Chapter 6 - Psyche

For the next few days, there were no birds. No visits from my sister. I was alone with my crowd. Their constant, muted rumble played like the song of my heart. An endless rise and fall with no definition. Like a shape without sides. And though the sound pulsed and writhed to its own rthym, the dullness made it feel unreal.

I wanted it all to be unreal.

The crowd, I snubbed. My sister, I craved. Each day that passed without her made my soul bleed. I could feel the walls building between us. The knocks on her door that went unanswered. How she left a room whenever I walked in.

Some things can be forgiven. But this?

Not that I’d known or meant any of it. Still. Maybe I deserved her impaling hatred. And I wished I could go back in time. Back to when that milk-white bird had first fluttered through my window. I’d tell her everything. Even though Aphrodite made me promise not to breathe a word. I’d tell Chara, and she’d keep my secret, and neither of us would be where we were now.

Those were the dreams of my tears. They gave me solice in the hours between sleep.

Until the knock on my door finally came.

Flinging myself out of bed, I raced for the door, absolutely sure I’d find Chara on the other side. I didn’t dare hope she’d forgiven me, just cooled enough to talk. To hear my side. To help me on a solution for us all.

I couldn’t even stop myself from blooming into a smile, I was so giddy she’d finally come.

The reality of my visitor slammed me like colliding with a slab of marble. My father’s messenger waited, column-straight, when I threw open my door. His eyes were fixed on a spot above my head. No eye contact.

“My Lady, your father sends word that you are to be ready by sundown. The first suitor has arrived. You are not to leave your room until that time.”

As if.

He bowed, averting his eyes, and left with his toga flaring behind him in his flight to escape my presence.

Once I closed my door, I sank into a pile on the floor. It was here. Already.

I’d been thinking through this moment, making sure I was ready to do the right thing for my sister. And the only thing that could possibly save myself.

There’d been so many dead-end thoughts; paths down a Minotaur’s labyrinth that had no end. Only one idea seemed even plausible. I’d make sure the first suitor who came married me. My stomach clencthed as I went over my reasoning for the millionth time.

If I was married first, maybe Chara’s bride price would drop. And then it wouldn’t matter when she were married and Mom and Dad could let her wait. Like they’d always planned.

Plus, if Aphrodite really meant what she’d said about learning from her mistakes with Helen, then she’d have to give up the matchmaker role once I had a husband. No more wars over women, right? I’d simply have to stay her hand the only way I could.

In all time I’d spent alone in my room the past few days, I hadn’t come up with a better solution.

So why was pushing myself up off the floor to get ready the hardest movement I’d ever had to make?

***

As the sun began to set, I made my way down the long marble stairs from my room. I’d selected an olive-colored dress that brought out the green of my eyes. Maia had wrapped my hair up in a loose bun and made my skin sing with the heady perfume of sage and lilies.

The admirers had made me painfully aware that I was pretty enough without the added effort, but I asked Maia to really give it her all tonight. If I was going to marry this stranger to save myself and Chara, I needed him to see only me. I suspected my bride price was way higher than my sister’s. Plus, since he arrived so quickly, it meant his City had to be nearby. The selfish part of me loved the idea of not moving too far from home.

I found my parents and sister entertaining our guest in the courtyard. He looked about father’s age, but was far leaner. Although bald, his long, angular face was grounded by richly dark eyebrows and a well-trimmed beard. The effect made him look distinguished, in a harsh, old-person sort of way.

When I crossed the threshold into the courtyard, everyone stopped talking and fixed their eyes on me. Attention being nothing new, I did what was expected of me: I radiated a smile and curtsied.

My father cleared his throat. “Psyche, I’d like you to meet King Andreas of Corinth.”

Lowering my eye lashes, I nodded my head in greating. “It gives me great pleasure to welcome you. Thank you for coming all this way.” Of course, Corinth wasn’t far at all (I’d been right!), but that wasn’t the point. My intent was to charm and flatter him.

He looked me over from head to toe. His gaze passed like a winter chill over my body. After several seconds, he turned back to my father.

“Darion, she’s every bit as lovely as the rumors made her out to be. How much are you asking for her?”

