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How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis Chapter 215: When Two Girls Go To War
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How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis Chapter 215: When Two Girls Go To War

Take off is the scariest part of flying on a dragon. All of it’s pretty terrifying, but the part when you’re leaning back with the world grabbing at you, trying to pull you off, is especially scary. 

There aren’t any seats or convenient handholds. If you lose your grip on one of the blades running down the dragon’s back, you are going to fall to your death, kersplat. We could have done with some kind of cabin strapped to Vikchutni, but then that could fall off, too.

Everyone huddled against the blades, arms wrapped around them as Flossie urged the giant beat into the air. All except Biadet. She stood at the base of Vikchutni’s neck with her small hands clasped behind her, and her face showing no emotion. The dragon flapped its wings and we lifted off in multiple jerks. Biadet slightly bent her knees, but there were no other signs of movement from her. As the dragon’s body angled upwards to gain height, she merely leaned forward a little to compensate. 

There was a faint glow on the horizon, enough so I could see the side of Biadet’s face. She had her eyes closed and the faintest glimmer of a smile played across her lips.

Once we levelled off, Flossie called out from her seat behind the dragon’s head. “Where are we going?”

“Head for Fengarad,” I shouted back. I didn’t know if that was where Dudley was, but it seemed as good a place as any to start. I turned to Claire sitting next to me, her head on Maurice’s shoulder. She didn’t look like she really cared where we were going or what the plan was, which was probably just as well since there wasn’t one. That’s the problem with being happy, though, makes you a lot less motivated. Contentment is supposed to be a good thing, according to Buddhists. But if you actually have things to do, it’s called complacency and it’s a liability.

“Did you get a chance to pick up anything off Gullen?” I asked her. 

She shook her head. “I was afraid to look in his head. Felt like it wasn’t the kind of place you want to peek into.”

I couldn’t really blame her. The idea of rooting around inside Gullen’s head wasn’t very appealing. Despite how polite and well-mannered he was on the outside, there was a definite sense of ‘enter at your own risk’ when it came to what he was really thinking.

“What about her?” I said, nodding towards Biadet. 

Claire stared at the back of Biadet’s head, brow furrowed in concentration. Biadet slowly turned her head and looked at us, like she knew she was being probed. Or maybe she just felt us staring.

“Nothing,” said Claire under her breath. “Complete blank.”

“Okay, never mind. Do you think you could recognise someone’s thoughts from a distance?”

“You mean like Dudley?” 

I nodded. Her ability had been quite limited so far, needing people to be actively thinking about something specific to be able to pick up on it, but that didn’t mean there weren’t other ways it might be useful. There were lots of things we didn’t know about it, like the range, for a start.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I’ll try.”

I turned back and Biadet was still staring at me, her head at an angle.

“Don’t you owe me an apology?” I asked her.

Her head tilted over to the other side. “Apology? No, I don’t think I have anything to apologise for.”

“What about telling Gullen how to find us? You said you wouldn’t reveal anything you learned inside our room at the tavern, but that’s where you found out we had a dragon waiting for us outside the city, and that’s where Gullen was. Are you saying that was a coincidence?”

“He’s a very resourceful man. He would have found the dragon anyway.”

“Anyway? So you did tell him?”

“I might have mentioned the dragon in passing, but it was probably better for him to find you on the ground than in the air. With all the dragons we’ve been seeing lately he decided on some anti-dragon measures. Surprisingly accurate for such large devices.” She looked straight ahead again as we flew towards the rising sun.

Had she deliberately sold us out to protect us? If we’d been shot out of the air, we would most certainly be dead. But why would she care one way or the other?

“Don’t you ever wish to be free of Uncle Peter?” I asked.

“Free?” she said without looking at me. “I am free.”

In the distance, the spires of Fengarad were just about visible, stark silhouettes against the dawn. I stood up to get a better look, although, I kept one hand on the dragon. My sense of balance wasn’t that great, although my sense of falling to my death was second to none.

