person? Or... do I?” he asked awkwardly.
The woman was bawling her eyes out about five, maybe six meters from where Haruhiro was. She was probably looking at Haruhiro—or she should have been, but though she seemed to be looking, she also seemed not to be.
She was shedding tears. If you could call that substance, which looked like a powder made from crushing stars, tears, that is.
Those sparkling tears ran down her cheeks, some of it adhering to her breasts and lower body, while the rest pooled at her feet.
The woman with Shihoru’s face opened both eyes, her lips formed the shape made when producing an “oo” sound, but she said nothing and did nothing but cry. She didn’t budge. Everything but her sparkling tears was frozen, so she looked like a statue of a woman, made with even more attention to detail than Ahiru’s statues of Yonaki Uguisu.
What was going on here? His head wasn’t working, and his mind couldn’t keep up.
A whole lot of things had happened at once. He’d figured getting far away from Mimic’s Town before sorting each of them out would be prudent.
Had that been a mistake? No, it couldn’t have been. Because it wasn’t just Kuzaku; Setora and a tiger he could only assume was Kiichi, along with Enba for some reason, and Merry, oh, Merry, Merry was safe, too.
Even if the whole gang wasn’t back together, he’d been able to meet up with some of his comrades.
In addition, though he hadn’t talked to them, so he didn’t know their full situation yet, the woman called Io and her two male flunkies might have been members of the Io-sama Squad, which was a part of the Day Breakers.
What were they doing in Parano? Well, whatever it was, it looked like they wouldn’t be hostile.
Mimic was shut up in Ruins No. 4 and wasn’t coming out, but he’d decided that it was probably best to climb the hill anyway, to be safe.

