WRECKED 42 Author's Note

One thing I didn't realize until I was older in life, was that I was BEYOND blessed to have parents that never made me feel like I needed to be anything that I wasn't. I was constantly told that I could do whatever I wanted/needed to. I never knew the idea of fearing something, because my parents always just taught me to take life by the horns! I am so grateful to have been taught that mentality young, because I know for a fact, that that thinking is what has made me into the person I am today!

I don't know about you, but countless times in school I've had to write sentences that describe "me"—my family, my friends, my hobbies, etc. Every time I get to the bit about my parents though, I just don't know what to say. How do you describe the people who taught you, nurtured you, and raised you to be a decent human being all in one sentence? What do you say to that? How do you describe the two most important people you've spent the majority of your time with, for over twenty years, in thirty words or less? In my opinion, it's almost impossible. I have a pretty much unlimited word count here, and I'm still struggling, trying to use the right words, just to convey how amazing my parents are, and how much I owe to them for raising me to be the strong person I am today.

Yes, when I was little, Moriah and Ify were my biggest inspiration. I wanted to be as smart as they were, as kind as they were, as funny as they were. More than anything, I wanted to make them proud of me. I soon learned that they would be proud of me, no matter what I did (as long as it wasn't something that was cruel), but that hasn't stopped me from trying to make them proud of me, every day of my life. That's not to say that I was the "perfect child," because, of course not. I've made mistakes. I've lied. I've outed rules. I've stormed off to my room and slammed the door on multiple occasions. I've done so many actions which may have not made them proud at that time, but I hope that, even if they weren't proud of those particular actions, they're proud of me as a human being.

Mother taught me so many things: how to read, my multiplication tables, how to handle money, how to sew on a button, and how much makeup bordered on trashy. Father taught me that whining and throwing a tantrum is never the way to get anything achieved—instead, whenever I wanted something, I came to him with a fully-edged argument with at least three main points, with my best "persuasive" voice. He raised me to never make weak excuses when I did something wrong, and instead just apologise and admit that I made a mistake. Together, they taught me that it's okay to not be perfect; that's it's okay to make mistakes sometimes.

My mother has raised me to be strong in my convictions, assertive, polite, and a good human being. She's the reason I don't conform to peer pressure, mainly because she taught me to never do anything I didn't want to do just because someone was pressuring me, and that it's okay to not follow the crowd. My father raised me to never settle for anything less than I'm worth, and over the years, even as an adult, has raised me to be confident in who I am as a human being.

Yet, not every daughter is so fortunate. I was one of the lucky ones, the ones with a support system of parents pushing their daughters to pursue an education, to continue to dream, to work towards their dream and to continually inspire, motivate and push other young women to excel. Nigerian daughters can often be seen as less valuable, or even a failure, just because of their gender.

I look around me and I worry about the future of women and girls. I worry about the world I am building for my daughter and her friends. I worry about how our legislation affects girls. I worry about our girls being married off to men their fathers' age when they should be in school. I see inequality everywhere and I wonder how these young girls who we are celebrating today will cope if we sit and do nothing about their future. Does every single woman have to fight her way through and with everything to remain honourable and respected in her field? I wonder about all these things… But nothing bothers me more than the inaction by women in power and authority. Too often women fail to empower each other. We forget that our daughters too will follow our actions and not just our words and as the world shrinks into a global village, it will also be our fault that our girls are not sitting on the table and contributing to decisions that ultimately affect them. There is so much work to do to re-educate the modern-day woman to remind her that we are not each other's adversaries but that there is strength in sisterhood. To teach the generations that come after about those that paved the way for us. Now it is time to open doors for our daughters and sisters and to embrace our weaknesses together and turn them into strengths.

We can blame legislation. We can blame men. We can blame War and Terrorism, but if we do not take responsibility for our future, we only have ourselves to blame! I am speaking directly to everyone, especially women in positions of influence and power. What are we doing to educate, enlighten and empower young women and girls to compete equally in the society?

It is time to take responsibility and save the world… It is time raise more women! In our case, it is time to educate and empower the African Woman!

When girls are denied their rights to education, information or choice they are psychologically affected by the results. This denial of basic rights can be considered a form of violence. Despite its potentially severe consequences, psychological violence is usually ignored and overshadowed by physical violence in my community. This International Day of the Girl Child, I want to show that all forms of violence against girls are inter-connected.

I envision a future in which every girl gets a healthy start, the opportunity to learn and protection from harm. In some parts of the world, girls miss out on school, become child brides and are denied the most basic of health services. Girls deserve to be empowered, and make their own choices in life. Girls' education is key in keeping girls on the path to success. We all succeed when girls are given opportunities to succeed.

