Tsuki Tsuki Vol 11 Chapter 4

Chapter 04: Everlasting Family

Elni’s guitar in Nazuna’s room with the notice “It’s your Christmas present!”. Elni’s lullaby from a different country that Luna would sing sometimes. Various accessories made from beads by Elni, which were left in my mother’s room. The double room without Elni felt disturbingly broad to Machina.

Even while everyone felt something amiss with all these things, no one could remember Elni after all.

Indeed. Most likely, Elni intended it to be like that from the beginning.

So I made numerous calls. To Elni and to the Old Man. But the calls never connected and I aimlessly ran around looking for Elni. I gradually spread my search radius, piling up travel expenses.

The resolve in my heart got stronger by the day and ever since the day she left, I stopped going to school. Not taking my end of term exams, I pursued Elni without rest.

But I had to hurry. When everyone’s sense of discomfort disappeared, a life without Elni would become the norm. Urged by the impatience in my heart, I kept looking for Elni in a distant town due to reports from eye-witnesses without returning home once in the past few days. Even so, I still couldn’t find her, so I once returned to my home city and I was advancing down the dim street at night with heavy steps.

So I had hesitant the whole time… but I no longer had time to falter. With heavy steps, I stopped at my destination— in front of the Gogyou Mansion and tightly clenched my fists.

…They must have been surprised by my sudden visit. And they should be a bit bewildered about my constant absence at school. But neither Hijiri, nor Kaorun questioned me when they saw me.

“I might be wrong, but the exorcist organisation has a diverse information network, hasn’t it? If so, I want you to let me access these information.”

“…I want to look for someone. You two might not remember her, but she’s called Elni. She has her silver hair tied in twin tails and her big eyes have a pretty crimson colour. Her appearance really stands out, yet I can’t seem to find her…”

“Do you really not remember her? She was a slightly stupid fellow, always made everyone laugh, could get along with anyone and was loved by everyone… but sometimes she forced a smile… and she even cried in her sleep…”

“…She, never let anyone see her crying face. She was obsessed with not making anyone cry and kept it all to herself, crying by herself… In the end, that idiot… just left all by herself…. I don’t know where she went… and by myself, I can’t do anything…”

“…Please, Hijiri… Elni’s an important part of my family… Even if everyone forgot… she’s our family… I don’t want her to cry… Therefore…”

“I understand. Kaoru-san, investigate the girl called Elni now. She has silver hair tied in twin tails, crimson eyes, wears a yellow hoodie… and is a friend of my father…”

Surely neither of them remembered Elni yet. But undoubtedly Elni’s voice resounded in the corner of their hearts, just like it did with me and the other girls. Hijiri only left me the words “I’ll ask my father for help too, so wait a bit” and rushed out of the room with attitude like Kaorun. I could see impatience in her expression.

While such thoughts crossed my mind, I used the opportunity to wipe away the tears from my eyes. And after a few minutes, the door of the living room slowly opened and the one who came in wasn’t Hijiri, but Sougo-san to my surprise. He quietly came over to me.

Saying so shortly, Sougo-san kept looking at me somewhat faltering and after a long silence, he opened his mouth somewhat calmly while filling his eyes with sadness.

Instantly, I widened my eyes, whereupon Sougo-san continued with still a peaceful tone.

Just like speaking from experience,

Sougo-san filled his voice with regret, as if he was talking about his own past, and bit his lips.

Most likely that “someone” was Sougo-san himself.

His voice became filled with more regret. His eyes were rocking with sadness.

Squeezing out the cracked words, Sougo-san directed his blurred eyes at me.

“…You knew about all this long ago, didn’t you?”

Letting his expression distort greatly,

The tears I thought to be dry before, now spilled tears.

While sobbing, Sougo-san retold Elni’s words.

After a while of quiet sobbing, Sougo-san quickly brought his voice under control and said.

“…Elni was crying when she asked you, right?”

“Then my answer is obvious. I don’t want Elni to cry all by herself. I’ll search as much as I can to find her for sure.”
From hearing the story, I somewhat understood. Sougo-san was sympathizing with Elni. He also must know the reason why Elni left us. But I shouldn’t hear it from him. I had to hear it directly from Elni herself and the feeling in my chest grow even stronger…

In my slumber a lovingly fragrance tickled my nasal cavities. It was a somewhat sweet, but slightly cold fragrance of cigarettes. Maybe dad was smoking nearby? When I opened my eyelids still more than half-asleep, my vision didn’t fall on the familiar ceiling of my room, but on the crystal clear blue sky.

It seems Sougo-san and the girls were doing their best, but the exorcist information network had trouble catching a trace of Elni. So my impatience and worry grew. Moreover, I was concerned about Luna and the other girls.

