Zaregoto
/ Zaregoto Vol 4 Chapter 3
Hard work always creates something.
Not that it will necessarily connect to results.
1"That Kunagisa brat....." Shito--kun said to me, as if he were speaking to himself. "..... What in the world is she? What in the world kind of person is she?"
"Hmm?" It took me a bit of time to determine that those words were intended for me, and I responded one tempo late. "..... Not a brat - she is nineteen after all."
"..... I see."
Normally he would have snapped something back there, but Shito-kun simply nodded powerlessly.
The smoking room on the fourth floor of the seventh ward. Shito-kun and I were sitting across from each other. Neither of us could be considered smokers, but we were just killing time. That said, time kills itself like this, so the expression may be off. It may be better to rephrase it as us clinging to time in order to prevent time from being killed. The theory is completely wrong, but as a phrase, it was not bad for describing this situation.
I glanced down the hall. I focused my eyes on one of the doors lining the wall, as if I were peeking through to the other side. Of course, it was quite the distance, and I did not possess powers of clairvoyance like a fortune-teller on some island, so there was no way I could see what was taking place on the other side. That Dead Blue and Green Green Green were having some sort of conversation.
What they were talking about I could not fathom. I had no clue.
"..... Utsurigi Gaisuke....."
I mumbled with a low, heavy voice.
His age was probably around thirty. I could not determine whether that white hair was dyed or natural, but his age was probably around that. He had a bit of a light, free-spirited air around him, but that was enough for me to understand that he was not ordinary. One glance was enough for me to understand that he was a person on the other side of a thick, long line somewhere.
Like a red contractor, like a blue savant.
"Hey, listen. Listen, you," Shito-kun said with a bit more strength this time. "That Kunagisa, what in the world is she? I'm asking, so tell me."
"..... Why do you think I would know?"
"Of course you do. You're her lover, aren't you?" Shito-kun said, leaning closer. Shito-kun said, leaning closer. “Someone who can talk to that Utsurigi-san on equal terms, someone who can talk to that Utsurigi-san on equal footing -- it's the first time I've seen it happen. No one here -- not even the professor -- can do that. That's why, even though they're both ex-members of Cluster..."
"That is not quite right," I fired a correcting arrow. "Kunagisa Tomo and Utsurigi Gaisuke were not members. In terms of ranking, Kunagisa had a higher class. She was the leader of Team, after all."
"..... Really?"
"Really. Well, I still only half-believe it though. No, thirty-percent-believe it, I think," I shrugged self-deprecatingly. "Totally, certainly like nonsense."
"I can't believe it," said Shito-kun, as he leaned back into the sofa. And then, "Then... what in the world is she?" he asked for the third time.
"Why do you think I would know?" I answered again. "Do you think I would know that? Shito-kun."
"..... You don't know?"
I did not answer. I changed my answer to confirm that with no answer.
Indeed, I do not know. I do not know that Kunagisa Tomo. That Kunagisa Tomo, who spoke with Utsurigi Gaisuke on equal terms. That Kunagisa Tomo, who was called an eerie, dangerous-sounding alias, Dead Blue. Relative to that, I could say that I would know more about a person I was meeting for the first time. In that case, I would at least be able to determine that I was speaking to a person.
When it comes to Dead Blue -- I would not be so sure.
".........."
Who had I been watching this whole time?
No, wrong, that is not the problem. Rather, what had I been watching this whole time? If there is anything to be called nonsense, this would be it. Calling this a misunderstanding would be a joke. Until now, despite being by her side, how much had I missed? No, was there really any point, any instant at all that I had truly, actually been by her side? The way that Utsurigi had once been, to truly be by Kunagisa's side -- would I ever be able to do that?
I understood.
The identity of the emotion that I had felt toward Utsurigi, or rather, to the members of Team. It was not an emotion as first-class as jealousy or admiration or aspiration. It was a feeling of inferiority that reached repulsive levels when it came to myself. It was an irritating level of despair at my own self. It was a depressing level of disappointment at my own self.
"Hey, you okay?"
Shito-kun's call snapped me out of it. I looked up, and found Shito-kun looking at me with a worried expression. Hn, I shook my head, and answered, "I am alright."
"It is nothing."
"You sure? You looked really sad, you know."
I must have had an incredibly mournful expression to have incurred the worry of this Shito-kun. It must surely have been wretched. I could not imagine it myself, but that must have been the case. This feeling of betrayal certainly felt like it would cause such a look.
"Betrayal... truly, the worst... I am."
I muttered, and shook my head once more. I then slapped my cheeks with both hands, and recomposed myself. Alright. I shall fret and worry a bit later. For now, for now still, let me be swept along as the situation wants to sweep me. Consciously or subconsciously, that is all that I can do for Kunagisa.
"So, Shito-kun -- why are you here?"
“Ah? What's that?” Shito-kun asked back with doubt. “Whaddaya mean. Why I'm here?”
“You do not need to answer if you do not want to. I just figured I'd ask to break the awkward silence. I just thought it was odd that you would be here so young.”
"So young, eh. Is that some sort of sarcasm?"
Shito-kun went silent for a bit. I did not say anything either, not expecting a response, but eventually Shito-kun opened his mouth and said, "I like that professor."
"That professor -- you mean Professor Shadou Kyouichirou?"
"Of course. Mad Demon or what have you, he's an amazing person. I don't know what's up with that Kunagisa, but you're the same, aren't you?" Shito-kun asked me. "You're with her because you like her, yeah?"
"Like or dislike... does that not seem a childish notion, Shito-kun?" I slowly shook my head. "It is not that simple. It is just not that simple. If it were, it would make so much more sense."
“...”
"No, perhaps it is that simple? Maybe it is actually simpler. So simple that I do not know, complex and intricate because it is so simple and obvious -- may be what it is. She happened to be in front of me, and I happened to be in front of her -- it might be something as simple as having the timing fit. You know, like a digital clock. You just spontaneously look and find the numbers all lined up, just fundamentally being like that, and there is no reason whatsoever to it -- that sort of thing."
"I don't really get it."
"Probably. Along with what I do not know, I would like to clarify a misunderstanding with Shito-kun. I am not her lover. I do not know why, but it seems people have misunderstood. It is not something like that -- she is a friend, a friend."
