Upside Down
/ Upside Down 18 Chapter 16:Resolution
Looking at Dad, I can tell he is worried, and Mom, well, it's easy to see she's been crying. I must have them both worried to death.
Chinatsu lets go of my hand to head to the kitchen while I walk over to the table where my parents are. Mom turns a little and opens her arms for me. Climbing into her lap, she wraps me up in her arms while I rest my head on her shoulder.
A few moments later, Chinatsu brings me a glass of water. Turning to where my back is against Mom with her arms around my waist, I take the glass from Chinatsu. After taking a sip, my body immediately demands more and I drain the glass without taking a breath.
"Thank you, can I have another please? Oh, a couple of aspirin as well. I have a headache and my stomach hurts." I try to speak normally, but it came out barely above a whisper. Chinatsu glances at Mom, then nods and takes the glass back to the kitchen to refill it.
"Are you okay Sora?"
"I hope so. I have a headache, my stomach hurts and my throat is really sore. Probably from crying so much." I reply to Dad.
At least my voice was a little stronger this time. Chinatsu brings back the glass and aspirin, hands them to me and sits down next to us. I take them with a drink and begin to speak.
"I'm sorry to have worried everyone. I have no idea why I'm so afraid of Mr. Akiyama. I had a very bad feeling the second I saw him, I completely lost it when he called me Ms. Ito and my mind was screaming at me to run away. There has to be a reason for it…"
Dad nods as I trail off from what I was saying. I need to get through this. I can't keep worrying my family like this. I've never been like this before. I'm afraid of most things, but I can usually push myself through it. I might have finally regained a small measure of composure, but even thinking about this had me crying and wanting to hide.
"Sweetheart, you don't have to worry about Akiyama. Neither he nor his people will come near you unless you say it's okay. Believe me, I'll never allow someone to touch you without your permission. I'm so sorry that I even brought him here."
"You couldn't have known what would happen Dad. Please, don't blame yourself."
"Nonetheless, I'm sorry. ....Umm...Your Mom told me that you want to see a psychologist. If you want, I can make a call to Dr. Sato to have him set up an emergency appointment with a female psychologist for tomorrow morning."
"Thank you Dad. The sooner, the better. I need to get to the bottom of all this or I'm sure I'll lose myself. I want to lead a normal life and that simply isn't possible as things stand."
Dad nods, takes out his phone and says, "Okay, let me make a call."
"Mom, I'm supposed to go back to school tomorrow, but I can't leave her like this."
I stiffen as Chinatsu says this. She's going to leave me?
"It's alright Sora, relax. Chinatsu, I'll call the school tomorrow morning and extend your leave of absence. I don't think it would do much good for you to go back to school right now. You wouldn't be able to concentrate on your studies. There is no way I'd separate you two as things stand."
"Thank you Mom." I say quietly with my head bowed.
I really don't think I can get through this without my sister. I realize it isn't fair to put such a heavy burden on her, but honestly, without her, I wouldn't even be this functional. Let alone be able to leave the house without her beside me.
I pick up my water and finish it.
"Chinatsu, would you take a bath with me?"
"I had already planned to. Do you want to do it now?"
"Yes."
"Let me go get us a change of clothes. Do you want another nightgown or street clothes?"
"Street clothes please. I don't really want to walk around in a nightgown all day."
"Okay, let me get the tub filled and our change of clothes. I'll come get you when everything is ready."
"Thanks Chinatsu."
Dad walks back into the room and puts down his phone. "Okay, Dr. Sato had a colleague cancel an appointment to fit you in. Your appointment is at NTI Medical Center with Dr. Sasaki Airi at 10 am tomorrow. Do you want me to go with you too?"
"No, thank you though. I know you have work. I should be okay with Mom and Chinatsu."
"Sora, you are far more important than work. I can always reschedule what I have to do. Are you sure?"
