Alma 123 The Schism Between He and Himself

The overwhelming power he once possessed had truly disappeared. He had made good on his promise to Reed.

His connection to Anima, which once had been deeply profound and unbreakable, was now nothing more than a fleeting whisper in the wind. The privileges he formerly had — afforded to him by the mark of responsibility — no longer applied to him.

Besmirched beyond recognition, Reed quickly learned that he had become a pariah in the eyes of Anima. His mark of shame had turned him into a target of scorn. The tender affection and loyalty it once had for him were gone.

That's… probably wrong, too. …I've most likely never been the one it really loved.

Ah… It makes perfect sense. What a fool I've been, thinking so highly of myself…

Nothing had been stolen; What had been given to him had simply been taken back by its rightful owner. There was nothing evil or unfair about that. It had never belonged to Reed in the first place, after all…

Reed hollowly laughed. I must've looked like a big conceited idiot — a fucking clown to him…

He calmly stared at the fist-sized piece of rubble on his desk.

Silence permeated the bedroom. Not even the sound of his breathing could be heard.

There was nothing that could properly describe what it felt like looking at that… stained piece of rubble. Nothing.

Reed had felt this feeling before… twice. And each time, he had promised himself to never let it happen again. He had sworn to himself that he'd become the man they needed to him to be at the time.

Not a grand hero like in his childhood stories. He did not desire the theatrics, prestige or authority. Those days were over for him.

All he wanted to do was… become someone the people he loved could rely upon. To be the person they could turn to when they needed help.

He wasn't a selfish monster, either. He understood that now, more than ever before there was a need for him — for someone who could defend the innocent and weak against the tyrannical Infestation.

Not a day went by that he did not think about the lives that perished during the Twilight War, be they Chosen or Mortal.

He owed it to them to protect their home, their world.

…By all accounts it was his fight too, as someone who was a part of the multiverse. Whether he liked or not, the reality he lived in was in danger.

It needed someone to protect it, and the people who called it home.

…...What would she think about him right now?

When had he stopped trying to prove his worthiness to her?

Had he not made a promise to her?

As infuriating as it was, he knew that the bastard was right on at least one point.

He had reneged on the promise he'd made to her. That, he could not deny.

…But I'm not that strong. I'm not the guy you're looking for. It's too much to handle. …And the only I want to take care of is... my family.

Her.

Was it wrong for him to focus on what mattered to him?

The stained piece of rubble would not give him an answer, no matter how much he queried it.

"..........................................…"

Reed put his right hand on top of it and grasped it with all his strength as if he were trying to crush it in his hands. The moment he laid his hands on it, his hand started to burn with a fury unknown to man.

It was as if he'd grasped a molten piece of lava with his bare hands, but he didn't mind. He had gotten used to the insufferable pain already.

After all, it was not the first time he had tried to lift it. He had tried many a time. 

White-hot waves of pain traveled up his right arm and assaulted his mind, but he continued to hold on to the piece of rubble nonetheless...

And then, he pulled up.

As if to punish him for even trying, the heat suddenly intensified beyond imagination. Even, so he desperately struggled to pick up the piece of rubble that seemed to weigh a hundred thousand tons.

It wouldn't budge, no matter how hard he pulled on it. The piece of rubble felt like it might as well been a shrunken mountain.

Reed could feel that it wouldn't be long before he would blackout. His vision flickered wildly and he was started to lose his ability to think, but even so, he did not release the broken piece of stone.

Until he fainted…

…The moment he did, she entered the room and deftly caught him before he fell onto the floor.

She had witnessed his attempt at lifting the stone in secret. Today marked the ninth time he had tried to lift it, to no avail.

There was nothing she could do to help him with his problem, for it was a matter of the heart, his own specifically. All she could do was be beside him and heal his wounds.

Even if she took him to Citali and brought him to Grandfather Ulbo for counsel, it would do him no good. In the end, he would have to overcome this problem on his own terms.

It was bad. The effects of the stone had done an extensive amount of damage today. Reed's right arm looked like it'd been put inside of a barbecue grill for an hour, perfectly cooked to perfection.

The smell of his burnt right arm was something truly horrific, and not something that she'd ever dare describe. It was a stench that was not so easily forgotten once it was smelled.

A grimace formed on her face and she immediately went to work, fixing what had been burnt to a crisp in record time. She did not want him to suffer any more than he had to. He had suffered enough.

He did not deserve this suffering and neither did she, but the world was not fair. She understood this simple fact of life, but that did not mean it did not leave her wondering why it was like that. 

How she wanted to live a mortal life with him. To grow old and happy with him.

A normal life. One without magic, monsters, wars, or accursed destinies.

…If only. But there will be no end to this suffering until… the work is done.

For the longest, she had closed herself off from the world. Tried to adopt a detached perspective in order to limit the pain of waiting and watching her home slowly rot from the inside out.

Watching the night sky as the stars continued to twinkle out of existence until… everything went dark.

Helplessly observing from the sealed cage she and her people 'lived' in as universes that'd once been under their protection went silent. Stopped sending out messages for help. They had failed them all and the oath they had made to them — to be their shield, their guide, and their source of hope.

The deafening silence of a deceased universe was maddening.

She had seen too much and lived far too long. The only thing she wanted was for it to end; to finally finish the work they'd been forced upon by their predecessors.

The power of God was not something worthy of celebration. Mortals, born as weak, transient creatures, were naturally incapable of understanding how much painful it was being one.

A part of her understood somewhat what they craved for the stars. …It was not an alien concept to her how someone with a short lifespan might strive for greatness; how the might want to make the best of their short lives.

It was a blessing to them as much as it was a curse — pushing them to live every day as fully as possible.

She found that the most endearing thing about mortals.

Why she had come to love that charming old couple with all heart. They were radiant stars that had melted her frozen heart. 

How brilliantly they shone in life… like stars themselves.

If only they could see how beautiful they truly are and… how much we envy them — the true children of the stars.

She was committed, if only for their sake. For the first time in a millennium, she felt the weight of the responsibility she had been entrusted with.

They owed to it them. They had made an oath to them. To renege on that oath stood against everything they'd fought so desperately for.

Come hell or high-water, she— no, they would save their home.

Nothing's impossible so as long as you and I put our minds to the task. I know it.

She looked at him and felt confident that he'd overcome this trial as well. She was sure of it.

"…You're not nearly as weak as you think you are, dear. ..I didn't fall in love with a wimp, after all."

Chapter end