"Huh? Aren't you two too friendly to be friends? Boy and girl, too."
"There is no such thing as being too friendly for friends. And gender is irrelevant for friendship... In any case, I do not know how she feels about being called such a thing, but personally I do not find it very pleasant. Shito-kun, you would find it unpleasant to be called professor Kyouichirou's lover, right?"
Shito-kun folded his arms.
“….. I would.”
“Of course you would. And that is how it is. At the very least, it is against my style to have the thought process of wanting to tie everything into romance,” I held out both hands. “And someone else is my lover.”
"Really. What sort?"
"A high school girl who attends a super elite ojousama school. She is a first-year, so she is fifteen? Her name is Saijou Tamamo, and she likes glittery things, and is a pretty cute tomboy-ish girl. I am pretty lovesick with her [1]. We go out to eat ice cream together a lot. She makes me pay all the time. She eats the cream, and I just get the cone. Well, thus is the weakness of being in love."
“..... Sounds like a made-up story.”
"That would be because about half of it is made up."
"Hah. You're a con artist."
"And you are a mochi maker."
"Yeah, yeah. Every New Years we knead it like so and so, and then hammer it and hammer it [2] -- why!" Shito-kun shouted. "Why am I playing the straightman for you in a place like this!?"
"Well, I was actually not expecting a straightman..."
It was fun making fun of Shito-kun.
However, it appeared Shito-kun did not find it so amusing, as he looked displeased, saying, “Cut it out, jeez.”
"Not that you would-- hmm. Speaking of which, what's your name? You haven't told me yet. You were the only one who didn't introduce yourself back then."
Hmm? I tilted my head to the side. Given what Neo-san had said, it was clear that professor Kyouichirou had investigated us already, so I had assumed that it was probable that they also knew my name, but perhaps they had not dug deep enough? Or perhaps they had assumed I was just an extra for Kunagisa Tomo and thus had not bothered finding out. Ah, no, that is wrong. Regardless of whether they knew my name or not, Shito-kun must have been told to guide Kunagisa Tomo and her associates, so he must not have been informed. Shito-kun had expressed great admiration for the professor earlier, but would he still feel the same if he were to find out how he was actually viewed? As an ally that had been deceived for the purpose of deceiving the enemy?
“...”
Well, he probably could. The explanation made sufficient sense, after all.
"Hey, what's wrong? Do you not have a name?"
“Well... Hmm. My name is Spooky E.”
“..... Uh huh.”
I had braced myself with some level of expectation, but this time, Shito-kun did not play the straightman. Rather, he seemed to respond coldly to it.
"..... Um, so you're wanting to say that because it's E you're called Ii-chan -- that supposed to be the punchline?"
"Correctly so, rightly so."
".........."
"Idachi Ikuyo would suffice."
"..............."
Shito-kun seemed to have given up on something with me, and after turning away and sighing deeply, returned to the original subject, "Not that you would--"
"Not that you would understand why I'm here, even if I were to explain the reason. Of course you can't, you can't possibly get it."
"Right. No one likes being told that other people know how they feel. ..... Speaking of which, this April, I met a fortune-teller who knows everything about other peoples' thoughts."
"Ah? Another one of your lies."
"This is more nonsense than a lie, though. Though I cannot go into details. In any case, it is a person from whom Shito-kun and anyone else would be unable to hide a single thing."
"Basically, a master of psychology?"
A very logical interpretation. I nodded, "That is one way to look at it."
"Shito-kun, what do you think? About those things."
"What do I think? Of course I hate that crap," Shito-kun tilted his head at my question, looking like he did not understand. "Having your thoughts out in the open all the time, at the very least, wouldn't be pleasant. It's just like you said."
"No, I did not mean that... Not our side, but how do you think they feel? Knowing everything that other people are thinking."
"Pretty convenient, isn't it?"
"... Convenient. ..... Perhaps."
I nodded at Shito-kun's answer, which came without any hesitation whatsoever. But if that fortune-teller were to hear that, we would have received some sort of retort.
Ahh, come to think of it.
Even with that fortune-teller's ability to read minds, Kunagisa Tomo's mind could not be read. One could theorize that the reason that Kunagisa Tomo's mind could not be read was because it was far too deep. Her brain was processing so much more than a normal person that it would be incredibly difficult to decipher what was going on inside.
And just then, Mysterious Object X passed by the side of our smoking room -- no, I know of its identity now, so the janitor maid robot passed by. This time, the steel cylinder did not mistake people as trash, and instead sped right down the hall. I see, that robot is stationed at every research ward.
"So you were the one who made that janitor maid robot, Shito-kun?"
"Ah?" Shito-kun furrowed his brows. "Well, yeah, right. But where'd you hear that?"
"Neo-san."
"--That bastard," Shito-kun clicked his tongue in irritation. "Freakin' loose lips."
"Calling a senior a bastard is quite wrong. But that is still admirable. Making a maid robot is truly amazing. Yes, I prefer an old type of maid, but I do not think that sort of new type is bad."
"Stop calling it a maid robot. Only Neo-san says that crap."
Without any semblance of pride or joy, Shito-kun said, "That's nothing," as if being praised for such a trivial thing was more annoying than anything else.
"Even elementary schoolers can build something like that as long as they have the parts and tools."
"Indeed. That would be the difference with the older type of maids."
I nodded in agreement, but I actually prefer the older type of maids.
"..... Hey, Shito-kun. One more question about maids."
"What?"
"I heard Utsurigi-san does not leave this place, but is that true?"
"Leaving the question of how that relates to maids at all aside..." Shito-kun asked back with suspicion. "Where'd you hear that?"
"Umm. This was from Neo-san too."
"....." Shito-kun froze in place with his posture. ".......... Shit. That bastard."
"I said calling a senior a bastard is quite wrong."
"That bastard is that bastard. He's a guy, so he's a bastard. I'm doing nothing wrong. And if you want to go by seniority, I've got seniority on Neo-san. I've been here longer. Neo-san's the newest one here, after all... Yeah. So what's up? Utsurigi-san hasn't taken a single step out of here -- is that a problem for you?"