I completely woke up during my pondering. Now I opened my eyelids completely and straightened up my body on the park bench, whereupon I noticed that my body had been covered with a black coat.

Instantly the little bit of sleepiness within me was blown away. That long red hair undoubtedly belonged to the Old Man Bram. When I widened my eyes, the Old Man apparently felt my look and turned around with a quiet “So you’re up”.

“…Seems you’re looking for Elni.”

“One reason is that you tried to call me numerous times on my cell phone. Luna or Machina are one thing, but it was the first time for you to call me. So I could guess it more or less.”

“The memory manipulation this time was rather far-reaching. Elni knows too much people. It was my first time using the spell for such a wide range, so I did it without my familiars, since I was worried it might come apart, but apparently the effect is somewhat weak for those close to Elni.”

“And you’re a special exception. I once used the spell on you already to erase your memories of Luna. You might have developed a resistance for it then. Either way, the others aren’t like you. They seem to feel something amiss due to weaker effect, but it’s unlikely they’ll remember Elni.”

“…Sorry, Shinobu, for making Luna and you go through a hard time.”

“Lecture, huh. Going by that… it seems you have no intention to give up on her after all.”

“I agree with you on a rare occasion.”

“However, you find Elni and then what? Elni left you out of her own choice. So even if you find her, it won’t automatically mean she’ll come back to you. Even so, will you look for her?”

“…Do you think you’ll find a way?”

“I think, even if I look for it, I won’t find it that easily. So I’ll search for the answer with my own feet and hammer out a plan by opening a patch with my own hands. Well, that’s the teaching of my mother, though.”

Grinding his cigarette into the portable ashtray he took out, the Old Man squinted faintly.

“Then play a game with Nazuna again. Also, thanks for this, Old Man. You put the coat onto me, right?”

“Still, you helped me. Thanks.”

After taking the coat from me, the Old Man suddenly raised his head and shifted his gaze to the blue sky.

“…My wish?”

Showing a rare smile, the Old Man continued softly while turning his back to me.

Maybe the Old Man came to me with the intention to tell me about Elni right from the beginning. He described the place Elni was last seen to me in detail and quickly left afterwards, but I thank the Old Man numerous times and took out my cell phone.
The place Elni was last seen at. If I gathered information centred around that place, it might be able to pinpoint Elni’s whereabouts. My chest slightly rejoiced with hope and I quickly called Hijiri with the cell phone in my hand to get information from the exorcist network…

A clear illumination, passing couples, an unfamiliar townscape at evening and the filled shopping district, as today was Christmas Eve, were in the corner of my vision. The place was filled with the warmth of people, but I kept walking all alone amidst it. Like always, I kept searching exerted.

Today was Christmas Eve. Actually we were supposed to hold a party with everyone tonight. Was Elni reminiscing about everyone, imagining the party without her and crying all by herself? If so, I wanted her to wait just a bit, just a little bit longer. I would find her soon enough. I wouldn’t let her cry all by herself. I would even think of a way that lets her stay with us.

Silver twin tails. Crimson eyes like rubies. An oversized yellow hoodie.

It felt like I hadn’t seen her for years. My chest became hot and I was close to tears. I inadvertently was rushing over to Elni, but midway my legs stopped.

I had thought for sure that she was crying because she couldn’t see us. But the Elni in my vision was surrounded by a couple of girls. Even in this city she was surrounded by smiles. She really was liked by everyone…

I made a dry smile and a draught blew through my heart. Clenching my fists tightly, I hesitated to take another step forward, whereupon

Her crimson eyes looked into mine. These eyes widened instantly and Elni flourished her expression upon noticing me, clearing forming a faint smile.

The blossomed smile disappeared at once and big tears soaked her cheeks.

There was no longer hesitation in me. I immediately tried to chase after her, but the girls, who had been with her, came at me all at once.

Each raising a voice, the girls grabbed the sleeves of my clothes. They must be Elni’s new friends. All of them had a serious expression and I stopped to answer their questions.

“Yes. She sometimes brags about it, that she has a wonderful family. Then she happily shows us her album and smiles cheerful, but…”

“Saying so, she sometimes cries even now. Because she always speaks about the same things, we ended up memorizing it. She also said ‘I want to see Hijiri, Kaorun and Miichan too. But I won’t see them again. I don’t want to be a Goddess anymore’… Even after we became friends, all kind of things reminded her of her family or friends, so she ended up crying every time.”

