“Bungaku Shoujo” CH 5

Chapter 5 – The Reasoning of the Literature Girl

If I can rattle S’s heart, I must be able to dig out all of S’s secrets!

an unexpected incident, I got the key to S’s destruction.

For the entire last weekend of May, I was melancholic.

games with my little sister, and when I was dining with my family, Takeda‟s desolate expression

won‟t understand ….‟, combined with her expression would, in my mind, overlap another

Before it was time for dinner, I was playing Sevens with my little sister Maika, who just entered

“Older brother [TL note: Referring to Maika‟s older brother ie. Konoha . It‟s a way of referring

“No, nothing. Everything is normal.”

“Really. Nothing really happened.”

“I see. After you got into senior high, older brother has reverted back to his former energetic self.

“…Yeah, I am happy everyday.”

come back.

school life everyday; then after school, I would go to the Literature Club and stay there till the

comments, and then give her snarky comebacks…

“Yes~~~”

“Hey, Konoha. Both your father and mother believe it is enough for Konoha to live his life safe

“Thanks mom.”

The price of that unworthy glory cost me the single thing I treasured most in my entire life.

After dinner, I laid on my bed and listened to my favorite music with my earbuds. The music

Suddenly, I thought of Tooko Senpai.

I have not been writing snacks for Tooko Senpai these days.

She even stripped in front of a male Kouhai just to gather info, and then she found out she had

“I am begging you, don‟t make that long face. You will at least get her written report, right?

the sweetest love report Tooko Senpai has ever tasted!” 

head and answered-

With such an answer, I couldn‟t talk back to her; so I remained silent.

When I thought of this, I felt very ashamed and regretful.

◇ ◇ ◇

gradually happened under my calm eyes.

S would constantly look around; S’s voice would shake.

and then S would, as if frightened, turn around and look behind.

Everything is ready.

I wrote a letter to S.

Let us talk truthfully to each other!

The following day also had good weather.

trees sparkled underneath it.

breeze, Akutagawa kun came to me. The silent Akutagawa kun actually came and talked to methat

“…On the last Friday the graduates came again. They asked things about you.”

“They asked what year and class you are in, and what kind of person you are.”

Shuuji Senpai suicided, I can finally understand why they seemed reluctant to answer my

“…I just thought it would be better I tell you this.”

Akutagawa kun nodded lightly at me, then returned to his seat.

(Good, I have the money with me today.)

I walked to Kotobuki san and handed her the 10 yen coin. Kotobuki san only moved her eyes

“…Hm”

“Ah, that…”

“…Nothing.”

Is she embarrassed because she was the one who told me Takeda san already had a boyfriend? I

something wrong and anger her. In the end I just put the 10 yen coin on her palm and walked

After school on the hallway, as I was headed to the Literature Club, someone suddenly called out

“Konoha kun!”

“What is it?”

“Eh…but…”

“…Okay.”

For what reason did this person want to find me? And, that person looked very nervous and

The person got on a staircase.

Fourth story.

advanced silently.

“Excuse me, where are we going?”

A wave of fear suddenly seized my heart. I felt the tips of my fingers and lips start to shake and

An image appeared in my mind.

heat wave; The shadows of that girl and I; The water tower; The rusted metal railingsIn

“Sorry, I can‟t go to the roof.”

unstopped in me. Fear made me stop my steps. I wanted to just drop to the floor, but that person

I felt a dab of pain from my arm. That dull pain recalled me from my past.

When I looked at that person‟s eyes, all I saw were the muddled eyes alike a dead fish‟s. The

by a grave sense of impending danger and fear.

“What‟s with you? What are you afraid of? Did something happen on the roof?”

hand.

“Please let me go. I do not want to go to the roof!”

The wind blew onto my face.

to me. Her skirt and the end of the hair were wavering in the cool summer breeze.

(NO-)

The person ignored my frantic resist and dragged me to the open roof. There that person yelled at

“You wrote the letters, didn‟t you!”

mean the draft love letters I wrote for Takeda san?

trouble breathing; my head hurts as if someone threw punches left and right at me; My forehead

I couldn‟t breathe naturally, so I panted as hard as I could. Ah, it‟s those symptoms again. It had

“The letters were sent by you! Weren‟t they, Shuuji!”

my face.

“Then, why did you stare at me! Why did you always look at me coldly with that all knowing

Soeda san yelled.

and sober; but now it is as if he became another person. His face was ferocious and made me feel

Who is this person? Is he really the alumni Soeda san?

me! You did not say a word; you just stared at me! By doing that, are you blaming me? It was

In between panting and no breathing, I feebly asked him.