"No, that is not what I meant....." I absent-mindedly ignored his rambling. "But indeed, this place is filled with quirky people. Utsurigi-san, of course, but it is hard to call you ordinary as well, and professor Kyouichirou and Koutari-san and Neo-san and Dr. Kokoromi. Truly a collection of intellectuals, a random pounding of talented people. Mad Demon seems to not refer solely to professor Kyouichirou."
"I'm ordinary. Don't be subtly rude. .... Hmm? Hey you, you've met not just Koutari-san and Neo-san, but also Miyoshi-san?"
"Ah, no not like that. I just know of Miyoshi Kokoromi-san through rumors. She has quite a colorful trail of human dissection and biological dissection, so even I know of her."
"Really, now. Well, that person is pretty famous... and she did work where she worked before she came here, so I guess it's not that odd that you'd know of her. Anyways, I'm ordinary. Not just me, everyone's ordinary. We may look odd from the perspective of a commoner like you, but that's just a problem with your level of comprehension."
"Hmm... that may be the case. That probably is the case."
I nodded, but it was questionable as to whether Utsurigi was part of that everyone. However, I decided not to pursue that matter. If I were to pursue it, then naturally, Kunagisa would become part of that conversation, and I did not have confidence that I could remain calm if that happened.
"A problem with my level of comprehension..."
Is that the case? That may be the case. That may not be the case. However, probably, it is the case. Such is how these things are. In the end, the problem comes back to me. Despite the level of depth, it becomes a simple, logical matter. It was like Murphy's Law.
According to which, all difficult equations boil down to an answer of either zero or one.
"Zero, eh..."
Then, I heard the creaking sound of a hinge. I turned my head toward that direction, and saw Kunagisa stepping out of the room. She closed the door behind her, swiveled her head about, and froze completely when our eyes met.
"Ah, Ii-chan, discovered!"
Kunagisa said, and then she ran over. Just when you might have thought she'd arrived at the smoking room at full speed, she showed no signs of slowing her pace. In fact, she seemed to accelerate, and then jumped at me. I was used to this sort of behavior though, and skillfully reducing her impact while ensuring that neither of us would be hurt, I caught her.
"Heheeeh," Kunagisa seemed to giggle as she wrapped her arms around my back, embracing me. "I'm home, Ii-chan."
I hesitated for a moment, and then responded, "Welcome home, Tomo."
We were as natural as we had always been.
For now, this was sufficient. Alright, I thought.
Think of it as alright.
"..... Thanks for that sight, but," Shito-kun groaned with displeasure. "If we're done here, let's get back. Go flirt somewhere else. I was told to bring you two back to the Professor when the meeting is done."
"You seem more like a grunt than an assistant."
"Shut up! I'll kill you!" he said irritably (not that I fault his anger). Standing up abruptly, he sauntered off. I tried to follow after him, but Kunagisa would not let go, so all I could do was stand up.
"Hey, Tomo. I will let you hug me all you want later, so let go for now."
"Umm. Sure, but," Kunagisa said, as she surprisingly quickly let go. And then she turned to Shito-kun. "Shito-chan, wait a second."
"Ah? Why do I hafta wait? Are you going to hug me too?"
"As if. Um, Sacchan..." Kunagisa gave me a side-ward glance. And then she looked back at Shito-kun. "Wants to talk to Ii-chan."
"Ah? What?" "Ah? What?"
Shito-kun's doubt-filled voice and my surprised voice were almost completely in harmony. Shito-kun's voice would be the bass and my voice the tenor. However, a short duet of two men was not particularly pleasant to hear. Shito-kun and I ended up steeped in an awkward silence, and so in an effort to get away from that, I turned to Kunagisa and asked again, "What?"
"I said Sacchan wants to talk to Ii-chan."
"Is that so?"
"Why!?" Shito-kun shouted. No, more like yelled. "Why would Utsurigi-san want to talk to this guy?"
"This time it is this guy... should you not get a scolding from Suzunashi-san?" I sighed, jeez. "But I agree with that opinion. Tomo, why did Utsurigi say he wanted to talk to me?"
"I dunno," Kunagisa answered indifferently. "Anyways, when boku-sama-chan was leaving the room, Sacchan said, Can you ask the boy whose eyes were like those of a dead fish to come in? I would like to speak to him, just the two of us."
"All he said was the boy whose eyes were like those of a dead fish, right? Then maybe he was talking about Shito-kun."
"Of course not." "Of course not."
This time it was the duet of a soprano and a bass.
"It's obviously you." "It's obviously Ii-chan."
"Of course." "Of course."
A hymn started. I did not understand what was going on. I said, "Well, that aside," and forcibly interrupted the hymn.
"Let us leave what my eyes are like aside, for now. Why was I called by Utsurigi?"
"I said, I don't know. Don't ask boku-sama-chan. You'll find out when you go, right?" said Kunagisa, pointing at the door she just came through. "Go ahead and take the chance to talk to him, Ii-chan. It'll probably be fun. Boku-sama-chan will wait here."
And then Kunagisa plopped herself down on the sofa. Shito-kun came back down the hall and did the same, muttering, "What's going on, jeez."
"You two really can't be helped. Well, be off with you then. I'll be waiting here, too."
"You could go back, you know."
"And I said that if I did, you two wouldn't be able to get out. Why do you think I'm stuck here without anything else to do?" Shito-kun slapped the table. "Hey, hurry up and go."
"Alright... I understand."
Anyways, it seemed I had no choice but to go. I do not know why Utsurigi called for me, but I did not seem to have any other option. I did not really want to, but it seemed I had to. I whispered to Kunagisa, "Be careful, and shout if anything happens," outside of earshot of Shito-kun, walked across the hall, and stopped in front of the door.
I turned around to face Kunagisa.
"Hey!"
I shouted.
"Tomo, was it fun, talking to Utsurigi?"
"It was fun."
It was a simple answer. Truly, a truly Kunagisa Tomo-like answer. However, right now, currently, I lacked an understanding of that -like. What did it mean to be Kunagisa Tomo-like? Something that simple had become very vague. I no longer knew. It was like a deteriorating copy had begun seeping through to the back of the sheet.
