Kara no Kyoukai Vol 2 Chapter 5

Part V: Paradox Spiral

time. It was an ugly little thing, with these dull, jagged teeth that started to

all the loneliness of a cold December day. Still, I loved that little thing.

for each day’s beginning and another for its end. The sound made me

strangely melancholic.

only thing that remained is the silver glint of the metal, and the chill of its

oozes when I grip it too tight. There wasn’t any sadness either. Maybe

when I grew older still, even the glint of it—which once seemed so magical—disappeared.

the cunning of survival. And for realizing that, I praised myself for my own

46 • KINOKO NASU

This is the year when autumn went as fast as it came.

already well underway, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department found

like were never out of season for the Crime Investigation Section, a trait it

campfire, huddling together in a dark corner of the human experiment to

Which is probably why when Detective Akimi, who is as natural a police

case of some deserved curiosity. Akimi built his career on stone whodunits,

a very peculiar report, and you have him phoning the relevant stations for

So far however, reading the plainly written report held little for him. It

high-rise a small ways away from downtown in early October. The perp was

of people who’d just left it unlocked. Simple, old, but still effective.

the place out and waiting for someone to leave, which was probably the

What came after was what made this report interesting. Apparently, the

on-duty officers eventually got a story out of his hysteria: that he saw the

officer escorted him back to the apartment immediately, only to find that

dead. Instead, they were in quite good health and in fact enjoying a family

cared only about the fact that the man had exposed himself to breaking

Leaning back on his squeaky pipe chair, Detective Akimi offers an incredulous

negative for alcohol or drugs, and didn’t suffer from any glaring mental

/ PROLOGUE • 47

one. Hardly a case to stand beside the current investigation that’s got half

their whereabouts, and four families that they needed to shut up while

Much like the serial killings three years ago, it’s resulted in many a sleepless

Still, he could feel the hairs on his back rise when he read the report, a

waiting to be discovered; maybe even a report that could be turned into a

“Worth a call, at least,” Akimi says as he picks up the receiver on his

the report came from. Before long, an on-duty officer answers and Akimi

tenants for anything out of place? Did they find any inconsistency with the

fit his expectations, that they had indeed asked the neighbors, and no there

except with regards to the family’s state of being. With quick thanks, Akimi

At that instant, a voice calls him from behind. “What are you on the

been found, and you’re the primary on the case.”

Akimi’s friend only responds with a curt nod, which is his cue to drop his

it was all tumbleweeds when he read it anyway. And nothing takes priority

in a cabinet somewhere to be forgotten, even by Detective Akimi, the CIS’s

48 • KINOKO NASU

In the first few days of October, the streets already blow over with the

Winds with fingers of ice grant gentle caresses to the lamp posts and

the evening. But tonight is different. Tonight, scattered pools of light in the

the little shadows and silhouettes playing across them. Winter is coming

of place to discover snow falling tonight. The silhouettes of people exiting

the life they normally have. Like automatons, they walk at brisk paces to

of coffee. They hurry because they all want the warmth and familiarity of

From the wave of people, to the heat that refuses to gather, and even

of it. He sits beside a vending machine situated in a little nook beside the

hide himself, he sits hugging his legs to his chest, and he cuts a pitifully

arranged like a bundle of unkempt straw, is dyed red. He looks to be around

to be particularly interested in anything. He shivers under strange clothes:

else to cover his top. It isn’t surprising to see him with teeth chattering.

the station begins to thin noticeably, he finds himself surrounded by a

“Yo, Tomoe,” says one of them, not even attempting to hide the scorn in

“Ah c’mon, Enjō, don’t be a dick and ignore us,” he persists. Lifting the

them now, five people surrounding him, stand at almost the same height

‘cuz you stopped going to school, we strangers now?” The same person

/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 49

The rest of his companions all snicker in response. But when the noise

Tomoe by the jacket lets it go with a grunt, only to bring his hand back up

he hears a distinct clinking sound of something metallic falling out of his

“Hey, don’t even think about sleepin’, man.” More laughter. Hearing that

had been suffering up to now. He whispers his own name, like some sort

senses regained, he looks at the boys surrounding him, finally remembering

at being adult.

