Apocalypse Cockroach Chapter 38

Zhang Xiao Qiang slept groggily, before suddenly feeling that something was tickling his nose. He wanted to sneeze but he couldn’t. He opened his eyes, only to discover a pair of eyes as wide as the moon in front of him. The pair of eyes were staring at him unblinkingly, as a waft of breath from the owner blew on his own face, giving it a sort of warmth in the midst of this cold early spring.

“Uncle, you’re really interesting! Why did you not sleep on your bed, instead lying on the floor?” Yang Ke’er had an amused look as she sat on the floor, asking Zhang Xiao Qiang.

“You..you..you.. When did you wake up?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang stammered.

“I just woke up! I had a really good sleep last night! Oh yes, Uncle, why were you sleeping on the floor? The ground is really cold!” Yang Ke’er continued to pester.

“Oh, that, that, ahem! It’s like this, yesterday I was sleeping on the bed, halfway through, I must have rolled out of bed and onto the ground! En! It’s like this!” Zhang Xiao Qiang was unwilling to tell her that she almost became a zombie last night, and decided to pull a fast one.

Yang Ke’er gazed at the neat bed that was 5m away, and then turned back to look at Zhang Xiao Qiang, and tilted her head in confusion.

“Cheh! Uncle, do you take me for an idiot? You expect me to believe that you rolled all the way from so far, and sat here to sleep?” Yang Ke’er scoffed a little, her face showing an expression as though she thought that she had solved the world’s hardest mystery.

“Forget it! There’s no point talking about this, tell me, do you feel anything different from usual?: Zhang Xiao Qiang looked at her face and asked nervously!

“Different?” Yang Ke’er scratched head as she thought. Zhang Xiao Qiang observed her carefully, not daring to miss anything out.

“Do you feel like extremely hungry, so much so that you can gobble up an entire cow?” Zhang Xiao Qiang quipped in from the side.

“Nope!” Yang Ke’er eyed Zhang Xiao Qiang and replied.

“Then do you feel that your body is aching all over? That the pain is even permeating through the bones?” Zhang Xiao Qiang did not give up.

“I still don’t feel anything!” Yang Ke’er did not understand why Zhang Xiao Qiang was acting so weird, but she tried her best to go along.

“Then do you feel an endless source of energy within your body, that the moment you lift your hand you can conjure a fireball or ice arrow?” By this time, Zhang Xiao Qiang felt doused by a bucket of cold water, had he really spent a night up in vain?!

“Uncle, did you dream that you broke through or something? Do you want me to use a super powerful curse to summon a beast to raze the whole world?” Yang Ke’er felt that Zhang Xiao Qiang must be still dreaming.

“Damn it, do you feel strange anywhere? Hurry and check yourself!”

Zhang Xiao Qiang was getting angry, but he didn’t know if he was angry at Yang Ke’er or himself. He had gone to collect the rainwater for no reason, after that he even subjected himself to needless torment.

“No means no! What’re you getting angry for? Oh, oh, I feel like taking a dump now, does that count?” Yang Ke’er responded weakly.

Zhang Xiao Qiang felt completely depressed.

Yang Ke’er ran off to relieve herself, as Zhang Xiao Qiang eyed the cup in his hands. He saw that it was still half-full with the clear rainwater. The water was extremely clean, not murky nor dirty, and it looked no different from the usual drinking water.

“Don’t tell me it only knocks people out?” Zhang Xiao Qiang was doubtful, but he still poured the rest of it into his mouth.

“A little bland, mm! It feels a little unsmooth.” He smacked his lips as he made his observations.

“Why can’t I fall asleep?” Zhang Xiao Qiang laid on his bed and looked at the ceiling, the lass had fallen asleep soon after she drank it, while Zhang Xiao Qiang was still tossing and turning, could it affect people differently?

“Aiyaya! It hurts! Uncle, did you put a laxative inside?” Yang Ke’er rubbed her stomach as she walked out, her face contorted in agony. In a short span of time, she had already went 3 times.

“Gulugulu….” Her stomach began making noises again.

“Ahh! Again! Wuuu…. If this continues, my intestines are going to be passed out as well, wuuu…..” Yang Ke’er sobbed as she ran towards the cave recess again!

Zhang Xiao Qiang laid on the bed, looking at the scene incredulously, before his own stomach began to sound “gulugulu”. “I got it too?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang leapt out of bed, and had no time to grab any toilet papers around before he ran after Yang Ke’er.

