“Bungaku Shoujo” CH 4

Bungaku Shoujo: Volume1 Chapter4

Let’s talk about S!

was my other half and my opposing self.

All the clowns’ tricks I did to make others think I am perfect, they completely failed on S.

Because I was terrified of S, I couldn’t escape from S.

I felt S’s eyes were of divine judgement. My constant fear and shame made me tremble and

The world is hell.

◇ ◇ ◇

I sat on one of the chairs in the reading room, and started going through the yearbook from 10

Inside it was a photo of the national final contest, the one in which the Archery Club got second

Rihoko-san holding up the trophy and the certificate.

Following that, I moved on to the class portraits.

sensation.

I flipped to the next page, I would feel shaky due to nervousness, as if an icy hand

I found it.

Underneath each person‟s photo was a name. One of them said „Shuuji Kataoka‟.

that once had a photo.

There should be a photo in that empty space. What does that mean?

I jolted.

or injury, and thus missed the group photo?... Or did he…)

year number from 10 years ago, the name „Shuuji Kataoka‟, and the school name.

I read the article, and immediately I felt dizzy.

from the school roof and fell to his death.

violently.

My throat was dry, and my head was dizzy.

Why „jumped‟?

The news report said before he jumped, he even stabbed himself in the chest with a knife.

A nameless remorse and despair rushed up inside me, and I wanted to throw up.

Before the second handnote even appeared, Shuuji Kataoka, just like Dazai Osamu, had already

“What! Shuuji-senpai already committed suicide 10 years ago-“

“Does Chia-chan knows about this?”

I calmly answered.

sensations of dizziness and nausea attacked me. I even worried that I may start experiencing

remained. 

Why is she doing this? What does Takeda-san have to gain from that?”

are you sure you don‟t have any relatives with the last name Kataoka?”

On that rainy day, the teary eyed Takeda-san ran to me and called me „Shuuji-senpai‟. Takedasan

If that‟s the case, why did she try to get close to me?

“I got it! Maybe Shuuji-senpai and Konoha-kun were actually blood related brothers. On the

The relatives who pried on his inheritance decided to send out assassins to eliminate the true

then…”

Tooko-senpai became fell-chested.

“Your cold is probably cooking up your brain matter right now.”

“Deduction? That wasn‟t deduction, it was more like delusion!”

Tooko-senpai was very annoyed. Again she puffed her cheeks.

some places‟!”

“We can ask the teachers that were in this school 10 years ago, or we can ask past Literature

“The Literature Club has graduated members?” 

“Ehen. What we have here is a notebook that contains the contact information of all the former

ago…see! There were three people!”

“Let‟s hurry and contact them!”

first floor there was a courtesy phone. Tooko-senpai looked at the notebook and dialed the phone

of course does not have a cell phone. As for me, I have few friends; it‟s even less likely

Let‟s start with the first person.

The second person.

The third person.

Hohohohohohoho.”

Tooko-senpai smiled and flipped the page.

“‟The number you have dialed is unable to answer your call, please call back later…‟”

“Ha? Literature Club? I am in the middle of a mess. Phone back in half a year.” Ka-chin!

“No. There are no first year students. It‟s blank.”

Why does our club still exist? This problem is even more enigmatic than the real identity of

Tooko-senpai hung the phone tube onto her shoulders and started playing with her braids. I

“Let‟s stop here! The problem with Takeda-san and Shuuji-senpai, let‟s leave it alone.”

very frightened. The roof reminded me of something I hate most.

“Konoha-kun wants to stop here?”

do feel that Takeda-san and the Archery Club graduates are hiding something. But, this can‟t be

“…”

like braids dangled along with her head.

called us from the other world. If we just leave it at that, Shuuji-senpai will not be able to move

„From the other world‟, doesn‟t that mean he moved on to heaven already? So in fact what she

She tightly grabbed my hands and, with a determined tone, she told me-

will strip!”

On the following day, we came to the school‟s music auditorium.

funds for this auditorium came from the graduates and the supporters of the Orchestra. 

good results from it. In addition, many of its past members ended up to be active in the world

Which is why, among the numerous clubs in this school, the Orchestra is very special. Compared

fully equipped secure mansion to a bathroom-less old apartment.

could seat thousands of people. The club members, holding their violin, viola, cello etc., were

“Wow…They are all members of the Orchestra.”

head count for the Orchestra would be even greater. There were at least a hundred people in here.

Tooko-senpai, who was standing next to me, tried to contend.

