SSS-Class Suicide Hunter Chapter 133

Translator: thursdays Editor: Yahiko PR: LightBrin

The director of the orphanage where I grew up was, no matter how you worded it, a distant man.

The children of the orphanage complained about it.

-He's too careless. All of our birthdays are on January 1st, y'know?

-It's because he doesn't want to deal with having more than one birthday party.

-Also, my name is so shoddy. Kim Mengja.[1]

-Hey, at least you guys' names sound natural with our last name. I'm Kim Hanbija… He should have just named me Han Bija.[2]

I thought the same way. I thought so even after I entered the Tower.

But I met a lot of people—the Sword Emperor, Master, Raviel, and many more, and I have second thoughts.

-Director, why are you like this?

It was weird, but the man always seemed to be overly on guard against saying that he loved us.

-Director, don't you love us?

The conversation I had with the director on the day I received my second-hand middle school uniform came to mind.

The director made a solemn face at my question and said he would tell me tomorrow. He always delayed his responses to serious questions, telling us to wait a day.

Then, he replied.

-You asked me yesterday why I don't treasure you kids a little more.

-Yes…

As the day went on, I felt a little sorry for asking such a question. But, the director didn't care for my apologetic feelings and told me the answer he had prepared the day before.

-Gongja. It's easy for people to pretend. Pretending is the easiest thing in the world. You can pretend to be smart, to be strong, to be friendly, or to know something well… You too put on an act with your friends, don't you? It's the same for me, who named you children after sages. All adults pretend.

The director rubbed his face with his hands.

-Everyone wears masks. You don't need to get rid of the mask, but if you get too used to it, at some point, you forget that you're wearing the mask. It slips your mind. You become drunk on the pretense.

The director stared at my face solemnly.

He was gauging my reaction, seeing if I was following along.

-Imagine this. If I get irritated in front of you children, what would you think?

-Uhh… You were stressed today…?

-Yes. That's right.

The director wore a bitter smile.

-I'm sorry. I do get angry sometimes.

He got irritated about once a month.

-Anyway, what's important is that I get annoyed by you kids sometimes, and you know that fact well. Right? I am such a person. You know me.

The director continued.

-However, what if I were someone who always loved you? What if I always told you that I love you, smile and say that you are the purpose of my life, and hug you and say that I treasure you kids more than anything? What if I were that sort of person, but I still got annoyed at you once a year or so?

The director shook his head.

-Then, you will think, [Why is the director angry with us?] You wouldn't be able to understand because you believe that I'm someone who loves you the most. [If the director loves us the most, why does he get angry?]

-You guys are still young. So in the end, you'll arrive at the simplest answer. [Ah, I must have done something wrong].

The director shuddered a little.

-Gongja, even if I only yell at you once a year, in ten years, it would be ten times. Say that you only remember half of that, so five. The memories from these five times are more than enough to affect a person's character.

Then, the director was silent for a while.

-Don't.

The director muttered.

-Remember me as someone who is irritable and gets stressed easily. Think of me as someone who can't be bothered to throw you all birthday parties. That's the truth. Don't blame yourselves. You haven't done anything wrong. Don't get twisted because of a guy like me.

-You kids can grow up strong. Be as strong as you can.

In the director's office, there was a printed sheet of paper on the wall. It was right across from the director's desk, so it melded with the background. It was something that was always there, like wallpaper or floor patterns.

But that day, I looked at the paper.

For all people to live as humans,

Based on a belief in human dignity and social justice,

Join with individuals · families · groups · organizations · communities · and all of society.

I will always stand on the side of the marginalized and the suffering,

Defending their human rights and interests,

Rejecting injustice and corruption in society,

Putting public interests before personal ones.

[2]: Hanbiza is Han Feizi.

[3]: The Korean social workers' oath. I couldn't find an official translation for it, so here's my take.

Chapter end