Chapter 35 - Psyche

After seeing Alexa and Chara together, I slipped back to my room and flung myself face down onto my bed. I had to bite my pillow to muffle the sobs that threatened to tear from my throat in screams. Like frozen glass breaking apart, my heart felt like it had splintered into a million jagged shards.

It wasn't even that I now knew Aris was a monster. That seemed inconsequential in comparison to knowing that whatever feelings I was starting to have for him, he'd manipulated. Those tender moment we'd shared, the sweet promises he'd planted like kisses on my soul, were all lies. He'd promised to love me always and I had believed him willingly. How had I not seen he was just lulling me into a false sense of security?

I was suddenly so angry that I wished I could sink my fingernails into the baby-soft flesh on his perfect-feeling face and rip. To separate fistfuls of ringlets from his scalp. To dig below the black mask of perfection he wore and uncover the monster within.

I felt like I'd been living in the world's best dream for the past few days, only to wake up right where I fell asleep: trembling on this bed, waiting for a grotesque monster to come claim me.

Only this time, I would be ready.

Sitting up to wipe at my tears, I resolved that I'd had enough of simply sitting by and accepting the destiny life handed me. I would not offer up myself as a sacrifice, no matter what some stupid prophecy said.

Of all things, why did my sister have to be right about this? I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the trial ahead.

Chara had told me what to do. A lantern and a knife was all I needed. I could get a knife from the kitchen and I was pretty sure I'd seen a lantern in the library when Alexa gave me my official tour.

Locating them would be the easy part. Retrieving them unnoticed in a house full of invisible servants would be more difficult.

I pulled my legs up by my chest and hugged my arms around them. Resting my head on my knees, I tried to figure
out how to get what I needed. The key would be distracting Alexa -- the traitorous witch. As soon as she knew I was awake, she'd want to gossip about how awful my sister was and she wouldn't leave. I'd scream if I had to listen to her badmouth Chara as if she was the evil one.

Maybe I could tell her I'd thought of a new dress design and I wanted her to get started on it right away. That I wanted to surprise Aris with it as soon as possible. She might buy that, but it wouldn't keep her far enough away. And if she needed any fabric, or thread, or whatever else goes into making a stupid dress, she might come out of her room and catch me sneaking around.

sneaking around.

I needed her out of the palace.

And then it came to me.

"Alexa," I called, with acrid-laced sweetness. It was the best I could do.

She was to my door with her usual immediacy.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked with obvious concern. Faker.

"You know what I'd really like?" I asked. "Some honey cake. Seeing my mother's honey cake today made me crave it, but Chara almost ate it all."

"That's easy enough. The chef can prepare as many loaves as you like."

I sighed and made a pouty grimace. "But that won't be the same," I whined. "Mother always uses fresh honey that she gets herself from the hives. Could you go get me some fresh … pleeeeeease?”

"Seriously?"

"It would mean so much to me. I'll be your best friend."

She sighed. "Ordinarily I'd tell you you're stuck with the honey we already have, but considering the day you've had..."

I made a show of clapping my hands excitedly. "Thank you, Alexa! You're the best. Take the chef with you to help. I don't want you getting stung."

In truth, I hoped she'd get stung by a million pointed bees' tails and her throat would swell closed. She was so much easier to hate than Aris. If it weren't for her, I might never have trusted him in the first place.

"Fine. Do you need anything before I leave?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes and waved her away with a floppy gesture. "It's not like I can't manage on my own."

The door started to close behind Alexa, but then pushed open again. "Are you sure you're feeling okay? Chara was really hard on you today. You're not acting like yourself."

"I'm fine," I said, a razor-sharp edge to my voice. "Can't I just crave honey cake after having the worst migraine in the history of the planet?"

"I'm sorry, Psyche. You just seem ... never mind. I was worried, is all."

I glared up in her direction from under narrowed eyelids. "You don't need to worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Okay," she said, deflated. "We'll be back with the honey in a little bit. Maybe you should rest while we're gone." Alexa closed the door softly behind her.

"Maybe you should mind your own business," I grumbled, not even caring if she heard me or not.

I gave Alexa and the chef about ten minutes to clear the palace before I slunk down the hall toward the kitchen. This wasn't a room I'd been in yet, but at least I knew where it was. As I sized up the comparatively tiny room, with its jugs of wine, rows of spices and copper pots, I realized I had no idea where to look.

As quietly as I could, I pulled open drawers in the massive cabinet, rifling the contents in search of a weapon. It didn't take long to locate a gleamingly-sharp blade with a sturdy wooden handle. I wrapped my fingers slowly around the grip and held the knife up to get a feel for it in my hand. Could I really do this? Could I really murder someone?

What choice did I have?

After wrapping the knife in a linen kitchen towel, I slipped it under my belt, just over my hip. If I let my arm drop to my side, I could conceal my
contraband well enough.

Leaving the kitchen, I turned left and crossed through the dining room before winding down another long hall to the library. On the desk, right where I expected it to be, was the lantern I needed.

As I rushed past the stools on my way to the desk, I tripped on an unseen foot. In my haste, I hadn't noticed the floating scroll. It would've been an obvious clue that someone was reading there. My feet went out from under me as I fell forward. I knocked my head on the corner of the lesk, whipping my head back. My neck crackled painfully from the jolt.

"Psyche, are you all right?" Mathias asked as he tossed his scroll aside and collected me off the marble floor.

I threw a protective hand over my injured right eye. A lump the size of a breaching whale felt like it was already pushing its way to the surface. I hadn't planned on crying again that day, but the pain was overwhelming. I couldn't help myself.

"I'll get you to your room," Mathias promised. "Alexa! Alexa, bring some ice for Psyche," he called.