That’s it? That’s as much as he needs to know about me before trying to purchase me for his wife? Andreas hadn’t even bothered to speak to me.

“Sire,” I cut in, stepping between him and Father. “Forgive me for interrupting, but I thought you might like to get to know me first before proposing marriage.”

His calculating eyes bore through me. “There is nothing more I need to know other than the price. Either I can afford you or I cannot.”

I staggered back a step, feeling suddenly queasy and mortified. Embarrassment burned my cheeks like I’d been slapped. My sister had been right to be afraid. This was worse than anything I’d ever imagined. They were discussing my purchase price right in front of me.

My pulse felt like it could stampede its way free from my veins. I’d learned my lesson about shoving important-but-insulting guys, but my blood pressure responded to Andreas with the same hostility I’d felt standing before Eros. Leaving before I did something equally as stupid seemed like a good idea.

“I assume someone will tell me if you win the auction, Sire. Happy bidding.” Giving a quick bow, I turned and fled into the courtyard.

The rush of humid spring air didn’t provide the relief I was looking for. And entering the dark of dusk from the brightly lit foyer made my eyes strain, like the sinking sun was bleeding all the colors from the sky.

As I passed through the gardens, totally absorbed in my own thoughts, my hip collided with a man bent over a bush. He jumped and whipped around to face me as I staggered back a step.

Through the dim light, I noted that the stranger’s face was lean, his teeth just a bit too large, and his hair flopped into his eyes. Between that and the whole nose-in-a-bush thing, he struck me as out-of-place here.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to crash into you like that.”

“Not at all,” he answered. “I was just studying this unusual flower. I’ve never seen another like it.”

“Do you often look at flowers?” I asked, trying not to smirk.

“Actually, yes. I’ve been studying them at Athens.” He brushed the hair from his eyes, revealing invitingly dark brown eyes.

“Oh.” I laughed nervously, suddenly glad I hadn’t assumed he was Andreas’ servant. Servants do not study in Athens.

“I know it’s sort of a strange interest,” he continued, “but I get bored only thinking about war or sports. History never changes and I never get better at sports. Flowers are different though. They’re pure and fragile, like life I guess.”

Was this guy a second suitor? I was pretty sure Father’s servant had only said one suitor was here, but what else could this guy be? He was well-educated, well-rounded and obviously a pretty good catch. Would it be selfish to want him for myself? Maybe letting Chara have him would be a better peace offering.

“Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble. Probably spending too much time studying philosphy. That’s the rage in Athens and all. I’m Rasmus by the way. Rasmus of Mycenae.” He extended his hand and I offered mine.

He was a suitor then -- had to be. Silence hung between us as my brain tied to work through my options. What could I possibly say that would interest him? How would I appeal to him with more than looks? And did I want to appeal to him or should I let Chara have him? Then I realized, I hadn’t even introduced myself. And I was still holding his hand!

I dropped his hand too quickly to be subtle. “Oh, I should have introduc... I mean... I’m Psyche.” I mentally kicked myself for not being able to spit out a coherent sentence. Then I added, “I’m sorry you were out here all alone. It was rude of us not to be more hospitable.”

“That’s alright. I’ve been enjoying myself.” His tone told me he meant it. Some other nobles would’ve been put off by not being doted on, but he wasn’t. If I was being truly selfless, I knew that Chara deserved this man. Still, my mind wasn’t quite made up.

After looking over my shoulder to ensure my family hadn’t decided to chase me down, I turned my attention back on Rasmus. “I can show you around the gardens if you like. There’s an area a little ways off that I’ve always loved. Perhaps you’ll see some more new flowers before the sun fully sets.”

“I’d like that,” Rasmus said. “But I’m not sure the flowers will be the loveliest things in the garden.”

Wow. Maybe they teach the art of giving compliments in Athens too. I could really get to like this guy.

I led Rasmus down a limestone pathway and under a canopy of olive trees. As we walked, Rasmus told me about his family. He had two younger sisters, but his mother had died several years ago. When he wasn’t studying in Athens, he helped his father by traveling for him so the old king wouldn’t have to leave home.

As he talked, I felt how relaxed and at ease he seemed with me. As my fame had grown these past few months, only my family seemed comfortable in my presence anymore. What was even more of a gift though was that we were having a conversation. Rasmus was talking with me like an old friend. And it wasn’t about eye paste or the latest silks. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this.

