Kyou kara Ma no Tsuku Jiyuugyou! Vol 4 Chapter 6

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Wow~!  The footnotes!!  THE FOOTNOTES!!!  My numbers in parentheses went up to 10!  This chapter was really heavy on the pop-culture references.  And then a couple of those references get repeated/referenced to a few times afterwards.  I only footnote them once, though.

Oh, and Hyscliff!  I didn't footnote any of the Mito Koumon stuff because that carries over from novel 2, but in case anyone hasn't read that novel in forever and/or forgot, basically Yuuri and Conrad pretended to be people from the show 'Mito Koumon' while they were in human territory.  At this point, you don't really need to know anything about Mito Koumon because they're just using the names.

ANYWAY, I'll shut up now~

Chapter 6

      It was about five months ago.

      Despite his appearance, he’s a former Crown Prince of Cavalcade who fell in love with a Hildyard merchant girl, threw away his social status and eloped.  So, is he in a hot-blooded romance or not?

      I can’t tell him that we were travelling under fake names.  In his mind, Conrad and I are still Mito Koumon and his companion Kakunoshin.  How can I make an excuse after all this time?

      “’Suspicious’ is a bit harsh!  However, that’s right.  Since I have a devoted wife, today I’ve come here on business from far away Misshinai to have a meeting.  At any rate, as the son-in-law of the Enuroy family, I cannot allow the amassed fortune of my father-in-law to be reduced.  I have just now arrived here, but I wanted to start negotiations as soon as possible.”

      “But enough about me, how have you been, Mr. Mitsuemon?  To relay my gratitude I chased after you all the way to Shimaron, but there were only balloon-like skins in the room you were confined in.  I told them that they were skins you had shed and left behind so there would be no point in confining them, but the Shimaron soldiers and their superior officer all believed that they would eventually turn back into you.  And now I’m meeting your beautiful self here outside of Shimaron.”

      “And who is this adorable young girl?”

      “This is Greta, my hidden child.”

      “I used the bathroom,” Greta said.

      “I told you, I wasn’t that long!”

      Because I’m freaking out after discovering that Mr. Shiny is involved with this shop, I can only come up with the bad excuse of, ‘but I have to get back to the hotel and check in with Con… Kakunoshin and children need to get their sleep or they won’t grow.’  However, the ever honest Hyscliff brushed that aside saying that his subordinates would relay the message.

      “Excuse me, Mr. Hyscliff, but Luis Biron is waiting…”

      If I’m with Hyscliff, even if I were to give that man a piece of my mind, there would be no danger of being attacked for being rude.   In any case, if I can’t escape right now, the smartest thing would be to go along with my acquaintance as the man who he owes his life to.  As I’m coming to that decision, one of his subordinates leaves the store.  If he’s going off to report to Conrad, Mitsuemon or Kakunoshin won’t be on the lodging register.

      And then there was a gold covered door, the only gorgeous thing around, with a painting of a familiar looking bear-like creature on it.  I wonder if that’s supposed to be their mascot character like in pro sports.  But for some reason, the face is strangely scary.  Kind of like Gizmo when he was up to something. (1)

      “You seem to be well, Mr. Hyscliff.”

      “And you, Mr. Biron, seem to be thriving more and more with your business.  Ah, this person is Mr. Mitsuemon, a crepe silk dealer from Echigo. Despite being so young, he’s a cut above the rest and even I have to tip my hat to him.  Wanting to have his opinion, I have brought him along to this meeting.”

      “A-Allow me to introduce myself.  I am Mitsuemon.  You don’t have to write the ‘Mitsu’ in katakana and the ‘emon’ in hiragana.  I don’t have anything to do with Doraemon.” (3)

      A lobster!?  That’s a lobster, isn’t it?  If it’s red, it’s already been cooked, right?

      The man was tall and skinny and, if I had to say so, round-shouldered.  From what I can see, the sword at his waist is so long I probably wouldn’t have been able to even draw it from its scabbard.