“Yah! How can you be like this! Can’t you see I’m here?!” Yang Ke’er was squatting with the stone wall behind her, as she screamed out.

“Matter of emergency, I’m also suffering from diarrhea, just bear with it!” Zhang Xiao Qiang exclaimed shamelessly as he hurriedly unfastened his pants, squatting opposite Yang Ke’er.

“But..but…but…I’m a girl!! Couldn’t you do it outside?!” Yang Ke’er’s entire face was flushed red as she stammered out.

“Do you want me to shit on your bed or on the food?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang gritted his teeth as he replied, before suddenly tensing up, and his ass relaxed. A huge amount of shit came out as though the dam had broke, and a huge stench wafted through the space.

Relaxed? Comfortable? Zhang Xiao Qiang felt as though he had just shaken off all the world’s burdens, feeling extremely comfortable, not minding the stench one bit.

“Humph!” Yang Ke’er pulled up her pants and ran out.

Zhang Xiao Qiang couldn’t care less about her grumbling, but he suddenly thought: “It seems like she didn’t wipe her butt?!”

After 3 to 5 minutes, Zhang Xiao Qiang was about to stand up, when he saw Yang Ke’er rushing in again, squatting opposite him.

“Can’t you see that there’s a man here?!” This time, it was Zhang Xiao Qiang’s turn to raise his voice, seemingly forgetting his own shameless behaviour earlier.

“Do you want me to shit on your bed or on the food?!” Yang Ke’er truly learnt from him.

He pulled up his pants and was about to run out when her voice rang out, “Uncle, you forgot to clean your butt!”

Zhang Xiao Qiang almost crashed to the floor when he heard that.

Like this, the 2 of them continued running back and forth, shouting at each other, suffering from their diarrhea until their assholes turned numb, before they finally got a break.

Both of them laid exhausted on their own beds, Yang Ke’er stirred as though she had something to say. Zhang Xiao Qiang gritted as waves of the burning sensation from his asshole coursed through his body, thinking: “Maybe the rainwater had some croton?”

Yang Ke’er suddenly spoke up weakly, interrupting his train of thoughts.

“Uncle! That, that… En… You saw my private area, so…. You must take responsibility!” Yang Ke’er sat on her bed as she sobbed.

“Couldn’t you see that I was busy then? Who would have the energy to look at you!” Zhang Xiao Qiang did not bother about her, thinking: “Humph, you want me to take responsibility for you you?! Who would do the same for me?!”

“No, it’s not that! I didn’t even let my husband see it!” Yang Ke’er declared towards Zhang Xiao Qiang.

“Huh?! He didn’t see? You guys have done ‘it’ but he didn’t see?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang couldn’t believe his ears.

“Really! It’s the truth! When we were in the car, I had been using my hand to help him do ‘it’, they say that otherwise it would hurt ‘there’!” Yang Ke’er felt extremely ashamed as she squatted on the floor, drawing circles with her fingers.

“They? Who’re they?” Zhang Xiao Qiang felt a little curious as he asked.

“They are a bunch of elder sisters living together with me, they lived upstairs!”

“Didn’t you say you’re pregnant?!” Zhang Xiao Qiang was astonished.

“En, they say that if women helped their men to get ‘that’ out, and it touches them, the women would get pregnant. Also, they said if a couple didn’t want pregnancy, then they have to store ‘that’ in some protective thing. I had gotten ‘that’ on my hands, so I’m definitely pregnant!” Yang Ke’er spoke to that point, her face with worry.

“Little girl?! Did you not learn anything from biology?” Zhang Xiao Qiang maintained a straight face as he asked Yang Ke’er.

“Those elder sisters of hers never made things clear. I was still under the impression that pregnancy and this lass’s period had no relations!” Zhang Xiao Qiang thought to himself dispiritedly.

“Other people say, biology wouldn’t be tested, since it was not important, it’s ok not to read!” Yang Ke’er still didn’t understand how pregnancy and biology was related.

“…..” Zhang Xiao Qiang was speechless.

The truth is out! Yang Ke’er’s mind had been deceived by those elder sisters! Hahaha!

This is why it’s important to study. 2 uninformed people trying to survive together getting the wrong ideas about everything else.

Chapter end