Soeda san, with his red filled eyes, angrily shouted out-

and asked me to walk her home? You even, with that unsuspecting attitude, that always smiling

It was I who fell in love with her first. And you, even though you knew what I was feeling, you

going out, you even dared to come to me and tell me „she was in tears when she asked me to go

You are always like this! So laidback, so sloppy towards everything. You think you are so funny,

always you. The girls I've ever liked, they all in turn fell in love with you.

hardest to act as if nothing is happening. Yet you always smile when you see I am trying to keep

Your kind and gentle attitude and smile deeply disgust me!

How can you just be all generous and tell me „I will entrust my girlfriend to you.‟

loyal to you. There is no denying that you are making a fool out of me!”

In my mind, the face of Soeda san, the face of Shuuji Kataoka and, finally, the final face of Miu

blurrier and blurrier.

I chased her to the roof. Miu smiled sadly and said-

“You for sure won‟t understand the pain I am feeling! On that day I confessed to her. I asked her

get away, and she just ran out to the street without checking the light. And then she got hit by

that place.

happen, and I wouldn‟t be a coward who killed her. 

happened. Yet, you just silently stare at me. You didn‟t even ask me „Weren‟t you walking her

Is it really that fun to screw around with me?”

My fingertips were shaking; I almost couldn‟t breathe.

I wanted to tell him these, but I couldn‟t talk.

choking me with got even stronger.

why you walked towards the metal railing, leaned your body out, and fell to your death! But

forget about you and live a happy life, but why must you come back now and haunt me again!

appear in front of me! Why! Why can‟t you just let me go! I am going to have a kid! I thought I

Soeda san‟s fingers and the fabric of my clothing combined together to strangle my neck. Soeda

Fleeting moments of my past, like a lantern, flew past in my mind.

scent of shampoo and sweat mixed together.

During classes, the Miu that was concentrated in writing to her notebook, and I, who was looking

The face of Soeda san that was twisted by pain; the face of Shuuji Kataoka; the face of Miu.

who stood in front of the railing and turned her head around to me.

For sure you won‟t understand. 

Miu‟s body, just like that, slowly leaned backward and fell down.

girl is dead.

Aah, perhaps I should be dead as well?

“Stay away from Konoha Senpai!”

Freed, my feet were wobbly and I lost my balance. My whole body fell onto the concrete floor.

“Konoha Senpai, are you all right?! Konoha Senpai!”

Takeda san‟s eyebrows were closed together- she was on the verge of tears. She let me lay on the

“So you were indeed Shuuji senpai‟s killer. You were that „S‟, weren‟t you, Soeda san!”

“I am Chia Takeda from first year. It was I who forged Shuuji senpai‟s names in those letters and

“What did you say!?”

“Why did you do all these?”

to the end.”

the papers ruffled against one another. She opened them and showed them to Soeda san. 

put into a discarded book in the basement storage room. For the past ten years it sat there

“Shuuji Senpai knew the death of his girlfriend Sakiko san is related to S. However the reason

That‟s why he asked you to walk her home. As a result of this test, Sakiko Senpai died from the

In this letter, Shuuji Senpai regretfully said „I killed her. It was all because I malevolently tried to

die. He wanted S to kill him!”

letter I did not know exist.

Due to S‟s action, my girlfriend died. S believes the sin cannot be repented; S also worries that

I approached S with my usual attitude. I stared at S, and showed S my smile. S‟s mind soon

From the bottom of my heart I wished the cornered S would become homicidal to me- I wanted S

That is the way I will repent my sin to her.

read my intention. With all my sincerity, I want S to kill me.‟ – this letter stopped at when S was

The second handnote.

Takeda san only showed me the beginning of the letter.

Finally, I found out that Shuuji Kataoka was a student who committed suicide by jumping off the

constantly popped into my mind. What I do know is that on that day, Shuuji Senpai did meet

So, using Shuuji senpai‟s name, I wrote a letter to you- to S, Soeda Senpai. When everyone

that time I already felt curious by this. Later on, did you not look at Konoha Senpai even once? I

attempting to divert your eyes away, as if you really did not want to see Konoha Senpai. So, I

Shuuji Senpai and you knew. Please tell me, on that day, on this roof, what did you talk with

“Talk about what-“

“We didn‟t say anything. I stabbed him with my knife, and he silently let me stab him. That‟s all

“What-“

At that moment-

I turned my neck as hard as possible to the direction of the voice.

long braids wavered with the wind. Its eyes were clear and wiseIn

sight of her entered my eyes clearly.