      My literacy rate is on a steep climb.

      “I fail to see your point.”

      The veins on Hyscliff’s bare scalp slightly rise.  It seems he’s not just spouting off, but is truly angry from the bottom of his heart.

      So in other words, in short, that means ‘your business is too evil so stop making minors work?’

      He’s as awesome as Ichiro from Taiwan. (5)

      “And here I cancelled my other plans because the head of the Enuroy family was personally coming to meet with me and it turns out to be for having this foolish and hypocritical debate?  If that’s all you’re here for, please leave immediately.  I’m a very busy man.”

      Mr. Hyscliff turns harsh.

      Unintelligible-pon?

      Co-completely-pon?

      “Do so, if you wish. I have many acquaintances within the government.  If you want, I’d be happy to introduce you to them.”

      “If you won’t change your mind after all I’ve said, there’s no choice.  I’ll simply have to acquire your deed.”

      Is that some kind of speaking habit?

      “Well, how about we gamble?”

      “What do you mean by that, Mr. Mitsuemon?” Hyscliff asks.

      Being called Mitsuemon over and over again makes it sound like ‘honwakapappa,’ so stop it.  (6)  Struggling to sit up from where I had sunk into the sofa, I take my eyes off the lobster and say:

      “I see, I figured you were a properly raised boy and as I thought-pon, it seems your thought process is naïve as well.  You don’t have any experience with gambling.  As long as I don’t want money, I’ll need something of greater value than the production rights in the western district.  Can you find something like that so easily?  Oh yeah, if you plan on betting the deed to the southern district, I’ll decline your offer now.  I don’t need that boring place filled with bathhouses.”

      “Oh?  But they’re quite popular with the ladies.”

      Just as we had outworn our welcome, some other people enter with nice timing.  They draw the gazes of everyone in the room.

      “Yuuri, you jerk!”

      “Running around playing in the red-light district when you have someone like me…  how frivolous can you be!?”

      “Do you have any idea how much Conrart lectured me because of this!?”

      After pulling his younger brother off of me, Conrad took a look at my light clothing and, without giving me a chance to refuse, wrapped his coat around me.  The room wasn’t that chilly, but I was pretty cold.

      “Hey, the one who went out gallivanting with girls first was you, wasn’t it?  Even though you have such a nice guy face, are you really called The Great Demon Kingdom’s Emperor of the Night?”

      “We weren’t making anything!”

      Everyone in the room was dumbfounded, but Greta was watching the Komusou.  Mr. Shiny reluctantly interjects into our conversation.

      “Oh sorry, sorry.  That’s me.  I’m the crepe silk dealer from Echigo, Mitsuemon, with the pen name, Yuuri.”

      Pretty boy, I’m not sure if you’re out of sorts, you were trying to make a joke, or if you’re just an airhead.

      When Conrad puts on his nice-guy smile and places his hands on Greta’s shoulders, her face lit up as she looked up at the tall adult.  So this is how you’re supposed to touch girls.  As a new daddy, this is a very important lesson.

      The komusou swayed forward.

      The person he’s announcing he’s going for a homerun with is… me!?

      I can’t even speak.

      After reflexively closing them, I open my eyes again at the loud sound of metal clanging.  The impact sends a shockwave through the air and it hits my cheek along with some sparks.  My sunglasses fly off and the room suddenly brightens.  That’s right.  This isn’t the time to be closing my eyes.  I won’t even be able to dodge like that.

      “Did you get cut!?

      “Okay, you’re fine.”

      No matter the master swordsman, in order to receive an attack from above from a longsword, you have to put a blade edge horizontally in front of your face and support it with your left hand.  Immediately, blood wells up there.  The komusou momentarily withdraws and pretending he’s seizing the opportunity, aims for Conrad’s shoulder.  Since he moved out of the way with so little time to spare, I’m not even sure if he’s dodging it well.  Most likely, only the participants can understand how well their attacks are going.