Even though she was usually smiling, after separating from us, she still thought of us…

“…Please go pick up Elni-san. We’ll be sad about parting with her, but it’s better that she stays with her beloved ones. I’m sure she’ll be in the park. When we first met and even now, she often cries there.”

But from now on, I wanted her to be at our side again. After I thanked them once more for telling me the location of the park, I started running by kicking off the ground with attitude.

“…Good evening. What are you doing here? Are you lost?”

Desperately keeping my voice in check,

Slowly talking about everyone,

Hearing my words, Elni rocked her big eyes.

Softly declaring so, I held out my hand to her.

“You… were looking… for me the whole time? You remembered me the whole time? Just… why…”

I straight held out my hand for Elni even more. But Elni didn’t move while looking at my hand, just spilling tears from her eyes.

“Could you tell me why? Sougo-san and the Old Man Bram might know, but I want to hear it directly from you.”
“….It’s a long story.” with such a calm foreword after a long hesitation, Elni started to tell me peacefully. About the distant past. About a single little girl…

The little girl from the village was different from others by birth.

She had a bright personality that made her get along with anyone, had many friends and was the spitting image of her beautiful smiling mother. At some point, the villagers called that albino girl the child of God and repeatedly asked her for various wishes.

The girl’s wish. The villagers’ faith. These two sentiments overlapped… and a miracle occurred. God answered to the girl and villagers.

In response to that, the girl healed the villagers’ wounds or illnesses, prayed for a good harvest and as the village gradually grew larger, so did the number of children and everyone was smiling.

“It’s something I mustn’t wish for.”

But as long as she could see everyone’s smiles, the girl was happy with just that. With only that she should be able to endure it. However, as the years went by, the girl gradually became unable to bear it. What started it?

The years only went by harshly and one day the lifespan of the girl’s mother came to an end. The mother had eagerly clung to her life. She had kept wishing with all her might that the faith would stop, while she shed tears. But the girl stayed a Goddess all the time and on the mother’s deathbed, she cried out.

The girl raised a desperate voice. After receiving the grace from God, her own daughter had not aged a single day. Seeing her like that made the mother finally cry in front of the girl.

She sobbed and shed endless tears.

With only regrets left,

Calling the girl by her real name at the very end, the mother passed away while crying. And it wasn’t just the mother. All of the girl’s past friends said so on their deathbed while crying.

When the girl was called by her real name, all her friends passed away with an apology.

Moreover, the tragedy didn’t end there. Time slowly passed, her faith weakened and at the same time, the girl lost her divine powers. All that was left to her was… an non-aging body.

Therefore the girl escaped from the room she was shut in and went on a trip full of anticipation.

She believed that there ought to be a place for her somewhere. And in fact, she found one right away. Amongst all the people she got close to, there were kind people, who considered the girl as their family.

“Sorry, Elni. I can’t play the guitar anymore. Sorry for leaving you alone.” “Sorry, Elni. I wish I could have cooked and stayed with you more… I’m really sorry for leaving you alone…” “Sorry. I can’t cry with you anymore. I’m sorry for… making you cry all by yourself, Elni.”

So the expressions of her beloved people in her memory were always just crying faces. The expressions of her beloved people in her dreams were always soaked with tears. And after seeing off her beloved people to the other world one after another, the girl finally decided.

She wanted to see smiles, yet she made them cry at the very end. Instead of making her precious people cry, she should just stay alone. She should just cry by herself. It was better that way.
Even if she became family with someone, her lifespan was different from others. At some point, she would be alone. Before that happened, she should leave on her own accord. For the sake of not making her precious people cry, and for her own sake…

“…The girl, I have lived like that. During all that, my life with you guys was the best. It made me think for the first time that I’m fine without my beloved mother and don’t need to return to my mother’s house. So I was happy as never before, and scared as never before.”

“I was scared to no end. My lifespan surely is even longer than a devil’s. Everyone’ll surely die before me. I love everyone so much, yet I can’t live together with them. I can’t die together with them. I can only sit at their deathbeds. You’re kind, Shinobu, so you cry like all the others from seeing me like this. But I’m sick of it.”

“With my growth stopped, I won’t age. I once crept out everyone by staying in the same place for too long. Getting hated is still better than that.”

“I don’t want to see any more crying faces. I don’t want to sadden anyone at the very end. I have enough of breaking warm places. I don’t want to… see your crying face in my dreams! Anything but that! I love all of you, so I don’t want to sadden you!”

“Therefore! Therefore! I won’t come back! I won’t go back anywhere! If it only breaks in the end, I don’t want to become anyone’s family anymore! I can’t live together with someone! I’m fine being a stupid… lonely Goddess!”

Stimulated by my emotions in my chest, I gently pulled Elni into an embrace.

