The Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich Chapter 155

Being the Humans’ Fortress closest to the Northern Elven Kingdom, it served as the major pathway to all the Elven countries. It was also the main source of supplies for the Slave Hunters. Naturally, it turned out to be the best trading market for Elven slaves in the northern region.

Amongst the Elves of all regions, the northern Elves were considered the weakest. Unfortunately, their neighbouring kingdom, the Sleuweir could do nothing to hinder the slave trade for big merchants from all countries. Hence, this "trade route" became a "disastrous" location to perform Elven slave trading.

The wired second-hand dealers were helping the peerages and the agencies of special goods to get the latest stocks. Meanwhile, the ruthless mercenaries who were awaiting orders, as well as the city guard officers and troops stood aside like nothing had happened. It was not surprising that the Elves would call that place "The Sinland".

The merchants would risk for a hundred percent profit. For a profit over three thousand percent, they would trample all the world’s law without a hesitation. Regardless of whether they were ordinary, superior or even the half-Elves, the Elven children, men, and young women had all brought them an extraordinary income. Hence, the Akysyos had become their first choice for a tourism spot.

Of course, he would never answer you, as he, together with his kingdom had been sealed within the ice receptacle. Their bodies would remain fresh in the Ice Age for hundreds of years, probably until even the day they melts.

And that day, was the doomsday for the bloody Akysyos, along with all its slave dealers.

Just as the Beastmen armies invaded the castle from the rear, the Moonglaive army of the Tassel Elven Kingdom ambushed an interim camp of the merchants. They were coming to the rescue of their princess.

The imprisoned Princess of the Moon Elves, was found in the merchants’ basement, with her body pathetically mangled. This had infuriated the surrounding Elves, the little ambush thus grew into a mad rampage.

Influenced by some malicious people, the Elven slaves eventually engaged in the rampage too. After wiping out the prison guards and mercenaries, they had snatched their weapons and opened the gate.

The time had finally come for an ethnic cleansing. At this moment, the arrogant Elves would gladly accept any help from the Beastmen. Resorting to violence like the Beastmen, they had developed an inclination for a sadistic pleasures besides assuaging their resentment. They even praised the Beastmen for their inhumane massacres.

A strongly worded declaration of war was very soon delivered to Antoin which was under the Beastmen’s attack. Tassel Elven Kingdom and the other Elven Allies were declaring war against the Sleuweir.

The third party’s interference in the war had brought astonishment to the whole world. Myriads of letters were drifting to the north like the snowflakes, and the cathedral envoys were running back and forth. Unfortunately, the communication canal had been sealed.

Meanwhile, at the protection area of Moon Glaive Army, the face of Commander Alven Newleaf was filled with grief and sympathy, as he stared at the severely injured Moon Elven girl who was deeply asleep.

"Your Majesty, are you cold-blooded? Princess Suana was still a young girl, and she was your one and only daughter."

Being an aristocrat of the Moon Elves, Alven shared a blood kinship with Atrion, the emperor of Tassel Kingdom, therefore the injured Elven princess was considered his niece.

As the executor of "Key of the Moon Plan", Alven was the one who actually knew the whole story, when the other Elves were seized by anger, lynching the slave merchants.

"Those damned old creatures were trying to kill her!"

Suana Newleaf, the Princess of Tassel Kingdom, was the only descendant of the Emperor of Elves. Nevertheless, to get the approval of war declaration and to gain support from the elders, she was sacrificed for the political exchange. The next Emperor of Elves would have to be the nephew of the chief of the council.

Aside from political interest, Suana was chosen as the sacrifice due to her role as the leader of the Peace-pursuing faction of the Elves, despite her young age. The solidarity amongst her followers were as firm as rock. Beloved and respected by all her people, in any way if she was hurt, the Elves would certainly be filled with hatred and animosity. Wrath of the people would be incessant, and the war would be unstoppable.

To fully utilize Suana, the ruthless schemer had made use of the most malevolent slave merchants, the most deplorable buyers, a well-planned engagement, and a brutal slave hunter, which finally led the honourable princess down this path.

