Urban Banished Immortal Chapter 1

“Ridiculous, this is ridiculous! Guards, bring Telepath Starlord up here,” the Jade Emperor shouted in the palace. For the past tens of thousands of years, this was the first time the immortals had seen him this pissed excluding that one instance when the monkey embarrassed him by causing a mess in the Divine Palace.

Being pressured by the immortals who were looking at him, Taibai Jinxing said softly, “Your Imperial Majesty, please calm down!”

After a while, four divine soldiers grabbed a middle-aged man dressed in white from head to toe to the palace. This was no ordinary person; he was the one who made the Jade Emperor mad: Telepath Starlord.

“Since the birth of heaven till now, nothing as ridiculous as this took place before -- peeping on a goddess bathing. Telepath Starlord, mark my words, you will be punished,” the Jade Emperor shouted loudly.

“Taibai Jinxing, seal his divine powers. You still dare to use telepathy when you’re here, how pathetic.” Even when the Jade Emperor was this mad, Telepath Starlord still dared to use his powers in an attempt to slip by this incident. It only further irritated the Jade Emperor.

“Brother Monkey, Brother Monkey, have you heard? The kid that we saved at Tongtian River during our journey to the west, now known as Telepath Starlord, he committed a sin and is now being questioned in the DIvine Palace.” Zhu Bajie found the Monkey King in the Heavenly Peach Garden.

“Telepath Starlord? What did he do? I heard quite a huge commotion just now,” Sun Wukong took a bite of a Peach of Immortality and said. “Does he need the magnificent me to show my face? Hahah.”

“He peeped on a goddess bathe, I bet he needs your help,” Zhu Bajie laughed as he said. “This little kid usually seems rather serious, I didn’t know he would do something like this. His behaviour is so much different from yours in those days.”

“Piggy, what do you mean by that?” Sun Wukong asked with surprise as he squinted.

“Back then, when you, Brother Monkey, served as the Protector of the Peaches, you immobilized seven goddesses just by saying the word ‘stun’. You didn’t seem to have laid your hands on them,” Zhu Bajie said with a perverted look.

“Moron, are you courting death?” Sun Wukong shouted loudly before throwing a half-eaten peach at Zhu Bajie.

“Please forgive me Brother Monkey, I’m not joking around,” Zhu Bajie quickly said. “Brother Monkey, this matter is rather strange. Do you know who he peeped on?”

“Strange? Since the Jade Emperor got this mad, did he peep on the Jade Empress? Hahah if that’s the case, it would be so funny,” Sun Wukong said and laughed as he imagined the scenario.

“No, not the empress. It’s her,” Zhu Bajie said as he pointed his finger towards the Moon Palace.

“Amitabha. Bajie, we are not in charge of the affairs in heaven. Let’s go, it’s time to have some fun with The Eighteen Arhats,” Sun Wukong felt helpless and jumped out of the Heavenly Peach Garden.

“You’ve got guts to peep on the last person you should mess with. If you did peep on the Jade Empress, Brother Monkey could still show up and solve the issue. However, since you peeped on this person, nobody could help you. I wish you best of luck, I have done all I could,” Zhu Bajie said as he plucked a Peach of Immortality before skipping out of the Heavenly Peach Garden.

“Taibai Jinxing, how do you think Telepath Starlord should be dealt with?” the Jade Emperor paced back and forth for around two hours before going back to this topic and looked at Taibai Jinxing as he asked.

At this moment, Telepath Starlord also had his attention on Taibai Jinxing. I have been treating this old guy well since I was brought to heaven, giving him the good stuff I had. I guess he would plead mercy on my behalf, thought Telepath Starlord.

Taibai Jinxing looked back at Telepath Starlord who had been kneeling since he was brought into the palace. The young fellow had been treating him well -- he had always brought him the wine he made. Of course, in return he would always give him some pills.

“Uncle Taibai, you drank too much. The sky is turning dark, I’ll take my leave now. I’ll find time to visit you again, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to leave the South Heaven Gate,” Telepath Starlord said six months ago when he visited Taibai Jinxing to send some wine to him. He accompanied Taibai Jinxing and drank some wine together. Taibai Jinxing was excellent in every aspect, but had poor alcohol tolerance -- he would say things mindlessly every time he started drinking.

“Just take my talisman and walk out of the South Heaven Gate. I’m curious myself to see who would dare to block you. Let’s drink, little guy. To be honest, this wine is not bad, better than the ones served on the Heavenly Peach Banquette. Drink up,” Taibai Jinxing muttered.

“Uncle Taibai, I really can’t continue drinking. You know this as well, I truly can’t.  If I go out a bit later and meet Lord Erlang...” Telepath Starlord said softly.