"Honestly, I'd feel better if you were there, but I don't want you to miss work over me either. I realize I'm overly dependent on everyone here. I'm scared all the time. The only time I felt even remotely safe is when I was surrounded by all of you. Now, I think I could be the only one in a bomb shelter and I still wouldn't feel safe."
I pause and raise my head up to look Dad in the eyes. "A lot of things have happened to me in a very short period of time from my point of view. For me, I passed out in my hallway and woke up a girl in the next moment. It's been a little more than a week since then. I haven't been able to come to grips with everything that has happened to me. I swear to you, I'm trying, but so many things have piled up on me. I'm seriously afraid if I don't get some help that this incident with Mr. Akiyama might very well be the straw that breaks the camel's back."
I take a deep breath and continue, "I haven't a clue why I'm so terrified of him. I understand I had very little control of my emotions before he ever showed up, but now, I seem to have none whatsoever. At the moment, I feel completely numb, so that might be why I can even talk about this without crying."
Dad looks at me with a thoughtful expression. "Sora, you are extremely smart, but you're still only thirteen years old. No one can get through life on their own, we all require support. I have your mother, you children, my friends and coworkers. You've been trying to shoulder a burden no one could possibly carry alone. No matter how old you get to be, you will always be our child and you can always rely on us. Understand?"
"I think so."
I'm pretty sure he means we all have our support systems, my main one is Chinatsu, just as I am hers. We both depend on our parents as well. I glance at the doorway to see Chinatsu standing there.
"Are you ready to take a bath now Sornee?"
She asks me as she is walking toward us. Nodding, I turn to Mom, wrap my arms around her and whisper to her, "Thanks Mom, I love you." and then go over to Dad to tell him the same thing as I hug him. Taking Chinatsu's outstretched hand, I follow her to the bathroom.
◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇ ◆ ◇
[Monday 10:00]
After checking in with the receptionist, we take a seat. Dad ended up coming as well. A few minutes later, a lady comes out of the inner office and walks over to us.
"Good morning. I'm Dr. Sasaki Airi."
We all return her greeting.
"Which one of you is Sora?" She asks glancing between Chinatsu and I.
"I-I'm Sora." I reply to her.
"Excuse me Dr. Sasaki, can I speak to you in your office for a minute before you talk to Sora?"
"Oh, of course, Mr. Kobayashi."
Dad stands and follows her into her office. A few minutes later, they come back out.
"Sora, would you come with me please." She says with a smile.
I won't go into all of the details of what we talked about. You should pretty much already know what I told her. Suffice it to say we talked for about ninety minutes, before she stopped me and asked me to go sit in the waiting room. She then asked my parents to come into her office. They stand and follow her into her office and close the door.
[Eiji's POV]
"Please, take a seat." She tells us, gesturing to a loveseat while she sits down in a chair opposite of the loveseat.
"Sora has a lot of issues of which I am sure you aware. She is a very bright little girl and quite analytical, but honestly, right now, that's just making the situation worse. She has no idea who she is anymore. What I mean by that is the identity she built up for the last 13 years disappeared in an instant as far as she is concerned. She has no idea who she is supposed to be. Honestly, the only reason she is able to remain this stable in that respect is Chinatsu and, to a slightly lesser extent, you two."
She takes a breath and looks at each of us. "What she sees as her starting point to build a new identity is that she is your daughter and Chinatsu's sister. Now she is striving to adapt to her new reality, rebuild an identity for herself, and not disappoint or worry you three in the process. She fully accepts that she is a girl and there is no way to go back, so she has no choice except to live as one. Normally, even in cases where people feel that they were born the wrong gender, there is a constant internal struggle over what and who they are. It's one of the primary reasons the suicide rate is so high for them. I can't see any sign of a struggle on her part to remain who she was. I think a large part of that is her intelligence and personality type. Although, I believe the main factor here though is Chinatsu. When she told me about the conversation between the two of them where Chinatsu told Sora she was happy that she is her sister, she was all smiles. It was easy to see it made her extremely happy. I feel that was her point of consciously accepting that she is a girl."