We reached the end of the path and stood before a tall iron gate, flanked on either side by hedges higher than our heads. “I don’t know about you,” I said, “but the Trojan War has always fascinated me. Who knows,” I added, shrugging my shoulders, “maybe I’ve just glamorized it because of this place.”

Rasmus’s eyebrows knit together. “I’m not sure how you can glamorize war.”

I tipped my head toward the gardens and pushed open the gate, inviting him into the small courtyard. The floor was tiled in a colorful mosaic picturing a battle scene. In the center of the courtyard was a fountain sculpted in the likeness of the Trojan horse. Elaborate stone benches sat around the fountain, carved with images of our heroes: Achilles and Agamemnon, Ajax and Odysseus.

“This is my family’s tribute to the battle of Troy. My great grandfather traveled with King Menelaus to win Helen back from Paris.”

“It’s ... impressive.” Rasmus drifted, as if pulled by the nectarine-hued flowers smiling at us from the hedges.

“Our gardeners claim those flowers come from the shores of Troy.” When he didn’t answer, I added, “But they could be wrong. I don’t really know about flowers like you do.”

Rasmus took in the flowers, and the rest of the courtyard, in silence. Finally he said, “Thank you for bringing me here. I can see why this is one of your favorite places.” His eyes continued to roam the courtyard. “Still, I can’t agree that there’s anything glamorous about war.” He leaning over to give my shoulder a playful nudge with his. “You maybe, but not war.”

That was flirting, right?

I had to bite my lip to keep the smile from bursting off my face. “I’m glad you like it. I haven’t had anyone to share it with in a long time.” ‘Cause I sure didn’t bring Aphrodite out here. I looked down at my feet, kicking at a little pebble. “Maybe you can come back again. With me.”

When I peeked up from under my eyelashes, Rasmus was looking at the purple sky. A sad smile played on his lips. Then he looked back at me, holding my gaze with his darkly intense eyes. “Psyche, there’s nothing in all the world I would like more. But I’m afraid that’s just not meant to be.”

My mind reeled. How could that be? He liked me. I knew he liked me. He had practically just said he liked me, didn’t he? My jaw fell open. I could only form the word, “But...” It came out as barely more than a whisper.

Rasmus took my hands in his and guided me to one of the benches.

“I don’t know where to start,” he said. He gestured to the Trojan horse.

“The beauty of a single woman started a ten-year war.” He huffed. “My father decided it’s not in the best interest of our City to marry the most beautiful woman in the world. Troy is still too fresh in his mind. He won’t make the same mistake as Menelaus.”

“Your father?” I asked. “What about you? I ... I don’t understand.”

“Psyche, I’m not here for me. I’m here on behalf of my father. He sent me to bring your sister back to be his new wife. I’ve already arranged for Chara to return with me.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I struggled to hold them back. I didn’t want Rasmus to see me cry, but I’d just lost my hope for saving Chara. I’d failed her.

I’m a failure.

As I sat there in stupid silence, a thought came to me so quickly that my mouth started forming words before my brain was done processing.

“But if Chara ... your father ... then you could still ....”

Rasmus looked down at his hands as he shifted on the bench. “My father has already arranged for my marriage to someone else. It’s what’s in the best interest of our City.” He looked up at me. “I have no doubt my bride will pale in comparison to you.”

Rasmus leaned forward and wiped away the tear that finally spilled down my cheek. “Please don’t cry. Tears do a disservice to such a beautiful face.”

Sniffing, I managed a half-smile and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’ll be okay.”

Deep lines etched into Rasmus’s forehead. Apparently he wasn’t convinced.

“What?” I asked, wiping at another tear with my finger. “You think I can’t get a husband or something?”

At least that drew somewhat of a smile from him. I’d had enough guilt to last me a lifetime, I didn’t need to worry about whether I’d made him feel bad too. “Seriously,” I told him, “I’ll be fine. I just want to be alone for a little while.”

Rasmus stood and looked down on me. “Of course. Thank you again for sharing your garden with me.” His lips pressed together like he was holding something back. “I’ll always remember ... it.”

Chapter end