19 5

Even if he couldn’t stop caring about it,

he’d just have to do whatever he possibly could. They were all good guys. He had zero worries about them ditching him.
No one was going to say, “Why can’t you do anything, you loser?
We’re through with you. Get out,” or anything like that. It was more, “Man, you just can’t help yourself, huh? Well, whatever. That’s just how you are. It’s part of why you’re one of us. The best thing to do is have fun with it.”
That was how the Tokkis were.
I love you guys. I friggin’ love all of you.
So why was he like this now? Why was Kikkawa wearing an expression that made Tokimune say he looked like the world had just ended?
“Oh...”
I get it.
That’s how it is, huh?
Kikkawa finally figured out his feelings. What was eating away at him wasn’t his weakness, inferiority, anger at his own ineptitude, despair, or shame. He had all those feelings, yes, but the root cause was something else.
It was just like Tokimune said.
The world had ended.
“Okay, come on...” Kikkawa said, hanging his head. “The world’s seriously ended, hasn’t it? With those bizarre black things. What the hell are they? I hear they took out Alterna too. Like, they say Shinoharacchi didn’t make it or something, and Jin Mogis fled on his own, y’know? He basically brought them here to Riverside Iron Fortress with him. This place is screwed too now. We can’t defend it.
I mean, we’ve barely managed to hold out this long. We’re all fine for the moment, but a whole bunch of the other volunteer soldiers have gotten taken out, right? It’s bad. It’s real bad...”
“Damn it, Kikkawa! What you mumbling ab...” Anna-san started angrily, but her voice trailed off into nothing.
“Urgh...” Mimori groaned.
The wheezing, heaving, panting breaths he heard were probably Tada’s.
“Heh...” Inui cleared his throat. “The time of the demon lord is at hand, I see. Heh...”
“I’m amazed by how you always come up with that crap!” Kikkawa tried to spring to his feet, but collapsed halfway. “Okay, real talk here... The world’s ending, right? Our situation just keeps getting worse. We get through this, and then what? There’s no hope. I’m fine with that, though. Dunno why... How should I say this? I don’t have that many regrets, y’know? I’ve had my fun. Every day was a blast. Like, I’ve got all these great memories. Because you guys were there with me. We were together. Man, I’ve been so blessed. Like, thank you so much, all of you. Because of you guys, I’ve got no regrets, but...still...I just... I don’t want it to end. Like, I don’t care about the world. But if the world’s ending, we’re all gonna die, right? I don’t want that.”
Kikkawa had lived his life as a volunteer soldier, even if he wasn’t a very good one. He’d had his brushes with death. He’d thought about dying a lot, such as what would happen when he died, or what it was like to be dead. Well, maybe it was like sleeping, but you didn’t dream. That was what Kikkawa figured. Normally, when you go to sleep, you wake back up later. But you don’t wake up from death. Still, if that was all it was, it wasn’t that scary.
He was fine with it. He didn’t care when he died.
But he didn’t want his comrades to die.
That wasn’t okay.
They were the Tokkis, so he was sure it’d be fine. As the youngest child, he’d be the first to go. He’d screw something up in a ridiculous way, and by the time he thought, Aw, crap, I think I might die, he’d be unconscious. Dead already.
He wanted to at least die in a way his comrades could laugh about.
Something that would make them go, “Wow, that guy was an idiot. An idiot to the very end. I know I shouldn’t laugh and all, but, man, sorry, I’m gonna laugh.” Things wouldn’t get all gloomy that way.
Kikkawa believed in the Tokkis. Believed in them completely, to the very end.
So, yeah, it’ll be fine for sure.
You guys would never ditch me.
I’m sure I’ll probably get myself killed before the rest of you, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?
“What’re we gonna do from here on? I want you guys to survive. That’s all I want. But I’m getting the feeling there’s not much hope of that. This is the end of the world...”
“Yeah.” Tokimune suddenly crouched down and threw his arm around Kikkawa’s shoulders. “I feel the same way. This world’s heading toward its end. I dunno what that end’s going to be, but it rules.”