"...Water...water."

A feeble voice pulled the surrounding female officers closer. Alven could not withstand watching the misery of princess anymore.

"Your highness, please just say the words, Alven would do anything for you"

It was obvious to all that Suana, who had suffered such tremendous physical and mental damage, would not survive. This terrible scene was more than what Alven could bear. Finally, he made a promise to himself, that this was the end of his tolerance, and he would then accomplish any wishes of the princess at any costs.

"...Re...venge…"

Hearing this, Alven was puzzled. To fall into such inexplicable misfortune, it was only natural that the little anti-war princess would harbour such resentment. It was pathetic that she had not realised the real culprit behind all of these.

With her withered lips moving slightly, it looked like Suana was trying to speak something but she was powerless to do so.

Only by moving closer, Alven was able to hear her small groan.

"Do...n’t...Don’t….avenge me, I….want peace, I don’t want..don’t want war."

Her alabaster face was filled with scars. After much struggling to deliver her last wish and making sure it was heard clearly, the most beautiful rose in Tassel lost her final colour, she had given up her life, withered and perished.

Upon learning the death of their dearest Suana, the fellow Elves had gone insane.

"Her highness is dead! Her highness is dead!"

"It was all because of the damned Humans!"

"Revenge! A blood for a blood, a tooth for a tooth, that is not even enough or these scoundrels! We need the fresh blood of their wives and daughters to pay respect to her spirit of Princess Suana in heaven!"

"Not yet, the Elves do their vengeance in ten fold! We need ten times the amount of blood as offerings!"

An uproar reverberated through the skies, as even the female officers in the palace had vowed to avenge their princess at any cost. Being the only one amongst the crowd who actually heard her last wish, Alven was sinking into silence.

He opened his mouth as his head was spinning. Trying to speak something but his thoughts were all in a muddle, he ended up saying nothing at all.

"...Forgive me, your highness. I am afraid I have to go back on my words, everyone has gone out of control. As I’m about to fight with the destroyer of our kingdom, I will probably apologize to you face to face very soon.

----------------

Upon hearing the news of Suana’s death and declaration of war by the Elves, I was not even surprised. I had to say if my speculation was right, for the Elves to deviate from the Order, Suana must not only die, but die horribly.

Reason? There was no actual reason. Every war needed one reason to start. Not to mention the Elves who had always flattered themselves as a race of upright justice and peace, they would certainly call for a strong reason.

Suana herself was a perfect sacrifice. Aside from her high reputation, she had always opposed the war, proposing harmonious coexistence with the Humans, and seeked to resolve all conflicts by communications. This had rendered her a thorn in the flesh of the War-pursuing faction and the fellows Elven gods.

How did I know about her? Were we close? I was imprisoned in the Sulphur Mountain City when she was born. We never spoke and recognised each other, but I did know about her.

"Sure enough, the real world is not dramatic, in the end, the lucky Suana failed to ascend to the Queen of Elves..."

In the dramatic "history", as the leader of the Peace-pursuing faction she had issued a mythical mission of incredible rank. With the help of both Elf players and Human players, she had finally annihilated the War-pursuing faction which included her dad and the council. She ascended the throne and even fought to be the Queen of Elves later. In the end, she successfully persuaded all the Elves to remain in the Order faction.

Ever since the Four Elemental Gods turned out not to be sealed by the "players" according to the "history plot", I had discerned a number of idiotic flaws in the strategy guide. In that "history" at least, the few significant events would be completely different from what the gamers abroad had in mind.

Reality is not a game, this mistake had given me a real lesson.

In consequence, I had cleaned up the "history"and reevaluated it by taking the real world as the benchmark. Quite a number of flaws were actually discovered.

The mysterious fall of the Four Elemental Gods, was to furnish the "players" with a greater sense of participation and achievement, and also to free the early stage in the game from unbeatable opponents. Judging from the baffling plot, however, one could easily tell that it was deduced by the game story writer using the Hand of God*, as it was not based on facts.