It seemed to have been the right choice.
The whole gang had assembled.
“Oh, hey,” Haruhiro murmured.
That’s right. The whole gang’s here. Yeah. Well, then. That was just perfect, isn’t it?
“Shihoru, I dunno what’s going on with you, but stop crying, and come—”
“Wait.” Alice pulled on his sleeve.
When he turned to look, the one who looked like a paladin from the Io-sama Squad—Tonbe, was it?—had made his hand mirror grow to a massive size, and was sheltering Io and the other man, who was dressed all in black and had a long chin, behind it.
Setora and the others were still climbing the hill. Ahiru took his belt out of his pants.
“That woman, she’s a trickster,” said Alice.
“...Huh?”
Tri...?
What?
Trickster?
Huh?
Who is?
Alice’s shovel peeled. Its skin began to envelope Haruhiro and Alice.
“Whoa, hey!” Ahiru jumped towards them.
Alice didn’t force him out.
The moment before the skin fully covered Alice, Haruhiro, and Ahiru, he saw the puddle of sparkling tears at Shihoru’s—yes, that was Shihoru—feet spin upwards, and blow towards them. He felt a chill.
Alice’s shovel was already protecting them. Still, this felt like nothing if not bad news.
Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap! The noises started. They were being attacked. What kind of attack was it?
“Urgh...” Alice groaned while holding the main body of the faintly glowing meat stick that was the shovel.
Haruhiro hurriedly hugged Alice. Resonance. I am already Alice. It’s numbing, kind of. Is this... pain? It’s like being pinched. Like small, but powerful hands are pinching me a few hundred places at once. It’s incredibly unpleasant. What’s going on here? That trickster. What is this power? It’s hard to say, not being able to see out from inside here. Have to bear it for now. Have to wait it out.
The pressure’s letting up.
The attack, it’s stopped.
Releasing the skin immediately, they kicked Ahiru out.
“Ow!”
Ignoring Ahiru, who had landed flat on his ass, they observed the trickster.
She’s still crying. Those sparkling tears are suspicious. My shovel’s hurt pretty badly. The skin’s a wreck. If they can do that to my shovel, they’re not playing around.
Is that someone you know, Haruhiro? A friend... A comrade?
She’s fallen, become a trickster.
“Wha—Shihoru-san...” There was a voice from behind.
Alice glanced in that direction. That guy, huh? Kuzaku, was it? Looks like he just crested the hill. He saw that woman, and he’s shocked about it.
“Get back!” Alice called. “There’s no helping her now.”
“N-No helping her—Wait, what does that mean...?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.” It’s the same as with Nui.
Haruhiro, you tried to save Nui. Right? You’ve become me through Resonance, so you’re hearing this, right? The ego that’s the source of magic, and the id that makes people fall into darkness and become tricksters, are deeply connected to our hearts. You might even say that they are our hearts. If you could go inside a person, maybe you might be able to find some sort of clue. That’s what you thought, right?
It’s not that you failed. You really did save her. Nui found salvation. Not in the form you had hoped for, maybe, but she did.
Besides, nothing good comes from living, anyway. You’ll be happy or fortunate sometimes, but that’s just a momentary thing. Every happiness will fade with time, and you can’t experience it all that often, either. Or you grow accustomed to it. Like drugs. You feel good when you use them, but then you develop resistance. If you just up the dose and take more, and more, and more each time, you eventually wreck your body, or you overdose and bite it that way.
It’s nothing but boredom, stupidity, suffering, pain, and loneliness. That’s all living is. What is this “life is wonderful” stuff? Anyone singing humanity’s praises can eat shit. If living doesn’t bring you to despair, you’re blind, or an idiot without the mental capacity for proper thought. The clever ones, they use all sort of tricks to distract themselves from the abject lack of hope. They forget it’s all meaningless, and focus on the pleasure in front of them. Working little by little toward some goal, fulfilling their curiosity, moving their bodies, trying to move up in the world, playing around, having sex. It’s because if they don’t do those things, they can’t bear it.
There is no meaning in life. We were just born as a result of sexual reproduction. Whether we live or die, nothing changes. Nothing is gained, nothing lost. The total amount of mass in the universe is the same. When entropy increases, even the things we’ve worked so desperately to leave behind will be unable to maintain their forms. Nihilism isn’t a belief, a stance, or an attitude. It’s the plain truth.
Nui was released from the meaninglessness of life.
Congratulations, Nui.
Thank you, Haruhiro.
That’s why you have to accept what I’m about to do.
