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How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis 236. Diamond in the Rough
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How To Avoid Death On A Daily Basis 236. Diamond in the Rough

236. Diamond in the Rough

While I was dealing with all this fate of the world stuff, Sonny and his ragtag band of lost boys had emerged from the tunnel. When we had dug our way to the surface, they had nervously followed, not really sure they wanted to return to the real world and their responsibilities. I certainly didn’t blame them.

But they emerged, blinking and uncertain, to be met by their city blowing up.

For them, it wasn’t just their home, it was the home of all the people they knew and loved. Their families, their friends, their neighbours. As blasé as I am about my feelings towards others, I still recognise that normal people are defined by their attachments. The happiness and sadness relationships bring them are real and valuable, to them.

They hadn’t said anything while I ran around trying to make sense of what had happened and what to do next. They hadn’t made any sound at all. The palace was a smoking crater, surrounding it were heaps of rubble, and standing over the remains was a creature no one could quite make out, but that everyone could sense. Its presence was that split-second when you open a closet door and realise the contents are about to fall on top of you. A fleeting moment turned into a being a mile tall.

By the time I noticed them, they had begun staggering down the hill towards Requbar. I couldn’t tell what they planned to do once they got there—look for survivors, bury the dead, point fingers—but their need to return reeled them in.

“This how you were planning to sort out the city, were you?” said Sonny. He had obviously gone with the ‘point fingers’ option. Which was rich coming from him, since his plan had been to bury the place in molten acid.

It’s an odd thing that in times of trouble, people will come together to help each other, and then afterwards go straight back to being the self-centred douches they’ve always been. Sonny was just taking out the middle man.

“This has nothing to do with me, Sonny. The throne is empty, though, so feel free to apply for the job.”

I had bigger problems to deal with than a devastated city. Not often you get to say that. If Uncle Peter had decided to go all out in his attempts to bring peace to the world, using the old fashioned method of blowing shit up, he probably wasn’t going stop at Requbar. I had no idea what his ultimate goal was, but waiting for him to write his memoirs and skipping to the end wasn’t really an option. We had to go to where he was and stop him. 

Which might not sound like the kind of thing I would normally consider (because it sure as fuck isn’t) but if I could do it in a way that didn’t involve me running into the jaws of death like Rambo with an AK in each hand, then I was willing to give it a go. Preferably from a distance.

“Is there a way to destroy the spires?” I asked Evand. He was on the ground, as much in shock as the men of Requbar.

“You can’t. You mustn’t do that. It will only make it worse for all of us.”

“Fine, but is there a way?”

Evand refused to say anything. I looked at Claire who was grimacing and pulling faces. Not an attractive look, so no change there.

“I’m not sure. It’s strange, like there’s more than one person’s thoughts in his head.”

What she said made sense since there were two people inside Nyx at the moment. Which at least meant there was a chance Nyx could get his body back, although why that occurred to me I have no idea.

“Will hurting him get results?” I asked Gabor. 

“No. He will resist pain. He will give his life for what he believes.”

It only took him a second to calculate that, but his predictions hadn’t been very accurate lately. I kicked Evand in the stomach, just to check. 

I’m not a fan of torture, particularly when I’m the recipient, but there are people who fall apart as soon as they realise normal rules of polite society no longer apply. Sadly, Evand wasn’t one of them; he just curled up and waited for the next blow. He wasn’t the soft rat he appeared to be. Come to think of it, I wasn’t sure what he was. Not an elf, by the looks of things—certainly not one like the Queen—but he had been her jailer. He was expected to keep her locked up, which meant he had the means to do it. 

“Hey, listen. I’m not going to hit you, just tell me how you were supposed to keep her in check.” I pointed at the swirling air and dust that hinted of a goliath at the far edge of our vision.

“She is unstoppable in this form. The fool broke her free of the gem holding her inside the rat queen’s body.”

“Can we put her inside another gem?” The gems seemed to be key. They had got her in the Queen, and Evand into Nyx. I just needed to know how to use them to get the genie back in the bottle.