Orchestra member, we arrived at one of the rooms.

“Thank you, we can go in ourselves.”

After the member left, a look of resolve appeared on Tooko-senpai‟s face, and she forcefully

“Hey, I have come, Maki!”

(What is this?)

wall was pasted with painted cloth and sketched book canvas. In the middle of the room there

there was a drawing brush. When she saw us, she smiled.

Her long tea color, under the illumination of the sunlight, sparkled in gold. It was so bright that

Her facial features were well-defined. She was as tall as a guy, which made her seem impressive.

endowed. Her whole body was of lusty attractiveness.

She was the granddaughter of the school board president; she was also the president and the

[TL note: Princess in Japanese].

When her bright and lively eyes turned and looked at me, I felt nervous.

I hurriedly return the greeting. Maki-senpai just looked at me and smiled.

from school, she did not feel ashamed or fazed; she just generously accepted everything.

looked at me with interest, then turned her attention to Tooko-senpai. She happily squinted her

“Fufun….You even brought Konoha-kun here, you sure are brave, aren't you Tooko? You are

Tooko-senpai puffed her cheeks.

“Don‟t think so low of us. Our club, unlike yours, has so many past graduates that we can throw

“Fu, the Literature Club is composed of the few elites.”

work as high-ranking police officers. I have asked some of them to investigate the incident with

“And then?” 

straight at Tooko-senpai.

Tooko?”

“Then strip off your clothing and sit on this chair. Ah, just sit in any posture you like, I will pick

“Uuuuuh~”

“Please wait a second. What do you mean by „strip off‟? What are you all going to do that she

I was completely out of the situation. The highly embarrassed Tooko-senpai and the highly

“To be a painting model!”

What, nude!!!!!!!

convince her. I wanted to have a chance to paint a portrait of Tooko before we graduated. For a

this would come, so lucky!”

“No~~~~, wa-wait! I didn‟t say I will strip all my clothing off. An….and….I need to hear the

“What you are saying is that, if the intel is satisfying enough, you may strip off all your clothing?”

“Fufun, anyway let‟s start! Ah, Konoha-kun, just pick a seat anywhere over there, and enjoy

“Like I said I won‟t be fully nude!” 

“Tooko-senpai does not have any breasts! She is a real airport [TL note: airport runway is…flat]!

“Konoha-kun!”

“I can imagine it just by looking at the way she wears her clothing. No matter how you look at

a more ample model.

With a „puhn‟, Maki-senpai couldn‟t hold in her laughter anymore. She put her arms on her

“Ahahahaha…aha…..…hahahahaha. You have a great personality, boy. Yes, Tooko only has

“If you laugh anymore I am leaving! Maki!”

“Gosh! Everyone is such an idiot!”

With a snap, she unbuttoned her top button.

“But, Tooko, I am very happy to be able to draw your portrait.”
Maki-senpai crossed her legs and laid open the sketchbook on her knees. She gazed at Tookosenpai.

“I actually didn‟t want to join the Orchestra- I wanted to join the Art Club. But due to a weird

Everyday after school I would spend half my time drawing here. To look at things I want to draw,

what that person truly looks like. The time I spend here makes me happier than anything else.”

to sketch Tooko-senpai‟s apparence on a blank piece of white paper. 

shoe that was on her bent leg…*Ko-Ton* and threw it on the ground.

Her toenails were the same as her fingernails- they both had a light pink color.

asked-

he have a knife stabbed into his chest? Is it possible that someone else stabbed him?”

found Shuuji Kataoka‟s fingerprints. Furthermore, Shuuji Kataoka did have the motive to

judged that the death was suicide.”

 Shuru*

was as soft as ocean waves and blanketed her body. And I, as if I was being attracted by her,

Maki-senpai lightly gasped.

her sleepy eyes, she dreamily looked forward.

“…During that time Shuuji Kataoka was in a relationship with a student from the same year,

cute girl. Shuuji treasured her very much, and he loved to show off his girlfriend to everyone.

person‟s favor by telling jokes. If you asked him about Sakiko, he would tell you where they

everything about them.

to the front of the Archery club to wait for him. Then they would affectionately go home

 Ko-Ton* 

“But…something happened awhile after they became third years. One day Shuuji had to stay late

“A car accident…”

“The light had turned red already, yet Sakiko ran into the street; she got hit by a truck that was

“……”

Her wavy hair dangled to her waist and covered her slender body. She was as captivating as the

“…Why did Sakiko Kijima run out during the red light?”