“Colin!” hissed Claire. I looked down at her and she mouthed ‘stop her’, nodding her head in Jenny’s direction.

Jenny was leaning over the side of the dragon. She didn’t look like she was planning to jump—we weren’t all that high up but it would still be suicide if she did. Keezy was sitting beside her and could grab her if she did try something stupid, but there was no reason to. She wasn’t in any danger, not from us, anyway. I looked back at Claire, wondering what it was she wanted me to stop, and then I looked past her, down at the world below, and saw a dark stain spread out like a blanket. It was a camp.

“Guard! Guard!” called out Jenny. “To me!” She was surprisingly loud.

We all looked at each other, then there was a strange sound. It came from quite far, kind of a whistling. I looked down again and a swarm of arrows were flying to meet us.

“Flossie! Higher!”

The dragon tilted and staggered in the air. Arrows rose either side of us, hung in the air in surreal fashion, then fell back down. Some pierced the wings. More must have been sticking out of Vikchutni’s underside.

The dragon let out a plaintive scream. 

I landed on top of Jenny and pinned her down. “What’s wrong with you? You’re going to get us killed.”

“I’m your prisoner,” she said through gritted teeth. “Those are my men down there.”

Her actions were perfectly legitimate from her point of view. She didn’t know us, didn’t care about what we were trying to do. She looked like Jenny, felt like her, smelled like her, but she wasn’t her. 

I was angry but it wasn’t her fault. She wanted to get away from us. From me. I just wanted my Jenny back. She was right here, under me, and yet she was a million miles away and I missed her. I was filled with an immense feeling of loss.

“Stop it,” said Jenny, writhing under me. “I don’t want to feel this. Stop. Stop.” She scowled and grimaced. “I don’t want to be connected to you.”

The dragon was trying to fly higher but we were shuddering and leaning at an angle that didn’t seem helpful. Arrows were still rising around us but fewer but the dragon was hurt quite badly.

Flossie screamed and we veered sharply to the side. I grabbed hold of Keezy’s foot with one hand and pulled Jenny in tightly against me with the other. Then we straightened again, but the dragon was gliding this way and that, in obvious distress. Flossie was barely hanging onto the dragon’s neck, an arrow sticking out of her arm.

“Biadet!” 

She was the only one standing. She skipped along the dragon’s neck, balancing her tiny feet on the raised ridges that ran all the way to the head. The wind was constant and quite forceful, but she paid it little heed. When she got to where Flossie was slouched, she jumped, one knee bent to her waist, the other leg straight. She seemed to float over Flossie’s head, and landed on Vikchutni’s broad, flat head.

The dragon let out a muted bellow. The flight steadied and we began to fly straight again. Biadet opened her arms wide and let her head fall back so she was facing the quickly lightening sky. And then she laughed. 

I’d never heard her laugh before. It wasn’t maniacal or shrill like most of the laughter I tended to encounter, it was musical and sweet. A young girl’s laugh.

I shoved Jenny towards Keezy. “Hold her.” I crawled up the dragon’s neck, my progress a lot less balletic than Biadet’s, until I got to Flossie. She was moaning, eyes closed. I ripped the arrow out of her arm, which made her scream and the dragon jumped in the air.

“Vikchutni,” said Biadet, “your master needs you to be strong.” The dragon settled down.

I healed Flossie. She was bleeding quite a lot, but it quickly stopped. She nodded at me, breathing hard. 

“We have to land and take care of Vikchutni,” she said through ragged breaths.

Below us, the men were too far to reach us, but Jenny was clearly going to be a problem. I’d have to tie her up and gag her, which would probably only make her more dead set against me.

“Dudley!” shouted Claire. Both Flossie and I sat up and looked back at her.

“Where?” I said.

Flossie was already up and running towards her, the injury forgotten. I followed, slowly. 

“I saw him, someone down there is thinking about him.”

“Those soldiers?” I asked her.

“No, not that way. Over there.” She pointed south.