Takeda san,

they were both looking at Tooko Senpai in awe.

The shaken Soeda san asked. Tooko Senpai answered definitely-

Aah, it‟s such a serious occasion. Does she realize what she is saying?

went limped. That‟s Tooko Senpai for you; no matter what happens, she will always be Tooko

“Also, to that boy that is lying on the ground, I am the kindest, the nicest, and the most

Who would compliment themselves like that… Soeda san and Takeda san were both speechless.

“The wife of Soeda Senpai and their friends came to the Literature Club to find me. They came

Behind Tooko Senpai stood the alumnus Manabe san and Rihoko san. At the sight of them,

“Rihoko, Manabe! Why are you two here?”

“You have been behaving strangely these days… As if you were afraid of something, something

saw that the sender is Kataoka, so I opened and read it. Shocked, I phoned your workplace and

“Rihoko contacted me by phone. She said you might come to the school to find Konoha kun- no,

Manabe san‟s voice was filled with boundless distress.

But to kill him? If that‟s true then I…”

Rihoko san still had her eyes lowered. Both her arms were tightly holding her stomach.

despaired and shakely said-

In that instant, Tooko Senpai sternly cut into the dialogue.

“Impossible! But when Soeda san saw Konoha Senpai, his reaction was the strangest. Also, the

Takeda san countered.

at the same time, S also understood him the best. Because Chia chan only showed us the first half

that S completely saw through him. The clown tricks only fail in front of S.

If he truly understood Shuuji Senpai, then he would not have misgivings toward Shuuji. Nor

Takeda san panic and asked-

“I am not the famous detective from Baker Street, nor am I a clever old lady who can solve crime

know deduction; I can only use delusion as the basis of my imagination, that‟s all…

described his true inner heart, in the book „Ningen Shikkaku‟. From his letters alone one can see

of much shame‟, he copied the whole line. Shuuji Kataoka read „Ningen Shikkaku‟, and thought

terrified of humans, yet I cannot abandon humans‟, who as a result attempted to gain the love of

In „Ningen Shikkaku‟, two characters recognized the main character‟s clown tricks. Incidentally,

buddy called Takeichi. That child always wore worn clothing. He was bad at both school work

the main character of fakery. He denounced the main character for faking every word and every

the flame of hell. Afterwards, he became good friends with that boy. He did it to stay at the boy‟s

The other person was the prosecutor that was sent to question him when he alone survived

appears very smart and stable.‟ He immediately saw through the lies made by the main character.

experienced full taste of „3 jugs of cold sweat‟ of shame [TL note: a Japanese proverb].

French braids dancing along with the wind, ceaselessly stated her deductions. 

dared to interrupt; we all silently listened to Tooko senpai‟s analysis.

purest, most neutral stance to view Shuuji Kataoka. At other times he would also watch Shuuji

He was probably someone who always stayed by Shuuji‟s side. He looked at Shuuji, and handed

Rihoko san. Your maiden name was Sena, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

liked Shuuji Senpai, so often that there were many girls who came to view his practices. I heard

of you, did Shuuji Senpai fail to talk back.

Rihoko san took a small breath.

looking dead at Tooko Senpai, said with a resolute tone,

“Rihoko!”

Manabe san and Soeda san shouted at the same time.

“Stop talking nonsense! I stabbed Shuuji to death! And Sakiko too- I was the reason Sakiko got

“But, it was me who made Kataoka stay behind to give you a chance to walk Sakiko home. Also,

urged you to confess to Sakiko.”

Soeda san‟s voice choked of.

against me. This is why he told you that he had to stay behind in the school for club work, and

two of you.”

“Yes. We saw everything. How Sakiko‟s body got slammed away and smacked onto the ground.

Soeda san became completely speechless.

“Then why did you do all that, Rihoko? Didn‟t you say that Shuuji was untrustworthy and you

“Yeah, at that time we were together. You are always very confident, always honest and frank

In comparison, Kataoka was an undependable person who always makes juvenile jokes. He

enough, I said to him „None of what you say is real. You are just trying to trick everyone with

His expression looked so fragile, so lonely; So much so that I cannot ever leave him by himself.”

Tooko Senpai lightly said,

you fell in love with him.”

only to me, his torments and grief. When someone like Kataoka treats you with all his beings, all

Tooko Senpai grievously said, 

Rihoko san smiled and said,

understanding, always attentive. He was someone you couldn‟t help but fall in love with.”