“Aikawa, right?” says Tomoe. “Hell you doing here at this hour?”

the restaurants just to get by. I mean, seeing as you’re such a girl. Am I

Because of his overly thin build, Tomoe has been called a girl in school

largely how he reacts now. However, he does pick up the empty aluminum

“Hey, Aikawa,” Tomoe calls. Aikawa returns his attention to him.

As soon as Tomoe sees that pimple-ridden face turn towards him, mouth

deeply as he can inside Aikawa’s mouth. He quickly follows it up by slapping

Tomoe’s slap partially crushed the can, causing the surface to bend sharply

his mouth are dripping with blood.

mess with their former classmate, maybe even take some of his money. It

“Still shit for brains, I see,” Tomoe remarks wryly. Then he kicks him

contrast to his seemingly uninterested demeanor earlier. Aikawa doesn’t

is broken, Tomoe doesn’t know. After a few quick kicks, Tomoe makes a 

break for it, before Aikawa or his cronies can come to their senses. Thinking

the side alleys where he can make good his escape in the sharp, confusing

behind start to process what just happened before them. He hears their

“Asshole thinks he can just do this to us? Let’s kill that son of a bitch!”

frenzy. Through the capillaries of the city, they chase Tomoe like live game,

“Kill that son of a bitch.”

I heard the verve in their voice, heard how serious they were, and they

faking it, as much as anyone else who says it jokingly. They don’t know

what killing someone does to a person. But see, I do.

gripping the knife, and feeling the tenderness each time I stabbed. Just

to chatter again, and my mind recoils on the memory with the force of a

why they can say they’ll “kill” as if they’re just going for a little walk.

laughter to recede into a little smile. I don’t consider myself a particularly

ever busted someone up who just hit me. Disproportional response. It ain’t

back.

the main road and any curious eyes or ears. I stop here, right at the corner,

happen in snapshots of time. One of them, ahead of the others, rounds

I want it to be before I spring on him. The palm of my left hand shoots up

down to endurance in an exchange of blows. I know I don’t have a hair’s

/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 51

I’m surrounded.

thrust a finger into his left eye. It feels kind of like slightly hard jell-o when

His scream is enough to send a chill down anyone’s spine. Before he has

my whole body behind it, finish him off by slamming the head into the wall.

his body slides against the wall towards the ground, the back of his head

mess. Still, he’s probably not dead from just that. I pull my eyes away from

little bit hesitant after they heard their friend screaming his guts out.

aback at the sight of their friend. Just as I thought, they are unprepared.

fights, but they’ve never seen a body that looks like it’s bleeding its life out

then grabbing him by the hair. I lower his head fast, then bring my knee

have broken his nose. I give him three more kneeings for good measure,

traversing my arm for a brief moment.

“Enjō, you motherfucker!”

sense of reason or forethought, they jump into the brawl all at the same

time, and they prove me right.

I slammed their friend against not moments ago until they force me to the

kick that lands on my stomach. Nevertheless, they’re not fighting the same

And yet, if they keep this up, they will eventually kill me. They won’t know

for me to breathe. The fact that my death will be a slow slide into nothingness

See? Even if they don’t mean to, people still end up killing other people. 

As the hits continue to land on my body, I wonder: Between people like

unintentional homicide, who carries it heavier in the end?

almost welcoming now. I’m sure that bunch are getting really into it in their

be able to stop themselves.

thrusts his foot keenly into my chest, and my violent coughing immediately

and I realize I have maybe a precious few seconds before they completely

above expendable. A fist hits my eye, and half my vision goes dark. At that

don’t seem to be moving.

With pained eyes I see the three guys, heads already turned towards the

direction even as the swelling in my eyes grow more painful as I move them.

Silhouetted against the mouth of the alley is a person who clearly

the person’s wooden geta footwear; the dark finish, red strap, and oval

figure is peculiar to say the least: a red leather jacket atop a dead plain

The shadow advances, each step like a reverberating wooden bell. The

hair that invite surrender, and I almost forget myself. Wraithlike white

filled with scattered bottle shards and discarded syringes.

she’s a girl.

closer to us. The three who had surrounded me now break off to meet her.