“It has to be willingly consumed. Don’t you see?”

“Willingly, but not knowingly,” said Maurice, notebook out. “If Nyx swallowed the gem without realising the consequences, doesn’t that mean we can trick her, too.”

“It’s too late,” said Evand. “There is only on gem large enough to contain her in this form.”

“So, let’s use it.” Seemed the obvious solution to me. “Where is it?”

Evand didn’t say anything.

“The spires?” I asked him.

“No.” Evand almost shouted it at me. “It is far away, too far from here, in the mountains to the north.” 

Yeah, wasn’t buying it. I turned to the others. “Who here thinks he’s lying.”

One by one, everyone’s hands went up.

“I don’t think anyone believes you,” I said.

“What difference does that make,” said Evand, becoming more cocky as he realised we had no clue how to deal with the current situation. All he had to do was keep his mouth shut and leave us to it. “Whether you believe me or not, the facts do not change. You cannot reach the gem in time.”

He was  right about one thing, voting didn’t change facts. Nine out of ten people could vote the world was flat and it wouldn’t change anything. Which might seem obvious, but only because you already believe the earth isn’t flat.

Think of it like this, though. If a vote on the greatest band of all time put Led Zeppelin at number one by a hefty margin, are they the best? You might not like them that much, and feel they stole a lot of their best tunes from other people, but if millions say fuck those losers, they never sounded as good as Jimmy Page on his two neck, then isn’t that just how we define ‘best’?

It’s subjective and not obligatory for you to personally agree, but the power of consensus is not something you can easily ignore. It’s not just something that shines a light in a particular place, it also changes the thing it illuminates.

How is this relevant to the current situation? Well, if you catch someone in a lie, and then tell them they’re a liar, and wait to scrutinise their next words, it is very hard for them to keep their cool and style it out.

And the more people holding you under their constant gaze, the harder it is to bullshit your way out of trouble. The true power of democracy isn’t to choose wisely or correctly, it’s the ability to hold the chosen to account. If the mob wants to. Mobs tend to be easily distracted, though. You have to keep them focused somehow. Imagine how much good could get done if only there weren’t cat gifs on the internet.

I bent over Evand, carefully watching his reaction. “If we destroy the spires, will it stop the Queen?”

“No!” His voice was resolute but his eyes were panicked.

I looked over my shoulder; hands were up. “Looks like you’ve convinced everyone that we should make that our plan.”

This made him even more distraught. “You can’t! It would mean the end of everything.”

“We’re already going to lose everything. If you don’t want us to focus on launching a full attack on the spires, you need to offer us an alternative.”

“Yes, I can do that. Yes, yes, if we hurry to the mountains, perhaps there is time…” His voice faded as he watched the hands go up again. 

“Nobody likes a fibber, Evand. We have dragons, you know. They have this really harsh acid they puke up. Will that destroy your gems, do you think?”

His mouth twisted in horror. “No, you mustn’t… That won’t work. The gems won’t be destroyed so easily. We have to go to the mountains. I can take you.” His voice was high and strained. More hands raised.

“Excellent,” I said. “So we know where to go and we know how to get rid of the gem. You’ve been very helpful.”

My smug sarcasm was possibly a little too much. Evand scrambled to his feet, his sudden burst of energy making me back off, even though he was half my size.

“You think this is some game? Destroy the spires and save the world? You will be damning us to a far worse fate. You will pray for death and your prayers won’t be answered.” No hands were raised. He was being pretty convincing. “You really want to stop her?” He looked up. High, high up, there was a ring of white clouds coming together like a crown. “You want to stop a power older than this planet? Then there is only one way. Sacrifice. Give your life, willingly. Take her into yourself and then return with me to the pit where you found me, to guard her for the endless centuries we have to wait. Are you willing to do that, hero?”

I believed him. There was a cold and chilling sincerity to his statement. Was I willing to go that far to save everyone? A good question to which there was a very simple answer. 

“No.”