Dazai, she too wrote that Dazai was very sly, but I just cannot help but fall in love with him…

“Yeah. Kataoka kun liked „Ningen Shikkaku‟ a lot. He read the book so many times that the

would fall asleep whenever he reads one.

reason, the burden on Kataoka became heavier and heavier. That‟s why I instigated Soeda to

No, perhaps I was just jealous of Sakiko.

ever. He was already a mentally unbalanced person to begin with, and now he collapsed

Kataoka didn‟t blame me for Sakiko‟s death. If he blamed me for her death, I would actually feel

heavy weight would push down on me.

But he seeks death.

believed that death was the only way he could free himself from his endless pain.

A month after Sakiko‟s death, Kataoka wrote me a letter and put it into my desk drawer. In the

time to make the decision that would end everything. When I realized this, my sight went black.

I wanted to skip and go home. If I did that, maybe Kataoka would realize what a fool he was and

But, what if Kataoka decide to die alone? If my absence made him despair, and he, feeling

but I can't think of any other suitable word.]

“When Rihoko san reached the top of the building, Shuuji Senpai was still alive.”

“On my way to the roof, I saw a very ghost-faced Soeda run down the staircase. When I pushed

floor. He looked at me as if he was laughing and crying at the same time, and then muttered „Hey,

Takeda san, who has been silent, croakily asked,

“He said…‟Kill me.‟ As if he was begging me, he added, „I am tired, please kill me.”

Rihoko san, with both her voice and her arms trembling, said,

him, and he used it to wipe fingerprints off the handle of the knife. He then handed back the

Shuuji Kataoka slowly, slowly walked towards the metal rail.

I understand- I too have witnessed this scene of despair.

And then, with her uniforms waving in the wind, she turned and looked at me.

Miu‟s eyes were very clear, they looked very alone.

heart. Why is Soeda jealous of me? Why does he hate me so much that he wants to stab me to

eyes, I didn‟t feel sad at all. „I want to die. All I want to do is to die. It‟s too late to save anything.

on even more shame onto me.‟Hey… what did Daizai feel when he wrote that book? I feel that I

do I still have the worth to stay alive? Sena san, only you can answer this question. Please tell me

Miu said,

“It‟s too late to save Kataoka kun.

So I replied-

I---couldn‟t say anything.

“A gentle smile appeared on Kataoka‟s face,

Then he walked off the roof.

A lonely smile appeared on Miu‟s face. And then, with her head falling backward, she fell off the

I couldn‟t do anything.

“Stop!”

But, in reality it was the voice of Soeda san. Soeda san had his knees on the concrete floor, and

“Stop, I don‟t want to hear anymore. It was me who killed Shuuji. And now you say the person

Rihoko san calmly answered,

Manabe‟s face was strained. He tightly bit his lips.

“Hey, Soeda kun. To this day you still hate Kataoka, and you can‟t get your mind off him, right?

my mind, I constantly remember him. No matter how much time has past, I will not forget him. I

So give it up, Soeda kun. You and I are bound by the same person. We are the accomplices that

“The baby… The baby will be born soon… but this... how could I live with you now, after all

Tears appeared in between the hands that he covered his face with. They fell onto the concrete

Takeda san looked at all these with a weak and feeble expression.

willing to face this, no matter where we go, we can live on.

think of you as a coward, nor do I think of you as shameful or tragic. I want to treasure you even

Hey, Yasuyuki. Let us continue to be reminded of Kataoka. Let us continue to be jailed by him,

parent him. We will live in hell! It is the only way we can repent to Kataoka.”

Tooko Senpai, Takeda san, and Manabe san all remained silent.

What should I do to solace? To be saved? 

“Konoha kun!”

And then I heard footsteps; a braid brushed across my face. I felt someone hugging me tightly. I

was the last thing I recognized.

◇ ◇ ◇

The long winter was finally over. One can finally start to feel warmth from the air. It was an

When people stopped caring about Miu Inoue, I finally put down the heavy burden „genius

addition, the wound I received from the roof accident had not healed yet.

club. When it was lunch break or after school, I would stand in the middle of the courtyard and

One day after school, when I was taking a walk in the courtyard, I noticed a girl sitting

against the tree and was reading.

the air surrounding her were steady and clear.

But she looks very mature, she is probably older than me…)

female student teared one of the pages apart. 

As I stood stunned, she put one of the pieces into her mouth.

