Guys, I really like potatoes.

There’s no special reason, nor do I have any special memories. I simply like potatoes.

There’s no need for you guys to think about this too much, the word potato doesn’t refer to anyone’s name, nor does it refer to the name of a cat or a dog. What I meant is literally what the word means: the plant – the beautiful and cute potato.

Call me a lunatic or claim that there’s a hole in my brain. I don’t really care. After all, I’ve heard it too many times…

However, reflected in my eyes are you humans, who have no idea of the charm of the potato. And to me, you’re pathetic.

Huh?

Why’re you guys looking at me with such gentle glances? Do you think I’m a retard?

Do you guys really not know about the true beauty of a potato?

All right then, let me give you guys a proper lesson, a lesson to those of you who’ve yet to receive the blessing from the God of Potatoes.

Potatoes have a petite and round body and underneath their sturdy looking exterior hides a smooth and tender skin, with a golden and mature interior. It can satisfy all your biological needs, lolicon, siscon, and shotacon, all at once. What else do you guys need?

All potatoes are both unique and different. Although their exterior looks inconspicuous, their interior, their heart, is much kinder than even the combination of all other categories of vegetables and fruits.

Typically, one potato sapling gives birth to around five to six 【Sons of God】. They support each other in the soil that’s enveloped by darkness, banding together against the ruthless attacks of the evil and greedy bugs, as they never abandon one another.

SEE?! Have you guys finally realized why? Why, potatoes are the ones that represent pure beauty and kindness in this world?

Ah, not good… I’m too emotional right now. This is just too moving!

I picked up a potato, as I wiped away the tear forming at the corner of my eye.

In addition to these things, the most unbearable thing is that sometimes, when I’m spraying insecticides on my potatoes, some bad kids will laugh loudly at me, as they throw stones, soil, glass shards, small knives, holy water, and similar items at me.

Bastards! That’s dangerous! What happens if you interrupt me, and lower the yield of my harvest?! Will you be willing to carry the responsibility? Do you think that I’ll bury you guys in the earth and allow you all to return back to nature, becoming nutrients for God?

Seriously… What would happen if I got distracted and caused the entire plot of potatoes to wither and die? That’s the same as a massacre. What’s the difference between your actions and the demon king’s?

However, in the end, all of this can only be blamed on the children's parents. These sad kids, under the influence and teachings of their parents, lack respect towards potatoes.

A lack of respect towards potatoes equates to beheading!

Don’t you guys know? That within each potato lies a goddess? If you’re kind to them, they’ll grant you good luck and safety for a lifetime.

I sat on my heap of potatoes, alone in the sun holding up an umbrella. Staring at the slow growth of my potato saplings, never allowing anyone to sully this holy perch.

I would represent the God of Potato and murder those who dare to step foot onto this holy land. Even if I’m just a potato farmer, I’m still a man of my word.

After such a long introduction, I believe you guys have now understood my point. Even though my occupation is that of a farmer, but as a matter of fact, you can also hail me as the hero of this world.

A medium sized potato is enough to feed a grown man for a full day. Up until now, I have grown at least a hundred thousand potatoes. That is to say, my contribution is sufficient to feed thousands of people every day.

Ah… When I think about it that way, I am really proud of myself. Maybe I really am a great and noble man, maybe the king will write a letter to thank me for my hard work tomorrow.

But…

These past few days have been quite peaceful, even though the demon race is still ravaging through the lands of this world.

Of course, if there is a demon king, then that means that there will also be the presence of heroes. However, even though the demon king has long been killed, every year there will still be tens of thousands of people signing up to become adventurers.

They travel towards the demon continent and try to defeat the non-existent demon king.

And during this period, the adventurers remaining in the villages would do next to nothing, at most defeating a few low threat demon beasts leaving countless villages to the threat of the demon beasts.

Yes. They only cared about adventuring on the demon continent, seeking fortune and glory, while scoffing at the danger in their own country. At the end, they would say things like “We have vanquished thousands of demon beasts in the demon continent! Be grateful! Hail us as heroes!” or something along this line.