I looked out across the land lit gold by the emerging sun. There were fields and forests, but no signs of people. Flossie pushed me aside and ran back to the dragon’s head. 

“Get off mah dragon,” she yelled at Biadet who leaped over her and strolled towards me. We pitched to the left, sending everyone (except Biadet) tumbling to that side.

“I thought we were going to Fengarad,” she said.

“We are,” I replied. “Scenic route.”

“Down there,” said Maurie, adjusting his glasses. “I see something.”

We all leaned over to look. In a clearing below, there were three large creatures; ogres. They were in a fight with three much smaller creatures; humans.

“Flossie! Take us—” I didn’t need to finish, we were already hurtling towards the ground.

The fighting stopped as the dragon coming into land took their attention away from each other. I hadn’t healed the dragon so the landing was a bit rough, wings flapping wildly, but we got down in one piece and clambered off.

“Keezy, can you deal with the ogres?” 

He nodded and changed into his troll form, almost the same size as the smallest of the three. He shooed the ogres to one side like they were pets.

The humans comprised of two men, one very large with a giant axe, the other smaller but very muscular, dressed in black leather and with no weapon at all as far as I could tell. And one girl.

“Haha! Dragonslayer, you found me,” said Laney, sliding her sword into its scabbard. “Decided to take up my offer, did you? Nice ride, by the way.” 

“Which one knows Dudley?” I asked Claire. 

She looked from one to the next, and then turned towards the ogres. “That one.” She pointed at the smallest ogre.

Not what I was expecting. If the ogres had run into Dudley, he’d obviously made an impression. Hopefully, not as a memorable meal.

“Out of my way,” said Laney, suddenly not her perky self. “You. I wondered when I’d see you again.”

I turned to look where she was looking. Biadet was standing on the dragon’s head again. 

“Hello, Princess. It’s been a long time.”

“Yes. Too long.” Laney drew her sword. “And now it ends.”

“I don’t have a weapon,” said Biadet.

Laney looked at the larger of the two men. “Roland, give her a weapon.”

He seemed surprised by the request. He looked at his companion who just shrugged. Roland tossed his axe, which was about the same size as Biadet, and it rotated end over end as it flew towards her as the dragon brought her down. She caught it one handed.

“Not bad.” She swung it around like it was a cheerleader’s baton. “I hope you’ve been practising, Princess. I have.”