My thoughts regarding Kunagisa, and Kunagisa's thoughts regarding me.
Perhaps this is the decisive moment for me to anchor my foot. At the very least, the Kunagisa Tomo who was sitting right next to Shito-kun over there should be the Kunagisa Tomo I know, I thought as I knocked on the door and pulled it open.
"Yo -- nice to meet you."
And.
I had not even entered when I was greeted by that high tone. It was a voice that could fool anyone into believing that it came from a woman, like a forced falsetto, the sort of voice that could absolutely not be called mellow, like the sound of a sharpened blade.
I entered the room, closing the door behind me. And then I said the same, "Nice to meet you." And Utsurigi smiled, a warm laugh.
He was sitting on the steel-piped chair, the one and only piece of furnishing for the room. His legs were crossed, he had adopted a completely relaxed posture, and he was facing me. His chin was raised just a bit, as if he were looking down upon me, and he peered at my expression.
No words came forth. Toward Utsurigi, not a single word came to mind.
"--I wish you would not tighten up so much." Utsurigi was the one to eventually speak. "You were like that before when we had a glimpse of each other, you know. Why do you look at me like a sworn enemy? It's been quite some time since I've spoken to a human like this. I'm pretty sure I haven't done anything to you yet, hey? You know, Shito-kun is the way he is, so he won't speak to me or look at me or even come close to me whenever we cross paths, and the others never come this way. Despite appearances, I love company very much. I'm a purely lonely. So lonely, so lonely that it cannot be helped. That's why, if you will, please, say something?"
"Quite some time?"
I tilted my head to the side at that. At the same time, I felt some of my nervousness dissipate. At the very least, he seemed like someone who I could converse with. I moved a bit while maintaining a set distance from Utsurigi, and leaned against the wall to the right. I turned toward Utsurigi once more.
"What are you talking about? Were you not just speaking to Kunagisa?"
"With Dead Blue? Woah there," Utsurigi chuckled. It was a terribly human-like action, which I suppose is obvious, but because it was obvious, I felt a terrible sense of misplacement. "Oh, please. I don't know what to say to that. Shouldn't you know that best? Or are you saying that Dead Blue --Kunagisa Tomo is a human being?"
"....."
"Communicating with that is an impossible task for anyone. Impossible for me as well as you as well as anyone else. Is that not right?"
While he seemed to want agreement and his eyes appeared to be laughing, as expected, I did not sense even a bit of lightheartedness behind those eyes. It was like he was waiting to pounce on any opening I gave, such was his expression. I care-freely responded, "I do not think so."
"More importantly, Utsurigi-san."
"Utsurigi suffices. Also, why don't you take a seat, instead of standing there?"
"On the floor?"
"It's cleaned often, so it's not dirty. Of course, it wasn't I that cleaned it, but rather the machine that Shito-kun made."
"I will stand."
Is that so, Utsurigi nodded.
I shifted even more of my weight toward the wall, and lessened the burden on my left leg. It was so that I could run at any moment. Although I felt such a need would not arise, there was no merit to being unprepared.
"Utsurigi-san, did you have something you wished to speak to me about?"
"I said Utsurigi would suffice, didn't I?" Utsurigi's shoulders trembled. "I hate being suffixed with -san. There is no reason for you to be calling me such, and I would like to say the same to Shito-kun. Truly, a bothersome thing. Those in Cluster always called me without any formalities, and that was the most natural."
"... what do you mean by Cluster?" I could not help but ask. "I have heard that name several times since we had come... is it a different name for Team?"
"I think a different name lacks accuracy," Utsurigi raised his index finger. "We had no name in the first place. So we all just called it what we wished. I generally called it Cluster. That has simply become the normal means of referring to it here. Well, I made it normal. If I remember correctly, Cheetah called it Mates. Reverse Cross (Night-travel Crime) called it Russell (Gathering of Paradox)[3]. And Double Flick (Double-layered World) even made a nice pun for it, Inside (Within the Territory). It wasn't just irony or something, that enjoyed playing with words. And then, and then..., heheh, well, everyone did what they wanted the way they wanted. There were some that changed the way they referred to themselves every time, so we had no real name or different name or true name or anything. I called us Cluster (Flock), that's all. --And then Dead Blue called it Team (Comrades)."
Team.
That word sucked air out of my lungs.
"Woah, you tightened up again just now, right when you were finally beginning to loosen up. Did something I say strike a nerve? If so, I apologize. I'm not blessed with the opportunity to speak to others much, so I'm not very learned in the arts of politeness. Please don't take it the wrong way."
"No, I do not mind. I do not mind at all. More importantly, Utsurigi-san."
"I said to call me without the honorifics... Whatever. I don't expect for all of my wants to be accepted. Continue; what is it?"
"What did you speak to Kunagisa about?"
Utsurigi fell silent for just a moment after hearing my question, and then said, "You."
"You call her Kunagisa?"
"... Answer my question, please."
"I'll answer if you answer, let's go with even negotiations. My question first, what do you normally call Dead Blue? Just the way I once called ourselves Cluster, what do you call her?"
"....."
"Incidentally, this Utsurigi Gaisuke uses Dead Blue when speaking to her directly. Sometimes that's also the case when speaking to a third party, but if I speak to that third party and reference her, it becomes Kunagisa Tomo. I sometimes abbreviate it toVerge when referring to her as an abstract entity. Very rarely, I say that. That would be the four I use."
I did not understand the point behind his question, so I hesitated a little. However, no matter how you took it, it did not seem like a question that had an ulterior motive. Then, perhaps, it was just simple curiosity. I decided to answer honestly.
"When I speak to her directly, I call her by her first name, Tomo. If I am trying to get her attention, hey, you. When speaking about her with someone else, I use her surname Kunagisa, and when referring to her, her. The only exception is when I speak to Nao-san... Kunagisa's older brother, if I refer to her I say your sister. He dislikes having her name spoken aloud."
"You speak as if you were narrating for someone else. No, nothing wrong with that. Your past is essentially someone else, after all."
So said Utsurigi, as he repeated to himself, "Hmm, Tomo, Kunagisa, hey, you, her, your sister..."
"I see... so that's the kind of person you are. Understood understood, I get it."