Sigh… I’m just complaining a little.

In truth, I kind of like the adventurers.

As I was lying down on my heap of potatoes daydreaming, a heavy blow landed on top of my head.

As I covered my head, which was in great pain, with my hands, I stared in front of me with tearful eyes and saw a long haired girl.

A reddish-brown ponytail cascaded down to her hips, eyes that shone brightly and full of life, a pretty face and a seducing body, she represented the symbol of beauty in the eyes of all men alike.

A violent personality and easily agitated, she liked to strike at people once triggered. And yet the villagers let it pass because she had become the village's number 1 beauty.

Seriously, are the villagers here all secretly masochists?

There’s rumors that hundreds of people have proposed for her hand in marriage every year, even a few aristocrats from far away.

Seriously, are the people in this country all secretly masochistic?

Unfortunately, her gender is not potato so I will pass.

“See for yourself, the jokes that are written on this form. Do you any idea of the severity of this document?”

Of course, I know… to seriously make all the people of this country to become Adventurers, this kind of seriousness really made one scared.

“Let me read it out for you.” Holding the form with both her hands, like reciting a lovely poem, Di Yana started to read out the wonderful words written by me.

“Name: Fa’mu Potato…”

However, after finishing the first sentence she abruptly stopped and stared at me like an eagle staring her prey.

“…Continue? Why did you stop? Is something wrong?”

“Why are you the one with the puzzled look on your face? The one that's puzzled should be me!” Di Yana growled and proficiently picked up a stone from the ground, before throwing it at me without any hesitation.

Ah… I finally remembered. She was the sister of Wu De, and has thrown stones at me in the past!

“OUCH! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! I’m going to die! And bald! Even if I’m bald, I won’t become strong so please stop now!” [TL note: One pun man.]

“HUH? After tearing your hair out, you can finally allow this moldy brain of yours to bask in the sunlight, right?” My desperate pleas had no effect on Di Yana and instead, they had the opposite effect on her. She forcefully continued to tear my hair out, as she was seemingly determined to tear my scalp away along with the hair.

“Sorry! It’s all my fault! I apologize! Please stop!”

I had no idea what I had done to provoke Di Yana, but now was definitely the right time to apologize.

“Obviously…” I curled up in the shape of a potato on the ground and said in a low voice.

“Did you say something?” Di Yana questioned me, as she didn’t clearly hear my small mumbling just now, with a savage look in her eyes.

“Like I said… I’m obviously married… with all my wives… lovingly…”

As if she had not seen such a shameless person before, Di Yana’s anger was reaching a boiling point, but she still managed to restrain herself from going berserk.

“Oh? Where? Where are your so-called 548 wives?”

“There they are, they are my harem, total numbering 548 of them.” I pointed at the heap of potatoes below me, as I spoke with a justified, yet slightly angry, voice.

“You…” With a dark face, almost like she was accumulating her anger value so as to unleash her ultimate move on me, Di Yana’s whole body was trembling.

“I’m wrong!” A feeling of enlightenment suddenly hit me and my face suddenly turned serious.

“You finally understand…” Di Yana broke into a gentle smile, as she was under the impression that I had finally attained enlightenment from my moldy brain. But her smile soon became frozen at my next sentence.

“Yesterday…I seem to have eaten Lian Sai… Sorry, I only have 547 wives left now.”

“You ate… your wife?”

“Yup! I love her, she’s delicious.”

Bang! –

“Wah!” I shrieked, as my nose almost got broken off from my handsome face by the flying kick that Di Yana had launched. Luckily, however, because she was wearing a farmer’s long skirt, my line of sight followed her voluptuous white leg upwards and finally saw her panties.

They were white.

But…

Since it wasn’t the pattern of potatoes, there wasn’t much to be seen.

Yup, it was time to erase that from my memories.

Stomping angrily, Di Yana left my potato sanctuary. What a shy child. No wonder she was so angry looking at the love between me and my wives. Was her heart in pain being so close to me, yet unable to obtain my love?

Sigh…

But what's really in pain is… my face.