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The Brave New World 67 Legs and Eggs
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The Brave New World 67 Legs and Eggs

Stefan Sonberg, mayor of Jokkmokk, sat next to Max Dahl, the town's police chief, on a dais fronting a roomful of policemen and town clerks. The policemen and the clerks sat on chairs arranged in rows; they reminded Sonberg of schoolchildren called to assembly by the school principal. They were all listening to Max Dahl drone on as he summed up the new procedures for dealing with food hoarders and speculators.

His audience fidgeted and whispered. Sonberg noticed that one of the policemen sported a black eye accompanied by an ugly greenish-grey bruise on his cheekbone. He knew how those injuries came around: that particular cop had tried to stop a fight which had erupted over the few cans of cat and dog food foolishly left on a self-service shelf by the store's owner.

Sonberg had called this meeting at the town hall because the food situation in town was becoming catastrophic. He had been getting more and more nasty glances from other people, partly because he was very fat, no doubt, a grave offense at a time when food was increasingly scarce. But quite independently of that, the mood in town was getting ugly, and there was a growing threat of unrest. Jokkmokk had received fifty thousand daily ration packs from a nearby army base, but that wasn't much for a town with over 10,000 inhabitants.

Stefan Sonberg was doing his best to find more food for his townsfolk. Jokkmokk had exactly eighteen working vehicles that were ancient enough not to have vehicle data transmitters installed. Sonberg ensured all eighteen were on the road night and day, trying to secure new supplies. They had very little success: everyone was hoarding food.

Sonberg knew that there were at least fifty big-scale hoarders in Jokkmokk. There was a law that allowed the authorities to requisition food from hoarders in times of crisis, such as war or a natural disaster of immense proportions. What had happened on the second day of January was clearly a natural disaster of immense proportions.

However, it was far from clear how to put the law into practice. Policemen balked at forcing their way into people's homes to conduct searches, and take away whatever excess food they had found. 'Excess' was defined as more than a month's supply.

Sonberg knew that several hundred households had already ran out of food. He'd seen them line up as early as six in the morning to collect their daily ration packs. Everyone without food was entitled to receive one ration pack every day.

The drone of Max Dahl's voice stopped suddenly, breaking Sonberg's reverie. He turned to look at his police chief. He expected Dahl to announce that he was done, and that mayor Stefan Sonberg would now make his closing remarks. But Dahl had a surprise up his sleeve.

"I would like to apologize to everyone in advance for keeping you here longer than was planned," he said. "Unfortunately, something big has come up. Big and urgent. So I would like to take this chance to discuss it right away."


He finally became aware of Sonberg's increasingly heavy stare, and glanced at the mayor. Sonberg said:

"If it's big and urgent... Please go on. The sooner we deal with it, the better."

"We have evidence that Sven Holm has established an illegal colony in the New World," Dahl said dramatically. "It has come to our knowledge that one of the cubes appeared on his farm. He has appropriated all of its contents, and he is using them to colonize the New World."

"And what do you propose, chief?" Sonberg said silkily. The town clerks in the audience flinched. They had all heard that tone in Sonberg's voice at one time or another. They knew what followed next from bitter experience.

Dahl didn't. He said:

"We must conduct a search of Holm's farm and confiscate anything related to the New World: implant kits and hiber beds along with whatever he's been receiving from over there. My sources tell me he's sending in food and goods from the New World."

"He's sending food?" Sonberg asked softly.

"Yes."

"I see. Let me ask you something: do you know how many people he's got staying at his farm?"

"Forty two," Max Dahl said confidently. "I know that it's a lot. I've checked, and in situations such as this I can request assistance from the military. I probably will. This will discourage Holm from resisting arrest."

"You're proposing to arrest Holm?" asked Sonberg.

"Of course."

"This is the biggest load of crap I've heard in a long time," said Sonberg. He got up from his seat and barked at Dahl:

"Sit down. Sit down, damn you!"

Dahl sat down, looking dazed. Sonbergh turned to the room and said:

"I want you all - our police chief included - to understand a few things. Vital things that, it seems, has escaped our well-meaning chief's attention."

