Ch.14: I Desire Her

Leyla feebly trembled as Matthias looked at her.

She acts tough, but deep down she's a coward, he thought, reflecting on his memories of her going back to when she was young. He stood up and walked towards her, stopping when he was about one step away from her.

She looked at his hand and saw that he was holding what were unmistakably her glasses. Barely able to make a sound, she faintly said, "I'm... sorry," delivering a polite apology despite the anger burning in her eyes. "I didn't think that you would be here, Your Grace. I'm truly sorr-"

"Do you think it would've been all right to break in here if I hadn't been here?" he asked, tilting his head at her.

Leyla 's large, bloodshot eyes grew moister each time she blinked. She was on the brink of tears, but she maintained a confident posture.

"Like... a burglar?" he asked in a quietly mocking tone.

Her bright-red cheeks were noticeable even in the darkness. "I just wanted to take back what's mine," she said.

"Ah, you mean these?" he asked, holding up the glasses.

The blush in her cheeks took over her whole face, extending even to her ears. "Yes," she boldly replied. "My glasses, which you hid."

Look at how much she's trembling. Still clutching the glasses, he walked over to the window. It was the window through which he had thrown her hat into the river.

"D-don't!" she shouted, chasing after him. "Give them back! Please!" The shawl slid off her shoulders and fell to the floor. She frantically put her arms over her chest to cover the cleavage revealed by the deep neckline of her nightgown.

"Isn't it a bit silly that you're making such a fuss over me seeing you in that nightgown, when you've seen every inch of my body?" he asked, snickering.

Now even her neck was bright red. "Th-that wasn't my fault!" she insisted, shaking her head fearfully. "I didn't want to see you like that, and there was nothing I could do about-

"Do you think I wanted to see you like this?"

"What? Oh... I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." She hurriedly picked up the shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders and chest.

He chuckled softly at her half-crazed expression. "Why are you suddenly acting like a lady? I thought you said you weren't a lady."

"Whatever I am, you're a gentleman, Your Grace," she snapped back, maintaining politeness while not backing down.

He chuckled again. "Well..." He stopped laughing and spoke more quietly. "Who knows-maybe I'm not a gentleman after all."

"N-no!" she urgently shouted as she tied the ends of the shawl into a tight knot in front of her chest. "You are a gentleman!"

"Really?"

"Yes! The greatest gentleman in all of Karlsbar!"

"That's quite a generous appraisal."

"Everyone who knows you thinks so, Your Grace."

"Including you?"

Suppressing the urge to shout "No!" she shook her head and answered, "Yes. Of course I do." Leyla Llewellyn, she thought, you have sold your soul for eyeglasses. "So please, Your Grace, please give them back." Fighting back her tears, she added, "They're really special and important to me." She bowed her head in submission, despite the indignity of the gesture. She was feeling so much pent-up rage that she could have kicked every stone in the forest and still had more rage left over to vent. But she was aware that she was at an extreme disadvantage in this situation.

If he felt like it, Duke Herhardt could brand her a thief and have her banished from the estate. He could also simply toss her glasses out the window into the river. Either of these simple acts would be fatal for her.

Thus she had to put up with him, no matter what he did.

Matthias tossed the glasses into the air and caught them, then started walking towards her. Soon he was close enough to her that they could feel each other's body heat.

Leyla looked up at him in shock. As he gazed down at her, his eyes were as deep and calm as a deep river on a windless day. Just like the cold river that tried to swallow her up on that hot afternoon when this misfortune began.

As she pondered over these thoughts, her blurry vision suddenly became clear. She then realized that Matthias had placed her glasses on her face. His palms felt warm and soft against her cheeks, like sand on a sunny day.

She saw him clearly, while everything else grew indistinct. Feeling flustered, she tried to turn away, but his hands held her face firmly in place. She wanted to ask him why he was doing this, but then she felt a strange, frightening sensation. His hands were touching her mouth.

His fingers moved slowly, coming to a rest in between her slightly-opened lips. He let out a sigh that tickled her forehead. His breath was warm and soft, just like his hands.

With his eyes still locked on hers, he started to run his finger over the moist inner surface of her lower lip. As his finger went in and out of her mouth, his fingernail tapped against her teeth. Forgetting even her urge to escape, Leyla remained frozen stiff, enduring his gaze and his touch.

When she was about to cry over his strange, incomprehensible behavior, he slowly closed his eyes. His grip on her face tightened slightly, then loosened.

When he finally let go, she stumbled backward a few steps. She was suddenly flooded with discomfort from having been unable to breathe properly while he was holding her face. Her body quivered as she struggled to catch her breath.

Meanwhile, Matthias opened his eyes again. The aloof look in his deep-blue eyes made her feel dirty and ashamed. After gazing at her for a long while, he softly said, "Go."

Leyla had no recollection of what happened from that moment until she was out of the cabin. Presumably she had bid him farewell, turned, and walked out, but her memories were faint. Eventually she became aware of the cool breeze, the chirping of grasshoppers, and her own shadow as she walked in the moonlight, and she realized that she had already made it to the end of the forest path.

Still in a daze, she made her way towards the cottage. Unlike normal, she didn't vent her anger by kicking sticks or stones, nor did she run. She simply walked. She practically floated along at an unusually slow pace, like a ghost.

She pumped water from a spigot in the corner of the yard and rinsed her face with it. Unthinkingly, she rubbed and rubbed her lips until they were red and swollen. She kept rinsing her face until her skin was burning, but she couldn't get rid of the strange sensation that still lingered on her lips.