“Ain’t nothing for you here, lady.” The trio flex their fingers for a new

to surround the lone girl. Unable to move more than an inch, and with

/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 53

and yet here she is in defiance of all probability. And now, no doubt only

victim as well.

hear what I just said?”

to grab the arm of one of the approaching boys. She pulls. Her posture

her purchase on the boy’s arm then forces him to the ground in one violent

as if I was turning the handcrank on an old viewing machine.

strikes the closest one in the chest with her palm, causing him to crumple

them out of commission with such ease, all in the space of about five or

people. The last one must have realized this fact as well, since as soon as

She soon ends that with a swift roundhouse kick delivered straight to the

previous two, he is rendered unconscious.

the creases on her kimono. I keep my eyes fixed on her, wondering if she’s

I can still slightly distinguish her form in this isolated place, even in the

me. I try to speak but it only results in me coughing. She reaches inside

the ground within my reach. “Dropped it back there on the street. S’yours,

I turn my eyes sideways to look at it, and see a single, shining key. It must

to a house that I’ve already tried to stop caring about. She must have come

She turns her back on me without a single word and starts to make her

relaxed gait of a casual night stroll, leaving me lying on the ground to fend

“Wai—,” the word comes half-formed out of my mouth, and I reach out 

my hand towards her. Though I’m hesitant to call more attention than I

take out one, I couldn’t stand just being left here like a fake toy, lost among

“Wait.” The word comes out, though in a weak breath. I try to redouble

I try to stand, and every bone in my body throbs with pain from the

on the wall, itself aching from having to exert pressure. At least my noisemaking

direction.

dropped anything else, good luck finding it.”

between bouts of labored breathing. The girl in the kimono takes in the

time looking at it. Her sight lingers on the two persons who I took care of

upturned eyes and a curious sigh.

her head towards the first of the two, “will probably get an eyepatch and

have trouble breathing with his nose for a while. But no one’s dead. I’d be

And yet, here you are, implying that we should get them some help?”

“Well see, that puts us in a pickle. Who do we call, hmm? The police? An

wasn’t thinking about calling the police. Maybe the hospital. But they’d ask

but—

“And why is that?” she asks, but it feels like she already knows the

anymore. She’s got me, and if I tried to hide it, she’ll just ask more questions.

“Because…I’m a murderer.” As I say it out loud, as much to myself as to

of her being shocked, however, she only walks toward me. Her eyes scan

/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 55

and a hand on chin and lip paused in pensive observation. Overtaken by

explain.

stabbed her over and over in the stomach until everything was all wet

that!” I start to snicker in spite of myself. “The five-oh are all probably in

‘cause of another late night job. Just you wait, I’ll be all over the morning

It took me a while to notice that I was making a sort of strange laugh

space between laughter and sobbing. The kimono-clad girl gives me time

“Right,” she says, unsurprised. “Well, cool, I guess. You’ve convinced me.

significantly more iron bars than usual. Guess that explains why you’re

Her cold fingers brush over my chest with a light, almost curious touch.

shirt since it was covered in so much blood I’d get noticed easily. I just

gonna say something about me? I really did kill someone. You think I’m just

killing one person or two.”

eyes half-closed in disappointment. “Yes,” she sighs. “There is.”

“A difference.”

than her and she’s the one looking up at me. Her empty eyes never stop

before. The black irises are a tempting well that threatens to drown you

cruel, deceptive. But never beautiful. So overwhelmingly beautiful that I

“I’m…a murderer,” I declare again. I feel that there is nothing more to

head.

“I know. I’m one of those, too.” She doesn’t explain further. There is no

the sound of her geta on the asphalt she starts to leave. I didn’t want her

“Wait!” I run to catch up to her, but with my injuries still getting the

girl, unwavering. “If we really are the same breed of person, then help me,”

and shame. The girl’s eyes open in surprise.

space in your chest. But what do you expect me to help you with? The

anything for you.”

