Tsuki Tsuki Vol 9 Chapter 4

Chapter 04: Tied Strings of Bonds

—An exorcists or a devil, that doesn’t matter to me. For me, you, Luna and Machina are just cute girls. And there’s no need to be scared of such.

The smile he showed me.

In the car Kaoru-san was driving, I remembered Shinobu-kun’s words and smile while I watched the quiet and dark street through the window.

As a kid, I wanted to help my precious friend and showed my exorcist powers, whereupon she cried with “Monster” while looking at me. Weird rumours spread at school, I became alone and I thought it would turn out like this again if I ever showed my powers again.

Actually I was somewhat prepared for it when I showed my powers in front of him.

I found it strange and it weighted on my mind, so at some point my eyes were chasing him. Everyone was saying he was a scary person, but I noticed that he was actually kind and felt that he resembled Kaoru-san a bit… I wondered when it was that I fell in love with him?

His behaviour to hide his red cheeks when embarrassed.

The gentle smile he suddenly showed.

Therefore I noticed right away that he had feelings for Luna-san, by observing his attitude, speech and conduct. But I couldn’t give up. I troubled him by pushing my selfish dream on him. I… made my beloved person sad.

The hand he extended was kind of shaking and the lips he bit onto, enduring something, just looked sorrowful…

That would be by far more painful.

At some point tears were seeping out. When I wiped them away secretly, Kaoru-san, who was driving the car, said isolated.

Suddenly facing me, Kaoru-san knit her brows worried.

“Sorry, Kaoru-san. It’s better that way now.”

“Besides, I have to accomplish achievements while I can.”

“It’s for you as well.”

I certainly was thinking of changing the exorcist organisation to make them acknowledge Kaoru-san as my family. But that wasn’t all to it. It involved Luna-san and Machina-san too. But Shinobu-kun didn’t have to know about that.

I guess Shinobu-kun would be happy about being able to stay with everyone? Even if I wasn’t part of it, even if I couldn’t see that beloved smile anymore, as long as he is happy… That alone was happiness for me too.

Kaoru-san suddenly raised a trembling voice that cut into my thoughts.

“He’ll be fine without me. He has Luna-san with him. I’ll only cause troubles by staying at his side. It would be just my selfishness. Besides, I still have you, right? That’s enough for me.”

“…No good.”

Despite that, I wished to remained handcuffed. I got the feeling that I could stay by his side while still handcuffed and that he would allow it…

I knew I had to wake up from the dream already and that it shouldn’t happen, yet I couldn’t hold back my overflowing tears and the cold drops ran down my cheek while a weeping left my mouth…

Let’s stay friends— Could have the current result been avoided, if I had said these words clearly?

Besides, the fact that Hijiri rejected my extended hand amidst the rain a few days ago tightened my chest and unable to get her sad expression from that time out of my head, I got the feeling that I would hurt her again if I was near her, so today again I went to school with heavy steps without having come up with words to tell her.

At that time, I suddenly spotted Hijiri, surrounded by students as always, in the corner of my vision.

What grazed my head was the innocent smile she showed before.

Her dignified eyes that charmed me every time.

…Would our relationship end like this and Hijiri turn into a simple stranger? Would the pain I was feeling in my chest vanish at some point?

There I returned to the classroom and then thought about such things during class, so before I noticed it, it was lunch break.

“Hah…” from me.

“Aww…” from Asada.

Hearing these voices, everyone grew even more gloomy and I sighed again.

“Fuhn.” from Asada.

“Noo” from Asada.

For some reason, Asada and Minami leaked bewitching voices from midway on, continuing even further.

“Me too, Ahn, can’t take it, there.”

“Kyaa, please, don’t tease me, my Queen.”

“I mean, Nanjou just isn’t retorting and not even paying attention to me, so I’m lonely. You’re the only one left, Orangelo-san…”

Asada and Minami each leaked these words and looked at me slightly worried. But when he saw my non-reaction, Asada shrugged his shoulders lightly and changed the topic.

“Student president? Hijiri is?”