When he put it like that, it became clear to me the trolls probably had the best idea. Get as far away as you can and make the best of the time you had left. Even if the elf turned this part of the world into her personal slaughterhouse and made life miserable for everyone, we’d get by. 

I didn’t choose to come here, and I certainly had nothing to gain by helping anyone. If anything, they’d just resent me for forcing them to feel indebted.

“We could take the dragons and go as far east as possible,” I said to the others. Before they could say anything in return, Laney was standing in front of me. 

“I won’t order you or threaten you. I will merely beg. Please, save my city and my people. Gabor says you are the only one who can and I believe him. Whatever you wish in return, I will give you.”

There was no madness in her eyes, only desperation. 

“There’s nothing I can do, Princess. I’m the only one with a chance, but that’s all it is. A very small, unlikely chance. You might think that’s better than nothing, but I don’t. Nothing is highly underrated.”

“Please.” She fell to her knees, looking to Jenny and then back to me. “Whatever you wish. Just try.”

I could sense a the start of something unpleasant. The mob turning on me and forcing me to do the ‘right thing’. I needed to pinch it right in the bud.

“No, Princess. This isn’t a fairy story where the knight’s good intentions lead him to victory against the odds. We’ll lose. Valiantly, but we’ll still lose. I don’t fancy going out in a blaze of glory. I don’t care if it’s a small chance at winning, it’s terrible odds and a bad bet.”

“Please. Do you want me to kiss your boot? Beg with more fervour? I will. Please. Please. You’re the only chance we have.”

It was upsetting watching her. Upsetting she was being such a manipulative little bitch. Did she think big wet eyes and the promise of riches would send me running towards a glorious death? A true knight would, of course, but then a true knight would have a magic sword and a patron deity to help him out. I didn’t even have my own spoon.

“Get up, Princess. I don’t care what happens to your city any more than they care about what happens to me.”

Her expression lost its shape, going from pleading to something flatter and more neutral. I expected the rage-monster living inside her to make an appearance, but she just burst into sobbing. Cheap.

Jenny came forward and helped Laney to her feet. She buried her face in Jenny’s chest like a little kid, which she was. It took a second for her to calm down and then she stood up straight, wiped her eyes and looked at me with quiet defiance. Not aggressive, not coercive—an acceptance we would be going in different directions and hers would probably end in death.

“Then this is where we part ways, Dragonslayer. Tell me, is there nothing you would be willing to die for?” she asked, more curious than accusatory.

“No,” I said. “I’m not that sort of man.”

Jenny looked at me, but she didn’t say anything. She just raised her hand. And then so did everyone else.