"Was it some sort of psychological test?" I had regained a bit of composure, and naturally asked with a comparative voice. "So? What sort of twisted emotion do I have with regards to Kunagisa?"
"That may be better left unsaid. No, ignorance is bliss, perhaps," Utsurigi said without any shyness. "Still, you are quite gloomy. Despite those dead-fish eyes of yours."
"Saying they are like dead fish is a bit much. The Professor said
"Good eyes they are. Truly impressive levels of rotting. When I speak to you like this, it reminds me of Cheetah."
Utsurigi grinned, clearly enjoying himself. Whether that meant he purely enjoyed speaking to me, or whether that meant he enjoyed observing me, or whether that meant he was only acting like he enjoyed himself while he did not enjoy himself in the slightest, I could not tell.
"... I answered, so please answer my question. Utsurigi-san. What did you speak to Kunagisa about?"
"You can imagine, can't you? What do you think we talked about?"
"....."
"Ah, sorry, sorry. It's alright, I'm not Socrates. Although they do say my nose looks like his. However, returning a question with a question to make the other think is, well it's not bad but it's not my style. I'm more the talkative type, the type that says everything myself."
"Is that so."
"Yes. Dead Blue said, of course -- I'll get you out of here."
Utsurigi said that with some pride. As if being told that by Kunagisa was the greatest of his achievements.
"... and, what did you say?"
"Rejected. Of course?" Utsurigi said, as if was truly obvious. "We spoke about other things, but those were private, so I'd prefer you understand that. You wouldn't want to know about how I deal with my sexual urges, right?"
I wonder. No, I do not.
"Why did you reject it?"
"I waved my hand like this and said No, no, it's fine. ... Don’t look at me like that. Do you not get jokes? You don't need to look at me out of the corner of your eye every time like that. I'm not sitting in a corner, you know."
Whether he found his own pun amusing or for a different reason I did not know, but Utsurigi chuckled. It was an infantile sight, belying the age behind his whitened hair.
"Let's alternate questions, then. It's my turn, isn't it? Let's make sure we're both in agreement about the order."
"..... Then, go ahead." I nodded, half-carelessly. "But, do you actually have more to ask me?"
"Yes. Plenty."
He had plenty.
"Then how about we start with a jab....., have you kissed Kunagisa Tomo?"
".........."
I truly felt like I wanted to walk away.
"Incidentally, I never have."
Of course. If you were to have done that to a minor at your age, it would be a crime with no room to say excuses. Not so much a social crime, but more a crime as a person.
"So, how about you?"
"..... I have," this time, I really, truly carelessly answered. "So?"
"No, I just felt envious. Continue."
"Continue what. It is my turn to ask a question, is it not?" I raised my face a bit, staring at the smiling face of Utsurigi. "Why did you reject her? Do you not want to leave this place?"
"An odd question, from both you and Dead Blue," Utsurigi suddenly sounded bored. "You two are both saying a terribly bizarre thing. I was invited here as a fellow, you know? I get paid wages, and I'm living a pretty comfortable life. It's not like I'm imprisoned here or held captive or anything."
"..... the academic achievements that Professor Shadou Kyouichirou has attained, the results of scientific research that he had presented to the Kunagisa House as his own reputable work, I hear that close to ninety-percent of that was actually the work of Utsurigi Gaisuke."
"Who knows? I don't know what you're talking about. I've never heard anything like that. Isn't that just a trick?" chuckled Utsurigi. "There's a lot of gossip in the world about taking credit for others' work, after all."
"If you are not imprisoned, then, Utsurigi-san, then of course you have a means of leaving this research facility -- no, even this seventh ward?" I persisted. "For example, do you have a laboratory ID card that goes into the card readers? Do you have your voice and retina stored in the lock database?"
".........."
Utsurigi went silent. And then, with a scrutinizing, squinting look, he stared at me. I deliberately, half-forcibly ignored that, and continued speaking.
"Have you ever left this place? I have heard otherwise. ..... Despite offering your entire spec to Professor Kyouichirou, despite having your freedom completely suppressed, do you still feel the lack of a need to leave this place?"
"You talk big, young one." Utsurigi closed both of his eyes. Opening his right eye, he continued, "You talk about freedom at your age? At the age of nineteen, you talk largely about something like freedom? How very crass."
"..... According to Kunagisa... no, to be more precise, according to Chii-kun, but my understanding of you is that Professor Kyouichirou has some sort of blackmail on you to restrain you here..."
"Hahah! Blackmail!" Utsurigi clapped his hands loudly in front of him. The dry sound echoed around the room. "Blackmail is good! That's an awesome way to put it, coming from that Cheetah. Laughable. Too funny. I've never heard something so funny."
"..... Answer my question, Utsurigi-san."
"Hahah, heheheh. Answer your question? Alright. I'll answer, young one," Utsurigi stopped his dry laugh and slowly raised his head. "For example... do you know of the life-form, pig? Or a cow or a chicken would suffice."
"Of course I know about a pig."
"That's great. Then of course you know that a pig was an animal created by domesticating monkeys? Cows and chickens were not really configured as a species like that, but they're pretty similar nonetheless, being domesticated. Domesticated. What do you think about that? They -- yes, I'll call them
"..... Is that wrong?"
"Wrong. Not just wrong, it's the opposite. As a result, as a result of being domesticated, as a result of being configured, they became even stronger. Protected by humans, raised by humans, produced by humans, their market share among the world's animal populace exploded. By living with humans -- no, by forming a parasitic bond with humans, they acquired an immovable position in the hierarchy of species. Is that wrong?"
"-- it only sounds like sophism."
"Sophism is still a form of logic. Similar to how potatoes and sweet potatoes are both potatoes. Now, is my current situation really as bad as you think? I've been given an entire research ward like this, and I can speak to you like this. You say I'm restrained but that's the case no matter where I go. Is there any life in this world that isn't restrained? In the end, to me, watching TV every day and only speaking to a certain set of people every day, while being able to move about, is still being restrained in a certain amount of space. I feel much freer than people like that. At the very least, my mind is a lot freer."
"I cannot think you are being serious."
"It's your freedom to think what you may. I have no intent of restraining your opinions."
