Kara no Kyoukai Vol 2 Chapter 4

Part IV: A Hallow

That which is hated.

Accept these things and all others, and never know pain.

That which is desired.

Reject these things and all others, and know nothing but pain.

Between two hearts lies the hollow.

Between two souls, I reside.

A Hallow - I

floor, right?”

to mouth since yesterday, and even that poker faced neurosurgeon Dr.

couldn’t believe it myself.”

after she woke up from her coma? Promise me you won’t freak out or

“Come on, that’s not true!”

from one of his interns, so it has to be real. Apparently, she used her palm

looking. What a horror show.”

to move, right?”

disuse atrophy. Her family even paid the hospital a mountain of cash just

body still has trouble moving. Probably why her attempt to destroy her

“Still, it’s a rarity for a person in bed rest for two years to even move, let

“That’s why Dr. Ashika was surprised. Wait a minute; what do you call it

“Subconjunctival hemorrhage, was it? Don’t tell me the girl got that

“You know it. It’s really supposed to heal by itself, but since the ocular

me that the patient just wanted her eyes bandaged, so that’s what they

“What a shame. Even now that she’s awake she still can’t see anything.

“It does, doesn’t it? And there’s still the question of her aphasia. Seems

we haven’t had a therapist to handle her. But I hear Dr. Ashika’s calling

/ A HALLOW - I • 5

getting a little time to spend with her.”

“What? Which little boy?”

can’t really call him a kid anymore, with his age and all. He’s the one who

Saturday. I’m really rooting for him to meet her again.”

never realized he was still coming. Hard to find that level of sincerity these

“Yeah, he’s the only one that’s been coming to visit her these past two

of that girl’s miraculous recovery is because of him.”

“That’s alright. Neither did I.”

/ 1

mean one thing: I was dead.

sank slowly into the fathomless, lightless sea. There was no end in sight.

This place was only a hollow, where all meaning ceased to be. A stygian

a cypher called, simply, “ ”.

of the grave, and it made me want to look away. In my mind, I knew that

“Is this death?” I whispered, though it came out so faint, I doubted if it

Though time too had no meaning inside “ ”, I observed it. Like a stream

eternity. I plunged ever deeper, and cast my eyes farther, and in that eternity,

was all so calm and serene. It feels as if, in this place without meaning, the

place the living may never observe, but only the dead may enter.

Two years. An instant, stretched out to an eternity. Both are accurate

for my life. Here, I awakened.

outside my room stirs my mind to wake. I can hear nurses and patients

the soft whispers of their conversations build to a low background hum,

silent last night was, this sounded like some sort of convention, and a noisy

in the secluded space of my private room, I’m sheltered from the worst of

It didn’t take long for a doctor to arrive and check up on me.

/ 1 • 7

“I see. At least you’ve seemed to calm down since last night. Unfortunately,

your situation to you. Feel free to talk if you feel something’s not right.”

seems like he mistook my lack of a response for consent, it looks like I don’t

“Then I’ll tell you straight out: today is the fourteenth of June 1998. Two

by a car in a pedestrian crossing at night. Then you were brought here, to

Silence from me again. The last thing I can remember is someone—a

nothing is coming to mind.

it’s likely you noticed the car and tried to jump out of the way. That’s why

receive a strong hit on your head. You were already comatose when they

faculties might still be recovering from your two year coma. I can’t say for

EEG detected no abnormalities in your brain activity. Anyway, the fact that

of that after two years, you see.”

still isn’t hitting home for me. For me, yesterday is still that rainsoaked

“And if you’re about to ask,” the doctor continues, “your eyes are mostly

way. We’re lucky there wasn’t anything sharp nearby last night. Another

enjoy the nice scenery.”

frustrated with my little attempt to destroy my eyes. He was pretty persistent

They’d think I was crazy.

another in the afternoon. As for visiting hours, I’m afraid we’re restricting

for a while. Once you’re done, you’re out of here.”