      But that was probably for the best.  It could cost him his life to have his concentration broken.

      My entire body was shaking.  No matter what I told myself, I couldn’t stop shaking.  My teeth wouldn’t come together, my eyes were bloodshot, and I felt a cold sweat on my cheeks and back.

      When that man came at me, I felt his overwhelming intent to kill and despaired.

      Some cold part of me outside of my emotions watched the swordplay as if it was happening on the other side of a glass wall.  Against a brave enemy flamboyantly waving his sword around, Conrad kept his movements to the bare minimum.  As he drew his sword in a calculated silver stream, I couldn’t help but think it was miraculous.

      “Yuuri!”

      Wolfram, his back to me, spoke to me over his shoulder in a small but strong voice.  When did Greta cling to my knees?

      “Ah, yeah.”

      “Just in case… unsheathe your blade.”

      “Idiot, twist the grip!  Why do you think that’s called Windpipe No. 1?  Because it’s slit the windpipes of so many people!”

      With a sound like a futon being thrown out, the battle comes to an end.

      The man who tried to kill me is lying face up on the floor.  The description 'lump of flesh that resembles a body' is appropriate here.

      “No, not yet.  Don’t get close.”

      “This…”

      “I, I get it.  I get it.”

      “Conrad, your arm.”

      “Hube!”

      “Hube, are you going to die!?  Hey, are you going to die!?”

      Hearing this name we’ve heard over and over again in the recent past, both Wolfram and I are taken aback.  If you’re talking about Hube, that means Lord Gegenhuber Grisela.  The husband of the bride Nicola who is going to give birth to the successor of the Grisela family in The Great Demon Kingdom, and through his mother, a cousin of Gwendal von Voltaire’s.  I’ve heard they look similar.  This man who went missing in Svelera shouldn’t be here in another country’s resort town.  But even so, how does he know my hidden child?  As a father, that’s very troubling.

      Even if Wolfram and I peer at him, we couldn’t tell what he originally looked like.  Half of his face is burned.

      “Hey Hube, I’m giving it back.  I’m giving it back so don’t die.”

      “No… that’s Gegenhuber,” Conrad murmurs bitterly while holding a finger to the flowing blood on his brow.  His voice was a monotone as if he was just confirming for himself and not anyone else.
 

      “Hey wait, so you knew he was Hube and you cut him down anyway!?  He’s a demon, and not only that, but someone you know.  You almost killed him without going easy on him at all!?”

      “Huh?”

      “You know, I did what you said, but the king wasn’t a woman.  But since Yuuri’s a really good person, he said I was his hidden child without even showing him the seal.  So, I’m giving it back to you!  I’m giving it back so please don’t die.”

      “That’s probably the insignia passed down through the Grisela family.  If you had something like that, the soldiers would definitely let you pass without question.”

      Did he hate me even though we never met?

      The villainous merchant Luis Biron pointed at me with a laugh that if you gave a survey to a bunch of girls, 8 or 9 out of ten would rate as unpleasant.

      “… What, then you want to just be a little taller?”

      Why me?  (8**)  I haven’t even revealed since coming in this room that I’m the Demon King.  Then why is Biron pointing at me and laughing with a collector’s expression?

      I finally realize that my vision is clear and naturally colored and hurriedly pick up my sunglasses from the floor.  It’s too late since the merchant has arbitrarily decided my value.

      Hey now, am I being treated like a Chinese herbal medicine!?  If you want my leftover bathwater, I’d gladly pump it out for you any time.

      “You’re treating me like a rare beast!?”

      Uuugh and now I’m being called a treasure.  It would be cool if you want to call me the MVP of such-and-such like Ichiro, but when you say ‘treasure’ in a hot spring town, the only thing I think of is an adult treasure house. (9)

      “To be strung along by some baseless folklore and look at such a splendid person as a prize to be won in a bet!  You are a shameless person, Luis Biron!”