Utsurigi inhaled after those words, and continued, "Now it's my turn to ask a question."
"Have you slept with Kunagisa Tomo?"
".......... Am I going to keep being sexually harassed like this?"
"Who cares? Let's just sit down, man up, and speak our minds like men," Utsurigi made a perverted face. "Incidentally, I've never slept with Dead Blue."
"If you have, it would be a crime," I raised both of my hands. "I have not, either."
"You haven't?" he seemed taken aback. "What? Wait, no way. You must be lying."
"It is true. I would not lie about something like that. And I have never gone even close... well, I will not say that at least, but in general we have never crossed that line," I wondered why I was being this open, but I continued answering. "Does that satisfy you?"
"Not at all. Quite dissatisfied. That can't be right," Utsurigi crossed his arms and groaned. "You're a straight man, aren't you? You don't have strange fetishes, right? Or are you actually lusting for me, right now?"
No, I'm not.
I ignored Utsurigi and took my turn.
"In other words, Utsurigi-san, you have no intention of leaving this place?"
"That's not what I meant. I don't intend to not leave this place, but I have no reason to leave this place. For example, I hear Dead Blue just lives like a hikikomori in her Kyoto mansion. Would you force her to get out? Of course you wouldn't, would you? There's no reason for her to step outside. It troubles no one. I'm the same. There's no reason to go out into space just to learn that space is spacious, is there?"
"In other words, Kunagisa's actions this time were nothing but a bother to Utsurigi-san?"
"Hey, hey, you don't need to be that aggressive with your tone," Utsurigi slightly raised his right shoulder, as if recoiling in horror. "Not at all, of course. I am genuinely pleased by Kunagisa Tomo's feelings. You could even say that I am moved. And, even otherwise, being able to reunite with Dead Blue makes me happy. In that sense I'm quite appreciative of you, for having acted with Kunagisa Tomo. Thank you."
"..... You’re welcome."
A sigh. It seemed he was right about being talkative. No matter what angle I tried to attack him from, he would always scatter my vector and ultimately swallow everything up into his own pace.
He only looked like a strange old man, but he was one of Kunagisa Tomo's Team. I would not be allowed to forget that.
"Now, my turn. Does that mean that Kunagisa Tomo, to you, is not someone you can view as a woman, and that while she is an object of affection, she is not an object of love?"
Oh. This time he asked a relatively normal question.
"In other words, you don't lust for Kunagisa Tomo's loli body."
".........."
I was a fool for thinking otherwise.
"Incidentally, I do. ... I was joking, so please don't run away. Don't try to leave. Of course I wouldn't lust, I'm fifteen years older than her, you know? Of course I wouldn't do such a thing. Where I was raised, calling someone a lolicon is just a way of greeting someone. It's true. If you're recoiling from something like that, you wouldn't be able to survive where I grew up, you know? Please, stop shooting me that suspicious look."
"..." I sighed.
I swore that no matter what, I would never go to this guy's birthplace, and wondered if this was the reason why Shito-kun and Koutari-san referred to him as a pervert. In that case, Shito-kun's fear was understandable. Subtly, I re-positioned myself so that my hand would easily be able to pull out the knife in my right breast-pocket.
"You kiss Kunagisa Tomo. Embrace. Yet perhaps that is just a level of skinship that you might share with your sister. So one might say that Kunagisa Tomo is like a sister to you? That's not bad at all. They do say that being considered a little sister is in a way the greatest praise that can be heaped upon a lady."
"....."
"Incidentally, I have two little sisters--"
"I do not want to hear it," I immediately interrupted. "And normally, in Japan, people do not kiss their sisters. They also do not embrace."
"What? Seriously?" Utsurigi seemed honestly surprised, as he adjusted his glasses. "-- is that the case. Wow, I learned something, today. Thank you. I'm glad I met you."
"..." I sighed. It was not appreciation I enjoyed. "In any case, Kunagisa is not my sister. At the very least, I have never thought such a thing. She may be an existence as close to me as family, but that is an issue of distance."
"Hmm. Your expression seems to hint that you don't care about family. Hmmhmm. I'm beginning to understand. The problem."
"Problem? What entirely was he seeing as a problem of what? This man named Utsurigi was the only problem, for now. I was beginning to feel like I would rather end this conversation and retreat to my room.
That I did not could probably be attributed to Utsurigi having been part of Kunagisa's Team. No, I should not say that in past tense, for they still consider each other comrades, and it was because of that, that I stood here continuing to converse. I analyzed myself.
"Then--," I continued my words. And then I took a look around this empty room. "-- why, do you call this room with nothing your private room?"
"Woah. You're changing your angle? I see, a plan to get me to let down my guard. Yes, not bad, not bad. That's a sharp way to do things. You have such a cute face, but you're quite vicious. You seem to be a person with more intelligence than you look," Utsurigi was filled with mirth. "The answer is simple. I dislike when things are messy. In truth -- I would rather get rid of this chair, as well, but if I go there I would have to be considered slightly ill."
"I think you are plenty ill as it is."
"No, don't worry. The other rooms are pretty messy. There are some rooms that aren't messy, but at the very least, they're not orderly. I'm not good at organizing, because my specialty is destroying. I'm using this whole fourth floor solely for my own purposes, but if you want, you can take a peek at the third and second floors on your way back. My work rooms are as scattered as an island of dreams."
"I will pass," I turned down Utsurigi's offer. "There are plenty of classified items, I am sure? Shito-kun would be angry at me. And, that was probably why this room was selected as our meeting room."
"Professor Kyouichirou did say something like that... Heheh, he's quite a strict fellow."
At the very least, I was unable to read any emotion, like anger or begrudging, that would be expected from someone who is imprisoned in a space like this from Utsurigi's face, as he referred to Professor Kyouichirou as he. That said, I also did not read the opposite, like respect or fondness for one's boss, either.
In fact... I could not imagine whatsoever what this person thought.
"Now, my turn."
"Please go easy on me."
"Leave it to me," Utsurigi said with a rather retro-style boast. "Question. How much interest do you have in the opposite sex?"
"... As normal, I would say," I answered as I tolerated the usual sexual harassment. "Is that not obvious?"