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Catalogue
343: But Can You Do This?
342: Happy Endings
341: I Am What I Am
340: How Was It for You?
339: Nothing Holding Me Back
338: You Do That Hoodoo
337: Not All Heroes Wear Capes
336: Woke AF
335: Compartmentalise. Compartwomentalise and Compartchildrentalise, too
334: Adapt. Absorb. Assimilate.
333: On the Stump
332: The Popular Vote
331: New Model Army
330: Plenty More Fish in the Sea
329: Meat Is Murder
328: Voulez-Vous Trébuchet Avec Moi?
327: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner
326: Marry in Haste, Repent at Leisure
325: Welcome to Shrine Island
324: Captain, My Captain
323: Half-Life 3 Confirmed
322: Expect the Unexpectable
321: Unexpected Item in the Bagging Area
320: Pacifist Run
319: Boss of This Gym
318: Second Prize in a Beauty Contest
317: Personal Allowance
316: Twisted Firestarter
315: A Good Quest Is Hard to Find
314: World's Greatest Solo Player
313: The Stupid Fat Face of Adveristy
312: Another Fish Mess
311: Death by Water Pistol
310: What a Time to be Alive!
Chapter 309: Don't Forget to Breathe
Chapter 308: Wizard Bitch
Chapter 307: The Older Woman
Chapter 306 - Paywall
Chapter 305: Further Beyond
Chapter 304: Sisters of No Mercy
Chapter 303: Shame on You
Chapter 302: There's No You in Team
Chapter 301: Cockblocula
Chapter 300: Indignation Remix
Chapter 299: Planning for the Future
Chapter 298: Never Prosper
Chapter 297: Lead Me Not into Temptation
Chapter 296: Be Nice to People on the Way Up
Chapter 295: Hold the Moan
Chapter 294: God of Wut?
Chapter 293: Freedom for All
Chapter 292: Losing My Edge
Chapter 291: Don't Hate the Player
Chapter 290: Vines of Communication
Chapter 289: Dead Gods and Englishmen
Chapter 288: Till Death Don't Us Part
Chapter 287: Show Before Tell
Chapter 286: The Unprincipled Certainty
Chapter 285: Dead Men Walking
Chapter 284: Fear of Flailing
Chapter 283: No Refunds
Chapter 282 : Church of Me
Chapter 281: Burnt Salad
Chapter 280: Feel the Fear and Druid Anyway
Chapter 279: Watching the Defectives
Chapter 278: A Man of Substance
Chapter 277: Every Cult Has a Silver Lining
Chapter 276: Born Again
Chapter 275: Never on a First Date
Chapter 274: Bad Sensei
Chapter 273: Pope Idol
Chapter 272: I Have the Power
Chapter 271: Underdog Now, Overlord Later
Chapter 270: WWJD?
Chapter 269: Chilling
Chapter 268: These Aren't the Druids You're Looking For
Chapter 267: Welcome to Gorgoth
Chapter 266: God Tier
Chapter 265: Land of the Setting Sun
Chapter 264: Colin-Fu is Leaking
Chapter 263: Childish Colino
Chapter 262: Cash Me Outside
Chapter 261: Grotto Life
Chapter 260: Too Few To Mention
Chapter 259: There Was an Attempt
Chapter 258: Party to a Lie
Chapter 257: Attention Please
256: Procrastination Agent
Chapter 255: Flags Flying High
Chapter 254 - Guardians of the Greenery
Chapter 253: Tilted
Chapter 252: The Touchables
Chapter 251: Chinny Chin Chin
Chapter 250: Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner
Chapter 249: Pest Control
Chapter 248: The Hero's Jenny
Chapter 247: On the Hook
Chapter 246: Eye on the Prize
Chapter 245: Battle of Five Armies (Part 2)
Chapter 244: Hanging by a Thread
Chapter 243: Beware My Power
Chapter 242: Blow by Blow
Chapter 241: Dark Side of the Brain
Chapter 240: Head Counsel
Chapter 239: Enemy Lines
Chapter 238: Dargot After Dark
Chapter 237: From a Great Height
236. Diamond in the Rough
Chapter 235: Gathering of the Clouds
Chapter 234: The Frenemy of My Frenemy
Chapter 233: The Hard Carry