“Huh? It rules...?”
“It’s the end of the world, man. That’s a big deal. It doesn’t happen often. Doesn’t it make you shiver with excitement?”
“Uh, I’ve got the shivers...but it’s not really from excitement.”
“Hey, close enough. There’s some overlap there. You can turn fear into excitement.”
“That sounds like a bit of a stretch...”
“You scared, Kikkawa?” Tokimune asked, smiling broadly and pulling Kikkawa close to him. “Hmm? Are you?”
“Well, yeah... I am. I’m...scared, yeah. I’m just...a normal guy, unlike the rest of you...”
“I’m scared too.”
“Huh?”
“Things have seriously gone pear-shaped here,” Tokimune said plainly. “It was already bad enough with the orcs and undead coming to wage war on us, but now we’ve got this on our plates too. It seems like something’s going on that’s gonna change the face of Grimgar. I have no clue what that might be, though. None whatsoever. That’s bad too. The world’s ending, huh? Yeah, sounds about right. The world as we know it is, at least. That’s scary. You’d be nuts not to be scared.”
“But...” Kikkawa had started shuddering, though he wasn’t sure when.
Scared. Tokimune had just said he was scared. He’d put it plainly into words. Even Tokimune was scared?
“B-But...”
Kikkawa didn’t want to accept it. He couldn’t believe that.
“Y-You said you were excited.”
“That’s what I keep telling myself. But, well, I’m just trying to act tough.”
“Trying to act tough? You, Tokimune?”
“I can’t see where all this is going. But I want to spend every second I can with you guys. Nah, seconds aren’t enough. I want more. I’m probably a selfish guy. That’s why nobody feels more strongly than I do about how big a waste it is to not be enjoying every moment. It often occurs to me before I drift off to sleep that even if I don’t know when it’s going to happen, there will be a time when I have to let go of everything. I could lose everything. When I think about that, I feel numb. It’s heavy and unbearable.” Tokimune was born to be a hero.
Kikkawa wanted to be like him, if he could.
But for an ordinary guy like Kikkawa, that seemed such a distant goal. No matter how he idolized Tokimune, he couldn’t become him. The gap between them was too great.
Even Tokimune was scared?
Every once in a while, he thought about death?
He was scared of his own death, when he’d have to let go of everything, and the deaths of his precious comrades?
“I made a decision. When I start feeling that way, there’s something I tell myself.”
“What’s that?”
“‘Don’t be afraid, you coward.’”
“Coward... Wait, you mean you, Tokimune?”
“Well, hey. We’re alive, but there are a lot more people who are dead. They all lived like we do, until they didn’t. Some of them must have been afraid of death like I am. Some must have been trembling and saying things like, ‘Whoa, that’s scary.’ Some probably passed on at peace with themselves, fully satisfied, and others went out like total badasses. Still, all of them, even the cowards like me, are good and dead. I know I’m going to be able to die a good death too. That’s what I decided to tell myself. Sure, I still get scared about it from time to time, as you’d expect. If I can, I’d rather avoid having you guys die, or having you lose me. I want to put that off as long as we can. I’m a greedy, stubborn guy like that.”
“Don’t...say that...” Kikkawa started to say, but he couldn’t continue.
He’d wanted Tokimune to stay his hero, always out of reach. But on the other hand, this was the first time Tokimune hadn’t seemed larger than life, and it felt reassuring.
Aw, man. I thought he was some sort of messed-up natural hero or something, but he’s just a normal human being, like me.
Was he a little disappointed? He couldn’t deny that. Now that he knew Tokimune had just been acting tough, he couldn’t rely on the paladin the same way he always had before now. Ultimately, what left Kikkawa unable to speak might have been the fact that he’d exposed his own nature as the spoiled youngest child of the Tokkis family.
“You done rambling yet?” Tada lumbered to his feet, took a breath, and cracked his neck to the left and right. Then he swung his warhammer around.
“Aw, yeah!” Anna-san shouted in a sharp voice, punching the air. “Break time over, yeah! Full speed ahead! Okay?! Next! Because it time for Plan A now, yeah!”
