Kara no Kyoukai Vol 1 Chapter 2

Panorama - II

A butterfly follows it, but its pace doesn’t slacken. The butterfly tries to

a glimpse of the butterfly as its strength failed and gravity took hold. It

a broken lily. A sad and cruel scene.

each other company for a while longer. But I knew that was impossible. To

freedom was denied.

My eyelids were screaming for two more hours of sleep, even as my

by the latter, and I set to work on the laborious task of opening my eyelids.

all night working on the blueprints and diagrams, and I must have fallen

enthusiasm, pushing up my glasses so I could see better, and I realize that

The office was a cluttered place full of occult oddities and research that

this mess, as well as the two people conversing; Shiki, wearing a

was sitting cross-legged on a chair.

white blouse that seemed to look new every time you meet her. Combined

image of a company secretary, though I thought that with her scary, piercing

impossible that she would ever get such a job.

always does, to acknowledge my presence. No glasses were worn over her

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I guess I fell asleep.”

“Don’t start with excuses. I can see well enough. If you’re fully with us

would be good. It should warm your bones a bit after that long rest.”

strange thing to say. I don’t know why Miss Tōko would say it, but she’s

become the standard operating procedure.

state, only half aware of my surroundings.

Lazy eyes and sagging shoulders tell the story of Shiki’s sleeplessness

again last night.

of a kitchen, at least to her. To me, it looked more like a laboratory,

a row, just like you’d see in a lab. Two of those had wires strapped around

the operation of which I suspect only passed between God and Miss Tōko.

and I was in no particular rush to find out. Either way, it gave the entire

I turn on the coffee maker, and it emits a low hum as it processes the

Miss Tōko, so it’s come to the point where I could do it with my eyes closed.

this case being a very loose term. This place could hardly be called your

something in what she worked on.

college with no motivation or any particular purpose. At some point back

Even if Shiki had no hope of waking up, I still wanted to keep that promise.

calendar as the days swept past.

and it was there that I found it: A doll in the shape and size of a human, so

/ PANORAMA - II • 15

anything else there, it looked more like a human being, frozen in place, and

thing on the brink of existence, but didn’t live, preserved on the boundary

I was attracted to that contradiction, maybe because it reminded me so

was unknown. Even the pamphlet of the exhibit didn’t mention any names.

such a beautiful doll. It turned out to be someone not entirely connected

mysterious recluse named Tōko Aozaki.

architect on the side. She seemed to be involved in just generally “making”

she just knows who needs things made, goes to them, announces

generous advance payment.

biggest weirdo.

a sense that I really should have quit at that point. Something seemed to

through much time and record searching, I found out she lived in some

It wasn’t even a house.

Well, to be more specific, it’s a building where construction was stopped

money. It has the shape of a building, seen from afar, but inside the floor

and the weather. Had it been completed, it would have had six floors, but

to start the bulk of the construction from the top, but I guess they

dragooned into the service of a roof. Though surrounded by a high concrete

the gate was always open. It’s a miracle the local kids don’t mess around

should stay out of. Pretty convenient.

I don’t know if Miss Tōko really bought the building, but it seems that

right now is situated on the fourth floor, and the second and third are Miss

shop on the fourth floor.

of some sort, just to sate my interest in this master craftswoman. I quit

paid. She once said to me that humans can be divided into two types with

She made it clear to me that I wasn’t someone who “crafted” but one who

“Running a little late there, Kokutō,” said an accusatory voice from the

the coffee maker’s just about done, and the black liquid sits there, waiting

“Yesterday makes the eighth,” Miss Tōko says abruptly, while stubbing

She is, of course, talking about the recent case of high school girls falling

was as good a topic as any. But wait…eight?