Shihoru, was it?
We’re going to save her.
Let’s set her free together.
(You mean... kill her?)
She’s crying, isn’t she? Do you want to make her cry forever?
(No, but... there must be some way...)
There isn’t. Not that I know of, at least. What about you? Any ideas?
(Well... No, but...)
We’ll save her. Like Nui. I’ll draw her attention somehow. While I do, you grab on to her. Once you use Resonance to attune yourself, I’m sure you can figure out the rest. Just do what you did for Nui.
Well, she’s your comrade, and your friend, so maybe it’s hard? Then why not think of it this way? She might not necessarily end up like Nui. If you try it again, it might work out this time. I think death was what Nui really wished for, after all.
Now, this girl? I don’t know her. Maybe she’s been crying like that all along. She just didn’t let you see it. That’s just like Nui, isn’t it? Don’t you think she wants to be set free?
If you could somehow become her using Resonance, and you found the answer to that, could you bring her back? If her wish and what you want yourself is different, what will you do? Can you force your desires on her? Is that right?
“...I don’t care what’s right!” Haruhiro separated from Alice.
Shihoru was still crying.
Why are you crying, Shihoru? he thought frantically. I don’t know. Even though we’re comrades. I have no idea why Shihoru would cry.
“Kuzaku!” he shouted. “Draw Shihoru’s attention!”
“Whuh?! H-How?!”
“Anything goes!”
“You can say that, but... Aw, screw it, fine! Shihoru-san, look...!” You never really know what people are going to do.
Even when you’re comrades, you don’t know what you don’t know, and maybe there are some things you don’t need to know.
Kuzaku moved faster than the eye could follow.
He stripped off his armor. He was used to doing that, but this was still bizarrely fast. He then tore off most the other stuff he was wearing so quickly that it might actually have gotten torn apart.
“Hungh...!”
Kuzaku raised both hands, his right in a knife-like position, and his left flexed to show off his biceps. He put his weight on his left leg, and only the toes of his right foot were touching the ground.
Was it some kind of pose? That wasn’t clear, but they were intense.
The muscles, that was.
Man, my initial impression that he was tall and lanky hasn’t changed, but Kuzaku isn’t just tall—he’s got a pretty good body, too, right? I think he’s got more muscle on him than the average guy. But still.
He wasn’t like that before, right?
I have a feeling he’s gotten more buff than before. He wasn’t that buff, right?
The width of his chest, it’s impossible. Those pecs are insane, but what is with those lats? They’re like wings! Is that what they call a Vtaper? No, no, can you even get like that? With a human body? You can’t, right? Those abs are intense, too, you know? They’re ripped like crazy, like a six pack! He’s built all that muscle, yet still maintains a V-taper? I mean, what? Those traps, next to his neck? They’re mountains. Mountains! You can’t get built like that, not normally.
I don’t even have to mention his arms. Okay, maybe I do. They’re thick. Those aren’t arms, they’re legs. No, his legs are even more insane, I know. If I had to some all of it up in a word, he’s huge.
Too huge.
His height probably hasn’t changed, but he’s a giant.
A muscle giant.
What’s more, he’s almost completely naked.
What is going on?
What’s happened to make things turn out like this?
Where did the Kuzaku I knew go?! Haruhiro wanted to shout. Give him back! I want the Kuzaku who wasn’t a muscular giant back. Please!
He said, “Look,” so I looked, but I don’t wanna see this. Still, I’m looking. I mean, who couldn’t? You kind of have to. It’s beyond amazing.
It wasn’t just Haruhiro. Everyone was doing the same.
Shihoru’s eyes were wide, and her mouth was gaping.
She wasn’t crying.
Those sparkling tears had stopped.
I ended up having to see something kind of incredible, but well done, Kuzaku. Your sacrifice... Is this a sacrifice? You seem to be pretty proud, showing off like that? Well, anyway, it won’t be in vain.
That said, Haruhiro couldn’t rush it. Letting his heart slip into the ground, he used Stealth. Then, while avoiding standing directly in front of Shihoru, he went as fast as he could, but without rushing, as he approached.
He wasn’t going to think, This is my only chance, so I have to do it now, no matter what. He could be pretty good at this sort of mental self-control.
About two meters left.
One meter.
Kuzaku was nearly stark naked, but so was Shihoru. If he touched the sparkling tears that had attached to certain parts of Shihoru’s body and were not entirely failing to hide them, what would happen?
He had his worries, but Shihoru seemed fine, and there was no turning back now. At the very end, he cast aside all reason, and jumped on her.
“Shihoru...!”