“Mm.” Mimori, who had been sitting down all this time, adjusted the position of her mage’s hat.
Inui was checking his ponytail. For a man, he was awfully particular about his hair.
Tokimune slapped Kikkawa on the shoulder. “Time to head out, Kikkawa. Let’s go see the end of the world together.”
“Sounds like a plan...” Deep in his heart, Kikkawa whispered, Don’t be afraid, you coward.
By the time he stood up with Tokimune, he’d be back to his usual self. He would have to be.
He had a place with the Tokkis, even if he didn’t deserve it, so it wasn’t like Kikkawa to sit around pitying himself. With his idiocy came a laid-back personality. He was so air-headed you’d think he might float away. That was Kikkawa, youngest child of the Tokkis family.
Was that the role he had to keep playing to stay with them? It sure was. Being a goof wasn’t something Kikkawa could do without acting. But even Tokimune wasn’t always completely himself. Everyone had a person they wanted to be, and one they didn’t want to be. They faked this or that, tricking the people around them, or perhaps themselves, into seeing them as bigger, or sometimes smaller, than they actually were.
Everyone was lovable. And Kikkawa loved his comrades in the Tokkis more than anyone else.
“Let’s head for the fifth tower.”
Tokimune led the way as they headed down the stairs.
The tower they had been in before was the ninth, and the one they had crossed over to via the bridge was apparently the thirteenth. The ninth and thirteenth towers had served a somewhat special role among the fourteen towers of Riverside Iron Fortress. They were each connected to several other towers by bridges, but they had no entrances on the ground level. They also had storage for supplies on the top floor and underground.
Additionally, the seventh and fourteenth towers had secret underground passages that led outside the fortress. But the fourteenth tower had been largely destroyed in the many battles the fortress had seen, and its secret passage was no longer usable.
The seventh tower was their trump card for getting out of there. The stairs to the underground were behind a thin stone wall. If it came down to it, they could mass their remaining forces, head there, and escape.
Incidentally, destroying the bridges was something they were generally forbidden from doing. The complex system of bridges connecting the towers let them move back and forth from one to another easily. The defenders made use of this system to retreat when they were at a disadvantage, support their allies, and buy time. Meanwhile, for the attacking side, if they dropped the bridges, they wouldn’t be able to pursue their enemies and would risk isolating themselves.
The Tokkis’ hand had been forced, though. If they hadn’t made that move, someone definitely would have died. Possibly all of them.
Finally, they arrived at something like a landing, with a bridge to the fifth tower. It looked like there was a fight going on over there.
“Inui?!” Tokimune asked, and Inui widened his right eye—the one not covered by his eye patch—and looked across the bridge.
“Heh!”
“Aw, man, is he about to unleash his demon eye?! He is, isn’t he?!” Kikkawa shouted. He was able to do it with his usual tenor. That reassured him a bit, but also earned him an elbow from Tada.
“Ow?!”
“Inui doesn’t have anything like that.”
“Tadacchi, not in the back of the head, please! You’re gonna make me even stupider than I already am!”
“There’s no cure for being a fool. No way to fix Kikkawa’s stupid, yeah!” Anna-san winked and gave him a thumbs up.
Mimori nodded. “So it’s okay to hit him.”
“Oh, I seeee. There’s no fixing my idiocy, so it’s okay to hit me...” Kikkawa played along with the joke. Then, as always, “No, it’s not!” he provided the comedic retort.
“Over in the fifth tower...”
Inui was crouched low, moving his arms in all directions. He did this kind of thing all the time. It was creepy and off-putting, but you got used to it.
“I see Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers...! Or that should be who it is...! Heh!”
“You’re not sounding so confident there, y’know?!” Kikkawa said.
“Okay, let’s support them!” Tokimune declared, taking off at a dash.
Tada, Kikkawa, Mimori, Anna-san, and Inui followed. They were starting to get a vague picture of what it was like on the other side of the bridge in the fifth tower. There was a person with one foot out on the bridge. He had red hair and was wrapped in a blackish cape.