"Unnn..." I groaned. "Stop shouting." His voice made my head throb. again. "She's not here. She's getting me honey. I'll be fine, just let me lay down."

As Mathias laid me gingerly across the bed, he said, "This is twice in one day, Miss Psyche. You ought to take it easier on yourself."

I turned my back to Mathias as I rolled onto my side, curling into a ball. "Thank you, Mathias. That will be all."

"Of course," he said. I could hear him backing out of the room.

"Oh, Mathias, wait," I called, looking back over my shoulder in his direction. "I was trying to get the lantern out of the library when I fell. Can you bring it to me?"

"Yes, ma'am. Do you mind my asking why you need it in here --"

"Yes," I cut him off. "I do."

It wasn't like me to be so abrupt, so rude. I hoped I wasn't giving away too much of my plan. But I couldn't help myself. As far as I was concerned, everyone in the house was in on the plan to fatten me for a human barbeque.

Mathias returned and placed the lantern on my vanity. "Will here do?"

"That's fine." I flipped my hand at the lamp before recovering my swollen eye. "Now please, my head is killing me. Make sure no one comes down here and bothers me."

"Yes ma'am," Mathias said, but without his usually paternal tone. My door banged shut with more force than a happy person would've used to close it.

As the pounding sounds in my head began to quiet, I was able to think well enough to realize that hitting my head had actually been a good thing. There was no better excuse for pushing Aris away than having a headache. It'd worked last night, after all

I passed fitfully in and out of sleep. When I finally awoke, the last rays of the day were being sucked down into the earth, pulling a blanket of orange and pink in their wake. With a start, I realized I hadn't stashed my knife and lantern yet and popped out of bed. The sudden blood drain from

My head made me so dizzy that I thought I was getting another migraine, but I managed to steady myself on the headboard until the stars disappeared from my vision.

Grabbing the lantern off the vanity, I untucked the knife from my
belted waist. As I stashed the items under the bed, I hoped he had no reason to glance there tonight.

I didn't go to dinner since I didn't have the stomach for food. Besides, I figured there was a better than average chance that anything I ate would come back up again. So after stashing my contraband, I sulked in my bed and waited, willing the minutes to pass more slowly so I could put off the leed.

When darkness finally enveloped the palace, Aris appeared in his shrouded form, like always. But that night, his cloak had returned to feeling ominous rather than invitingly mysterious.

I winced when he wrapped me in his arms and my reaction obviously caught him off-guard. As quickly as he had embraced me, he released me and studied me with those piercing blue eyes of his.

"What's wrong, Love?" he asked. "Has your sister --"

"No." I cut him off. My sister was the last subject I wanted to discuss with him. I tilted my head and showed off the swollen lump above my right eye. "I fell is all. It just really hurts."

Without saying a word, he leaned forward and kissed my tender bump. Warmth coursed through the wound and the sensation made me lightheaded and less painful.

I searched his eyes for some trace of evil. Something to keep me committed to my plan when he otherwise seemed so innocent and loving. Despite my best efforts to hold it back, a single tear pricked its way over the threshold of my eye and spilled down my cheek. He gently kissed that away
too.

"Is something else bothering you?"

I hesitated for a second longer than I should've before weakly answering, "No."

He tilted up my chin with the soft tips of his fingers and held my gaze. "I'll kill her if she caused you any pain."

"Stop it!" I screamed, batting his hand away from my face. "Do not talk about my family like that! How could you even say such a thing?"

I turned my back on him and hid my face in my pillow, sobbing again.

"Psyche, I'm sorry." He stroked my back. Every touch felt like a pinprick that I had to fight to keep from wincing over. "I wasn't thinking."

I twitched my shoulder in a gesture that I hoped said stop touching me, and told him -- again -- that my head really hurt and I just wanted to go to sleep.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

"No," I answered, maybe too quickly, while snapping my head up to look at him. If he left, I wouldn't be able to kill him. "No, please stay. I feel better when you're here."

The lie had been easier to speak than I would've expected. And he seemed to believe me.

"Anything," he answered, giving my hair a final brush with his hand. I'll always be here if you need me."

All I could think was: not if I can help it.

I was glad I'd napped all afternoon. Otherwise, out-waiting him to fall asleep would've been impossible. It seemed to take hours before his breathing settled into the rhythmic in and out that signaled he'd finally dozed off. I'd been faking the sounds of sleep myself for so long that I was in a nearly dream-like trance when it happened. My steady breathing had helped to calm and relax me though, so when I did hear him give a little newly-asleep snort, I was mentally ready to carry out my plan.

At first I was only brave enough to slip my left leg out from under the covers. I watched his cloudy form to make sure it didn't move or that his eyes didn't suddenly open. Then I let my toes touch the marble floor and slid myself to the edge of the bed.

When he snorted and shifted in bed, I froze contorted, half-in and half- out of the bed. Real stealth. How was I supposed to explain why I was laying wrapped over the edge of the mattress if he woke up? I held my breath and waited until his breathing returned to its steady pace.

Slowly, I slipped completely off the bed and crouched on the floor. Feeling around for the dagger and lantern, I silently wished I hadn't tucked them quite so far under the bed when I'd hidden them earlier. Sitting on the cool floor, I went over my plan for the millionth time in my head. Turn on he lantern, see the monster; drive my knife into his heart, kill the monster. t was that quick and easy. It'd be over before I knew it. I'll be safe again. I repeated that last thought like a mantra as I slowly rose from the floor.

I'll be safe again. I'll be safe again.

Holding the lantern in my left hand and the dagger in my right, I crept around the bed until I stood directly over the sleeping black mass of monster. I closed my eyes one final time and then lit the lantern.

Chapter end