Lady To Queen Chapter 80

Chapter 80 – Why Did I Come Back Here?

Even after meeting with Petronilla, Patrizia remained sitting on the terrace bench, lost in her thoughts. With the sudden appearance of an ally, there was no knowing how the battlefield would be affected. While she was thinking of what there was left to do, she heard a low voice above her head.

“The flowers were beautiful.”

“Huh…?”

Startled, Patrizia looked up. It was him, she thought blankly. Thank goodness nothing happened.

“What was that about before?” Lucio asked.

“What do you mean?

“You said to not be shocked and to stay calm no matter what happened…”

 

“That's what you said, right?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” She gave an awkward smile. “And you weren't shocked. I thought that you would be at how beautiful the flowers were,” she lied.

Lucio studied Patrizia's face. “Liar,” he whispered in a low tone.

“You're terrible at lying.”

“…What do you mean?”

“Is it something that you cannot tell me?” he asked.

 

Patrizia closed her eyes and sighed before replying, “That is correct, Your Majesty.”

“I feel rather strange.”

“…I'm sorry?”

“I suppose that I'm still not trustworthy. I understand.”

“If I crossed the line, I apologize.”

“…No, you did not,” Patrizia responded in a controlled voice. Lucio thought that she had more to say on the matter, but seeing her stay silent, he decided to change the subject.

“You don't look too well. It might be best for you to go in and rest.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

With those words, he then got up and left.

He looked like he had more to say, Patrizia murmured quietly before shaking her head. Don't concern yourself over him.

As recommended by Lucio, Patrizia headed back to the Queen's Palace. She remained silent on the things that transpired that night. If she told them what Rosemond did, she would then have to explain the matters involving Lucio and Queen Alisa. She didn't want more people to know about it than necessary, since the matters were a secret to everyone else. There was no need to speak of one's weaknesses when the situation didn't even call for it. She hoped that the people around her thought the same way.

'She probably used up all the perfume by now.'

It was a perfume with a lovely scent. It would have been difficult for Rosemond to resist using it. Patrizia closed her eyes, a smile gracing her lips. The pharmacist told her that the effects of the perfume will soon come to light.

“–jesty. Your Majesty.”

Some time passed. Patrizia opened her eyes when she heard someone call her name. In the dark, she could see the blurry silhouette of Mirya.

“…Didn't I tell you to not wake me?” Patrizia said in an irritated voice when she was brought out of her sleep.

“I apologize, Your Majesty,” Mirya said with an urgent expression. Noticing that, Patrizia gently propped up her upper body.

“What on earth's going on?”

“The servant girls from the Central Palace have urgently called Your Majesty…”

“…From the Central Palace?”

An ominous feeling suddenly washed over Patrizia.

Wearing only a thick shawl over her slip dress, Patrizia hurried towards the Central Palace.

“When did the episode start?” she asked urgently.

“It had already been ten minutes by the time I left to call for you, Your Majesty.”

“…And what of Rose—I mean, the Marchioness?” she asked, the name and title falling distastefully off her tongue.

“She told us to not disturb her sleep, saying she was quite exhausted…”

Patrizia continued to walk in silence, the walk eventually breaking into a run. Maybe it was because she had already seen Lucio harm himself before, but all Patrizia could think of were bad thoughts and scenarios. No, don't do it, Patrizia muttered repeatedly, not knowing who exactly she was saying those words to.

“Your Majesty, will you be alright?”

Only when they reached the bedroom did the servant girl ask Patrizia this. Patrizia barked out a laugh.

“The one who called me over was you, was it not?”

“…That is why I am asking.” In a nervous tone, she continued. “Though I requested your assistance because there was no other alternative… If you cannot do it, I will not force you to do anything.”

“I believe it's been… about ten years. A long condition of episodes. At this point, I don't believe it'll ever…”

“You—” Patrizia started with a touch of anger, “—are you lacking loyalty to your master, or perhaps you are simply just worried about me, his wife.”

“…Your Majesty—”

“If it's the latter, then I can understand that. However, that's not something that you should concern yourself over even one bit. If you're really thinking for His Majesty's sake, then you need not worry about me. I'm not so narrow-minded as to not understand that.”

“…I apologize.”

Patrizia wanted to tell the girl that the person to apologize to wasn't her, but she chose to say something else. “How long have you been serving His Majesty?”

“…Just after he had become the Crown Prince.”

“That's a long time,” Patrizia murmured bitterly. “Of course you would look upon him pitifully. And it would have been quite tiresome to deal with this for so long. After all, anyone could tell that his mental health is poor.” As she said those words, she opened the door to the bedroom without any hesitation.

“AAAAAAH!”

In the moment of seeing him scream in agony whilst convulsing, harming himself in the process, a thought crossed Patrizia's mind. How much more tiresome would it be for him? Patrizia took one step forward.

“Your Majesty.”

No matter how tiring it would have been for those around him to deal with this, no one would feel more burdened than the person going through it himself. Just how much would he curse and hate himself? If it were me, I would…

“Your Majesty.”

I would… also hate myself. It probably feels horrible. He probably wants to escape from it, but he's already in too deep. In the end, the only thing left…

“Please stop.”

…is to wallow in miserable regret and shame. 