She takes another deep breath and continues. "I can't guarantee that I'm right here, but my feeling is without you three there to support her, she would have tried to kill herself already. I didn't tell you that to scare you, but to give you an indication of how important you three are to her."
She stops for a moment, looking pensive. "As to why she is so afraid and timid. I believe that it most probably stems from a single incident that was so traumatic for her, her mind repressed the memory of it. We need to uncover what that is to help her deal with it. Whatever it is has made her feel as if people are to be feared."
"Okay, we understand. However, if she has repressed the memory, then I don't understand how we can do anything to help her. Neither of us have a clue about when this all started. She has always been withdrawn, timid, and fearful of people she doesn't know."
"Mr. Kobayashi, I don't often recommend this, but in this case I believe it's warranted. Hypnotherapy is probably the best course of action here since she has repressed the memory. Even if I am wrong and it doesn't come from a single event, it will allow us to find out what the problem is quickly, so we can deal with it."
"Alright. Will you be the one to do this?"
"If you approve, then yes. I assumed you didn't want anyone else involved with this. After all, you did have me sign a Nondisclosure Agreement. Although it wasn't strictly necessary. I'm a professional and would never talk about a case with anyone other than her family or her, without explicit approval or unless a crime is involved."
I quirk an eyebrow as I look at Haruka to see what she thinks.
"If you are sure it will help her and wont hurt her anymore than she already is. She's right on the edge at the moment and can't take anymore stress."
"Okay, we approve. My wife is right, Sora is extremely fragile right now, she has been through too much in too short a period of time. Honestly, I believe she's is about to drown."
"I'll do my best not to hurt her, I promise. Even so, depending on the root cause, sometimes this can be traumatic. I can mitigate a lot of that with hypnosis, but it's simply one of those things you can't know until you have done it. With that said, do you still want to do this?"
I glance at Haruka again and she nods.
"We do, but in the end, I believe this should be Sora's decision."
"I was hoping you would say that. I've already asked Sora about it and she said yes, but she said she wouldn't do it without both of you saying yes. Ah, one other thing, she has requested that Chinatsu be with her during her sessions. I don't really think that's a good idea, but the whole time I was talking to her earlier she was very tense and wary. It was almost as if she thought I'd attack her. So, if it helps her relax more, I'm willing. She seems to be rather dependent on Chinatsu."
"Both of them are dependent on each other, they have been that way since they were little."
"Okay. Next question is, when do you want to do this. Dr. Sato seemed to imply that her case was extremely important, so if you want I'll clear my schedule and we can start immediately."
"I think that would probably be best. I took the day off, so I could be here if she needs me."
I look at Haruka, who nods hesitantly.
"It's Sora's decision as to whether to start today."
"Alright, then why don't we ask her and go from there?" The doctor said while standing up.
We stand as well and follow her back out to the waiting room. Chinatsu and Sora are sitting beside each other holding hands. Sora looks at us expectantly, waiting for us to say something.
"Sora, did Dr. Sasaki explain what she wanted to do?"
"Yes, she did."
"Do you understand she wants to start this today?"
"I do, I want to get started on this as quickly as possible, but I want Chinatsu with me if that's alright."
"We dont mind. Chinatsu?"
"Of course I'll go with her if she wants me to, Dad."
I turn to look at Dr. Sasaki. "Well, you have your answer, so do what you need to do."
Haruka glances at her watch and says, "It's almost lunchtime. Why don't we meet you back here at 1 PM and you can start then."
"Sounds good to me. I'll see you two then."
As we are walking down the hallway to the elevator. Chinatsu brings up subject.
"Umm… Mom, should we reschedule Sornee's physical therapy appointment?"
"It had completely slipped my mind that was today with everything that had happened. Let's stop by the reception desk and do that. Thanks for saying something Chinatsu."
Chapter end
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