“Immortal Erlang? Why on Earth would you be afraid of him? Others may not know his background, but I know he was birthed by the Jade Emperor’s sister with the book nerd, Yang. If I didn’t beg the Jade Emperor for mercy, he wouldn’t be allowed here in heaven. He should call me grandpa because of this. Yeah, he should call me grandpa,” Taibai Jinxing said loudly.

“Uncle, my great uncle. Please speak softer, you’re not afraid of him but I am! I can’t even beat the dog that is always by his side,” Telepath Starlord covered Taibai Jinxing’s mouth before saying.

“This is getting boring. Don’t drink anymore, you can go back now. If you meet Immortal Erlang and he dares to block you, simply say my name,” Taibai Jinxing said before falling asleep.

On that day, Telepath Starlord safely returned to his home. However, when Taibai Jinxing woke up the next day and looked into the Radiant Mirror of the Past, he saw how drunk he was and knew what he accidentally told Telepath Starlord. He even went to look for Telepath Starlord just to tell him to keep that secret.

“This peeping incident can be a serious or a light crime. The laws of heaven do not clearly outline the punishment that should be given,” Taibai Jinxing said softly. I wonder which goddess he peeped on, he thought to himself. If it was only an ordinary goddess, this matter could be overlooked. Imprisoning Telepath Starlord for ten thousand years would solve this issue. However if the goddess that got peeped on is a big shot, the punishment could not be as light.

“The goddess he peeped on is Chang'er!” The Jade Emperor shouted with a deafening voice. At this moment, those present started to understand the situation. Everyone knew who the Goddess of the Moon, Chang'er was. Back when she just arrived at the Moon Palace, there were rumours that, ahem ahem, the Jade Emperor… Well, some things are best left unsaid. This matter could not be talked about unless one wanted to be beheaded.

“Your Imperial Majesty, please calm down. This definitely cannot be forgiven. Telepath Starlord should be beheaded!” Taibai Jinxing said. At this moment, Taibai Jinxing finally knew why the Jade Emperor got this mad. Thousands of years ago, Zhu Bajie got banished into the animal path of reincarnation and ended up a pig, just because he teased Chang'er.

“Your Imperial Majesty, this is the first transgression Telepath Starlord has committed. It hasn’t been long since he came here. Furthermore, the laws of the heaven didn’t state that peepers should be beheaded. This kind of punishment shouldn’t be given. This one feels that he should be treated the same way as Zhu Bajie -- to be banished from heaven and reincarnate into the mortal world,”  the Jade Empress smiled and said right before the Jade Emperor gave the death sentence.

“You’re right, then let’s banish him into the mortal world,” the Jade Emperor said before leaving the Divine Palace.

Telepath Starlord looked at the Jade Emperor with an appreciative look. He cultivated for tens of thousands of years and finally got into heaven to become an immortal. If he was executed at South Heaven Gate, he was afraid that he could not even have the opportunity to touch martial arts in his next life. It was fine that he was exiled, at least he got to keep his life.

“Third Brother, His Imperial Majesty got us to throw Telepath Starlord into the mortal world. Which of these Six Paths of Reincarnation is he supposed to enter?” one of the four divine soldiers asked.

“Since the Jade Empress said he should get the same treatment as Zhu Bajie, it should be the animal path of reincarnation,” the leader of the soldiers said.

“Stop, I have something to tell Telepath Starlord,” Kang Jinlong, one of the Twenty Four Constellations, said as he stopped the four of them.

“Master Kang, the crime that Telepath Starlord committed is indeed serious. Please don’t make it hard for us…” the leader of the divine soldiers said softly.

“I shall return the favours I owe. Hahah,” Kang Jinlong laughed and said. “I heard what you guys said just now. His Imperial Majesty only asked to banish Telepath Starlord into the mortal world. I guess the human path would best suit him. Although the Jade Empress mentioned Zhu Bajie, she didn’t say anything about Telepath Starlord going into the animal path. I suggest the few of you to think properly. Please don’t waste a life because of this matter.”

After listening to what Kang Jinlong said, they started to think back about what had happened in the Divine Palace.

Characters from Chinese myths/ Journey to the West, a classical novel written in the 16th century.
Jade Emperor: the ruler of heaven.
Taibai Jinxing: a servant of the Jade Emperor.
Zhu Bajie: often called Pigsy. He looks like a terrible monster, part human and part pig.
Sun Wukong: a.k.a the Monkey King.
Chang'er: the Goddess of the Moon.

Six Paths of Reincarnation (六道轮回 liùdào lúnhuí) – in the cycle of reincarnation, it is possible to be reborn as either a [1] Deva, [2] Asura, [3] Human, [4] Animal, [5] Hungry Ghost or [6] a Tormented Being in Hell.

Chapter end