“A few more popped up while you still had sand in your eyes. All this

another one’ll happen before the next three days are out, eh?” Miss Tōko

take a quick glance at the calendar, noticing that there’s only three days left

but I quickly dismiss it.

schools, no friends of the third degree or anything like that. It could

to better their chances when they interview the perp…if this case even has

“What, Kokutō, you don’t trust the police on this one? That sleep must

that.” She grins. As usual, her spite knows no bounds when her glasses are 

off.

usually leave behind a note or some sort of last message to the living.

should have done it. That only means one of two things: that the police

or it could mean a statistical improbability.”

says Miss Tōko. “The girls weren’t taking drugs, nor were they members of

their family nor their friends know any reason why they would throw

over some emotional or psychological distress, or perhaps to prove something.

“So you’re saying that it’s not that the police are hiding anything, it’s

“Well, statistically speaking, most people don’t leave behind any note

sipping her coffee while looking at me funny. I put a mug to my own lip and

nagging me in the reasoning.

as we knew, all happy and content, very much attached to the world of the

leave behind to cement that connection. Not doing so means you have

unknown of death. A suicide without a note, or parting words, or even

suicide.

Such an exhibitionist act makes the suicide clear and attention-grabbing.

air of a “suicide note”, so to speak. If the suicidals picked as obvious and

would be seen by many. Publicity formed at least a part of their choice of

I can think of only one reason. Perhaps, like Shiki said once, they were

wouldn’t have any reason to write a suicide note, just like running into a

18 • KINOKO NASU

from school, though.

the eighth, ‘least not ones related to these incidents.” Shiki, now standing

“How could you possibly know that?” I say.

building. I took care of ‘em, but they’ll be there for a little while longer,

with arms crossed. “Say, Tōko, do all people end up flying that way when

“No one really knows for sure. Everyone’s different. All I can offer you is

more scholarly demeanor, as if she was about to teach the most important

each other, because we humans can’t fly by ourselves. And yet, as expected

who live after death can try and reach for this goal, to fall towards the sky,

Shiki seemed perturbed by Miss Tōko’s cryptic response, more so than

has Shiki in such a defensive attitude. I decide to break the mood.

“Apologies, Kokutō. We’re talking about the ghost at the Fujō Tower. I

to check, but if Shiki really killed it, then there’s no way to know for sure

So it was about that. The conversations between Shiki and glasses-offMiss

hard to guess anyway.

correct? Turns out there was another human figure flying around among

that place was something akin to a net to them, or something along those

In my mind, I am frowning at this story’s sudden turn for the complex,

“Well, to put it a bit more simply, there is one girl floating around that

girls. I suspect that they’re something like ghosts or some other supernatu-

ral occurrence. The end.”

was already done and taken care of. Once again, the story seems far past

other, but already I’m the one lagging behind on their peculiar conversations.

way. However, since being ignored was also an unacceptable outcome, I

willing or unwilling ignorance of it sort of fits me, in a way. It’s one of those

“That sounds like a story out of a dime novel,” I blurt out. Miss Tōko

more wound up, casting accusatory sidelong glances at me. Because

I have to wonder if I did something colossally idiotic without my

“But then, Shiki saw the ghosts only at the beginning of July, right?” I

were only four ghosts back then, Shiki?”

right from the start. I told you right? There wouldn’t be any more suicides

“Uh huh. You gotta clarify with me whether or not you’ve gained any

“It’s not like that, Mikiya. It’s more like that place…the air there isn’t

a proper description fails to materialize. “It’s sort of like a strange sensation

As Shiki struggles with vocabulary, Miss Tōko steps in to help.

than one way for time to progress. The speed upon which entropy acts on

When a person dies, the record of him existing doesn’t disappear instantly.

over his life and death. As long as these exist, the memories…, or rather,

nothingness. If the observer of death was not a person, but instead a place

20 • KINOKO NASU

The only ones receptive to this image are the ones that share and keep the

Shiki and me, of course.”