“You see, Gogyou-san was asked by the current president to succeed the position. She told me about it the other day… but I’m against it. I can’t play with her at all and she’s a bit weird lately.”

“Guess it’s because she’s busy? She herself might think she’s behaving like always, but as a friend I can tell that’s she’s somewhat absent-minded even in class. I think she’s forcing herself a bit.”

Hearing Minami, Asada interjected with an unusual serious face.

With still a serious expression, Asada suddenly faced me.

Asada’s soft tone strongly tightened my chest.

“Ehm, well, you know, your troubled face is rather cute, Nanjou. Can I kiss it?”

Upon hearing Asada’s joke, Minami raised a protesting voice right away.

“Hey! Same to you, Minami, what are you thinking! Get away from Shinobu!”

…Surely they were all concerned about me.

Before I noticed it, I was spilling a small smile and spent a somewhat nice lunch break with that lively atmosphere….

The chime tolled the end of the break and our homeroom teacher Hiiragi Akane showed up, whereas Hijiri was absent from the classroom for some reason and even now her seat remained empty.

“…What happened to Gogyou-san?” “So she isn’t back yet.” “I heard that she collapsed in the hallway at the end of lunch break.” “…For real?” “I didn’t know at all.” “Is Gogyou-san okay?” “Seems she’s resting in the infirmary now.”

I faintly heard the conversation of my classmates. Bit by bit, worry spread in my chest and when I grimaced, Machina placed her hand on my shoulder with a plop.

“…Thanks, please do.”

“Nanjou-kun, what’s the matter?”

“Eh? Then should I accompany you?”

“But from what the other says, Gogyou-san also seems to be— wait, Nanjou-kun?”

There was the nurse in her white coat. Seeing me, she faintly frowned.

“Well, in a way I am, but I heard that Hijiri collapsed…”

“I consider myself one.”

When I nodded without hesitation, the nurse quietly stood up from her chair.

Most likely Hijiri’s older sister meant Kaorun. When I responded affirmative, the nurse waved her hand lightly with “If someone comes by in the meantime, tell them to wait until I’m back” and left the infirmary.

She certainly must have been unwell. Her complexion didn’t look well and her sleeping face had a faint weariness. And while breathing painfully,

Hijiri isolated leaked my name from her mouth, as she was sleep talking, and tears dwelled up in her closed eyes.

At that time, the door of the infirmary opened and a somewhat pale Kaorun showed up, as she came to pick up Hijiri. When she noticed me, her expression softened and she smiled while quietly coming over to me.

“…Just for a bit. Sorry. I only came to know about it minutes ago.”

Lightly bowing down, Kaorun moved toward Hijiri… and right away her expression clouded. For a while she kept her mouth shut then, but she slowly started to leak words with hesitation.

While saying so, Kaorun gently placed her hand against Hijiri’s cheek.

While petting Hijiri’s head, Kaorun frowned and continued.

Even while spinning her words softly, tears were faintly dwelling up in her eyes.

“Exorcist jobs too? Even though she already has the election… Why?”

Before Kaorun could continue her words there, the door opened once again and this time the nurse showed up together with Hiiragi-sensei, whatever happened to the class.

“Shinobu-sama, please leave Hijiri-chan to me.”

“I promised you the other day, remember? I will give my best to allow you two to get back to your previous relationship. Please wait a bit longer.”

When I listened to it, the nurse spoke about her own diagnose “Gogyou-san likely collapsed due to fatigue.” and Hiiragi-sensei apparently had turned the class into self-study. While I carried Hijiri on my back to Kaorun’s car after that,

Hiiragi-sensei, walking besides Kaorun, showed a worried expression with that from the beginning to end.

…Kaorun told me that Hijiri was increasing her exorcist workload, because she wanted to do something for me. But in the end, I couldn’t figure out how the exorcist jobs were paying me back.

What I truly wanted to do.

Probably because I averted my eyes from my own dream, even though I had a wish I wanted to come true, the sky in my vision looked incredibly clouded, just like this morning…

During the next few days, I couldn’t sleep well.

Even now Hijiri’s words of rejection skimmed through my head. They weighted down my heart and feet and the days went on while I simply waited like Kaorun told me to.