*(TL Note: Hand of God refers to a goal scored by Diego Maradona in 1986 World Cup using his hand but wasn’t seen by the referee. Later in Chinese, "Hand of God - 上帝之手" is used to describe a mean to achieve something without conforming to human’s law of nature)

Besides, Queen Suana who was graced as "Light of the New Moon" and "The Moon of Luck" had lived a legendary yet incredible life. For how she came to know the players’ heroes in a blind alley, for how she exposed the crime of her father and the council, for how she achieved a peace agreement so the Humans and the Elves would work together to weather the storm, all these contingencies were comparable to winning a lottery. To break through such tragic circumstances, was even tougher than to slay a dragon barehanded. Therefore, this series of tide-turning legendary stories would no doubt become the best-selling novels!

"Damn, here comes another hole. It seems that the story writer was keeping all the Elf players in the Order Faction with the Hand of the God again. Of course, that was just a game, who could accept such a strange plot where all the people suddenly switched to the same camp. Being a real world, Eich had no such thing as the main protagonist of a story.

Unfortunately, Eich was not a game, and Suana was not destined to be the emperor, so she was dead, miserably so. In the end, her death had become the spark of the war she hated the most. This was indeed a perfect irony, but also a warning sign for me.

"I have only one opportunity, everything’s over if I fail this. Hence, there must be no risk involved, all the bad consequences must be taken into account, as any additional preparation is always a plus."

At this moment, however, I suddenly regretted, because some of the things should have been done far more modestly.

"Aren’t you guys going too far? I was only asking for several supporting equipment, what are all of these you have brought me?"

In front of me was Pier Papin (Runa’s Daddy), the vice captain of Borealis. He was demonstrating the equipment requested by me.

"Sailor outfits? Fake animals’ ears? You call these weapon equipment? What I want are single-soldier communication devices and enchanted armours, did you hear wrongly?"

A muscular man dressed in a skinny-fit women’s sailor outfit, flaunting his muscular figure beneath the tight outfit was indeed disgusting. Besides exposing his two thick legs, this muscular man in sunglasses had even put on the cute fox ears and tail, one could hardly stand the sight of this!

"Yes, your highness. These are what you requested. Look, this pair of fake ears are installed with a call function, the magic bullet within it allows more than two hundred times of short-distant calls. Also, the wide-eared design is very intelligent, it’s able to improve the data transmission rate. This skinny-fit enchanted armour may look thin, but it will harden to be as solid as metal once you activate its magic bullet as well. As it’s so thin, you can even wear one of it as the underwear, then put on another one as the armour. Double protection, safe and assuring!"

"And this Fox tail is more than a decoration, it actually contains a small battery which can recharge all the body equipment for more than three times. It is estimated that a single soldier will use those equipment for more than three hours."

Unbelievably, I had tested and found these equipment to be super effective. Many theoretical limitations had been overcome and their completion was much beyond expectation.

"Who is the designer? I would like to have a serious chat with him. Has our technology advanced so rapidly? Why implement such decent technology on these strange designs? Can’t he make something normal? Something just like plate armours and headsets!"

"The chief designer, Little Timmy Lade was here a moment ago. There were some who questioned him too, he answered ‘The well-concealed equipment were the best to play a crucial role, not to mention, cuteness is the true justice!’ That seemed to be his principle as a designer, and nobody was able to change his mind."

At this point, Pier shook his head in disappointment. He wasn’t regretting how he failed to change Timmy's mind, but how Timmy had turned down his suggestions all the way, which was just to add one naval outfit in the samples.

"It appears that people with different principles could never plan something together. A little kid could never discern the romance in the large metal warship and heavy artillery. Lady warships are obviously the most gorgeous… but following your instructions, he should be marketing the lite version of the enchanted armour and communication animal’s ears to the coalition army right now."

"Yes, he was impressed by the creativity you have, especially how you used your ally units as guinea pigs."

"Little Timmy?"