17. The Form That Completes Me

[perfect_world]

Once upon a time, there was an incredibly ugly and very pathetic little girl.
She was so ugly...
So warped...
The little girl was, pitifully...

L O N E L Y

Yes, she was.

Glimmering, sparkling... The girl’s tears flowed.
Sparkling, glimmering... The tears never stopped.
When she cried that way, she stopped caring about anything.
Even so, the tears, sparkling, glimmering... continued to overflow without end.
How very, very mysterious.
If I don’t care, why am I crying?
Could it be... Could it be... I don’t not care?
Was that why... glimmer, sparkle, glimmer... the girl cried?
It might well be, you know?
The girl surely must have been... searching for something.

The thing she was searching for, what was it?

(What? Searching for something...?)
Hey, hey, I’ve felt like there’s something, yes, something. Something I’m missing. From the very beginning, I think. I mean, because I’m lacking something, missing something, I’ve always been inferior, and that’s why I’m like this, right? I think I was born this way, with some sort of inborn fault, deficiency, inferiority, or syndrome.
If I say that, I’m sure people would say, “That’s just how it is. Everyone’s missing something. That’s a given,” right? Yeah, sure, I know that. They go and act like know-it-alls, even though they can’t possibly know a thing about other people.
I’m uneasy, unsure about staying insufficient as I am. I’m more scared than I can handle. I want to be complete. I feel like I’m a hole. A hole in my own shape. If there’s a hole, you have to fill it, or it’s dangerous, right? If someone fell into that hole, they’d be in trouble. Ohh, I want to fill this hole. But, you know, nobody had to fall into this hole, no one had to fall into the trap that’s shaped like me, and I’m glad.
I have to hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry and fill the hole. That’s why, you see, that hole, I decided to jump into that hole.
“Hee hee! Don’t be stupid,” I’ll bet you’re thinking. I’ll bet you’re laughing. But I’m not stupid. It’s not stupid at all. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh at me. I’m serious. This is sincere. It’s important. If I don’t do it, what else can I do?
No.
That’s not it.
The truth is, I knew. I’ve always known.
The pathetic little girl, she wanted to be loved. The reason the girl was pudgy, disfigured, and hopelessly ugly, ultimately was because no one loved her.
Not charitable love, neighborly love, the love of humanity, or the close affection of friendship, but something stronger, deeper, an intense love. Basically, the girl wanted a love that was exclusively hers.
She wanted to be captured, and told, “I’ll never let you go again.”
Of course, that one moment needed to last an eternity. If it could, the girl would cease to be a hole. She wouldn’t be lacking. By being loved, the girl would become complete.
Yes.
I knew.
I knew that it was impossible.
Who could possibly love an ugly girl whose greedy thirst for love was so brazen, and so disgusting?
But I want to be loved.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.