Well, that’s a mood ruiner if there ever was one. Not having the heart

hand’s responsiveness by moving it, and find that there is no change. Trying

and muscles straining as I make the most minute, yet painful movements.

after two years of disuse.

won’t have a nurse watch over you all day today. If you need anything at

station is right down the hall,” the doctor says in the gentle, practiced

see him with a similarly rehearsed smile, one he probably practiced in the

say one last thing. “Oh, yes, I almost forgot. You’ll have another doctor

so try to be less…stoic…around her. From what I see, you’re going to need

And so, after he left, I was alone again. I lie flat on the bed, arms over my

“My name is—”, I whisper with dry lips still unused to speech, “Shiki

those two years of emptiness. All of the memories of someone named

of it? What use are they to me, who died once and awoke? I feel so…disconnected

my head don’t feel like they are. It’s like I’m watching a biopic. Main character:

I bite my lips until I’m sure I’m still awake. It’s all I have to make sure I’m

makes my insides feel as hollow as a cave with wind howling through it. I’m

“And so? What the fuck does it matter?” I mutter to myself with as much

it. Strangely, this feeling of disquiet and irritation that scratches and pulls

pain. But those are feelings that the sixteen-year old  still held on to.

/ 1 • 9

place anyway. I’m just here, now; nursing an existence of being adrift on

10 • KINOKO NASU

Morning turns to night turns to morning again, and a new day comes,

without sight, I can feel the slow rise of morning. However, the reason

examination came and interrupted my thoughts. Before I knew it, she had

My mother and brother came to talk. They felt like strangers, and I

with no alternative, I managed to mumble little words to them, in the

at least, and my brother seemed pleased. It all had the air of some comical

Sometime past noon, I hear the door opening and a person step inside

isn’t anyone familiar. I remember that I was going to get a new doctor starting

“Hel—lo! Doing fine today?” says the newcomer, drawing out her hello

say, I expected someone that looked more ghastly, but look at you! Your

aren’t I lucky?” Her voice is young, maybe somewhere in her 20’s, and has

her own good. I hear her make her way to the chair beside my bed and sit

“Pleased to make your acquaintance,” she continues. “I’m not a doctor

I don’t think it’ll be much of a problem. I’m a speech therapist. You know,

“Aphasia? Who, me? I’m sorry; you must have me confused with someone

with, so I cut her off mid sentence. It doesn’t seem to faze her however,

accompanying nod of the head.

is a misdiagnosis, I’ll let it slide. That Ashika is such a by-the-books doctor; 

he can’t handle special cases like yours. But hey, it’s not like you can’t

you keep your mouth shut like you’ve been doing.” She makes a friendly,

just seems like the type.

“Yep. After all, you did hurt your brain some in the accident, so they

mouth was damaged. But it’s not that isn’t it? You’re just a stubborn young

not needed, but I don’t want to get fired a minute into the job. And since

company.”

annoyance I can hardly stomach. I reach a hand out for the button to call

maneuvers the wire from my reach.

“Whew, that was close. If you tell Ashika now, the gig is up. Come on,

stupid questions, they won’t call in a new doctor, and I get to earn some

Well, I have to admit, that sounds like a nice proposition, but definitely

is when she can just belt out something like that without hesitation. I turn

straight at her.

“Right on the first try. I make a living as a…magician, of sorts.”

“Don’t have a need for a con artist.”

hollow in your soul, after all. Only a regular person can do that.”

“Oh, you must have noticed it. See, you’re all alone now.” The lilt in her

speech. I hear her stifle the urge for one last chuckle, and then standing up

in the mood to talk today, so let’s leave it at that for now. We’ll try again

12 • KINOKO NASU

voice. The sound of the door opening and closing signal her sudden departure,

With difficulty, I put my right hand on my lips. I was speechless at what

All alone. A hollow in the soul. It is those words that make me remember.