This had prompted me to recall the name of the little kid under my sister’s guardian. Was it again the Hand of God that had assisted him? How could he instantly rise to such a great fame?

"Certainly, a lot of things had happened in the middle. He was just a little kid. Anyway, why do these designs keep reminding of one wicked man...Wait, you said that he is now promoting the lite version of the enchanted armours to the coalition army? And that includes these messy and inexplicable things?"

"Yes, here is the purchase order by Lord Olivia, she asked for your thorough review. These products are designed by Little Timmy Lade. There are twenty-seven kinds of animals ears, such as cat ears, dog ears, fox ears, etc. There are nineteen kinds of enchanted armours, in the form of swimming suits, bikinis, black and sexy lingerie, etc. There are four kinds of chargeless magic swords, and three hundreds of them for each kind. At last, there are four kinds of demonic explosive grenades, and two thousands of them for each kind. The grenades are a weakened version which is specially modified. Please send this data back to the headquarters immediately. Is there any question?"

"Big question! Can these toys be sold? How am I going face the people tomorrow?"

To think that I was peddling underwear to the generals of all countries, I really wanted to kill myself.

Perhaps the news would spread across all countries on tomorrow, and everyone would be jeering me for taking the path of a pervert, I must stop this from happening before it’s too late.

"He has just left for a while, hasn’t he? Alright, I just need to stop him as soon as possible. It would be great if I catch him alone, as that will only be treated as a prank of a kid."

After all, the Bear kids were notorious for their pranks, so the adults should be able to comprehend it. Yes, they should be, reluctantly. It had taken a load off my mind by thinking this way.

"Oh no! Lord Xueti had joined the party and even volunteered to be the model. The last time I saw him, he was wearing a pink swimming suit that revealed his belly, and a pair of rabbit ears… I must say, that was a total tragedy, and the researchers had vomited on sight."

"...Your expression not convincing at all. You are nothing better. Ughhh, stop him now!"

Compared to the big guy in sailor suit at the front, with a little imagination, one could figure out how disgusting is the outlook of the stupid cow in pink midriff-exposing swimming suit, it could make everyone go blind. Who would have thought that he even acted cute by putting on the rat ears! At that moment, I would rather destroy this world than to bear the imminent humiliation.

At least, I would not need to prevent that from the happening.

"Chase him! The pervert beastman is heading towards there!"

"Barf, our brothers have thrown up in disgust. Can we chase later?"

"...must catch him before more victims appear. Hunters? Keep chasing."

"Chasing is not even needed, just follow these vomiting residents as the sign! Even my baby is fainting. An army dog which has been in training for almost ten years is still unable to stomach this horrible sight."

Looking out of the window, I immediately covered my eyes and knelt down.

"You fellows know no limit, I will transfer you all to the mines for mining!"

Not to mention about the foremost Minotaur in a pink belly-exposing swimsuit, for a muscular man who was two meters tall but wearing a women’s swimsuit, it was indeed a living blasphemy. Elaboration would be unnecessary, as the scene of thick belly shaking periodically below the swimsuit while running was more than enough to render the spectators blind.

Behind him, there were even more "surprises".

The goblin, Kabala was wearing the trendy white nurse costume, but with his neurotic appearance, he looked more like a psychiatric patient who needed treatment. Meanwhile, Casio was wearing a black erotic lingerie which covered the two nipples. It was almost impossible for one to stare at a Centaur with his two nipples covered!

The twin-headed Wendigo was wearing cat ears on his left head, dog ears on his right head, and a maid costume on his body. To one’s surprise,he even put on lipstick on his bloody mouth… As one who was especially fond of maid costume, my eyes had gone blind right away.

For Beifeng... he was very normal, but his eyes were glaring at his comrades who were wearing the animal ears. He seemed to be thinking about hunting these people down. At this moment, I genuinely oppose the design of animal-ears communication devices! It was too dangerous in the presence of Beifeng.

"You bunch of bastards! I’d rather you all went streaking!"

Chapter end