Chapter 38 - Psyche

I woke up screaming. Not a bone-chilling, blood-curdling scream, but an aching, worst-misery-of-my-life scream.

"Shhh, sweetie," Mom comforted and pulled the covers up higher under my chin. "It was just a bad dream. Everything's all right now. It'll be okay."

When my eyes finally fought through tear-sealed crust to stretch open, I saw my mother sitting on the edge of my bed. She stroked my hair repeatedly, as if the motion was comforting to her too.

The lines under her eyes were deep with worry and I doubted she'd slept. I pushed myself up in the bed and latched onto her neck, hoping she was right about everything being okay. But I couldn't truly believe. The dream had been too real. And what I needed right now was not another wretched freaking prophecy.

As I remembered my dream, my heart felt newly pierced again, like someone twisting a spear deeper into my wound. I fell over onto my side and tried to fold up into myself. Desperate moans forced themselves through my lips as I struggled to hold on to the warmth and security offered by my mother's presence.

"Oh, baby," she soothed, rubbing my back. "Want to tell me about it?"

I shook my head weakly back and forth.

"The burden is less if you share it," she offered.

I half-turned back to look at her. "I saw him. He came back to me."

"In your dream?" she asked.

I nodded. "I thought he'd forgiven me. That he understood what I'd done. But then..." I choked as a sob began to swell in my chest. Could I even say the words I'd heard so clearly?

Mother ran her hand down my face. She looked so understanding, so knowing. Could she see that remembering this dream was tearing out my heart from its roots?

"He said he'd always love me." Air hitched in the back of my throat as my lungs struggled to function. "Then he said goodbye. And that would be for always too."

I curled back into my ball. I'm sure Mother tried to talk to me after that, but I wasn't listening. Or maybe she didn't. Maybe she knew me well enough to know I just wanted to be alone. Either way, she retreated, leaving me to mourn the loss of the love I didn't even know I'd felt until it was gone.

Strength eluded me after that. My muscles refused to drag me from bed; my brain refused to climb out of its darkness. I knew I was wallowing in self-pity, but I indulged myself. Never in my eighteen years had I been allowed to just lay about, feeling mopey or gloomy. I'd always had to smile, to be the bright and cheerful one. Now that I'd lost so much so quickly, I felt entitled to take a few days off.

When I finally emerged from my room on the third day, my hair was aked to my head and my skin felt tacky from not having bathed. A faint odor of decay clung to my skin like a damp sheet. I yearned for a long soak in the tub followed by a huge breakfast.

But first, I just wanted a hug from my mom. And confirmation that Chara had taken the opportunity to make herself scarce.

Mother was in the gardens. When she saw me, she set aside her embroidery and wrapped me in her arms -- despite my stink.

"Psyche, you're up," she chirped. "You must be starving. Do you want some breakfast?"

Before I could answer, she turned to Maia. "Maia, go get Psyche some eggs and sausage. And bread. Lots of it." Maia started to leave, but Mother called her back again, "Oh, and when you've done, get Psyche's bath ready."

It really was like she could read my mind.

"Of course," Maia answered before scuttling back into the palace.

Mother held one of my hands in hers and directed me to sit next to her. The air was warm this morning and we soaked up the sun as we sat in alence for awhile. Now that I knew my immediate needs were being taken are of, it took me a bit to work up the courage to ask about Chara.

What was I supposed to do if she was still here? I felt better after two ways of self-indulged moping, but I wasn't sure I felt that much better.

Finally, I broke the silence. "Mother?" I asked.

She pulled her gaze away from some brilliant red flowers she'd been eyeing and looked over at me. "Umm..."

"What happened with Chara?"

"Your father sent her back to her City." Her gaze fell to her nervous fingers. "I think that may have been an always goodbye too."

I slid my hand away, unable to stand the damp heat rolling off her palms. I'd done this to her; destroyed any chance she may have had at rekindling a relationship with her firstborn child.

Someone should seriously be keeping a tally of the relationships I've destroyed, because I could probably win a medal at this point.

Chapter end