Chapter 232: Bone to Pick
Chapter 231: Sonny Days, Laney Nights
Chapter 230: Elfen Lied
Chapter 229: Resistance Is Fruitful
Chapter 228: Faithless
Chapter 227: Killer Queen
Chapter 226: Gatekeeper
Chapter 225: Requbar Revival
Chapter 224: Silent But Dudley (Side Story)
Chapter 223: Rated, Baited, Delegated
Chapter 222: Colin Ascendant
Chapter 221: Beat the Retreat
Chapter 220: Battle of Five Armies (Part 1)
Chapter 219: Love's Labour Lost
Chapter 218: The Pursuit of Happiness
Chapter 217: Dudley Wa Hooo!
Chapter 216: The Naked Ape
Chapter 215: When Two Girls Go To War
Chapter 214: Let Sleeping Dragons Lie
Chapter 213: The Easy Way Out
Chapter 212: Remember the Name
Chapter 211: Head Start
Chapter 210: Working Girl
Chapter 209: Down the Local
Chapter 208: Newkie State of Mind
Chapter 207: Together Again for the First Time
Chapter 206: Fantastic Four and a Half
Chapter 205: Choosing Sides
Chapter 204: Can't Make an Omelette
Chapter 203: Path of Most Resistance
Chapter 202: The Back Stabbers
Chapter 201: Girl Man and Rat Boy
Chapter 200: Never Go Back
Chapter 199: Notes from the Underground
Chapter 198: Ghosting
Chapter 197: Re: Slime
Chapter 196: King Killer Confessionals
Chapter 195: Ratopolis Now
Chapter 194: Duck Hunt
Chapter 193: Escapology
Chapter 192: Mr Sabotage
Chapter 191: Heart of Dimness
Chapter 190: Sonny With a Chance of Power
Chapter 189: Run Rat Run
Chapter 188: Girl Interrupted
Chapter 187: Two's Company
Chapter 186: A Terrible Rebel
Chapter 185: The Good Dungeon Guide
Chapter 184: Escort Service
Chapter 183: Welcome to Requbar
Chapter 182: Dragon and Off Again
Chapter 181: One Man Party
Chapter 180: Don't Talk To Me Or My Son Ever Again
Chapter 179: Yuqi In The Sky With Diamonds
Chapter 178: Out Of The Box
Chapter 177: Better The Devil You Know
Chapter 176: Roguelike
Chapter 175: The Long Way Home
Chapter 174: Betray You, Betray Me
Chapter 173: Martyr Dome
Chapter 172: In The Huddle
Chapter 171: A Winning Plan
Chapter 170: Free your Mind
Chapter 169: Dad Talk
Chapter 168: Sweep The Leg
Chapter 167: Square Peg
Chapter 166: A Bad Feeling
Chapter 165: Block Rocking Beats
Chapter 164: Treasured
Chapter 163: Walls Have Ears
Chapter 162: Saviour Of The Universe
Chapter 161: Welcome To Nekromel
Chapter 160: A New Hope
Chapter 159: Face Your Demons
Chapter 158: In It To Win It
Chapter 157: Galvanise
Chapter 156: Collision Course
Chapter 155: Manual Override
Chapter 154: Democracy Inaction
Chapter 153: Claire Knows It All
Chapter 152: Say Hello To My Little Friend
Chapter 151: Revolution Road
Chapter 150: Destiny Calling
Chapter 149: Forever? Forever, ever?
Chapter 148: Come Here Often?
Chapter 147: Back Once Again For The Renegade Master
Chapter 146: Yuqi Yuqi Yuqi
Chapter 145: The Disorient Express
Chapter 144: Plan Of Attack
Chapter 143: How To Make Fiends And Influence People
Chapter 142: All You Need Is Phil
Chapter 141: Born To Run
Chapter 140: Time Of Your Life
Chapter 139: Sorcerers Vs Warlocks
Chapter 138: Head In The Clouds
Chapter 137: Death From Above
Chapter 136: Lay Of The Land
Chapter 135: Jester Of Your Dreams
Chapter 134: One Up
Chapter 133: A Drop In The Ocean
Chapter 132: All At Sea
Chapter 131: The Only Girl In The World
Chapter 130: Here Comes The Bride
Chapter 129: Revelations
Chapter 128: Welcome Back
Chapter 127: Mask
Chapter 126: Room For Truth
Chapter 125: Face To Face
Chapter 124: Way Of The Beast
Chapter 123: My Dinner With Angry
Chapter 122: Sympathy For The Archfiend
Chapter 121: Castle In The Air
Chapter 120: King Worm