"Hahah. That's not what I meant," Utsurigi said, and I could not tell whether he understood what I was thinking as I thought. "I am inordinately pleased that I can epigraph words from the former Cluster member Double Flick here. There is no more pleasing fun than speaking of a friend you are proud of."
"....."
Double Flick.
Or as Kunagisa calls him, Hii-chan.
"What words?"
"His words with regards to girls. Let's say that there's a dog. I would not kick that dog. I would not crush its head with a brick. If that dog is starving, and I have bread in my hand, I would give it to that dog. If it wags its tail and walks to my side, I would pet its head, and if it turns on its back, I would tickle its stomach. If it comes to it, I would let it roam my room and take care of it. I would forgive it if it bit my arm. However, despite that, I do not wish to be collared to that dog."
"... You have quite a downer of a friend, Utsurigi-san," I gave my honest opinion. "It is not right to compare a lady to a dog."
"Hahah. Cheetah said the same. And then Double Flick answered,
"... Sounds fun."
It was a story that was hard to comment on, so I absentmindedly responded.
"Not that we have the ability to feel the emotion called fun. Now, if Kunagisa Tomo is not a sister to you, then how about a pet?"
".........."
"Truth be told, she's as loyal as a dog, isn't she? To you, anyways."
Those words sounded like they had more meaning. As if he had the confidence such that he has a hidden wildcard up his sleeve for me. It did not seem like a mere bluff.
"Realistically, I think Dead Blue is a very convenient thing for you. After all, she's a direct descendant of the Kunagisa blood. A child of a family that can fund a laboratory of this magnitude deep inside the mountains, that can fund someone like that Mad Demon. Even though she's disowned, her influence is still enormous. After all, there is the matter of her sibling, Kunagisa Nao, and plenty of others within the family that still offer her their help. Just by being by her, you could say that your life is insured."
"....."
"And as for her, she has blue hair, and despite her age, she still boasts a young body, and no matter how bizarre she is and how many other quirks she has, she's quite a cute girl. Cute, cute girl, enough to turn one on. Being able to do as one wants with her, being able to do as one desires, is a seductive tale for any boy."
"However, that does not sound very pleasant," I interrupted Utsurigi. "Do I look like that type of person?"
"..... Heheh. Even a boy like you can grow angry," Utsurigi's expression seemed to say, gotcha. "Was it because you were insulted? Or was it because your feelings toward Kunagisa Tomo were insulted? Or perhaps because I was spot on?"
"I am not particularly angry. All I said was that it was not a very pleasant tale."
"Was it. I feel pleasant. Beyond pleasant. Because I am talking about a friend, with a friend of that friend, and there is nothing more mirthful than this. ... How well can you handle computer media?"
"Not that well," I felt suspicious as the topic suddenly changed as I answered. "I took an electrical engineering class or something, though."
"Ahh. Verge did say something like that. That you were part of the ER3 system, that massive think tank," Utsurigi nodded to himself in understanding. "I see, I see. That makes sense; you're smarter than you look, then."
"You heard about me from Kunagisa?"
"Yeah. Do you want to know what she said? Do you want to know what lines of expression were spoken by Kunagisa Tomo?"
"No. I am fine."
Utsurigi smiled, as if he understood something about me given my immediate response. It was an unpleasant smile.
"... Computers are by far the most most most excellent of devices developed by humans. That can be said not for the hardware, but mostly for the software. They can follow intricate programs using rules that cannot normally be understood, and at a super high speed. They make anything possible, act in a grand language differing from humans, and can arrive at a result that took humans a hundred years in five minutes. Yet on the other hand, despite being such an inexplicable, unbelievable device, even an ordinary person can control it. Switch a button, and the computer stops. There are some that say that's why computers were able to prosper among people. Controlling a computer satisfies the inner craving of having dragged something greater than oneself to their own level."
"..... I,"
"No matter who, people want to always be the one in command. Now, having taken a glimpse into the dirty desires of mankind, let's bring the subject back to Kunagisa Tomo. She's without a doubt a genius. We first bring up her memory, which makes one wonder if she has a ridiculous number of disc farms loaded into her. It's the maximum amount of RAM possible for a human being. And, there does not exist a single person who has seen a program she's written and not been mesmerized. Beauty means the lack of pointless pointlessness. It means there's no surplus or excess. Programs written by Dead Blue have no wastefulness whatsoever. Not just her programs, the hardware she produces as an engineer, the motherboards and CPU have no wastefulness, either. Dead Blue was on a different dimension even in Cluster when it came to not being wasteful."
"....."
"Do you know what Dead Blue was called when she was young? Of course you know, you wouldn't not know. She was called by a single word: savant. Obviously one doesn't need to borrow a French word to express it, for whether you call her the English word genius, or the Japanese word tensai, or call her by a German word or a Chinese word or a Swahili word, the meaning doesn't change. Because there're no national borders to talent. Back when I was still a lonely hacker, when I still dreamed that I was someone lonely, I heard a rumor that a direct descendant of the Kunagisa house held within her such a Godline talent, and so I waged a war[4] on her."
"War......"
"War, war, war. We're not very fond of one another, but don't we all share the same feelings? Some feel jealousy, some feel worship, as every person takes a gander at her. Of course, even I wanted to get in contact with Kunagisa Tomo -- though at the time my thought was more must contact the enemy -- and so I tried many means, but as you'd expect of the Kunagisa Syndicate, they didn't make things easy. I had to give up. That's why when she formed Cluster and contacted me from her end -- I cried with joy. I'm not exaggerating, I really cried. Laugh if you want to laugh, that an adult past the age of thirty, had been saved by a girl of fourteen."
".........."
Of course, I could not laugh.
It was not something that one could laugh at.
"No, I honestly think it's a sham. A terribly comical sham. Think about it. The Greatest Brains in the World -- heheh, embarrasses me to say that myself, but nine of the Greatest Brains in the World gathered, and what they did would simply be the playthings of a younger child. It feels like an extreme waste of talent, misuse of talent. Frankly -- if all of us used our talents in a more proper direction -- we could become like guardians of justice, could make this planet a much more fantastic star. Hey, don't you think I'm exaggerating?"