I can’t find him. In my mind, I call out, over and over, and he, the other

 was once one of those people who suffered another personality,

trait, passed down through generations in the bloodline of the Ryōgi. The

but I don’t know if that can be believed. This trait, which in a normal family

of a state of grace. Those born with it are treated as the heirs to the dynasty.

brother. She was an aberrant case. The alternate personality will always

the female Yin, the male personality usually emerges as the dominant. In

personality within them.  was the first female born. Inside her was

For the most part, the one that controlled the body was still —me,

the thoughts I struggled to repress.  lived only by continually stifling

it was the only way she knew how to act normally. Not that Shiki had a

the time, while I call him out in times where I needed his particular brand

surface, glad to have the chance to be out, but at the same time bored and

At first it might seem like a relationship between a master and a servant,

were one person. Whatever  did, Shiki also desired, and when

volition. Which was fortunate, since Shiki had what might be called…

homicidal tendencies. Now, as far as I knew, he didn’t actually commit any

of murdering his fellow man.  expressly forbade it, and tried her best

separated. Isolated as  was from the normalcy of the outside world,

But the time finally came when the cracks in that connection began to

shown any desire to use the body, but it was the first time he had wanted

in her memory, spaces where she couldn’t remember what happened and

As for me, the memories from my freshman year up until the accident

the scene of a homicide, throat dry, staring at the dark red blood.

bathed in sunset, giving it the same vivid red hue that dominates both

kill, and the one last piece of an ideal, normal life that Shiki wanted so

classmate has remained out of reach, no matter how hard I try.

noise of the morning eventually dims slowly into the almost absolute

breaks the placidity, and is my only reminder that I am still awake. The

an entirely foreign sensation that  never had. She was never alone.

know I am me and not him right now is because I can’t feel his presence.

because of what you lost, because of what you aren’t. “ I take a shot at

just a little sad. That at least would be a change from the hollow soul that

without anything inside it. If so, what goes inside?

A whispering, coming from somewhere in the room. I can feel air rush in

14 • KINOKO NASU

the sound all the same.

but it makes a mockery of that statement. Amidst the complete darkness,

bones to hold it up, in a state of being somewhere in between liquid and

disgusting motion. I am helpless, unable to move my body, so I can do

At least it has a form I can comprehend. Things without form are the

it. I don’t sense any hostile intent from this spirit, if that is even what it is.

that doesn’t live, and me who has no reason to live?

freezes, the sensation feeling like someone pouring ice water on my spine.

that way, unmoving, from midnight until the sun starts to come up. At the

as I feel the icy grip loosening, I fall into deep sleep.

/ 3

doctors have seen fit to keep my eyes bandaged for now. In a marked shift

particular morning is so peaceful I lose myself taking in the little motions of

shining through it, and I allow my lungs to be filled with the crisp air.

sight to behold. But with each morning that I wake up to the sprawling

The safest way to live is to be alone, but why can’t people think that that’s

Once, I had a perfect setup. I didn’t need anyone else. But the circumstances

and if current trends are any indication, I might have to wait forever.

My conversations with the “speech therapist-slash-magician”, such as

therapy sessions, it’s become something to look forward to; a welcome

takes a turn back to my past, and as always, she is positioned in the chair

“Mmm, now I see. So it’s not that Shiki couldn’t control the body, just

be quite the amusing couple.”

of my background, some of which I know for a fact only a few people know.

of the family. She knew of my limited involvement in the serial killing that

more secretive about, but I’ve long since resigned myself to the outcome

even inside my head. I find not having to think about it has made for a less

“There’s nothing amusing about having a dual personality,” I impulsively

16 • KINOKO NASU

I’d say. Both of you exist simultaneously, each of you having your own will:

It’s complicated, and the label ‘dual personality’ doesn’t do it justice.

“Hey, tack on a ‘republic’ in the end there and it’ll sound like some new

“Ah, well, I never said I was good with names. Still, I do find it weird that,

A matter only I could probably answer. It had always been that way.

in his own imagining, an act that  had never shown any interest

“So, is he still sleeping now?” she prods playfully, but I find that I can’t

consciousness that died during the accident, and the memories that he

least. And without those memories, the knowledge of how involved you

“So I’m assuming the suspect is still at large?”

murder we see on TV, and then go back to eating our dinner. To most of

have just forgotten.” She laughs, leaving in doubt how much of her statement

done anything, it would have been the  consciousness that died. What

“To be honest, it’s still something I’m thinking about,” I say with hesitation.