When I reached our home road with Machina like always, she started talking somewhat sad on this quiet residential street.

Temporarily stopping her words and looking at me, Machina continued hesitant.

When I replied with a small nod to that question, Machina asked even further.

Machina’s eyes, looking at me, were faintly flickering. But when I replied nothing back, she cast her face down and mumbled with a sigh.

Can stay with your beloved ones forever.

That person was Tachibana-san, who was the observer for Hijiri’s previous exorcist test.

“Excellent timing. I was just on my way to meet you, Nanjou-dono.”

“Yes. Well…”

“In place of Hijiri-sama, I will be instructing you about the exorcist training from today on, Nanjou-dono.”

“…Hijiri-sama personally asked me to. She is circumvented at present. The amount of her exorcist jobs increased compared to before and she is working hard to raise her position as an exorcist. I believe… it is for your sake, Nanjou-dono.”

“Nanjou-dono, you are not aware about how much effort Hijiri-sama puts into making the organisation acknowledge devils and hybrids devils, like the one next to you, right?”

“The exorcist organisation still takes a cautious stand against devils, like the one at your side. It is more than likely that the exorcists will make their move upon an incident. Hijiri-sama fears that and is exerting all of her powers to prevent that by all means.”

Until now, Hijiri had always protected Luna and the others from the shadows. Even after taking her distance from me, she continued to…

—Shinobu-kun, would you be happy if you can stay with Luna-san and the other from now on?

—Then I’ll try even harder at my job.

—I’m sure it’ll be fine when you tell Luna-san your feelings. It’ll definitely go well. I’ll… support you. I’ll make them… accept you two. From now on, I’ll always… always… be on your side, Shinobu-kun…

Suddenly many words that Hijiri had said so far floated in the back of my mind.

Support.

Understanding the true meaning of these words at this point, my chest got incredible hot and my clenched fists trembled.
Amidst that, Tachibana-san softly clapped my shoulder without saying anything more, then slowly walked away, whereas Machina for some reason bit down on her lips and cast down her face again…

After returning home, I forgot to train my body and even during dinner and after my bath, my sleep derived mind continued to think… about Hijiri.

Upon that, a small knock on the door sounded

and along with these words, Luna showed up in the room.

“…Lately, you look a bit down, Shinobu-san. As I thought, something happened? If anything is troubling you, I can listen to you.”

“The other day, when we were together on my way home from my job, you told me: ‘If you feel like grumbling, I’ll listen to you anytime’. I feel the same. If you want to talk, I will listen anytime. It does not need to be now, if you do not want to talk about it. Please let me hear it when you feel like talking.”

My heart was moved by her feelings and warmth of her hand.

Before I noticed it, my heavy lips had opened.

“You cannot help her?”

I squeezed out the words along with grinding my teeth. They echoed in the empty room and after a short while,

Luna lightly increased the strength in her palm on my hand.

Luna continued her words with a soft, yet strong voice.

After looking straight into my eyes, Luna tightly embraced me.

…Luna’s words and body were really warm and my hesitation gradually faded.
But a faint bit remained in my chest. Even after Luna left the room, I couldn’t get rid of it and I stared at my cell phone on the desk, whereupon

“Good evening, Shinobu-sama.”

I suddenly heard Kaorun’s voice, if only quietly.

“I know it was rude of me, but I allowed myself to trespass into your room today. I recorded this at that time. I am conducting remodelling right now, so it will take a few minutes, but let me be frank…”
There her words temporarily stopped and after a long silence,

“…Please help Hijiri-chan.”

Kaorun’s horrible trembling voice hit my earlobes.

Speaking out words of apology once more, her voice started to tremble even more.

Finally her voice started to mingle with sobbing, but Kaorun continued while suppressing it.

Slowly, her words afflicted my chest.

After that Kaorun’s voice told me where Hijiri had a job tonight and before the room became silent again— I rushed outside.

When Kaorun were her only support and Hijiri only relied on her, then I couldn’t stay still.

My head was full of Hijiri.

