I Chose to Fake My Death Chapter 45

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I felt relaxed and good. How long had it been since I felt like this? No one in charge, nothing to do, care free, and no constraints.

 

Although, behind her beauty was nothing but loneliness and emptiness. Right now, she happened to be dealing with a curse called ‘boredom’.

 

Yu was in class today, so he wasn’t at home, while Hitomi was left at home like a cute little kitten to watch the house. There wasn’t much to do in someone else’s home and she knew she should more or less be doing something for him. That being said she was now digging through his closet again.

 

Looking at the clothes in the closet, I tightened the quilt wrapped around my thin body, hoping to warm myself up a little more. I was not really sure when it started, but my body temperature was becoming more and more difficult to maintain. I had always felt slightly cool, but I didn’t know whether it was actually my body temperature or if it was my heart.

 

I still remembered when I was a boy that I always liked to wrap myself up in a quilt. It seemed that if my body was warm, my heart wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable.

 

Then again, do I really like this small, dark place?

 

I already expected that today would be boring. I became what I once dreamed of being, a cute little girl, so I was clearly capable of accepting this boy’s gentleness. Although, why was life so boring and lonely?

 

‘You’ve always been afraid.’

 

Who? Who said that?

 

I silently cried out. At that moment, I was truly afraid to make a single sound. I hid in the closet and hoped to escape unnoticed by… whatever it was.　

 

My heart was pounding in my chest, but it took a moment for me to realize the next ‘thump’ I heard was the sound of the closet door suddenly being opened.

 

“Hey, why are you hiding in a closet?”

 

Her scent, her pink, knee-length hair, her graceful curves, her clear, bright laughter and her familiar pink dress…

 

“You...” (Hitomi)

 

“Aren’t you?” (Hitomi)

 

I was stunned. No, shocked would be a much better way to say it.

 

She… the one who made me.

 

She… the one who gave me my powers.

 

She… the one who was so full of mystery.

 

She was here again?!

 

I had never imagined that I would ever see her again.

 

“Hitomi, my cute little one, shouldn’t you be basking in the warm and tender embrace of your dear one? Why are you hiding in a closet crying?” (God)

 

Me?

 

After I heared her question, I silently reached up and touch my cheek…

 

I was crying?

 

Why was I crying?

 

It didn’t make any sense. I had no reason to cry, did I?

 

I… umm…

 

Just as I was trying to put my thoughts in some semblance of order, she reached out, pulled me to her, picked me up and carried me from the closet with my beautiful long, silvery-white hair trailing behind us.

 

I was a princess being carried to the a bed, where she sat down and held me tightly in her arms. I could think of nothing except her alluring scent.

 

“You... Just let me go.” (Hitomi)

 

I said sounding as if I was bored and indifferent, but being held tightly in her arms, I was actually very relieved and very, very happy.

 

“Hitomi, we both know you are timid, acting brave doesn’t really suit you. You are a cute little girl already, so you can get rid of all the useless things you knew from before.” (God)

 

She spoke very softly to me while smiling tenderly, although her eyes looked like she was a little sad. The last time I saw her she had been a very energetic person.

 

I rested my head on her chest while being gently held in her arms, I could neither contradict what she had said, nor had I considered the reasons for her sadness. In the quiet house, it seemed as if time had stopped as the pink-haired girl gently wrapped her arm around the waist silvery-white haired girl and stroked her hair with the other. Although, no matter how comfortable the environment, there’s no way to completely stop your own thoughts.

 

Maybe I was just too emotional.

 

Maybe that was the reason.

 

Maybe I wanted too much.

 

What kind of life did I want? As a girl, to gently hold a boy in my arms and be intimate? To have someone happy that I’m alive, neither worrying, nor hating me?

 

What did you want? A sense of security and warmth. Someone to love me, it shouldn’t be all that difficult.

 

Is what I wanted still too much?

 

I didn't know. I wished I did.

 

“Don't overthink it.” (God)

 

[Puu] (Hitomi)

 

I loudly blew air out after she lightly flicked my forehead with her finger.

 

“You will never be able to tell people how you feel if you don’t open your mouth and speak. When you want to touch someone, if you don’t reach out your hand, you will never be able to touch them. This is the simple, and inevitable truth.” (God)

 

“I don’t even know what to say! I lost my ability to express myself long ago!” (Hitomi)

 

Keep your head down, do what you are told, don't whine, don’t disagree, don’t speak. This had been my life for more than 10 years! I could do basic questions and answers, but express how I felt? I couldn't do that! How was I supposed to open up?

 

“If you can’t say it, then rely on your body to express it.” (God)

 

“Are you? Am I? How would you know?” (Hitomi)

 

Chapter end