Regardless, Sakiko died; and Shuuji lost his lover. Shuuji felt it was his fault- if only he had gone

In my mind appeared a picture of a male student jumping off the rooftop. My fingers felt numbed,

No, it‟s not.

This had nothing to do with „that‟.

my breathing.

“The suicide note that was found in Shuuji‟s house, what did it say?”

didn‟t exist, so he would follow her. Also……”

 Pu-chin*

“...- „I am sorry that I am alive in this world.‟”

Tooko-senpai moved her face on top of her knee caps. She put her index finger on her lips and

I ignored the dull pain in my chest and asked Maki-senpai-

“Easy to socialize with, optimistic, liked to joke. Wherever he was at, that place would be filled

appear. He would look very solemn and lonely. Chicks dig this kind of guy, which was why he

him as „kind‟. Everyone agreed he was a nice person…they even said that he would from time to

Whenever he practiced archery, a bunch of girls would gather around him. They would get in the

he would smile at the manager, and the manager would get even angrier. Whenever other people

Just like the impression Takeda described when we first talked about the personality of Shuujisenpai.

A cheerful, optimistic, kind and friendly senpai.

But this socializing, cheerful person was only a pitiful clown he created- it was not his real self.

of love. The mere existence of him in this world shamed him to no end. He could not let other

That letter was found in between Osamu Dazai‟s „Ningen Shikkaku‟.

That letter was meant for someone else.

Or was it written to someone else?

From the gap in her shirt, I spotted a bit of pale skin and white silk undergarments; and from it

“Did Shuuji-senpai have any particularly close friends?”

“He had many „close friends‟, but becoming his „special friend‟ was very hard. He was usually

this gang, Manabe was the leader, Soeda formed the detailed plans, and Shuuji was the

All five of them would often go out together to play. After Rihoko graduated she broke up with

Rihoko Soeda.”

Yasuyuki Soeda

And the lover, Sakiko Kijima

“Oh right, I even got a photo of Shuuji Kataoka for you here.”

“Want to see it?”

Tooko-senpai said as if she had given up on fighting. She then unbuttoned her fourth button.

Tooko-senpai pointedly looked at Maki-senpai, and unbuttoned her fifth button- also her final

Her shirt was completely open. Inside it, her undergarments and chest could be seen. Underneath

looking at.

“Hey, I was sick right before this. I may get a cold again if I take the shirt off.”

patient room just for you.”

Tooko-senpai puffed her cheeks again. I hurriedly added-

even if she continues to strip off her clothing, the flat chest won‟t change, I would imagine. Even

Suddenly, my head was hit by a drawing board.

Her mature and elegant appearance was no more. Instead she, with both hands holding the

yelled-

“Ah- stop, let him go, Tooko. I just can‟t win against you.” 

Tooko-senpai stopped smacking me, and both of us stuck our heads forward to examine the

The photo had three male students and two female students in it. They were all wearing the older

looking and had a pair of glasses was Soeda-senpai. The tough looking beautiful girl was

Kijima! And the person that was holding hands with Sakiko while looking very embarrassed was

His long bangs dangled over his forehead. His look was as delicate as a girl. There was a

He was taller and looked more mature than me.

couldn‟t help but draw a deep breath. Tooko-senpai also had her eyes wide open.

Yes. Shuuji Kataoka looked like he might be my brother or uncle. He really did look like me.

Why did I become a close friend with S? Even now, when I am looking back, I am still

At first S hated me. S always glared at me coldly and talked to me harshly.

looked at me.

This thought made my inner supports disintegrate completely. I, like a puppy whimpering

But I tried to get close to S. To S, I behaved foolishly, limply, and servilely, just to soften S's

Perhaps S took pity on me. As if there was no other way to handle me, S started to smile at

loyalty to S. Just like that, S and I eventually became good friends- not unlike a master and

But S was still my enemy. This fact hadn’t changed.

with accusing attitude. When S criticized me for lying, I would get a falling feeling, as if I

Are these my sins? Is it my fault that I can’t understand what other people feel? I can’t feel

fault that I became like this? Aah, this must be true. I was born a sinner. I am Cain,

be helped. I am powerless at everything; all I can feel is infinite torture.

Would S tell me to stop playing a clown?