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Catalogue
343: But Can You Do This?
342: Happy Endings
341: I Am What I Am
340: How Was It for You?
339: Nothing Holding Me Back
338: You Do That Hoodoo
337: Not All Heroes Wear Capes
336: Woke AF
335: Compartmentalise. Compartwomentalise and Compartchildrentalise, too
334: Adapt. Absorb. Assimilate.
333: On the Stump
332: The Popular Vote
331: New Model Army
330: Plenty More Fish in the Sea
329: Meat Is Murder
328: Voulez-Vous Trébuchet Avec Moi?
327: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
326: Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure
325: Welcome to Shrine Island
324: Captain, My Captain
323: Half-Life 3 Confirmed
322: Expect the Unexpectable
321: Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area
320: Pacifist Run
319: Boss of This Gym
318: Second Prize in a Beauty Contest
317: Personal Allowance
316: Twisted Firestarter
315: A Good Quest Is Hard to Find
314: World's Greatest Solo Player
313: The Stupid Fat Face of Adveristy
312: Another Fish Mess
311: Death by Water Pistol
310: What a Time to be Alive!
Chapter 309: Don't Forget to Breathe
Chapter 308: Wizard Bitch
Chapter 307: The Older Woman
Chapter 306 - Paywall
Chapter 305: Further Beyond
Chapter 304: Sisters of No Mercy
Chapter 303: Shame on You
Chapter 302: There's No You in Team
Chapter 301: Cockblocula
Chapter 300: Indignation Remix
Chapter 299: Planning for the Future
Chapter 298: Never Prosper
Chapter 297: Lead Me Not into Temptation
Chapter 296: Be Nice to People on the Way Up
Chapter 295: Hold the Moan
Chapter 294: God of Wut?
Chapter 293: Freedom for All
Chapter 292: Losing My Edge
Chapter 291: Don't Hate the Player
Chapter 290: Vines of Communication
Chapter 289: Dead Gods and Englishmen
Chapter 288: Till Death Don't Us Part
Chapter 287: Show Before Tell
Chapter 286: The Unprincipled Certainty
Chapter 285: Dead Men Walking
Chapter 284: Fear of Flailing
Chapter 283: No Refunds
Chapter 282 : Church of Me
Chapter 281: Burnt Salad
Chapter 280: Feel the Fear and Druid Anyway
Chapter 279: Watching the Defectives
Chapter 278: A Man of Substance
Chapter 277: Every Cult Has a Silver Lining
Chapter 276: Born Again
Chapter 275: Never on a First Date
Chapter 274: Bad Sensei
Chapter 273: Pope Idol
Chapter 272: I Have the Power
Chapter 271: Underdog Now, Overlord Later
Chapter 270: WWJD?
Chapter 269: Chilling
Chapter 268: These Aren't the Druids You're Looking For
Chapter 267: Welcome to Gorgoth
Chapter 266: God Tier
Chapter 265: Land of the Setting Sun
Chapter 264: Colin-Fu is Leaking
Chapter 263: Childish Colino
Chapter 262: Cash Me Outside
Chapter 261: Grotto Life
Chapter 260: Too Few To Mention
Chapter 259: There Was an Attempt
Chapter 258: Party to a Lie
Chapter 257: Attention Please
256: Procrastination Agent
Chapter 255: Flags Flying High
Chapter 254 - Guardians of the Greenery
Chapter 253: Tilted
Chapter 252: The Touchables
Chapter 251: Chinny Chin Chin
Chapter 250: Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner
Chapter 249: Pest Control
Chapter 248: The Hero's Jenny
Chapter 247: On the Hook
Chapter 246: Eye on the Prize
Chapter 245: Battle of Five Armies (Part 2)
Chapter 244: Hanging by a Thread
Chapter 243: Beware My Power
Chapter 242: Blow by Blow
Chapter 241: Dark Side of the Brain
Chapter 240: Head Counsel
Chapter 239: Enemy Lines
Chapter 238: Dargot After Dark
Chapter 237: From a Great Height
236. Diamond in the Rough
Chapter 235: Gathering of the Clouds
Chapter 234: The Frenemy of My Frenemy
Chapter 233: The Hard Carry