Patrizia took another trembling step forward. Soon, she crossed the short distance to Lucio. She bit her lip.

“Please stop.”

“AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAH….”

Lucio looked at Patrizia with bloodshot eyes. Without her even realizing, a tear fell from Patrizia's eye.

Why…

“Why do you continue to test me like this?”

“…Haah.”

She could see he was calming down. Even so, her tears continued to fall.

“Why…why won't you let me just ignore you?”

“…Hic.”

“If you keep doing this… I'll start to waver. You're making me want to hold you, to console you.”

“So please, stop doing this in front of me. Stop making me waver. I don't have the confidence.”

I don't have the confidence to deal with you, nor to love you. Even more so, I don't have the confidence to hold you, Patrizia murmured before sitting him down. Lucio's body, which was trembling like a leaf, gradually began to calm down.

“What do you want me to do?” Patrizia muttered in a grief-stricken voice.

“Haah…”

“I want to ignore you, but the image of you suffering continues to haunt me. I don't want to be concerned over you, but if you keep doing this…”

“…Ngh.”

“There's no way that I can't be worried…” With her arms around his fallen figure, Patrizia started to weep. “I still hate you and scorn you, yet…”

“Why did I come back here?”

She kissed his head, tasting the saltiness of her tears on her lips.

“Why…must you continue to bother me.”

I don't know anymore, she thought as she brought his face to her chest.

After a long time of being in Patrizia's arms, Lucio calmed down and eventually fell asleep. Patrizia laid Lucio down on his bed with the help of the servant girls. Even far after Lucio fell asleep, Patrizia stayed next to him, deep in thought.

She was thinking something along the lines of this: Why did she come here after hearing the servant girl's words? Why didn't she just ignore it?

Why did she continue to concern herself over him? Why did she claim to hold contempt for him, yet shed tears for him?

Why did she tell him to stop making her waver? Why, why, why…

“Damn it,” Patrizia cursed. She was not in a good mood. If anything, she felt like crap.

“What are you trying to hide, Patrizia? You already know the answer,” she muttered to herself bitterly. She looked like she was going to cry. It was a face of injustice, an expression that people wore when things weren't going their way. I don't want to be like this, but my heart won't listen to me, was the message it gave. It was like a half-eaten dacquoise was spat out.

“I don't know. I really don't know anymore.”

Even though she knew the answer, she continued to deny it. With a frustrated expression, she scratched at her head before falling asleep at the bedside, having forgotten the idea that she should leave.

The days when Lucio had his episodes were traumatic, and when he came back to his senses after going through it, a hot sense of shame never failed to wash over Lucio. He didn't expect that night to be any different.

“…Patrizia?”

That was why there was no way that he wouldn't be surprised when he groggily noticed his wife sleeping next to him.

Why is she here…? 

Lucio urgently called for the servant girl, who came in almost immediately. Before he could ask anything, she began to explain.

“Her Majesty the Queen… has been by Your Majesty's side since last night.”

Lucio wanted to dunk his face into a basin full of water to drown himself. He scolded the girl in a sorrowful voice.

“Why did you call her? These episodes always happen.”

“…Your Majesty.”

“You shouldn't have called her. Just what on earth is your reason for showing her that ugly side of me?”

“Her Majesty said this last night,” the servant girl said in a calm voice. “She said that I should only concern myself over the person I am serving.”

“I apologize, Your Majesty, if my actions have upset you. However… if the events of last night happened again, I would do the exact same thing as before. Because it's for Your Majesty's sake.”

“…Don't do it again.”

“…Yes. I apologize.”

“Leave.”

The servant girl felt instant regret at how sorrowful he sounded, but nevertheless continued to believe that she had done the right thing. Still, keeping the words Queen Patrizia told her last night in mind, she was most likely going to follow His Majesty's orders.

“Even if they called you, why would you…” Lucio muttered in a tormented voice. His vacant eyes stared at the sleeping Patrizia.

“You said you weren't feeling well.”

As he looked at her regrettably, he carefully patted her head, making sure to be quiet and gentle so as to not wake her.

“I'm sorry,” he said to her in a dry voice.

“It seems I only continue to hurt you.”

Patrizia was already awake when the servant girl had stepped into the room, but she immediately closed her eyes again, not wanting to make the situation awkward. Hence, when she heard what Lucio said, a feeling of displeasure boiled inside her.

'So frustrating…'

She hated that he said those things. She didn't like how he apologized to her with those sad eyes. Everything about him just offended her.

'How do I get up…'

Putting those unpleasant feelings aside was the biggest issue right now. She couldn't just get up, but she couldn't just continue to pretend to sleep either. Patrizia was contemplating other options when, out of nowhere, Lucio swiftly picked her up. Patrizia nearly let out a scream, but barely managed to keep it in and calmed herself.

“She might get angry at me again if she wakes up…”

“But I want her to sleep comfortably.”

When he wasn't looking at her, Patrizia began to bite her lip.

“I'll go out, so rest a little more comfortably.” He put her back down.

Thud. The sound of the door closing followed by echoing footsteps rang through the room. It was then that Patrizia opened her eyes and silently touched the place where Lucio lay just a moment ago. It was sadly warm.

Chapter end