      Biron abruptly stood and moved around the table, walking toward us.  That fidgety walk makes him seem even more like Kinpachi.

      He kicked the motionless Gegenhuber in the head with his shiny leather shoes.  Greta gives a little shout and raises her head.  Even I unconsciously raise my voice.

      Evil Kinpachi narrows his eyes.

      “Hah!”

      “Ho!”

      “… Wait.”

      “I said wait, didn’t I!?  Don’t carry him around like that!  He’s still a living human!  Well no, he might not be a human, but he’s not a futon or a clay pipe or anything you know!?”

      “And anyway you treat your employees too horribly!  And you have the nerve to have that third year, class B hair cut, Biron or Melon or whatever your name is.  If I was stuck in class B for three years, I’d switch homerooms without pity!  Forget that, locking Izura and Nina in a stuffed animal room and hitting them and letting them catch colds is pathetic.  That’s clear mistreatment.  Are you properly thinking of their paid vacations or work-related injuries or insurance!?  If you can’t think of welfare programs then you should quit being an entrepreneur!”

      “Ah that’s right!  The rights agreements on the children.  UNICEF won’t just stand by while you do such inhumane things!  Actually, is there not a UNICEF in this world?”

      “I’ve said this before, but I own the right to do business here.  I’m doing business with my money.  Making children work is wrong?  Their parents took the deposit and have already used it.”

      However, my bad habit has dragged my middle class sense of justice from deep within me right up to my throat.

      My companions next to and behind me sigh as if they were thinking it would turn out like this.  While my face is mad, but I’m apologetic inside, I point at Biron with his parted, Kinpachi hair.

      Slightly panicked, Mr. Shiny asks ‘Mr. Mitsuemon?’ with the end raising an octave. Kind of like he’s wondering ‘what is this demon saying?’

      “How amusing!  You’re putting your own self down as a wager?  Fine, the world famous Luis Biron accepts your challenge.  Now then, you should prepare yourselves.  There’s a once in a decade event coming up!  We shall bet on the Rare Beast Race!”

      Everyone present exclaims the same thing.

(2)    Reference to Sannen B-gumi Kinpachi Sensei (Teacher Kinpachi from Year 3 Class B), a super long-running television show in Japan (1979-2011) about a teacher named Kinpachi Sakamoto and his experiences teaching in middle school.  The show dealt with social issues in Japan in the context of a middle school environment like bullying, suicide, teenage pregnancy etc.  Here’s a pic from the time period Yuuri’s thinking about ([Pic here])

(4)    Komusou were Zen Buddhist monks who wore straw baskets on their heads as a way to convey that they had no ego.  Komusou actually means something along the lines of ‘monk of nothingness.’  They meditated by playing a shakuhachi, which is a bamboo flute, and they would wander around on pilgrimages with the baskets on their heads playing music.  Because they were such a common sight and were given (the extremely rare) free rein to wander as they wished, samurai and ninja would disguise themselves as komusou for various reasons.

(6)    This is a Doraemon joke.  The Doraemon theme song has a line that goes ‘Doraemon, Doraemon, honwakapappa, honwakapappa, doraemon.’  It’s a made up word.  One theory is that it’s a compilation of ‘honwaka’ (comfy) and ‘pappato’ (quickly).

(8)    I had to take out two sentences here because there was a joke that I just couldn’t translate or think of a corresponding English one.  Yuuri says ‘Nande, ore o?’ (Why me?).  And then because the ‘me’ here is ‘ore o’ in Japanese, he starts talking about oreo cookies.  SO, the translation of that paragraph actually goes as follows:

(9)    Yuuri is referring to the Atami Treasure House (Atami Hihoukan).  Umm, it’s a museum that is kind of like a Ripley’s Believe it or Not but with weird sex stuff.
(10)Tetsuko Kuroyanagi is a Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF.  She was the first person from Asia to be made a Goodwill Ambassador and is super famous for her charity work.

Chapter end