"-- I do not. As you say, if all of you had been virtuous, saving the world would have been as easy as baking apple pie. But, that's an impossible premise. In the end, that is part of what makes a genius. The nine of you from Cluster -- the nine including Kunagisa, were not outliers. The people in this research facility are probably the same, and even the geniuses I have encountered throughout my life, each one had their own abnormal quirks. And by abnormal I do not just mean from the perspective of society. Everyone -- was jarred somewhere. A humane genius would be the one that is the outlier. I am not as romantic as a dreamy girl to expect humaneness from people with talent."
"Is that discrimination toward dreamy girls?"
"How do we get there? At the very least, I prefer dreamy girls over dreamy middle-aged men."
"Are you talking about me? However it's just as you say. Most geniuses have some anti-social aspects. Or rather, society has always been unkind to people with talents. Few harbor pleasant feelings toward geniuses who can swipe away all of your value in a single instant."
"... Please cut it out, Utsurigi-san," I finally became unable to restrain myself as I spoke. "If you want to say something, how about you just spit it out? There is a limit to how roundabout you can be. Your conversation is merely drawing it out. Not that Goethe said this, but really, if you were a novel, I would have stopped reading here."
"Well that's a shame. This is where it gets fun."
"I cannot imagine so."
"Reading a book that you feel is boring to the end without slamming it against the wall calls for courage -- or so it was said. According to Dazai Osamu. Lonesome geniuses always say good things. Don't you agree?"
"..... Then, shall I draw out my own courage, and have some level of expectations?"
"Yeah, have expectations. I'll take you up on that, in the name of Green Green Green. ..... However, genius -- a good word, but one that I can't help but feel is far too widespread nowadays. Think about it, it's not that hard or rare to be called a genius. Do you think any person in this laboratory has never been called a genius at least once in their life? Even Shito-kun and Misachi-san. Although I don't know about you, who came as an associate of Dead Blue, and your guardian Suzunashi-san, but it's not that significant to be called a genius. What's tough -- is to be aware yourself that you're a genius. And obviously I don't mean in a delusional way."
"What's the difference between awareness and delusion?"
"Who knows, there might not be a difference at all. At the very least, if you or I were to decide, nothing might change. But, even you know the difference between predicting and knowing, right? You predict that a six will show, and roll a die. Six shows. Hey, does this mean the person who predicted it is talented? No. But if they knew a six would show, it's different. There's no doubt about it -- truly no doubt about it, that such a person is a genius. Back in the day, there was a past where I predicted that I was a genius. But it was a delusion. Thinking back on it makes me embarrassed, actually. But when you go there -- Kunagisa Tomo, she's terribly self-aware, don't you think? Don't you think she has a firm grasp on her own genius?"
"A comparison not quite like you, Utsurigi-san. The relation is also overused. I acknowledge that she is a genius, but--"
"You acknowledge, and I acknowledge. However, the one who acknowledges it the most is Kunagisa Tomo herself. Self-consciousness and self-awareness are both related to self-confidence in any living species, but you don't need me to explain that theory, right? If you want the evaluations by other people, you would need the talent to see through the senses of others. However, in order to achieve absolute valuation, you need to know yourself above all. Not to become self-aware through the comparisons of those around you, but to acknowledge yourself through yourself alone. You don't test yourself, as testing is unnecessary and testing is never done. You don't require the world to live, and that's the identity of absolute genius, awareness."
"..............."
"Now, she's that sort of White Out (Genius), but on the other hand, everything else is terrible. Kunagisa Tomo boasts unparalleled abilities in tinkering with machines and constructing applications, but she's completely ignorant about everything else. There're disabilities for extreme imbalances in talent, like the famous Idiot Savant Syndrome and more recently Asperger's Syndrome, but her case is like another step above the normal syndromes. Her infantile manner of speech, her disconnected thought process. She displays a spectacular level of failure at anything related to people. Well of course, after all, she's lacking emotions. Maybe lacking is too strong, but she's certainly not got enough of them. Perhaps she does have enough, but she doesn't know how to control them, at all. As such, she can't read other peoples' emotions. Human relations, in the end, are simply like looking in a mirror. It only works out because people assume that the other person is thinking the same way they do. You can't communicate with someone that doesn't appear in the mirror. Well, not that I'm allowed to say something like this, but... forgive me. Anyways, that's why that genius Kunagisa Tomo ends up not being able to live alone. Because she's so out-there, she cannot live alone. Yet because she's so out-there, she must live alone. Hahah, what an amusing psychological (paradox)," said Utsurigi as he pointed at me. "..... If something like you didn't exist, Kunagisa Tomo wouldn't even be able to keep living. Leaving aside whether that role must be performed by you, for Kunagisa Tomo to continue living, she must rely on you for living processes. If we think of Kunagisa Tomo as a computer, then she's just the terribly fundamental mechanism prior to the loading of an operating system. Now, a question. How do you feel, with a genius under your care?"
"..... You ask a bit too many questions, Utsurigi-san," I said while looking upward. "If you have any manners, you should only ask one question per turn, or at most two."
"Perhaps. Perhaps it's as you say, but perhaps you can also give me that little bit of service, can't you? Servitude without seeking gratitude is the adhesive to human relations, you know. Answer me. How do you feel, owning Kunagisa Tomo?"
"Do you want me to say she's mine, and I'm not giving her to anyone else?" I slowly, gradually raised my head, and glared at Utsurigi. "What a joke. If you want her, you can go ahead and take her."
".........."
"You cannot speak for me. Because I cannot speak for myself, either."
"Hmmhmm. You mean that you won't speak for yourself, not that you can't speak for yourself. On your own accord, anyways," Utsurigi did not back off at all. "You're overcome with fear at what you might need to speak for yourself about, aren't you? You're afraid of what would result if you were to corner yourself. You're afraid of fear. You can't help fearing yourself. Isn't that right?"
"Perhaps. But, so what? There is no right for you to talk ill about me. Even if you did, I would not stand for it. Kunagisa is a friend to me. I am a friend to Kunagisa. Is that not enough?"
"For now, sure. For now, that's f
Chapter end
|
Report
|
|
Donate
Oh o, this user has not set a donation button.
|