At the sea side school, when I observed her fieldwork, Hijiri’s family circumstances were exposed to Minami and even now Hijiri showed an expression close to tears.

The more I got to know about her, the greater got my feeling to help her and it was surely the sports festival that completely stabilized that feeling.

When I witnessed their dream becoming one on that day, I certainly felt the desire to see their dream realized.

I couldn’t afford to let go off this dream now and let it vanish after giving up.

Under the light of the moon and streetlights, Hijiri was leaning on Kaorun’s shoulder and there were various bruises on her legs and arms while blood seeped through her bandages, wounds she probably received during her job. Her expression was powerless and the usual dignified radiance was nowhere to be seen.

When Hijiri noticed me, she showed the same incredible gentle smile like before, then shifted her gaze to Kaorun.

“…I believed it was necessary for you.”

On the other hand, I straight went for Hijiri. My chest was filled with various feelings I wanted to tell her. Looking into her eyes, I quietly started talking.

“…I see. They both spilled the beans.”

“I’m not forcing myself. Luna-san and Machina-san are my friends, so doing this much is only natural. Besides, I need more achievements to change the exorcist organisation. It’s nothing for you to worry about, Shinobu-kun. This job is necessary for me.”

“Thanks for worrying about me. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

Like always, Hijiri’s smile was just affixed.

“Repeatedly pushing yourself until you’re that injured and smiling sadly like that… I can’t leave you alone like that. I always had difficulties, but I have decided now.”

“Whatever happens from now on, I’ll support you. I’ll help you. I’ll continue to protect you. I won’t ever take my eyes off you again.”

“Hijiri, I’m not aiming to be an exorcist for Luna’s sake, but because I want to see the moment your and Kaorun’s dream comes true together with you. I definitely will become an exorcist and support your dream.”

“Whatever you say, I don’t plan to change my mind. Even if you take your distance from me, even if you reject me numerous times, even if you come to hate me, I’ll help you. Like you did for me, I’ll continue to support you from the shadows.”

Along with a trembling voice, her fabricated expression gradually changed into a crying face.

“Leaving you alone is even tougher.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Then I’ll be by your side until you stop crying.”

“I’ll accept all of it.”

“That will never happen.”

“Act spoiled and cry all you want, I won’t consider it troubles. I’ll never come to hate you.”

“I told you, whatever happens from now on, I’ll continue to support you. So, don’t cry by yourself. Don’t get hurt by yourself. You don’t have to shoulder everything by yourself. From now on, you can rely on me.”

Smiling fragile, Hijiri repeated “Thank you”.

While spilling big tears from her eyes, Hijiri wrapped up my hand with both her hands.

“Yeah, until the end. Your dream is mine too. Let’s realize that dream… together.”

“…With you by my side, there’s no longer anything to be afraid of.”

Tears overflowed from Hijiri’s eyes without end and she raised a small crying voice, clinging to me like that. And I softly embraced her warmth on my body.

Amidst that, Kaorun, in the corner of my vision, had warm tears flowing down her cheeks just like Hijiri while she watched over us….

The somewhat bright lights of the houses were visible from the car window. Kaorun sat on the driving seat in the peaceful inside of the car. Hijiri was on the passenger seat. As for me, I leaned my back into the backseat.

While rubbing my eyes for the time being, I fought against the sleepiness, but at some point my consciousness faded and the conversation between Hijiri and Kaorun grew distant.

“Yeah, it’s thanks to you, Kaoru-san. Thanks. Also, sorry for worrying you. Are you willing to support me from now on as well?”

“…Kaoru-san, how about I postpone that for after we realized our dream? I think it’s a good motivation.”

Kaorun and Hijiri were talking happily like that… but I was done for. I was too sleepy. I wouldn’t last until home…

“Yeah, that’s right. It kind of makes me really happy.”

“Eh? Is that so?”

“L- Lover!? Really!?”

“Mhm~ But will Luna-san allow that?”

“…I hope Luna-san allows it.”

I got the feeling that Kaorun was making some kind of ruckus and was doubtful, but I couldn’t maintain my consciousness and fell asleep like that…

Chapter end