“Sorry, but Ashika and the rest of his minions didn’t allow it. You have,

Well, I can’t say I didn’t expect anything less. I’ve been doing pretty well

said it’s the first time they saw someone recover so fast with just two PT

from the good doctor.

on your bedside table?”

been bothering me ever since I woke up from my coma. It’s become quite 

long in the span of two years. Every time I move my head it keeps tickling

burdening long hair is.

hairdresser if you don’t want to talk.”

for what I do when someone other than me does things to my hair.”

our hair. You know, I really am jealous of you that your hair growing longer

standing up. “So! Since I couldn’t bring you scissors, let me just leave you

some rune inscriptions on it. Think of it as a protective charm. I’ll put it

Now I hear the sound of her dragging the chair to the door, after which

“Well, guess that’s it for now. Someone else might be coming tomorrow,

those strange words and the rune.

revealed himself yet.

the exception. Each night, as with the first, it had always given me a loving

but I couldn’t care less even if he did choose to eventually kill me. It’d probably

In the dark, I brush the bandages wrapped around my eyes lightly with a

thing to do before that happens, however: to destroy my eyes; this time,

Without sight, I cannot see them, but it’s only a matter of time before

that must not be seen, then the choice is obvious. It’s much, much more

maybe there is some other way. It’s the last resort until I can find some

Man, I am pathetic.

18 • KINOKO NASU

enough will to live, but not enough to die either. If that spirit ever gets it

probably won’t raise a hand in defiance either. 

A Hallow - II

June of 1998, it was as calm and easy a summer as any other. For Tōko

personality known as Shiki Ryōgi. It all began when Tōko had just taken in

preventative efforts. As fate would have it, this new hire apparently had a

to pass the time on a particularly lazy afternoon, Tōko decided to listen to

Apparently this Shiki was in a coma, brought on after a car accident.

are below zero with the decimal numbers going into extreme lengths. It

aged a day since her coma, a little detail that Tōko had been immediately

“Really now? Even the dead haven’t seen the end of entropy yet.” she

doesn’t it?”

of the last two years on her. Still, enough about my personal hang-ups. I

ma’am?”

folded her arms and tried to dig up a story. “Let’s see now—there was this

fell into a coma when she was twenty years old. God knows what the

for fifty years. Heard of it?”

her after she woke up?”

into a coma! Can you imagine? She started recalling past memories, names;

though.”

“Well, it’s more the wife’s problem, really. Her mind was as fresh as it

20 • KINOKO NASU

couldn’t, and she couldn’t really understand why. The fact that she’d

on the other hand, felt so bad for the wife that he actually said, with tears

hadn’t woken up.” She said all this as she relaxed in her chair, swinging

expect you to believe. Hope it helped contextualize this entire thing for

After Tōko told this story, the boy fell silent, prompting her to speak and

“Oh, but has a bad premonition suddenly crept into the little man’s

face. The boy nods in assent.

Shiki might not actually want to come back.”

and pretending to be a psychic. “I sense a reason behind this. We’ve got

approach, and turns away.

sensitive to people.”

friend. Don’t start telling stories if you don’t like where they’re leading. I’m

always keeps yapping on about this ‘Shiki’ person. I mean, how on Earth

person?”

been meaning to ask at some point, ma’am, but where and how exactly did

“Long story short, we met when I was on a trip to investigate a little case

she ended up finding out about me being a mage.”

too much into your world, though,” he said, the suspicion clear in his voice.