memory too. People forget, and eventually the memories disappear. But

if the building itself doesn’t want to forsake them. The record of their time

and the images of those girls remain, in that place where time is crooked

Miss Tōko seems to finish her explanation, which I suspect managed to

what she’s saying is that, when something dies or is lost, that thing doesn’t

it is to acknowledge its existence, and because of that, it can sometimes be

Well, Miss Tōko probably kept using the word “image” because it is

In a surprisingly frank display of annoyance, Shiki is led to that timeless

I’m really worried about is her. My knife did a pretty good job of proving my

end.” Another soild glance comes my way. “I’m tired of being Mikiya’s

“I agree completely, Shiki. I’ll settle things with Kirie Fujō, so just go on

want to sleep. You can use that place.”

cleaned for at least half a year, littered with paper like a dirty furnace. Shiki,

“So what was she, anyway?” Shiki asks Miss Tōko. The mage walks over

still in her mouth. We don’t really have any light in this room, not

of the building where the sun doesn’t reach, it can be surprisingly difficult

somewhere closer to noon. For a few moments, Miss Tōko stares silently at

“Before, you could have said that she flew.” She puffs out a cloud of 

smoke, indistinguishable now from the white sunlight. From my position,

“Kokutō, what would you associate with a high place? What imagery comes

could think about was the time I went atop Tokyo Tower. I remember trying

many tall buildings I saw.

“Trying a bit too hard there, Kokutō.”

think of something else.

panoramic view is beautiful. Just the sight of the scenery is overwhelming.”

to note, acknowledging it with a little nod while still staring at the window.

“Scenery seen from select vantage points is always wonderful. Even an

at the world you live in, though, stimulates a different urge. In such a commanding

As the word “impulse” leaves her mouth, she cuts off her sentence.

something that comes from within, but something that is triggered by an

Then what is the destructive impulse that a view from on high brings?

between you and the world. People can only rest easy with things they are

you know that’s only information. To us, the world only amounts to something

of the world, and of countries, and of cities, are only constructs

there appear gaps in our understanding. You have a ten meter radius that

both one and the same, the same world that you’ve been living in, and yet

You see, now we have come upon a paradox. Rather than recognize the

world you can only see. But within this wide world, you cannot feel that

22 • KINOKO NASU

by your knowledge, and experience, represented by instinct, will

‘Viewing the city from up here sure puts it into perspective. I can’t believe

know that street or that alley or that building ever existed! This is a city

thoughts that run through your head in a panoramic view.”

nagging me since the start.

“Only if you gaze for too long. Remember that in the old myths, traveling

higher world, or perhaps to meet one’s final reward in the afterlife. Mortals

charms or the power of reason. And always, lunacy was cured by returning

Now that she mentions it, I did have this indescribable urge to jump

run through everybody’s minds at some point, when looking at that view.

clearly leads to my own death? Why do other people think that way?

the question, Miss Tōko bursts into laughter.

people’s dreams and you find them dreaming the taboo, eventually. We

own imagination. Though you are right in a way. What’s important is that

your example, it’s less ‘crazy’ and more like a ‘numbing of thought.’”

conversation. Well, we have drifted quite far from the main topic so

“There’s nothing long about it. In fact, were this an actual thought

“Well, cut it down to a phrase, will you? When you and Mikiya talk, it’s

Strong words, but words which I can accept have an all too valid point.

continues to complain, ignoring the both of us.

“And then there’s this business of views from high places. I hope you

place’ already.” Air quotations by Shiki. “There’s no ‘normal view’ by your

Well, someone’s wound up. As expected, Shiki’s already trying to punch

the ground, which would qualify them for a “high place”, I guess. Miss Tōko

now for the sake of Shiki’s temper.

angle, we also don’t usually call our normal vision to be a ‘commanding’

your eyes see it, but something more of a signal the mind interprets and

such sight as ‘high’, and we don’t call it such. It’s ‘normal’…whatever

Our mental perceptions, on the other hand, also stand perched on its

imprisoned, asleep in a paradigm of material reality. Awakened minds

rules, but never truly break them. To cross that boundary is to become

Hypnos becomes Thanatos.”