I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want you to love me.
I want
“...I can’t do this!” Haruhiro jumped off of Shihoru.
He might even deserve praise for having not pushed her away while doing so.
Shihoru sat on the ground with her legs spread in an M-shape, staring into the polka dot sky with empty eyes. She hadn’t started crying yet. But it could only be a matter of time.
So that’s how it was, Haruhiro thought.
Even between comrades, there are things you just don’t know. Haruhiro was supposed to be the leader of the party, but he hadn’t had even the slightest inkling.
I want to be loved. I want you to love me. For Shihoru, that was more important than anything, her one and only wish.
Shihoru was Haruhiro’s comrade, and his friend. She was a very important presence in his life, but he couldn’t do it. The feelings Haruhiro had for Shihoru were clearly not what she would have called love.
Even if he decided I will love her out of a desire to save Shihoru, love wasn’t something that would just automatically come into existence like that. He couldn’t pretend to love her, either. That would be fake. It was possible he’d be found out, and what Shihoru wanted was sure to be something genuine.
Obviously, Shihoru had the right to choose her partner for herself, too. She wouldn’t want Haruhiro. Even if she did, Haruhiro didn’t love Shihoru.
Besides, let’s assume for a moment that Haruhiro did love Shihoru, and she accepted that. What would happen to Shihoru when she found that salvation? If Shihoru was a trickster who had fallen into the darkness, wouldn’t she end up just like Nui?
It’s no good.
Either way, it’s no good.
“I’m sorry, Shihoru, I...”
Shihoru’s face was turned his way. Still expressionless. Shihoru’s eyes focused in on Haruhiro.
In the corners of her eyes, the truly sparkly, shining tears began to form.
It happened right after that.
Shihoru’s glance moved. Diagonally behind Haruhiro, there was someone there.
“Let me try, too.”
He didn’t even have to turn and look.
Setora had moved up beside Haruhiro.
“If it works, that should be some comfort.” Try? Try what?
Before he could ask, Setora thrust out an orb she held in both hands and shouted. “Enba!”
Shihoru started turning into Enba. No, the transformation happened in an instant, so it was as if Shihoru and Enba had traded places.
Enba was larger than Shihoru, but they were sitting in the same position. Shihoru had turned into Enba.
Enervated, Haruhiro fell to the ground. He looked up at Setora.
“Ho... Huh? Wh...?”
Setora sighed deeply, then thrust the orb out in front of Haruhiro’s nose. “What do you think this is?”
“I think you called it... a pseudo-soul vessel, right? You took it out of Enba...”
“Right. The pseudo-soul vessel functions because it’s inside a flesh golem. Despite that, I am still able to call out Enba, for some reason. However, the pseudo-soul vessel is still in my hands.”
“I don’t get it...”
“I am merely proposing a hypothesis here, and I have no proof. However, I believe that this Enba is similar to, yet distinct from, the golem Enba that I made.”
“It’s your magic.” Alice walked up carrying the shovel.
Kiichi tagged along, too.
Io and her group were still on guard. The three of them were hiding behind Tonbe’s shield, poking their heads out and looking this way.
Merry stayed by the edge of the hill, not approaching. Ahiru did the same.
Kuzaku was still naked, and spacing out. Well, no, he wasn’t completely naked.
“Try... putting on some clothes?” Haruhiro suggested.
“Oh, yeah, I should do that, huh...”
“That body... Oh, I get it. That’s your magic, huh. Self-strengthening. Narci...”
“So I’m told. It’s kinda embarrassing, though.” “If anything, I’m jealous,” Haruhiro admitted.
“Whaa, why? Wait, what is your magic?”
“Mine is... No, before that—”
“Stand, Enba,” Setora ordered.
Enba stood up slowly, or a little awkwardly.
Was it Haruhiro’s imagination? He could hear something. Something like a voice, a voice coming from inside Enba.
Actually, it was a voice.
Haruhiro hesitantly approached Enba. Bending over slightly, he pushed his ear to the golem’s chest.
“No... Not anymore... No... Noooo... Hee hee... Doesn’t matter... Huh...”
“Is that... Shihoru’s voice?” Haruhiro wondered. “Then... that means...”
She was inside. Shihoru hadn’t changed into Enba. Shihoru was inside Enba.
“That’s an unusual magic.” Alice leaned side to side and squinted while examining Enba.
Hmph, Alice snorted.
“But it’s probably philia, like mine or Ahiru’s. What was it, again? That thing you’re holding. The pseudo-soul vessel? You seem to value it highly. Setora, was it?”
“Yeah... Well, I suppose I do. This is Enba’s main body. If his pseudosoul vessel were destroyed, Enba would never come back. For me, Enba was an emotional support.”
“That’s why that pseudo-soul vessel became the source of your magic, huh. So, originally, it was inside a flesh golem? That’s like something out of Frankenstein, I guess? It was an artificial heart, or something?”
“The pseudo-soul vessel is like a combination of the heart and brain. However, I think your understanding of it is sufficient.”
“So, despite that, the pseudo-soul vessel is in your hands. So, what’s inside Enba, then?”
For now, it seemed Shihoru was inside. But what about before? What had been inside it before?
Haruhiro cocked his head to the side.
“...It was empty?”
Setora put her hand on Enba’s shoulder. “That was my hypothesis. Even if Enba had been recreated by some power that transcends human understanding, so long as his vessel was in my hands, he had to be empty. It’s well made. However, even just making a flesh golem’s organs function is a difficult task, and even once accomplished, it won’t move without a pseudo-soul vessel.
Something that shouldn’t move is moving, so we can discard the notion that what ought to be inside it is.”
“You put Shihoru in Enba...”
“It looks like she’s staying put inside the hollow golem for now,” Alice said. “She might come out soon enough, though.” It was an unpleasant truth.
“This may only buy us a little time, then...” Haruhiro murmured.
“I’m sorry, Haru.” Setora turned to Haruhiro and bowed her head.
Beside her, Kiichi lowered his head, too. “This was all I could think of. I can’t say I thought it was likely to succeed, and I had no other plan. I have no idea what to do from here.” “No, it’s enough... More than enough.” Phew. Haruhiro let out a sigh.
When he tried to stand, Alice offered a hand. Haruhiro gratefully took it, and Alice pulled him to his feet.
“You’re welcome,” said Alice.
“...I never thanked you, you know?” “You were about to, though, right?”
“Well...”
Scratching the back of his head, Haruhiro looked to his comrades.
Setora and Kiichi were still looking down. Kuzaku was having a hard time getting back into his armor. He’d gotten too buff, so it must have been a tight fit.
Merry was staring off somewhere in the distance, maybe thinking about something. It didn’t really matter, but wasn’t she acting a little distant? Was she avoiding him, maybe? But he didn’t think he’d done anything that would make her hate him. They’d been separated, so he couldn’t have.
What was Shihoru doing inside Enba, who was just standing there? He’d have liked to find out, but it was best not to stimulate her.
“Shihoru is fine.” Haruhiro made a point of stating that clearly.
The truth was, he couldn’t do anything about her immediately, and he could only come up with ideas that might work, maybe. What was fine about that?
There was the question of if Ahiru and the Io-sama Squad could be trusted, too. And did they have enough firepower? There was a lot to be done, and he probably couldn’t solve all the problems.
Even so, he’d found everyone.
With all his comrades gathered, what they had to do now was clear.
Haruhiro looked for the Iron Tower of Heaven. Using that vertical line, he could figure out the general location of the Scarlet Forest.
No mater how perilous, nonsensical, or long the road might be, the castle was there.
The king was there.
The door was there.

Chapter end