“It’s him!” Kikkawa shouted in an awfully loud voice, causing the redheaded man to turn and look at them. There were not many activeduty volunteer soldiers who had the kind of presence this man did. He was older than them, probably in his forties.
“Reinforcements have arrived!” the redhead called into the fifth tower with a throaty voice. He had his sword drawn, but it wasn’t clear if he was fighting. Kikkawa had a bad opinion of people who acted all self-important the way this guy did.
“Jin Mogis! You’re the one who brought those black weirdos here!”
The Tokkis were almost across the bridge. Jin Mogis, meanwhile, was trying to leave the fifth tower. They were going to pass each other.
Tokimune leapt into the fifth tower. Even if slashing Mogis might have been going a little too far, Kikkawa wished he’d at least tripped the bastard as he went past. He was sure he’d seen a slight smirk on the man’s face.
“Man, he pisses me off!”
But, well, there was no time for that, so he raced into the fifth tower after Tokimune. Downstairs, a group of volunteer soldiers had formed into a scrum. It looked like the men of Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers had made a wall of shields, armor, and their own flesh in order to block the black creatures from coming up the stairs and to try pushing them back. The Tokkis only had six members, but Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers were bigger, so they could use tactics like that, huh?
They weren’t close to either of the other clans, but they at least knew the boss of Iron Knuckle, “One-on-One” Max, and his righthand man, Aidan, as well as “Red Devil” Ducky of the Berserkers and his second-in-command, Saga. Max looked like a young gang leader, and Ducky was a big guy with red hair—not natural, but dyed that color. Both were in the scrum. Farther up the stairs from their position was Saga of the Berserkers, wearing a mage’s hat low over his eyes.
“Anna-san, Mimori, stay back!” Tokimune took up a position at the rear of the scrum and started pushing the men in front of him. “Kikkawa, Tada, Inui, we’re gonna push!”
“Yessir!”
“Boring!”
“Heh!”
Tada seemed pretty unamused by the idea, but the four men of the Tokkis still joined the scrum, pushing and pushing and pushing some more. Kikkawa had thought he was at the very back, but somehow he ended up in the middle of the press. It looked like they were keeping the scrum intact by having the men in front pull back and the men in back move up in turns. How were they doing that, exactly? It was a mystery to Kikkawa. Or rather, he was too crushed to think about it. The stench of sweat was choking him.
At some point, Kikkawa got pushed to the very front.
The black creatures were there, on the other side of the shields.
I’m dead. Dead. So dead. Kikkawa moaned, groaned, and wailed. I’m gonna die. So gonna die here. Oh crap. Oh crappity crap. This is beyond insane. They’re pushing me too hard from behind. Our allies are gonna kill me before the enemy can. If you push that hard, you’re gonna break my back, guys! No, worse than that. You’re gonna smash every bone in my body and grind me up. I’ll be mincemeat when this is over!
I can’t take any more, nuh-uh, no way, no how, no siree Bob, no—
As he was on the verge of passing out, Kikkawa was pulled back from the front line to the second row, then the third and fourth, falling back one row at a time. As the pressure on his body lessened and he found himself able to breathe properly again, his consciousness returned. Next thing he knew, it was happening again. Yes, again. He was sucked forward, forward, against his will.
No. I don’t like this. I hate it. I don’t wanna go to the front. I like it better in back.
But they wouldn’t let him stay there. No one cared how Kikkawa felt. Once he got to the front, he’d just have to bear it.
After several trips through the scrum—he wasn’t even sure how many—Kikkawa was at the very back again.
“This is going nowhere!”
“We can’t hold them back forever!”
Two people were yelling at each other. Who? He didn’t know, but probably Max and Ducky. Had they left the scrum?
“It sounds like Britney and Kajiko retreated from the seventh!”
“What’re we gonna do?! If the seventh tower falls, we can’t escape!”
“Concentrate our forces! Our only choice is to break through!” That last throaty voice belonged to Jin Mogis.
“We need to make contact with our allies and gather in one tower! Once we do that, we head out through the already broken gate!”