commanding view of the street, the town—perhaps the world. She’s looking

important for some reason. I suddenly remember my dream.

the butterfly not so intent to follow me, she could have flown more gracefully.

have flown longer. But perhaps, seeing the dragonfly and how it flew, it

Miss Tōko threw her expended cigarette out the window. “The fluctuation

uneasiness in the air that Shiki felt were the bars of the prison. A place

A few seconds pass without Miss Tōko saying a word, which Shiki and

eyes tell me that Shiki’s melancholic demeanor calms down at last.

24 • KINOKO NASU

“Well, I’d say wherever you are, she’s on the opposite side,” counters

-> / 4 • 25

It’s 2:00 in the morning, and the bone in my nape creaks from the cold.

my own mind. For the moment, I cast aside my reservations and enter the

Only the electric light illuminating the cream-colored walls of the entrance

it ended up being more eerie than the darkness it was supposed to sweep

unused and broken. Without stopping, I pass by it, going through the hallway

people except for me. The elevator has one of those mirrors that people

light blue kimono with a black leather jacket, with the lazy eyes of someone

I press the button that leads to the rooftop while looking at my reflection

me, I wait as the world begins to rise.

a prison. The events of the outside are from an entirely different world,

thought to slip into my mind unbidden, though I should be focusing on the

The sliding door opens with only the slightest hint of a sound, leading

to the rooftop. The room has this oppressive lack of light that makes me

the world that I saw in the reflective circus of the buildings’ windows. It’s a

against the narrow space, I open the door.

endless night sky. My eyes take in the view of the city from on high. There

and level floor made of concrete, and a chain-link fence surrounding the

of, there isn’t anything else here. Except for the view.

giving it a lonely feeling. It’s like being on top of a tall ladder, staring 

down into the depths of the world below you. If the world below were the

only lights in an otherwise black world where neither sunlight nor moonlight

The world is sleeping, perhaps for eternity, but unfortunately only for

it feels painful. Stars glitter in the sky like jewels, and the moon is out,

that the moon was not the sun’s mirror, but a window to a different reality.

The moon has long been associated with the arcane, femininity, and

woman floats eerily in the sky above, silhouetted harshly against the moonlight,

The floating woman specter is wearing a white cloth that looked like it

to her waist. What little you can see of her arms and legs through the cloth

eyes hold inside them piercing cold, making her countenance one of the

though it’s probably foolish to attach anything like “age” to something like

them so well. She looks as if she could pass muster for being alive. The girls

the part. Above me, this lonely procession continued; the womanly figure,

much repulsive, but more like…

I didn’t notice it before now, but I note the woman’s face again, seeing

tonight, her smooth black hair, each strand finely combed, would strike an

“Then I’m gonna have to kill you.”

and I return the favor, our eyes taking in each other’s measure. No

From inside my jacket, I draw a blade, a fine weapon seven inches in

-> / 4 • 27

white dress sways in the air. The slender arm moves like water, and points

and look more fragile now.

Tonight, there was no wind, and my voice reverberated in the night sky.

intruding in my consciousness; perhaps hers, were she able to speak. It

makes me lose balance for a moment, but with only one step I regain composure.

You must fly. She tries again, this time stronger, more assertive. It is met

And there they are. One on each leg, one on her back, a little one in her

one in her chest is likely the best target. Hitting that’d mean instant death.

the end it doesn’t matter. Because with my Eyes, even gods can die.

my gaze at my enemy while doing so. But she attacks me again.

I can fly higher today. Freely. Peacefully. Smiling. I have to go quickly. To

Fight gravity. Be restless enough not to stay in one place. Fly unconsciously.

Let’s go. Let’s go.