Chapter 232: Bone to Pick
Chapter 231: Sonny Days, Laney Nights
Chapter 230: Elfen Lied
Chapter 229: Resistance Is Fruitful
Chapter 228: Faithless
Chapter 227: Killer Queen
Chapter 226: Gatekeeper
Chapter 225: Requbar Revival
Chapter 224: Silent But Dudley (Side Story)
Chapter 223: Rated, Baited, Delegated
Chapter 222: Colin Ascendant
Chapter 221: Beat the Retreat
Chapter 220: Battle of Five Armies (Part 1)
Chapter 219: Love's Labour Lost
Chapter 218: The Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 217: Dudley Wa Hooo!
Chapter 216: The Naked Ape
Chapter 215: When Two Girls Go To War
Chapter 214: Let Sleeping Dragons Lie
Chapter 213: The Easy Way Out
Chapter 212: Remember the Name
Chapter 211: Head Start
Chapter 210: Working Girl
Chapter 209: Down the Local
Chapter 208: Newkie State of Mind
Chapter 207: Together Again for the First Time
Chapter 206: Fantastic Four and a Half
Chapter 205: Choosing Sides
Chapter 204: Can't Make an Omelette
Chapter 203: Path of Most Resistance
Chapter 202: The Back Stabbers
Chapter 201: Girl Man and Rat Boy
Chapter 200: Never Go Back
Chapter 199: Notes from the Underground
Chapter 198: Ghosting
Chapter 197: Re: Slime
Chapter 196: King Killer Confessionals
Chapter 195: Ratopolis Now
Chapter 194: Duck Hunt
Chapter 193: Escapology
Chapter 192: Mr Sabotage
Chapter 191: Heart of Dimness
Chapter 190: Sonny With a Chance of Power
Chapter 189: Run Rat Run
Chapter 188: Girl Interrupted
Chapter 187: Two's Company
Chapter 186: A Terrible Rebel
Chapter 185: The Good Dungeon Guide
Chapter 184: Escort Service
Chapter 183: Welcome to Requbar
Chapter 182: Dragon and Off Again
Chapter 181: One Man Party
Chapter 180: Don't Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again
Chapter 179: Yuqi In The Sky With Diamonds
Chapter 178: Out Of The Box
Chapter 177: Better The Devil You Know
Chapter 176: Roguelike
Chapter 175: The Long Way Home
Chapter 174: Betray You, Betray Me
Chapter 173: Martyr Dome
Chapter 172: In The Huddle
Chapter 171: A Winning Plan
Chapter 170: Free your Mind
Chapter 169: Dad Talk
Chapter 168: Sweep The Leg
Chapter 167: Square Peg
Chapter 166: A Bad Feeling
Chapter 165: Block Rocking Beats
Chapter 164: Treasured
Chapter 163: Walls Have Ears
Chapter 162: Saviour Of The Universe
Chapter 161: Welcome To Nekromel
Chapter 160: A New Hope
Chapter 159: Face Your Demons
Chapter 158: In It To Win It
Chapter 157: Galvanise
Chapter 156: Collision Course
Chapter 155: Manual Override
Chapter 154: Democracy Inaction
Chapter 153: Claire Knows It All
Chapter 152: Say Hello To My Little Friend
Chapter 151: Revolution Road
Chapter 150: Destiny Calling
Chapter 149: Forever? Forever, ever?
Chapter 148: Come Here Often?
Chapter 147: Back Once Again For The Renegade Master
Chapter 146: Yuqi Yuqi Yuqi
Chapter 145: The Disorient Express
Chapter 144: Plan Of Attack
Chapter 143: How To Make Fiends And Influence People
Chapter 142: All You Need Is Phil
Chapter 141: Born To Run
Chapter 140: Time Of Your Life
Chapter 139: Sorcerers Vs Warlocks
Chapter 138: Head In The Clouds
Chapter 137: Death From Above
Chapter 136: Lay Of The Land
Chapter 135: Jester Of Your Dreams
Chapter 134: One Up
Chapter 133: A Drop In The Ocean
Chapter 132: All At Sea
Chapter 131: The Only Girl In The World
Chapter 130: Here Comes The Bride
Chapter 129: Revelations
Chapter 128: Welcome Back
Chapter 127: Mask
Chapter 126: Room For Truth
Chapter 125: Face To Face
Chapter 124: Way Of The Beast
Chapter 123: My Dinner With Angry
Chapter 122: Sympathy For The Archfiend
Chapter 121: Castle In The Air
Chapter 120: King Worm