“Screw you! Who said you could talk?!”
“You lost your army, and now you’re acting like you’re in charge here?!”
Max and Ducky both tore into Jin Mogis. Kikkawa had some choice words for the man himself, but he was pulled back into the scrum against his will.
This again?! Seriously?! I’m gonna get pushed even farther forward? Could you give me a break?
Kikkawa wanted to complain, but he remembered someone saying something about how the game was over the moment you gave up. Wait, this wasn’t a game. It was more serious and important than that. Which was all the more reason he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t die in the middle of this nonsense.
Don’t be afraid, you coward.
We’re gonna see the end of the world together. It’s not over yet. I can’t die until it ends. It’d be such a shame to die here.



112A660. He Was Happy
Adachi adjusted the bridge of his black-rimmed glasses with the middle finger of his right hand.
Gathered in the second tower of Riverside Iron Fortress were the four members of Team Renji, including Adachi; Britney, the former chief of the now-defunct Volunteer Soldier Corps office; seven Wild Angels, led by Kajiko; the six members of the Tokkis; eight people from Iron Knuckle, including Max and Aidan; eleven Berserkers, including Ducky and Saga; three volunteer soldiers who didn’t belong to any clan; and Commander Jin Mogis of the Frontier Army. That was forty-one people in total.
They had just finished demolishing the bridge that connected this second tower to the fifth tower, and another that connected it to the sixth tower. They wouldn’t be able to move to any other towers via the bridges now. After looking all around, they had found that this was the only tower where the enemy wasn’t coming in from the ground floor. That was why they had chosen to gather here.
They’d had the option to retake the seventh tower and escape through the secret underground passage in the basement, but the ninth and eleventh towers, which were the only two connected to it by bridges, had already been occupied. While the secret passage was likely intact, no one had confirmed that. It wouldn’t have been funny if they’d fought their way down there only to find out the escape tunnel was now unusable. They were going to head out into the courtyard from the ground level of the second tower, then make their way to the gate. It was the only option.
“But is it gonna work?” Ron, a man with a buzz-cut, mumbled to himself.
“If it doesn’t, we’ll just die. That’s all,” Adachi replied, provoking an exaggerated scowl.
“Don’t say things like that, man. You’re hurting our morale.”
“If you hadn’t asked such an inane question in the first place, it follows that I’d never have commented on it. In other words, you are in the wrong here. It’s your fault.”
“If you ask me, it’s your fault for being too much of a wise guy. Everything is your fault.”
“There’s not much logic in you, is there? This isn’t even worth discussing.”
“Let me tell you, logic isn’t everything, okay?”
“That would be the argument of a loser who can’t think things through rationally, yes.”
“Oh, I so want to slug you one.”
“If you want to do it, then go ahead. I’ll have Chibi-san heal any wound you give me. Your actions would put an undue burden on our little priest, but accomplish nothing more.”
“You know I can’t cause trouble for Chibi! If you say that, I can’t clobber you, damn it!”
“If that’s your decision, I’ll have to respect it. Do as you please.”
Adachi adjusted the position of his glasses with the middle finger of his right hand again. Now, Ron wasn’t the only one here who could be loud and annoying. While Adachi’s other comrades, Renji and Chibi, were especially quiet, most of the volunteer soldiers packed into this cramped stairway were pushing and shoving, bantering, or telling stupid jokes and ribald stories.
“Chibi.” Renji placed his big hand on her tiny head. “You okay?”
“Aye...” Chibi responded hesitantly with a nod, but Renji didn’t move his hand.
Renji wasn’t particularly sociable, and he’d been pretty cold toward the now-deceased Sassa. But when it came to Chibi, you could tell he trusted her implicitly. He was always kind to Chibi.
Still, after they had left the Red Continent to return to Grimgar, Renji had grown even softer on her. At times, he treated her almost like a pet. For one thing, he often patted her on the head. Understandable, given how pettable she was, but he was overdoing it. Honestly, it was hard to watch.