She ponders the suggestion with a scratch of her head and annoyed

“Are you saying I should help you go find some place where you can hole

“Yeah, someplace no one would think to try and find me.”

really ever likely to find any privacy is your own home,” she says, making a

“Aren’t you fucking listening?” I inadvertently shout. “I’m asking you

to your house, asshole!” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop

regret saying that, but the girl just nods in understanding, letting the entire

“That it? Well, that’s a simple request. If my house is fine with you, then

Without even helping me to stand up by myself or offering a helping

keep close and follow. With renewed strength to my step that I didn’t know

clacking steps, and the sensation of the asphalt and broken bottle glass

Though I haven’t even asked her if she lived alone, or even what her name

dimly lighted, guiding me like fate. It is the only thing I can see.

Paradox Spiral - II

room.

into the late hours of the evening, I immediately resigned myself to the

before I am stirred from sleep by the sound. I heard it only once, but that

The door to my room opens, letting a slit of white light into my darkened

occludes the light, and I turn to towards it only to see my mom.

this scene again.

the fact that she is standing. However, what little I can see of the scene

room table. It isn’t clear at first whether he is merely unconscious or dead,

coffee. It slowly dawns on me that it is blood, dying the varnished brown

“Die, Tomoe.”

front of me, raises the kitchen knife high above her, and brings it down on

I see her taking the same knife to her throat, then in a single, determined

All of my nights are bookended by this nightmare, the worst I ever have.

I turn my eyes toward the bed, only to find Ryōgi gone. I lift up my

nook of the second floor of a four-floor low rise, the house of the kimono

long corridor barely deserving the label separates the front door and the

probably also doubles as her bed room. Flanking the corridor to the right

58 • KINOKO NASU

an hour’s walk. The name plaque that rested beside the entryway bore the

That girl—Ryōgi—never said a thing when we entered her room, only

Her apathy almost provoked me to protest, but the last thing I wanted to

I took a cushion lying discarded on the floor and used it as a pillow,

And now I wake up with her nowhere to be found. I wonder what she

maybe she went to school? And yet, that wouldn’t be at all fitting for such

phone, a coat rack with four leather jackets, and a closet, which I assume is

no table to read them on.

someone, she said she was the same. I only half-believed her last night,

functionality, like a room designed not to be lived in, but instead for someone

room behind. Thinking about what she said makes a chill run up my spine.

brought me the joker?

at least give a word of thanks to Ryōgi for helping me out in a pinch, but

more befitting a burglar than a visitor, I make my exit from the mysterious

Without heading toward any particular place, I loiter around town to kill

inconspicuous as possible, and think at first that I made the wrong decision.

did, with no one giving me a second glance. The days go on with all the

the realization, I make my way to the main avenue.

for a Tomoe Enjō, or at least people that might throw me the “I saw him 

on the 6am news” look, but there are none. Maybe the bodies haven’t

someone like me can affect people’s reactions to a noticeable degree with

I’m not a fugitive. That being said, I still didn’t feel like going back.

to Shibuya Crossing. I find a bench to rest on and feel content to spend

stretching high into the sky. When the lights turn green, the cars stop to

across the large avenue. I can’t even imagine what it’s like when it’s a holiday.

levity to their walking pace, looking like they’re the most blessed individuals

don’t aspire to anything anymore, or need to live for a good future. There’s

need to get by in their world. So how many of those smiles are real? All of

but it’s impossible to tell the real from the fake. I should have known better

Tired of looking at all the people moving to and fro, I instead cast my

Maybe at some point in time, I thought that my life was good and real, but

Junior high school was my time. I was a sprinter in the track and field

and I never, ever lost. I never even saw anyone’s back. No one could

even a few milliseconds difference was enough to make me happy. I was an

It follows, of course, that all this came to a screeching halt.

his job back when I was still in grade school, and never got one back again.