Chapter 119: The King Is Dead, Long Live The King
Chapter 118: Dragon Ball F
Chapter 117: Blast Off
Chapter 116: Follow The Leader
Chapter 115: Enola Gay
Chapter 114: Get Lucky
Chapter 113: Man Vs Wild
Chapter 112: Dog Day Afternoons
Chapter 111: Heroes Of Myth And Legend
Chapter 110: The Worm Turns
Chapter 109: Beware The Jabberwock
Chapter 108: Welcome To Monsterland
Chapter 107: Brassed Off
Chapter 106: Washed Up
Chapter 105: A Bridge Too Near
Chapter 104: Grief Encounters
Chapter 103: Tripping
Chapter 102: Chain Gang
Chapter 101: Colin of the F.O.
Chapter 100: Diplomatic Immunity
Chapter 99: She Afraid
Chapter 98: Walking Through Walls
Chapter 97: The Word Of God
Chapter 96: Blind Man's Bluff
Chapter 95: The Tao Of Colin
Chapter 94: Back To Mine
Chapter 93: Stone Cold
Chapter 92: The Waiting Game
Chapter 91: The Doctor Is In
Chapter 90: Assault On Pickled Gherkin
Chapter 89: Locked In
Chapter 88: The Flossie Show
Chapter 87: Kizwat's Silver Hammer
Chapter 86: Trouble In The City
Chapter 85: A Word Of Warning
Chapter 84: No Deal Or Deal
Chapter 83: Dinner With The Devil
Chapter 82: Welcome To Dargot
Chapter 81: Sunny Side Up
Chapter 80: Gutted
Chapter 79: Dungeons & Divas
Chapter 78: Troll-In-Chief
Chapter 77: Breakout
Chapter 76: Tunnels & Trolls
Chapter 75: Hope Versus Expectation
Chapter 74: Zomber, Please
Chapter 73: Night Of The Living Zombers
Chapter 72: The Mandy Project
Chapter 71: Lizard Blizzard
Chapter 70: Tin Man
Chapter 69: Trial By Fire
Chapter 68: Waiting For A Star To Fall
Chapter 67: Meet The Family
Chapter 66: Together Again
Chapter 65: Dudley Done Right
Chapter 64: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
Chapter 63: Gone Fishin'
Chapter 62: Save The Frog
Chapter 61: Last One Out
Chapter 60: Sword Smarts
Chapter 59: Book Smarts
Chapter 58: A Wild Princess Appears
Chapter 57: By Royal Appointment
Chapter 56: Wait For It
Chapter 55: It's Nice To Be Wanted
Chapter 54: Win Lose Draw
Chapter 53: Frog Capture Plan
Chapter 52: Man On A Mission
Chapter 51: The Emporium Of Needs And Desires
Chapter 50: Welcome To Fengarad
Chapter 49: The Commander And The Princess
Chapter 48: Fengarad City Limits
Chapter 47: The Goodbye Girls
Chapter 46: Rogue Ogre
Chapter 45: Sword Art Offline
Chapter 44: Then A Hero Comes Along
Chapter 43: When You Got To Go
Chapter 42: There's No Such Thing
Chapter 41: The Farmer's Wife
Chapter 40: Needs Must
Chapter 39: Journey To The West
Chapter 38: Farewell To Probet
Chapter 37: Behind The Curtain
Chapter 36: Loot Roll
Chapter 35: Monster Hunter 2.0
Chapter 34: Teach Me, Master
Chapter 33: Monster Hunter 1.0
Chapter 32: Prepare To Fight
Chapter 31: A New Challenger Has Appeared
Chapter 30: Got To Catch 'Em All
Chapter 29: Into The Woods
Chapter 28: Choose Your Own Adventure
Chapter 27: Shrek 2
Chapter 26: Equipment Upgrade
Chapter 25: Let's Get Salty
Chapter 24: Good Hunting
Chapter 23: Then There Were Three
Chapter 22: A Gift From Prometheus
Chapter 21: May I Take Your Coat?
Chapter 20: Kill The Wabbit
Chapter 19: A Hunting We Will Go
Chapter 18: Lock And Load
Chapter 17: Not Excalibur
Chapter 16: Let's Make A Deal
Chapter 15: Walk On The Wild Side
Chapter 14: Game Plan
Chapter 13: Room For One More?
Chapter 12: Let's Eat
Chapter 11: Taking Stock
Chapter 10: Welcome To Probet
Chapter 9: Party Up
Chapter 8: Dressed To Impress
Chapter 7: Equip Weapon
Chapter 6: FAQ
Chapter 5: Player One Ready?
Chapter 4: Fight or Fight
Chapter 3: Welcoming Committee
Chapter 2: Breathe
Chapter 1: Where Are We?
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