If it were anyone but Chibi, Adachi would have told him not to favor her so much, but he knew Chibi wouldn’t let it go to her head. She was one stoic little woman. Always harsh toward herself and demanding little of others. From the very beginning, she’d had blind faith in Renji. Obviously, her feelings for him probably went beyond that. Adachi had ended up thinking that her feelings deserved a response, and he wished for her happiness more than anyone else’s.
Even so, when he saw Renji showing concern for her like that, irritation began to cloud Adachi’s heart.
Was it jealousy?
Well, there was no doubt that Adachi envied Chibi.
He’d realized that years ago.
At first, Adachi hadn’t been able to accept it himself. No. It’s not true. It can’t be. He’d kept denying it until he couldn’t anymore. Because someone had pointed it out to him.
It had been on the Red Continent.
Why did that vast land across the blue sea have that name? It wasn’t that the soil was red, that the rivers ran red, or that the leaves or trunks of the trees were red. There was a greater variety of races there than in Grimgar. The tailed people, the long-armed people, the tall-eared people, the three-eyed people, the many-eyed people, the iron-headed people, the furry people, the thorny-skinned people, the feather-boned people, the shadowless people, the ball-shaped people, and more. There were all these different groups, like nothing he had ever seen or heard of, and yet they were all considered human. There were many countries. Large and small, too many of them to count. As it turned out, some centuries ago, a great emperor known as the Red King had reigned over the entire continent. And that’s where the name came from.
Everything they saw and touched there had been new to them. Thinking back on it now, Team Renji had been acting uncharacteristically giddy.
One night, they had been camping out in the wasteland. Adachi had found himself unable to sleep, as was often the case, so he’d left his tent to gaze at the night sky. As he did, Sassa had called out to him. With a smile, she’d told him she hadn’t been able to sleep either.
“They call it the Red Continent, but the moon’s not red here, huh? Even though the moon we see in Grimgar always is,” she’d said.
“How many times are you going to bring that up?” he’d replied dismissively.
“Hey, Adachi.”
“What? Why don’t you go to sleep already?”
“You...”
“If you’ve got something to say, could you hurry up already?”
“You like Renji, don’t you?”
“Well...we are comrades, after all.”
“No, not like that. You like like him. I can tell. Because I feel the same way.”
But I like him more, she’d added with a smile.
Why hadn’t he been able to accept it then?
“You couldn’t be more wrong...” Adachi had tried to dismiss it as if it were a joke. No, he’d gone further than that. “Never say that again. Or I’ll make you pay for it.”
He’d gotten angry. Adachi had been embarrassed. He’d threatened her, as if she’d insulted him somehow. But that wasn’t it.
“Sorry, Adachi,” Sassa had apologized.
He’d made her say she was sorry.
“I won’t bring it up again.”
There was no connection between that conversation and how she had lost her life on the Red Continent.
She had been a thief. As part of her job, there were times she had to act alone. That was something she had been fine with. I’d feel lonely if I were always by myself, but sometimes it’s nice to have some alone time, she’d said.
There was a type of dragon on the Red Continent called a nihaloy. They weren’t that large, but they were clever and could change color to blend in with their surroundings. They tended to form packs and amass treasure. She had gone out to scout one of their nests and hadn’t returned. It wasn’t that she couldn’t, but that she didn’t, Adachi suspected. She had likely been detected and injured in an attack by the nihaloys. But if she had returned to the party, she would have brought the nihaloys down on them. Knowing her, she had decided she couldn’t do that to them.
When they’d gotten sick of waiting for her and charged into the nest, it had taken them not one, but two full days to find her. She had already died. In an unrecognizable state.
“It’s better this way,” Ron had said, wiping the tears from his eyes.
“Now we’ll only remember her as she was when she was still alive.” It wasn’t my fault.
That’s what Adachi thought.
The fact was, the odds that her exchange with Adachi had led to her demise were zero, or incredibly close to it. But he wished he’d acknowledged that she was right. What would he have had to lose, being honest with her then? Would she have tattled on him? No. He could say that with certainty. She wasn’t the type to do that.
Never say that again.
Or I’ll make you pay for it.
 

Chapter end