Lady To Queen Chapter 60

Chapter 60 – Thanks for Hating Me Like Nothing Happened

Translator: Jem

Editor: Crystal Crater

That night, Patrizia dreamt of her final moments in her previous life. Just as the guillotine sliced her head off, Patrizia woke up with a scream.

“Aaaah!”

“Your Majesty!”

A startled Mirya hurried over towards the screaming woman, followed by Raphaella. Thinking that there was an assassin, the knight ran into the room brandishing twin swords, and when she realized that that wasn't the case, she let out a sigh of relief.

“Rizi—Your Majesty. What on earth happened?” Raphaella asked.

“Haah….”

Patrizia, who still hadn't calmed down from her nightmare, asked Mirya for some water. While the lady-in-waiting left the room to fetch a glass, Raphaella turned to Patrizia with a worried expression.

“Your Majesty, please relax. Only I am here now. And you are safe.”

“Haah, Raphaella…”

She even saw her decapitated form vividly reproduced in her dream. Both her mind and body felt completely wrung dry. If there existed a god of dreams, oh, how she wished she could kill it.

As Patrizia tried to reinstate her usual calm expression on her pale face, Mirya came in with a glass of warm water.

“Drink this, Your Majesty. Please calm down.”

“Haah…”

Still gasping for breath, Patrizia greedily gulped down the water like a child. Mirya and Raphaella watched her, their eyes filled with concern. Patrizia wanted to reassure her friends and say “It's alright. You're free to go back,” but the words couldn't come out.

“Did you have a nightmare?” Mirya asked, her voice quavering with worry.

“…I think so.”

“Shall I bring you something else to eat? Maybe something sweet, or…”

“No, that won't be necessary.” The water settled Patrizia a bit, and then she spoke to Mirya again. “I wish to go on a walk alone. I don't think I can fall back asleep in this state.”

“Alone? But…”

“Rosemond is not even here, so I'm sure nothing will happen. I'll be fine.”

Patrizia shakily pushed herself out of bed, but the shock made it difficult to steady herself. Raphaella immediately came to her side, while Mirya brought a fur shawl for Patrizia to wear. After draping the shawl on her shoulders, Patrizia slowly walked outside the Queen's Palace.

She headed towards the back garden, the place where she had bared all of her feelings before. She didn't want anyone's consolation.The only person who could understand what she was going through was her, and her alone. If she could just organize her thoughts in the solitude of flowers, she could overcome this misery pressing in on her.

Strangely, as she walked towards the back garden, tears began to drip from her eyes. She badly wanted to see Nilla, but it was late. All the horses and horsemen were asleep, and she couldn't possibly wake them up for the sake of her unusual and selfish whims. Nor could she just walk over to her parents' estate crying and causing them worry. She just had to keep this to herself. Besides, the horrible memories that she experienced were no longer from this life.

Patrizia's tears remained unwiped on her cheeks as she strolled through the garden. Suddenly, she caught glimpse of a faraway figure. It was hard to confirm their identity in the dim moonlight, the figure didn't give off the impression of an assassin. There was no way an assassin would look like that.

When she approached, she realized that it was Lucio.

“…Queen?”

The Emperor's voice echoed through the tranquil garden. No matter how shaken she was, there was no way that Patrizia was going to turn to him for comfort. Keeping that assurance in mind, she slowly walked towards Lucio. Because the moonlight was so faint, it would be difficult to tell that she had been crying, not unless he could detect the slight waver in her voice.

“I give my greetings to you, Your Majesty.”

“…Were you crying?”

Damn it. She was figured out.

“Yes, that seems to be the case,” Patricia replied.

“If you cried, then you cried. How would you not know whether that was the case or not?”

“That is true,” said Patrizia in an empty voice. Upon hearing her tone Lucio's face turned worried.

“Did something happen?” he asked.

“…It has been so long that I thought I wouldn't remember it.”

Yet she did remember it. Cruelly so.

“But I did,” she finished.

“It's a lie when they say that time heals.” As he said that, Lucio handed Patrizia a white handkerchief. It was the same handkerchief he lent her before.

Patrizia accepted it and carefully dried her tears. Lucio, who was watching her, gently took it back, then wiped the tears on her face that she missed. Though Patrizia wanted to pull away, she had no energy to do so. Frankly speaking, it was mentally and physically taxing for her to walk all the way here.

“I don't think you were crying this much back then,” Lucio said softly.

“It seems as if it was an even worse memory than last time.”

“Yes. Beyond comparison.” It was like comparing Rosemond to Nilla. Mustering up her usual flat voice, Patrizia then asked Lucio, “Your Majesty…what brings you here tonight?”

Even after asking that, Patrizia was afraid of what he would say. She wondered if he had had another episode, but she hoped that that wasn't the case. Thankfully, Lucio smiled and gave a better answer.

“I just recalled a bad memory.”

“…Was it about…”

“No, it wasn't as bad that.”

Still, it was a memory of abuse. Pain didn't have levels. If one hurts, then they hurt. It doesn't matter how much or how little pain it was—it was still pain.

“It must be hard for you,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, it is.” Even as he said that, Lucio was still smiling. “But I've already gotten used to it. That's why I no longer shed tears for it.”