Tōko couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “You don’t know the half of it. I

for that, let’s go back to our previous topic and get me interested in this 

Shiki person.” She lights a cigarette and leaned forward on her desk, the

Seeing there was no talking Tōko out of it, the boy could only sigh as he

he and  first met. In high school as classmates,  had showed no

who struck up a friendship with her. But in the second half of freshman

 became more aloof and withdrawn, a matter eventually explained

one of which had a taste for murder. If and how she was connected to the

that had come before,  encountered an accident before the boy’s very

resides in a coma.

told over a beer, but as it progressed, the smile was slowly wiped from her

of that told of how delicate a subject this must have been for him.

story,” he concludes.

might have some idea…” Tōko’s words descended into the particular brand

The smile that had disappeared from her face now returns, though

for her name.”

about it?”

of goetic theurgy. And on top of that, she’s a member of the Ryōgi dynasty.

contain herself, Tōko extinguished her cigarette on the ashtray and stands

need to go see about this sleeping beauty of ours.”

with the boy, unable to think of anything except how exactly she had found

subtle rifts and changes in the skeins of fate, shifting to bring her here, at

22 • KINOKO NASU

The miracle of Shiki’s recovery happened only a scant few days after

to talk to her for some reason, which meant that visits from him would

paperwork a little more readily, a little more fervently than Tōko had yet

“It really is far too dark in this office,” Tōko mentions, to break the silence

“Well, I could get a light for you, if you want, ma’am,” he replies, monotone,

thinking of something with the kind of anal diligence that were allowed

mind long enough to entertain the notion that they might actually be halfway

“You’re free to stop looking so glum about it anytime, you know. Shiki,

her.”

many guards around that place: a pair in the front door, and a handful

Mercy me, thinks Tōko, incredulous, he’s already counted the guards and

him to be a criminal overnight. With a shrug of resignation, Tōko spoke. “I

much choice here. I’ve pulled what strings and favors I can to get hired as

going to find out about Shiki Ryōgi for you, so don’t you go running off

you tell that story when you didn’t want to in the first place.”

indifference to the whole situation. The boy, however, stood up, walked

them up and down. Not realizing this was his way of expressing his gratitude,

“This is so surprising, Miss Tōko! I didn’t think you’d have it in you to

“Now see, you could’ve taken this in quiet celebration. But instead, you 

had to go and destroy your chances of ever having a raise.”

fast as possible. “So that’s why you’re wearing a fancy suit today. Yes, quite

“Um, well I always dress this way, but fine, feel free to keep up the

boy would barrel right on through whatever she said, Tōko quickly tried to

do anything as stupid as your age might imply. Something’s not right with

it. You just stay here and do some crosswords or something while I’m out.”

enthusiasm, and when he finally calmed down, he asked, “What do you

“I can feel the resonance of magic there, a ward maybe, put up by a

or they wouldn’t have waited so courteously for two years for me to pop

often marked by their forethought and patience, and there wouldn’t have

The boy need not know all of that, and fortunately, it seemed that Tōko

“Um, ma’am, when you say a ‘ward’, you mean something like what

“You got the gist of it. Wards are nifty little spells centering around

walls, but others are a bit more subtle, veiling a place to induce a mental

away. Best part? People never notice it. To them, it’s just some gut feeling

is the sanctum of the best mage this side of Tokyo,” she said with a flutter

managed to get through and find me and I didn’t even know you. But hey,

“Then is the ward in the hospital a dangerous spell or something?”

themselves anyway. It’s always been used to protect hallowed ground from

as far as I know, but now it refers to spells that act as an occultation to the

24 • KINOKO NASU

space that’s removed from all normal perceptions of ‘space’, essentially

straight up high-level thaumaturgy, done only by archmages; though as far

Now that Tōko was talking about the Art, a subject she rarely tackled in

even more serious than her usual expression. Being a mage was her other

“Still, while it may not have been that extreme, that ward in the hospital

it at first. I knew someone once that could have worked something like it,

I guess it fits their specialty, but mages who specialize in wards do tend to

like that meddling in this.”

though, thought Tōko. It was different, pointed inward maybe. Maybe to

those inside to ignore anything abnormal, so someone could operate with

Tōko told none of this to the boy. He still needed to be kept out of any

enough to be polite, and make it clear to him that this was a matter far

“Well, guess it’s about time I showed my face over there,” she said, and

“Miss Tōko, please just take care of Shiki for me,” the boy says behind

and waved a hand in goodbye, but a last question from the boy gave

ma’am, but who was that expert in wards that you knew?”

and answered.

him. The last time we met was on long-past times, in different continents.”