Chapter 119: The King Is Dead, Long Live The King
Chapter 118: Dragon Ball F
Chapter 117: Blast Off
Chapter 116: Follow The Leader
Chapter 115: Enola Gay
Chapter 114: Get Lucky
Chapter 113: Man Vs Wild
Chapter 112: Dog Day Afternoons
Chapter 111: Heroes Of Myth And Legend
Chapter 110: The Worm Turns
Chapter 109: Beware The Jabberwock
Chapter 108: Welcome To Monsterland
Chapter 107: Brassed Off
Chapter 106: Washed Up
Chapter 105: A Bridge Too Near
Chapter 104: Grief Encounters
Chapter 103: Tripping
Chapter 102: Chain Gang
Chapter 101: Colin of the F.O.
Chapter 100: Diplomatic Immunity
Chapter 99: She Afraid
Chapter 98: Walking Through Walls
Chapter 97: The Word Of God
Chapter 96: Blind Man's Bluff
Chapter 95: The Tao Of Colin
Chapter 94: Back To Mine
Chapter 93: Stone Cold
Chapter 92: The Waiting Game
Chapter 91: The Doctor Is In
Chapter 90: Assault On Pickled Gherkin
Chapter 89: Locked In
Chapter 88: The Flossie Show
Chapter 87: Kizwat's Silver Hammer
Chapter 86: Trouble In The City
Chapter 85: A Word Of Warning
Chapter 84: No Deal Or Deal
Chapter 83: Dinner With The Devil
Chapter 82: Welcome To Dargot
Chapter 81: Sunny Side Up
Chapter 80: Gutted
Chapter 79: Dungeons & Divas
Chapter 78: Troll-In-Chief
Chapter 77: Breakout
Chapter 76: Tunnels & Trolls
Chapter 75: Hope Versus Expectation
Chapter 74: Zomber, Please
Chapter 73: Night Of The Living Zombers
Chapter 72: The Mandy Project
Chapter 71: Lizard Blizzard
Chapter 70: Tin Man
Chapter 69: Trial By Fire
Chapter 68: Waiting For A Star To Fall
Chapter 67: Meet The Family
Chapter 66: Together Again
Chapter 65: Dudley Done Right
Chapter 64: Let's Talk About Sex, Baby
Chapter 63: Gone Fishin'
Chapter 62: Save The Frog
Chapter 61: Last One Out
Chapter 60: Sword Smarts
Chapter 59: Book Smarts
Chapter 58: A Wild Princess Appears
Chapter 57: By Royal Appointment
Chapter 56: Wait For It
Chapter 55: It's Nice To Be Wanted
Chapter 54: Win Lose Draw
Chapter 53: Frog Capture Plan
Chapter 52: Man On A Mission
Chapter 51: The Emporium Of Needs And Desires
Chapter 50: Welcome To Fengarad
Chapter 49: The Commander And The Princess
Chapter 48: Fengarad City Limits
Chapter 47: The Goodbye Girls
Chapter 46: Rogue Ogre
Chapter 45: Sword Art Offline
Chapter 44: Then A Hero Comes Along
Chapter 43: When You Got To Go
Chapter 42: There's No Such Thing
Chapter 41: The Farmer's Wife
Chapter 40: Needs Must
Chapter 39: Journey To The West
Chapter 38: Farewell To Probet
Chapter 37: Behind The Curtain
Chapter 36: Loot Roll
Chapter 35: Monster Hunter 2.0
Chapter 34: Teach Me, Master
Chapter 33: Monster Hunter 1.0
Chapter 32: Prepare To Fight
Chapter 31: A New Challenger Has Appeared
Chapter 30: Got To Catch 'Em All
Chapter 29: Into The Woods
Chapter 28: Choose Your Own Adventure
Chapter 27: Shrek 2
Chapter 26: Equipment Upgrade
Chapter 25: Let's Get Salty
Chapter 24: Good Hunting
Chapter 23: Then There Were Three
Chapter 22: A Gift From Prometheus
Chapter 21: May I Take Your Coat?
Chapter 20: Kill The Wabbit
Chapter 19: A Hunting We Will Go
Chapter 18: Lock And Load
Chapter 17: Not Excalibur
Chapter 16: Let's Make A Deal
Chapter 15: Walk On The Wild Side
Chapter 14: Game Plan
Chapter 13: Room For One More?
Chapter 12: Let's Eat
Chapter 11: Taking Stock
Chapter 10: Welcome To Probet
Chapter 9: Party Up
Chapter 8: Dressed To Impress
Chapter 7: Equip Weapon
Chapter 6: FAQ
Chapter 5: Player One Ready?
Chapter 4: Fight or Fight
Chapter 3: Welcoming Committee
Chapter 2: Breathe
Chapter 1: Where Are We?
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