You all know nothing! A monster that was born as a man; as if being consumed by the

At this moment, I felt very disgusted with S’s ‘righteousness’. So hateful that my throat

◇ ◇ ◇

On the following day, during the break after the third period, I sat in my chair and contemplated

Takeda-san still hadn‟t appeared today.

And why did Kataoka commit suicide after his girlfriend died?

Would a person like him, after the death of his girlfriend, follow her path? 

drove him to suicide?

Maybe he wrote it because he felt that Sakiko‟s death related to him. Also, judging from the

Aah, no, there are too many mysteries. It is possible he left behind a second handnote, just like

Aah, but wouldn‟t someone find the letter soon after he did that…wait a second!

Takeda-san said that she found Shuuji‟s letter in „Ningen Shikkaku‟.

Ten years is a very long time, yet the letter was not discovered, isn‟t that strange? „Ningan

I felt the glance of someone and raised my head.

Kotobuki-san was standing in front of me. She looked at me as if she had something to say.

She coolly said.

“The 10 yen. You haven‟t given me that yet.”

Damn. I forgot about it. I hurriedly took out my wallet and found that I didn‟t have a darn 10 yen

“Eh, eh…”

“Sorry…” 

Kotobuki-san looked as if she wanted to complain more, and didn't budge. She was slightly

and said-

really like each other.”

I was flabbergasted. Kotobuki-san calmly continued-

Every day they would eat lunch together in the courtyard. Konoha, she is not going out with both

her? Then I guess that‟s none of your business.”

Kotobuki-san seemed very much taken aback; it must have been because my expression back

The bell rang. Kotobuki-san just said „don‟t forget to return the 10 yen to me‟, and escaped. She

Takeda-san was going out with a first year student? How did this happen?

In the May sky there were clouds. The wind was warm as well. There were students everywhere

They were sitting on the lawn. Each of them had a napkin on their thigh. Their lunch boxes were

The colour of their napkins was different. Takeda-san‟s was pink. Her boyfriend‟s was blue.

Takeda-san was happily chatting with him-

“It‟s the best! It‟s a bit spicy but it‟s soooo good.” 

“Yeah. Chia is really good at cooking~~!”

”Chia, the Basketball Club is taking a break this Sunday. Do you want to see a movie together?”

Sitting beside Takeda-san was the slightly embarrassed boyfriend. He seemed to be the one that

sports boy.

sweet couple.

Takeda-san finally noticed me. Her face immediately froze.

shameful and upset. I looked at Takeda-san once, and at once I turned around and left. I hurriedly

(What the hell, this!)

After school, I planned on going to the club room. But when I stepped outside the classroom I

She was dillydallying and had her mouth closed. I ignored her and silently passed by in front of

“Ah…”

After we silently walked for a bit, I, with my face still facing forward, coldly asked:

“……” 

“Hi…Hiro-kun is-“

courtyard and each lunch that you prepared? That you two already went on three dates?”

For the past two weeks I had been writing her love letters. I went to the Archery Club, and I went

Just from looking at how happy Takeda was when she was talking about Shuuji-senpai, I made

would cheerfully come to me and report what happened between her and Shuuji-senpai that day.

came to me crying, and asked me to help Shuuji-senpai, just like her I felt sad as well.

Stop kidding around!

Takeda-san.

“You already had a boyfriend, yet you acted as if you secretly admired a senpai from the archery

Takeda-san looked miserable, but she remained silent.

died 10 years ago by jumping off the school roof.”

her wouldn't do anybody any good, I couldn‟t hold it in:

though the incident happened ten years ago, I still feel crummy knowing that someone who

ever come to my classroom and attempt to find me ever again.”

force she could muster, squeezed out a sound and said to me: 

I turned around. Takeda was looking at me with a desolate expression.

expression she had on her, when she looked at me. I was flabbergasted.

Takeda-san tightly bit her lips, lowered her head, and ran down the stairs.

-„Konoha, surely you don‟t understand…‟

again throughout most of the volumes in this series. Since it‟s so important, I will do a bit of

are multiple ways one can translate this line. For example, the simplest (and most logical,

understand. Of course, this implied simple present tense.

dumbasses.

The original Japanese line uses present tense; unfortunately, their present tense can in some cases

Finally, the original line had the word??? in it. It translates to as „surely, definitely‟. The

to English, all hell broke loose. „For sure‟ doesn‟t sound good; „definitely‟, nope; „clearly‟, this

The real translation is something like „Konoha, it seems for sure you don‟t/won‟t understand

Bungaku Shoujo: Volume1 Chapter5
 

Chapter end