“You gotta be fucking kidding, right?”

even lose my balance anymore.

been that way for a while—so I don’t know the pain of living. To be honest,

though. Joy and sorrow, freedom and restraint; I can’t feel any of them.

“But taking him was a big mistake. Finders keepers, and I found him first.

My left hand grabs the air like a rope, and I pull back. The woman and 

the other girls are pulled towards me, like a fisherman plucking a good

The woman’s expression changes. She tries her last, vain hope of controlling

FALL!

can muster, I answer her back.

As she comes toward me, I plunge the knife deep into her chest, as naturally

the victim pause for admiration. The knife runs from front to back, clean

She doesn’t bleed. Unable to move from the shock of being stabbed

movement of my right arm, I fling away the useless “corpse”, and the incorporeal

below. Her hair still lies motionless, and her dress embraces the darkness,

And with that, I depart from the roof, the ghosts still floating in the air

/ 5 • 29

With the impact of steel lightning on my chest, I awaken.

was, if one can drive through a person’s chest that easily. But it wasn’t a

no wasted energy, one that would slide easily in between bone and sinew.

ripped apart, and the sound of the knife plunging deep, deep into my heart.

thought of it. My silent weeping contained my uneasiness, my loneliness,

encounter. It was for the brush of death that I had never before experienced,

the strength to live.

very familiar with. Even though I know it’s nighttime, the far off glow of

time for my regular examination, so the person who came must be a visitor.

is the bed, the cream colored curtain which never flutters in the wind, and

“Excuse me. You would be Kirie Fujō, correct?” Even her deep voice

my bedside, ignoring the chair and choosing instead to stare down at me

of her fingers if she so wished. Yet, in my heart, I still feel happy. It’s been

she is Death herself come to take me.

may just be the light from the faint shining beacons of the city, but when

without blemish, reminding me of the neatness of a school teacher. It

contrasts sharply with her white blouse, however, making her look vaguely

“Do you know that child who stabbed me?” I say apprehensively, “or

“No, fortunately. I’m an acquaintance of your attacker and your victim. 

One of them anyway. We meet the strangest people, you and I.”

as quickly. “Apologies. Smoking isn’t allowed here I suppose? For someone

out was a cigarette carton. The image of her smoking fits her look, I think,

“But it isn’t just the lung, is it?” Her voice is one of curiosity as she looks

over your body. Sarcoma is only the beginning, but it’s worse inside. Your

would have died long before as this sickness ate them alive.” She pauses a

“How long has this gone on, Kirie Fujō?”

no meaning to it. Because dying was the only way out of here.

I hated her voice that lacked any compassion or hate. The only thing I

“Shiki told me the cut was around the area of the left ventricle and

such an absurd thing so normally. The peculiarity of her manner of speech

“You’re a strange one, aren’t you? If my heart had really been cut, then

“Quite right. I was only confirming.” I see. She was a friend of the person

that took place in the rooftop. “But it won’t be long until it affects you as

The sympathetic connection between your double existences means that

which is why I’m here.” She means the “other” me when she mentions the

“Because I haven’t personally gone to the Fujō Tower, I haven’t seen

“I don’t know, to be honest. For the longest time now, the scenery outside

watching the seasons fly past, and the coming and going of people in the

I grew to curse this view as I continued to suffer alone in this room.”

/ 5 • 31

an old one, and pure. It’s thought that you and your dynasty granted blessings

clue was in your name, as Fujō can also mean “defile.” A fitting name, don’t

Dynasty.