And then the female student started chewing on that piece of paper. It was as if everything was a

raised her head and saw me.

When our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat.

“You saw that…”

“What‟s your name? What class are you in?”

Then the girl started laughing. Suddenly her expression switched from laughter to innocence.

“What? Literature… club?”

pupils/tearing pages out of books/paper eating girl. She continued,

From today on, you are a member of the Literature club.”

“I am Tooko Amano from 2nd year 8th class. As you see, I am a „Literature girl.‟”

After we met, for the entire month, whenever school ended, Tooko Senpai would come to my

“Konoha, it‟s club activity time.” 

school, dragged my hands and took me to the Literature club room located at 3rd floor west

When we got to the club room, she handed me a stack of 50 pages genkoo yoshi and said,

a wise man would improvise a story based on the 3 topics his listeners give him. I will give you 3

whether it‟s a poem, a short story, or a fairytale, just write something. Uhnnn… then let‟s go

minutes to complete. So, start now!”

“Hey, start writing, or I will jinx you.”

“I eat stories as if they are bread or rice. Usually I eat books, but what I really like to eat are

more than others. That‟s why you have to write some su~~~~~~~~~~per sweet stories!”

Mostly that‟s because she would always criticize my works right in front of me with „Hmmm…

everything I wrote into her stomach. Seeing her like this, I couldn't help but relent.

needing Tooko Senpai coming to my classroom to get me.

“No-nothing in particular. Normal.”

normal? Even though this question lingers in my heart, but very incredibly, whenever I stayed in

ease. Sometimes when I couldn‟t stand Tooko senpai‟s words or actions and retorted her, this too

Day after day, I returned to the Literature Club.

“I am hungry~~~, Konoha kun.”

“Gosh Konoha kun! You don‟t respect your Senpai at all!”

Day after day I would chat with Tooko Senpai; I would write snacks for her. Looking at Tooko

That‟s why I will be punished.

I have not forgotten you. It‟s just that the flashbacks are very painful.

those who read them. You, who shared your dreams with me, were so dazzlingly bright that I fell

But why, why did you on that day, throw yourself down the roof? I still don‟t know why you did

I can‟t write anymore.

The author Miu Inoue exists no more.

When I opened my eyes, someone was gently holding my hands.

The white walls.

“Is this… the hospital?”

Tooko Senpai answered.

wanted to carry you, but when I tried to lift your shoulders, I lost my balance and fell onto the

Tooko Senpai was sitting on a chair next to the bed, and was gently holding my hands.

“I… how long was I unconscious for?”

You held my hands during the entire time, didn‟t you?

“Soeda san and Rihoko san went home together. I think their love and hatred for Shuuji Senpai

Soeda san cried and lamented that this was like hell.

Tooko Senpai gently caressed the back of my hands. Gently, softly… as if she was comforting

“Manabe san and Chia chan went home as well. Chia chan… Konoha, she wanted me to tell you

“The reason why Takeda san took me to the Archery club was to let the alumni see me. I look

“Probably…”

A hot stream rushed up from my chest. My throat started to shake.

All the letters I wrote, they were all garbage.

They hid the truth.

now, when things are already at this state?

Thanks to this, my heart, which I have wrapped around under layers of protection to prevent it

assault me at the same time.

powerless. My throat hurts, my whole body is hot, and the inside of my body feels as if it

pulled my hands away from Tooko senpai‟s, and used them to cover my ceiling pointing face.

“I can‟t stand this… Don‟t show me any more of the darkness and dirt of reality. I only want to

detective dramas. No more pain, sorrow or bitterness.

in their hearts to others? Do they really want to say them that much? Do they really need to be

and hatred? Do they seek murder? Do they seek death?

understand anything.

The tears slide down my face. My shirt collars, years, and the bed sheets were wetted with my

My neck became cold.

I don‟t understand anything. 

building.

which one is normal?...*hiku*…I, I don‟t understand anymore, Tooko Senpai.”

Tooko Senpai didn‟t say any consolation.

“You must find the answer for that yourself. Even if it‟s painful… even if it‟s grievous… even if

“Then…*hiku*, it doesn‟t matter if I don‟t know the answer… I can live on even if I don‟t know

When I said this, what sort of expression did Tooko Senpai have?

Tooko Senpai is not a fortune teller, nor is she a councillor or a psychiatrist.

she is same as us. She is just a high school student. She is just a Literature Girl.

The sun finally set. In the dark and cold infirmary, she quietly stayed by my side until I stopped

Chapter end