By the time she returned to her room, her face, shawl, and the front of her nightgown were all soaked with cold water. Without thinking of drying them, she slumped down to sit on the edge of her bed.

She wasn't entirely sure what she had just been through, but there was one thing of which she was certain: she never wanted to see him again.

Matthias snapped his fingers, and the canary that had been sitting calmly in its cage flew towards him.

Leaning against the window frame, he held out his hand, and the bird readily perched on his finger. Its clipped feathers had started to grow back, so it was now capable of flying a bit farther than before. It would need to have them clipped again, but Matthias felt that it wouldn't be necessary to cut them as short as the first time.

While the canary sal on his finger singing, he gazed out the window. The gardener, Bill Remmer, was in the middle of his work tending the garden. Leyla Llewellyn, who used to help him often, was not there. He hadn't seen her for days. Not since the night she had come to find her glasses. Since that incident she had been avoiding Matthias like the plague.

He put the canary back in its cage and put on the red jacket of his hunting outfit.

I desire her.

Matthias had come to understand the feeling he had been experiencing. He desired Leyla .

There was no need for him to deny it any longer. Leyla Llewellyn had grown up to become a beautiful woman, beautiful enough to stimulate a man's desire. He also knew, however, that this sort of desire was only supposed to last a short while before fading away.

Was it really necessary to leave a stain on his life just for the sake of satisfying a fleeting desire?

He kept thinking back to that night, when Leyla had been there right in front of him. He had reached a conclusion that night. No. He had concluded that. Leyla Llewellyn wasn't worthy of these feelings. He was confident that his desire for her was within his control. Then why...? Having come to this conclusion, he had let her go. But why does she still feel the need to avoid me?

"Preparations are complete for today's hunt, Your Grace," Hessen said, approaching quietly.

Matthias nodded, took the shotgun that Hessen was holding out for him, and left his bedroom.

"Did something happen?" Kyle asked, looking at Leyla with concern.

She calmly looked up from her notebook, which she was gluing dried wildflowers into. "No," she readily replied in her usual, clear voice. Furrowing her brow slightly, she quietly asked, "Does it seem like something happened?"

Whenever Kyle saw her make that expression and speak in that voice, his cheeks would start to feel hot. "It's just that you've been cooped up inside for the last few days. I just thought it was strange." He shrugged casually.

Leyla stared blankly at him for a moment, then her face returned to its original expression. Her mouth showed a faint smile, and her bright eyes twinkled.

"Once you found your glasses, I would've thought you'd be out and about all the time, but it's been the opposite," Kyle added, resting his chin on his hand as he gazed at her.

She giggled softly, then started meticulously writing the characteristics of the flowers she had just glued into her notebook, and the locations where she had found them.

Within a few days she would probably bring that notebook to the library to look up the names of the flowers. Kyle decided that he would accompany her to the library, simply because he wanted to see the smile she would make when she learned each flower's name. She was someone who wanted to know the names of all the world's birds and flowers, and Kyle loved that eccentricity of hers.

After lightly pressing blotting paper against the page to prevent the ink from smudging, she carefully closed the notebook. Her recovered glasses gleamed on her small face.

"Want to go for a walk?" Kyle asked. "We could go to that spot you like with the tree by the river."

"No," she immediately replied.

"You used to go there every day. Why did you stop all of a sudden? Did you see something scary in the woods again or something?"

"No, nothing like that. And anyway, we can't go to the forest today."

"Why not? Ah, is it a hunting day for the duke?"

Sliding the notebook away from herself to the end of the table, Leyla nodded. Soon after, the loud sound of horse hooves could be heard outside.

"Wow, fantastic!" Kyle exclaimed, having run to look out the window.

Duke Herhardt and his companions had passed by the cottage and were now heading into the woods. The chaser and the hunting dogs led the way, while the five young men on horseback followed behind.

Leyla moved next to Kyle and looked out the window as well. Duke Herhardt was riding the horse with lustrous, dark-brown fur that he usually rode. His red hunting jacket and shining shotgun were also eye-catching.

"Of course, I don't hunt, Leyla . I'll never hunt as long as I live," Kyle declared. Then suddenly his expression changed.

Just then, Duke Herhardt had looked towards the cottage. Even though Leyla had already been hidden behind the curtain, she jumped with surprise and backed away from the window.

She had spent the past ten days trying her hardest to avoid him, not only forgoing trips to the river, but even steering clear of the woods. Even though it made her feel guilty towards Bill, she had stopped helping him out with gardening for the most part as well, doing as much work as she could when the duke went on outings, then disappearing as soon as his car could be seen returning.

She planned to spend the rest of the summer behaving like this, as awkward and unpleasant as it was. Then once autumn rolled around, the duke's engagement would be announced, he would leave for the capital, and Arvis would be peaceful again.

"Are you feeling bad? Would you like to come over to my house?" Kyle asked, noticing with concern that her face had gone pale.

"No, Kyle. I'm fine," she replied, lightly shaking her head as she sat back down at the table. "They'll be done hunting by this evening, anyway.

Just as she was casually opening a book, a loud gunshot rang out. The sound of the dogs barking and the horses galloping followed soon behind.

Leyla flipped mindlessly through the pages of the book. Her hands were white because she had just unclenched her fists.

She knew she would have to go into the woods that evening. It sounded like there would be a lot of poor birds that would have to be buried.

Chapter end