It has been six days since Tōko first filled in as a speech therapist for

she was about ready to just sit down and relax until the day ran out. She

office into a crisp red, forcing her to slacken her orange necktie; a sign of

Each evening she returned to the office with an update on Shiki’s progress,

“She does PT two times a day, and a battery of brain examinations after

further by going there, so have the patience to wait a little longer and you’ll

“Will she be fine with just two physical therapy sessions a day? I mean,

“I’ve heard that they exercised her joints everyday while she was in a

Hers is a ‘rehabilitation’ in more than one sense, as she needs to realign

of time.” Tōko paused to produce a cigarette, promptly putting it into her

the formulation of a solution. And every time she talked to Shiki, every

the greatest puzzle of all: Shiki’s identity.

farther apart from her previous self each day, I suspect.”

as if he’d been preparing himself for this revelation for the past two

“I’m not entirely convinced it is. I don’t see anything wrong with her

“Don’t worry, ma’am. I think you’ve inured me to these things by now.

Ironic, then, that sparing details was exactly what she had been doing

“Her other half that you told me about, the other personality known as

herself whether she’s  or Shiki. When she awoke, Shiki was already

We mages know better than most the consequences of the soul, and the

26 • KINOKO NASU

this quite well, thought Tōko. Maybe he really has steeled himself for it.

accident, the girl you know as  Ryōgi died. But Shiki took her place

new individual, molded by her memories and experience but unable to

unable to grasp the sensation that she is someone that is more than the

“If she’s a different individual like you said, does that mean she can’t

“No, no, she remembers just fine, with the exception of the memories

mind’. Think of it as her taking a little trip and gaining new experiences.

soul. I suspect that’s why her growth stopped when she slipped into the

dual existences of  and Shiki: a paradox that reality couldn’t resolve.

will be unable to remember many of what made her dual existence unique,

is one of synthesis, of the past and the present mixed together.”

wasn’t; to compensate for the one she lost, as a way to retain her

needs companionship, not mimesis, to fill the hollow that Shiki left behind,

Tōko let this remain unsaid, and continued. “But even if we hypothesize

if she can’t feel the same way. Time will pass, and with time, her soul’s

other name and all that jazz. See, a rose doesn’t change just because you

wrists in the bathroom because of it.” She added in a whisper, “In the end,

She needs to make new memories, new experiences; a new hallow for her

there was no mistaking who she was referring to. “And it’s your job to

It’s the thing she needs the most after she gets out of the hospital, which 

should be soon.”

and then raised her arms to stretch her back, the bones producing a satisfying

“I really shouldn’t have bought a brand of smokes I don’t know. That

couldn’t figure out if the long sigh she made afterwards was caused by her

was perhaps best not to ask.

/ 4

I glance at the desk calendar beside my bed and realize it’s the 20th of

tomorrow when I get out of the hospital. With the gradual recovery of my

on my eyes, which will come off early tomorrow morning.

lose in as short as a week’s time. Akitaka and my parents probably haven’t

with it, everything. I can only lie here and watch as it happens. I let my

this is the only thing I gained.

and shapeless. I lived through it, and now I can literally see it. When I

of wasn’t the nurse who rushed to my side in astonishment. It was a line,

line in every person, in every wall, even in the air itself, all of them across

in accursed serenity. Then I realized that these weren’t just lines. They

was filled with an irrational fear then, a fear of the possibility of that outer

to me, but I couldn’t hear the words, only seeing the lines, and the things

It was that vision that provided the impetus for me to try destroying my

fear, and every muscle hurt like hell. I was still weak, and because of

out on whether that was a good thing or not. They never seriously asked

and all sorts of involuntary impulses could happen then.

longer. I’d do anything not to see a world like that a second time. Neither

and repulsive than any place I’d ever seen. I still can’t bear the thought

/ 4 • 29

I point my fingertips at my eyes. They’re only inches away from each

always did in sword practice—

Whoops, poor choice of words.” From the door comes a woman’s voice. I

but whoever she is, I can hear her voice coming closer. I don’t seem to

my bed.
“Arcane Eyes of Death Perception, huh? Destroying

Chapter end