But that too is a chapter of my life that’s forever gone. Not long after

lost their lives. My medical expenses have been paid by a man who calls

monk about him.

so hard?” I can’t help but smile a little bit. Finally, we have something that

“Have you known what it is to look down on the outside world for so

erodes? I have hated, cursed, and feared the outside world for so long

seemed as if I was in the sky above the hospital courtyard, the one

were still in the room, but I felt my vision fly in the sky. But I still couldn’t

“Your mind must have gained correspondence with the surroundings,

been quite strong.” For the second time now, she pauses before she says,

It seems there is little about me this woman doesn’t know even before

answer.

first, I thought that everything was just turning into a deep darkness. But it

eyes were floating high up in the sky. I can only see the view around the

changed, if you think about it. Nothing ever changed…”

anyone for this long, it hurts my throat and lungs, and focusing too much

“I see,” she replies after I compose myself. “You projected your con-

sciousness in the sky. But if that was your consciousness, then you should

In truth, I’ve actually been thinking that as well. This woman keeps saying

able to stab me? The me floating in the Fujō Tower can’t touch anything,

my real body.

of curiosity laced with the forcefulness that has never left her voice since

“It…wasn’t. I only stare at the sky, while she exists in it. That other me

seem like more than an affectation. I did truly turn my back on the world,

sickness would get better. Being separated from the world outside the window

prayed every night, both me and the other me couldn’t put our feet firmly

share that similarity, despite parting with each other. I suppose it’s what

She draws a short breath, perhaps in surprise. It’s the first time that this

a little. “So it’s not that your consciousness was separated, but that you

this vessel. It’s unlike any work I’ve seen yet, I understand that much.” A

“But why go through so much just to lure children to throw themselves off

Ah, those poor, enviable girls. What happened to them still saddens me.

“You used the image of you at the Fujō Tower as more of a channel for

flight. And in those dreamscapes, at least one or two of them were probably

them in the mess of other minds in this city, and why you can snare them

outside of sleep, even as they weren’t really ‘awake’. They tried to fly, and

Yes. In the fever dreams, they always fly around me, and I thought that

/ 5 • 33

I thought that, when they were outside of sleep, in the times when

“You’re trembling, friend. Are you cold?” The woman’s voice returns to

despite the window being closed. “I’d like to ask you one more thing.

A difficult question. I answer to the best of my ability. “In the sky, you

I thought I could find a world that I didn’t hate, and a world that could

“Did you find that world?”

my body. My eyes sear with pain from being focused for so long. I nod yes.

fear that one day, it will be morning, and my eyes will never open again.

a body and poor excuse for a life is always shadowed by death, but it’s that

yearn for death more than life. Death is release. To fly without end, to go

“So you took my acquaintance as a companion to your world?”

doing so, I wanted to fly. I thought I could do so if I was with him. Those

“You and Shiki aren’t so different from each other. Both of you believe

can feel alive and be saved by someone else.”

I know now that my savior is also the harbinger of Death, I feel no regrets.

I thought he could take me anywhere if he put his mind to it. I…I wanted

much they seem to scream in pain.

he been able to spirit me away! But it will never come true. It was always a

stop the tears. In my eternity in this prison, it was the only dream I’ve had

“But Kokutō has no interest in the sky. Those who long for the sky are 

the farthest from it. Ironic, isn’t it?”

never truly fly. Floating was all I could do.” The burning in my eyes subsides,

grip my spine and make me tremble even more strongly.

What are you going to do after this? I can cure the creeping pain Shiki gave

save for shaking my head no. I can’t see for sure, but it seems like she’s

purpose, and escape with a purpose. I call the former ‘floating’, and the

of the world from on high was. But you don’t choose these paths because

the sins we carry. But we carry our sins on the path we choose.”

name, but I know now that she didn’t need to. I don’t doubt for a moment

can’t fly. I can only float. I can’t do what she says because I’m weak. That’s

was stabbed in the heart. The overwhelming torrent of death and the pulse

simple, sweet thing.

It was not the nonexistent wind, but death, that little fear, that gripped

feel the joy of life, the glory of everything I had ignored in my life until

like a needle, like a sword, like lightning, would be impossible to replicate.

as much as I can. I still have a few days to think on it, but the method need

I think my last moment should be spent on a high place, a place where

of the reality that has rejected me so.

Chapter end