Every day, somewhere in the world, a girl child struggles to live. In a world that still prefers the value of a male over a female, the girl child is already a miracle if she exists long enough to be born. Unfortunately for a girl child, the miracle of being born is weighted with the burden of being the nucleus of hate. Milestones for the girl child include but are not limited to physical, sexual, reproductive, spiritual, economic and politically-structured violence to overcome.

Symptoms of the aforementioned violence infiltrate a girl's life from the start. Physical and sexual violence can happen within and outside the home. Examples of reproductive violence include breast ironing and genital cutting. Later, the catalyst for the violence she will suffer is the maturity of her womb. Socially a woman, a girl can experience new waves of violence that include isolation during her menses cycle because of the perception that she is unclean and defiled.
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When she can technically bear children, the girl child is in more danger of an early marriage, maternal mortality or an obstetric fistula condition if she survives a painful birth. The girl child can also experience spiritual, economic and political violence in her life via a number of avenues, including the pressure of guarding herself so she can get married and her family can receive a good bride price and the politics of restricting female social mobility. To sum it up, a girl child is exposed to a continuous, vicious cycle of violence.

UN Women notes that 1 in 3 women in her lifetime will have suffered violence. This statistic relies on reported incidents. In the eld, we know that what is reported is usually a portion of what is really happening. Many factors can complicate reporting. Some obstacles women and girls must face to reporting the violence they suer are self-blame, stigma, religious conviction, financial restraint, mixed emotions, obligation to family, abusers and/or the community.

It is a fair ascertain that the majority of blame for the violence women and girls face are at the hands of men. Or is it? Certainly, men have a large role to play in the violence that happens in women's lives. Male preference in virtually all sectors of society that allow upward mobility and wellness continue to exacerbate barriers to female empowerment and solidify male privilege world-wide. Yet, the gatekeepers of male entitlement are also women.

Internalized misogyny is not only passed from father to son, but from mother to daughter and mother to son. Whichever came first—the male hatred for women or the female hatred of women—is as irrelevant as the chicken or the egg debate. What matters is that the seething effects of misogyny requires for women to take as much responsibility as men for the transference of violence in our and our daughters' lives.

So, how do we save the girl child? I think the key lies within the quest for true peace that happens when we realize as women that we hold power in the arduous struggle to live harmonious lives with all genders. It means to say no to early marriage. It means to demand rights against child labour, as well as refusing to allow our girls' genitalia to be cut. Saving the girl child means to resist sending our girls into tracking or domestic housework in exchange for currency that ultimately does not uplift us out of poverty. It means sending our girls to school and it means telling our girls that they are beautiful just as they are.

For some, saving the girl child means funding the movement to end the violence in all its forms and legislating for the protection of succeeding generations. Saving the girl child also means giving other girls and women a chance to get out of poverty by providing liveable wages, increased skills and exposure to avenues some other women have been fortunate enough to enjoy. Perhaps most important, saving the girl child means raising boy children that are indoctrinated with the positive value of girls and the importance of having a humane reverence and will for living in respectful harmony with her.

Saving the girl child does not mean that the onus is completely on women, but it does mean that women and girls have a vital role in it. Resistance is never easy and we must have men and boys that do the same alongside us. Let us not forget also that offences against women and girls cannot go unchecked. Whereas consequences to violation cannot be a sole remedy for the long-term, it is a part of a collective recipe for success. Saving the girl child will take time, just as it took time for the collective violence she suffers to reach staggering proportions. Do not wait for a personal tragic incident to get you to spring into action; start saving the girl child now!

So, in that same spirit, on International Day of The Girl-Child, let us celebrate all daughters, and our equal human value, and oppose the sexism that leads so many women to abort their beautiful baby daughters, just because of their gender. Let us celebrate daughters, of universal human dignity, and the great privilege it is to be a parent of a daughter - just as it is to a son.

I am a co-founder and coordinator of a girls mentoring program in Nigeria called Just Us Girls (All Girls Bright and Beautiful) under AprilSpring, a branch of Soheza and Eden. JUGs aims to equip girls with a sense of responsibility for other girls' development. Our programmes give girls the tools to make positive life choices and have a sense of their own personal power. Our Mentors help girls live healthier and more productive lives, promote community responsibility, promote alternatives to early sexual activity, empower girls and help them know how to enforce that power to make essential decisions in their lives.

To reach us, follow on:

Facebook: @jugsummit,

Twitter: @JUGirlsummit

Or send a mail to [email protected]

Best Wishes, — Dumebi Ezar Ehigiator

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