ran away to marry my dad. Her world didn’t teach her anything about what

me: force me to grow up faster than other kids. I had to juggle jobs after

to pay the tuition I needed. I stopped trying to care about the antics of my

60 • KINOKO NASU

my only release from both the constant problem of living expenses and my

I kept paying for school and going to the club activities without giving a

Our troubles only truly began when my dad took the car out without

bothered him before if he had to take his time parking or maneuvering the

ran out, and he got involved in an accident. He ran a pedestrian over. It was

to her family, head bowed and pleading for money just to pay the cost for

from, and so I refrained from prying too deep. What eventually concerned

find out about the incident, and though I thought nothing of it at first, I

had always been more helpful than anyone I could remember, suddenly

as the rookie star of the track and field team pressured me to quit. All

My family was the real problem. Losing what little money he’d saved

together. Mom started to work part-time in jobs society hadn’t prepared

portion of the gas and electricity bills. Rumors about the accident began

to the point that dad couldn’t even get out of the house without so much

tried to work, but the rumors always caught up to her, and it never made

around when some random nobody threw a rock at me. And always, there

Yet even though the abuses got worse and worse, I never could muster

one really at fault then was my dad. It’s all his fault. But then it’s not like I

that whatever you do, even if you try as hard as you can, no matter how

your past, or what you are. I mean, my folks walked their own path, tried 

to live a life as best they could, and look where it got them. That’s when I

anything to cry about. It’s the moment when you’re a kid and you throw

of new, self-crafted wisdom.

Besides, I had to work whole days now for the money. If you aren’t picky

still straddled with at least half a conscience, I couldn’t completely abandon

mean I needed to talk to them. I never did after I quit high school. Slowly,

found essential faded into dim memory, along with the faces of the people

something I’d thought I couldn’t ever live without at one point, and to find

My mind made its customary excuses: I didn’t need it anymore, there were

That’s the proof that I’m fake. If “running” was some sort of origin, a

it. And maybe, my mind thought, things would have turned out better if I

My parents took me to see a stud farm once when I was little. There I

solely for the singular act of running, and I cried, thinking that if such a

idea of destiny, then I must surely have been one of those beautiful beasts.

ultimately amounted to nothing more than a sham, imbued with dreams

And in the end, I became a murderer. I laugh, though there is nothing

back to the spectacle of the city, where at least the people move, never

anyone else with no real purpose. Or maybe they do have a real purpose:

can’t really tolerate, though.

above the entryway to a nearby building is a clock, showing the time nearing

62 • KINOKO NASU

heading for no particular direction.

in any other part of the city. I’ve been walking aimlessly for the past three

need a place to stay for the night. Without thinking about it, I find myself

thought that I could let go of lingering affections easily when the situation

not the case. I look to the second floor, and find that her window is dark.

“Well, since I’m here anyway…” I mutter under my breath as I start to

only reason I’m doing this is to hang on pathetically to the last person that

I ascend as if to announce my presence. Confronting the door of Ryōgi’s

this morning is nowhere to be found. At first I think that she’s inside, but

once. Deciding to leave if the door is locked, I reach for the doorknob and

But it moves unhindered, and the door slips ever so slightly open. As

In the silence, even the mechanical clicking of the doorknob is audible,

Thinking myself ridiculous for standing there doing nothing for such a long

would never have thought as a kid that I would be committing trespass

say I was welcome in her house, but I don’t know if this is what she meant

While my mind is busy making excuses, my body is creeping forward,

finally into her living room. It’s black as pitch in here. Nothing can be heard

this makes me look like any random break and enter. Fuck, I need a light.

and feel around for the switch.

At that point, I hear the distinct sound of the front door opening. The

it is. As the fluorescent lamp casts a warm glow over the room, she looks

“Oh, you’re here. I hope you weren’t doing anything inappropriate,

berating a classmate. She closes the door and takes off her jacket, then sits

a small cup. “Wanna eat it? Cold things just don’t do it for me.”

of Haagen-Dazs strawberry. Why she doesn’t care about my trespassing

like. Taking the cold cup in my hands makes me think. She knows I’m a

offered her room to me. I remember what I thought this morning: that her

notice.

should be keeping one eye open for when I sleep?”

a strange one, aren’t you? A nice way to phrase that question, I have

already mismanaged hair into even greater disarray. The sight only tells me

down, and she exhales one long breath before she continues to talk. “Hah,

in a fight better than I can. But hey, you’re here aren’t you? Since

let’s just leave them in there and keep our peace. Is that all you wanted to

The kimono-clad girl looks up at me with a dangerously calm countenance

“No, there’s something else I need to ask. Why did you help me?”

time anyway, so hey, what the hell. By the way, you don’t have a place to

Mikiya’s going to come by in a while, anyway.”