“What does it mean, to be used to pain?”

“It means that I'm purposefully accepting the pain. Well, it's more like…” After contemplating it for a while, Lucio continued with a somber expression. “The pain eats away at you. You get consumed by it.”

“That doesn't sound like a good thing.”

“It's better than fighting against it.”

Is that so? Patrizia didn't really understand it. She then asked him, “Are you alright?”

“Are you alright, Queen?”

Patrizia replied honestly. “I'm not.”

A smile graced Lucio's lips once again. “Alright. It's much better to be honest about it.”

“It's possible that I won't ever be alright.”

“That's fine. Scars and pain are normally like that. They're memories that you can never erase or forget.”

“You talk as if you're an expert on this.”

“It's a defense mechanism of sorts.”

Patrizia decided that it would be unwise to dig deeper, and innocuously steered the topic towards something else. “Are you really okay, Your Majesty?”

“I already told you. I'm used to it.”

“While I dislike you, I feel regret that you are unhappy, Your Majesty,” Patrizia responded, though she wondered if it was right to feel this much pain in her heart for simple “regret.”

“Well, that's something that I'm grateful for, Queen.”

“…I'm sorry?” Seeing Patrizia's confused expression, Lucio gave a soft chuckle.

“Normally, Queen, if one hears a story like mine, it is difficult for them to act the way they did before. They draw a line that wasn't there before so that they don't risk triggering the scars. It's done with good intentions, but walking on eggshells can leave more scars on the person in question.”

“So thank you for hating me like nothing happened.”

Why would he say that with a smile on his face? Patrizia bit her lip. Whether Lucio didn't notice it or he chose to overlook it, he didn't comment on it.

“So are you feeling a little better now?” he asked.

“I think so,” Patrizia said noncommittally, and looked at the man standing in front of her eyes.

All the pain that she had suffered came from this man. He was the one who sent Nilla to the guillotine, and he was the one who destroyed Patrizia and her entire family. However, those were all things that he did in another lifetime, and the current Lucio standing in front of her did not bear even a single ounce of responsibility for those actions. In this life, he did not bring Patrizia's family to destruction, nor did he send her sister to the guillotine.

Still, the fact remained that this man inflicted these scars on her heart. Falling into this snare of never-ending contradictions, Patrizia furrowed her brow in confusion. Why was she seeking comfort from the person who was the source of her problems? There wasn't a more perfect example of irony than this.

“You must really like this garden. You seem to always come here,” remarked Lucio.

“…Ah.” Patrizia shook herself from her thoughts. “It's a special place of sorts for me.”

“As is for me. How fascinating.”

“Every time I was beaten by the former queen, I came here to cry. Even after the events of that day, I came here to hurt myself.”

Though he spoke of a cruel reality, his voice was completely devoid of emotion. How could he speak as if it was nothing? Patrizia felt both pity and heartbreak. These flowers probably bloomed from the childhood tears he had shed.

“I only talked about unpleasant things,” Lucio said finally. “You should head in now, as it's already so late.”

“…Alright.” Patrizia bowed in farewell and left the garden. However, she kept hearing footsteps following her from behind. Looking back, she saw that it was Lucio.

“Why are you following me?” she asked.

“I thought it'd be good to walk you to the Queen's Palace.”

“I can go on my own.”

“It's dangerous. Why did you come out without any guards?”

“Because I wished to be alone,” Patrizia answered politely. “Therefore, I shall walk back by myself. Please head back to the Central Palace.”

With that, Patrizia started heading back at a quicker pace than before. Nevertheless, after taking about ten steps, Patrizia heard the sound of Lucio quietly following behind her. She didn't think it was worth rebuking him about and let it go.

In the end, Lucio followed her all the way back to the Queen's Palace, and then back to the Central Palace only after hearing Raphaella's worried nagging.

Rosemond returned to the palace earlier than expected. The carriage driver went as fast as he could upon her urging. Though she had to give a much higher bonus than promised, nevertheless, she entered the Imperial Palace with confidence incomparable to even that of a baroness.

The first thing she did upon arrival was head towards her Bain Palace. The ladies-in-waiting bowed in greeting to her.

“Lady Rosemond, welcome back.”

“Thank you. So nothing happened, right?”

The expected answer of “No, nothing happened,” did not come back. Instead, her ladies-in-waiting exchanged uncertain glances with each other, and Rosemond realized that something was wrong. Her face contorted into an ugly expression, and she began interrogating the girls.

“What happened?”

“Um…that is…”

“Hurry up and tell me.”

With Rosemond continuing to pester them, the palace girls broke down and finally explained. The Queen had cut the Bain Palace's budget in half and forbade the purchase of luxury items.

Fury emanated from the entirety of Rosemond's body. She was exhausted from traveling such a long distance, and her stress from dealing with Baroness Darrow was piled high, so she was far from being in a good mood.

Without even changing her traveling clothes, Rosemond whirled around and stormed towards the Queen's Palace.

“Your Majesty, Lady Rosemond is here.”

Hearing Mirya's curt voice, Patrizia had a hunch as to why the concubine had come to see her.

____

Chapter end