Calling upon her heart this time,

Holding onto her this time, I looked at Elni and filled my tone with emotion.

“Me… the godparent?”

I was sure that my child would love and admire Elni without doubt.

“But you’ll…”

Therefore I could really be at ease.

Increasing the squeeze on her,

I spoke out my wish straightforward.

“I’m… an idiot, you know? And even a glutton. I watch TV non-stop and play video games all day. Not to forget, I selfishly… eat all the snacks…”

“…That’s not all… I often take naps… and I might never work.”

“Even… if I cause… nothing but… troubles to you, Shinobu… you’re fine with me?”

Still embracing Elni, I peacefully and gently declared.

“I… don’t have to hold back anymore? You won’t come to hate me, even when I cry?”

When I petted her head along with kind words, Elni clung tightly to me, as she had endured it for so long with her small body, and cried with a loud weeping. Like a child fawning on it’s mother, she spilled all the tears she had been holding back so far without hesitation…
Holding her firmly like that, I thought while my vision started to get blurry from my own tears. That the others would surely remember about Elni once we got home and they saw her face. And then it would be the Christmas party. Together with everyone, without anyone missing, we would celebrate the present day. Because today was the commemoration day that the small Goddess in my arms became a part of our family.

…The quiet residential area. It was already past midnight.

The problem came afterwards. Around the corner we would be able to see our house, yet Elni wasn’t moving an inch for a while now. She must be worried after all. After a while, I grabbed her hand to reassure her, whereupon Elni squeezed back on my hand and said quietly.

At the same time I cut into her words, I slightly increased the squeeze on her hand, whereupon Elni obediently moved on and turned at the corner, where our house finally came into vision.

That bat had something in it’s mouth and as soon as it noticed us, it spread it’s wing and flew over to Elni. It offered the something in her mouth… a piece of paper to her, then spread it’s wings again and flew off somewhere.

Saying so while watching off the bat, Elni unfolded the memo in her hands.

As she didn’t understand the meaning behind the message either, Elni put the paper into her pocket while tilting her head, and then headed to our house a bit hesitant together with me.

“…This is the girl you have been searching for, Shinobu?”

“You seem to be a foreigner. Do you have a place to stay at?”

“—Then stay with us.”

“Be my daughter from today on.”

“If you want, I can become your second mother— Elni.”

Instantly, Elni trembled her voice gravely.

“Sorry, Elni. I had forgotten about you until today. I didn’t even notice until Machina’s father came by today.”

“Yes. I don’t really get it, but he said something about a hypnosis experiment and that he came by to undo it. But to think I fell for it so easily and forgot about you…”

“…You waited in front of the house the whole time, didn’t you? Your body is chilled to the bones. What if you catch a cold…”

“Hey, were you saying the truth just now? Will you really become my mother?”

While my mother desperately tried to keep her cracked voice in check, Elni immediately started to sob.

“Silly girl. Of course I’ll play with you any time.”

“You really are silly, Elni. We’re family now, so we cry together and laugh together. We’ll always be together. So don’t leave on your own again, okay? That’s what you have to promise me.”

Nodding firmly, Elni showed a smile. It was overflowing with tears, but I thought of it as an unusual gem. And I immediately could see that pretty smile once more.

“—Welcome home!”

“Welcome home, Elni-chan. Let us take a nap together again, okay? Then I will sing a lullaby. The song you presented me.”

First Luna and Nazuna hurried over to Elni.

“Welcome home, Elni-san. There is a cake served in the living room. I baked it. I will bake another one next time, so please eat it again.”

“Welcome back, Elni. Teach me… how to cook again. Stay with me again. My room is… too broad… without you…”

“You stayed with us for so long, yet you disappear on your own and even asked that weird request of my father. Even though I like, even though I love you so much… why did you just disappear… This time… properly become… my older sister… Elni…”

“That’s no good. Didn’t we decided that we wouldn’t cry when Elni comes back?”

Even while chiding Machina and the other two, Hijiri and Luna started spilling tears from their eyes too… No one could stop it anymore. Everyone hugged onto Elni and repeated “Welcome home” numerous times.

“…I never thought it would come back again… yet it did…”

Elni cried loudly. She returned everyone’s hug tightly, as to confirm their existence, their warmth and to never separate from them again.

The girl, who had always been alone, finally found a house to return to. She gained a place where she belonged to.

Ahh… I could no longer hear the sound of rain. It must have stopped. The rain of tears that had fallen in her heart without end… it finally stopped.

She kept smiling dearly and happily, brighter than any smile.

So no matter what kind of fierce rain would fall in the future, Elni surely would never cry all by herself again…

Chapter end