My brain might be a bit frazzled lately, but not to the extent that I’d believe

64 • KINOKO NASU

of oblivion that just comes naturally to her. It’s an alluring paradox. Still, I

does have no particular reason to take me in. She could have invented any

But even so…

suspicious of me? You sure you aren’t high?”

your question seriously, no I don’t take drugs, and to answer the question

Although I will if you tell me to.”

this person talking to the police in polite tones seems like an impossible

because—”

my place, that’s for damn sure.”

“Alright, fine, whatever man! If you don’t like it here and you’re just

buddy. I absolutely do not understand why you feel the need to judge every

Her words brook no refusal. A silence hangs between us, but is broken

out a triangularly-shaped tomato sandwich. Well, if I had any doubts about

“Well…then I’m sleeping over! You said it was fine, didn’t you?” I say

even though her words seem to indicate otherwise.

up again,” she says while nibbling on the sandwich. At that, I suddenly

passes, but I can’t seem to give a mind to how long or how short that lasts.

matters. I’d found a place to sleep, if only temporarily. The 30,000 yen in

finding some way to work so I can survive while still hiding from the cops

Wait. Now I remember what I was supposed to ask Ryōgi. How could I 

forget?

“Lost the key, obviously.” Her answer is almost like a blow to the back

door when I’m out. Works for me, and as you can see, not much here for a

So my attempted trespassing wasn’t just some lucky coincidence. Her

anything in the room. Some regular thief could be slipping in and just stealing

that I have to tell her off.

“Lost the spare too. C’mon, it’s not as if you have to worry about it, and

It’s really starting to grate on me how she just takes everything in stride.

here seems to lack the part of your brain that’s supposed to sound warning

my anger toward her some minutes ago and replace it with worry for this

“A house without a key ain’t a house. Just you wait; I’ll get you a new key.”

to hold down, until two days ago at least, was in a moving company. I got

doorknob replacement wouldn’t be beyond me. They must have some

replace the whole damn thing.”

“Of course I do. It’s the least I could do for you. In fact, I’ll even do it

And on saying that, I stand up immediately, filled with a force of will

twist the doorknob, swing open the door, and break out into a run into the

am, a wanted (or soon-to-be-wanted) man sprinting to a moving company

how I could slip in without getting caught. Forget Ryōgi. Going on this little

me the certified crazy one.

Paradox Spiral - III

established a simple pattern to our lifestyle. She wakes up, sometimes

we only really see each other’s faces again when I come back to sleep at

our names, thinking that it’d be quite strange to not know each other’s

Shiki Ryōgi. A repeating high school student…well, on paper at least,

what I know about her.

referring to her similarly as Ryōgi. She’s said more than once that she didn’t

It’s a pretty simple reason. Calling someone by their first name has always

now is as temporary a setup as I can imagine, which means someday, me

the police. I could be forced to run. Calling her Shiki, with all the baggage

day comes.

On this night, like all the other nights, Ryōgi sits cross-legged atop her

nowhere. As for me, rolling around on the floor right next to her bed, I’ve

“If I had one, I wouldn’t need to swing by this dump every night, would

“That’s kind of strange, considering you’re not all that shabby looking.”

from you. And besides, I’ve had enough of women.”

position on the floor next to it, makes her temporarily unseen, though she

this. “Are you gay?”

/ PARADOX SPIRAL - III • 67

“No way. It’s just that, well…I’ve got a history with girls, and it didn’t

in high school, I went out with a girl for two months, and we spent most

but she certainly did. She wanted all the cool, fancy things that

at the time, but I still did it for her. When I could buy her things, she

experience. And the sex wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be, honestly. Besides,

I thought this story would bore Ryōgi, but she actually seems to be hanging

her. All the money and affection I gave her slowly looked more like a waste

time, but as it stood then, I didn’t have that kind of freedom. The hours

the free time, I guess it was doomed from the start. But, stupid as I was, I
never tried breaking up with her.

Chapter end