"I - " started Dahl, rising from his seat.

"Sit down! Listen to me. Point one: Sven Holm is feeding over forty people on his farm. Point two: he's already importing food from the New World. Point three: he has registered a mint that actually promises to be a real operation. Point four: he will be here promptly on March first, purchasing at least a hundred colonial licenses."

"He told you that? And you believe him?" cried Dahl.

"Yes, he told me that. And I believe him. He wanted to reserve a thousand licenses. I told him it couldn't be done. The number of licenses I can issue cannot exceed the adult population within my jurisdiction. He practically got down on his knees when he was asking me for at least a hundred. He was ready to pay double the price, too."

"I'm still - "

"Good idea. Stay still and shut your mouth while you're at it. Holm has promised to supply the town with food, up to half the value of the coinage he mints concurrently. I forbid you to touch Sven Holm. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do," Dahl said grimly. "Holm gets off scot-free, and on top of that he won't be paying tax on his mint."

Sonberg sighed and said:

"God give me strength."

He bent threateningly over Dahl, and added:

"You didn't get the most important part. He's going to be supplying the town with food."

At that very moment, not more than a couple of hundred paces from the town hall, Sven Holm was providing proof the mayor was right. He was handing a bag containing a couple of kilos of roast mutton to Oskar Blom, Jokkmokk's only jeweler.

"Thank you very, very much," Blom said, and meant it.

"Have you got the dies ready?"

"The hammer dies, yes. I haven't finished the casts, though. I need another week for these. You said they weren't a priority."

"I did nothing of the sort. I said the hammer dies were the top priority."

"And they are all ready for you. Won't you be just cutting and hammering the coins out for the first few weeks? You told me you haven't even built a proper smelter, yet."

"Look at me," Sven said heavily. "If I find out you're sneaking in other orders ahead of mine - "

"You won't! Making a hundred dies takes time! I'm working as fast as I can."

"How many have you got ready?"

""Around twenty."

"Let me see. Put them on the counter."

'They're in the safe."

"So go and get them."

While Blom was getting the dies, Sven examined the hammer dies he'd received. They resembled huge nails, with a cap for the hammer on one end and the coin die on the other. Each coin required two different dies, one for each of its sides. It was a very labor-intensive method of producing coinage, but it was the only method available to him at this time.

He needed to take a lot of money with him on his tour of the other Viking chapters. And he needed to leave some behind, too. He had already promised that everyone involved in his colonization effort would be paid both well and regularly. The official kickoff date was first of March, just a few days away. It looked as if he would be able to leave them no more than a couple of silver coins per head. Hopefully, given the terrible shortage of the new currency, those two silver coins would be enough to cover a month. After all, they were all getting food and board already.

Bloom came back with the dies he'd made for casting coins out of molten metal, and Sven discovered that the idiot had started with the ones meant for small denominations. There was only a single set of dies for casting ten-krona pieces! Sven felt compelled to say a couple of nasty things to the jeweler, and received the promise that all the remaining dies would be ready in five days' time instead of a week's.

"I'll be bringing a lamb leg," he told Oskar Blom. "If everything's ready, you get to eat it. If it isn't ready, I'll beat you to death with that leg. It's going to take a long time, and it will hurt. Got it?"

"All the dies will be ready. I promise," Blom said.

"Good. I might even bring a few eggs."

And with that Sven was gone, banging the door of the shop shut with unnecessary force. Oskar Blom watched him walk out. When he was sure Sven wasn't coming back, he allowed himself a chuckle.

"You're a smart man, Oskar," he said aloud.

He was right. He had all the dies ready. But had he given them all to Sven, he wouldn't be receiving a leg of lamb in five days' time.

And quite possibly, also a few eggs.

NOTICE

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Catalogue
115 Going South
114 The Last Supper
113 The Die Is Cas
112 The Beauty of Chaos
111 Gangsters and Banksters
110 A Patron Sain
109 Chickens and Turkeys
108 How To Get Wealthy
107 Everyone Is Talking
106 Bacon and Eggs
105 The Hand of God
104 It Is Better To Travel Than To Arrive
103 The Fine Art of Lying
102 An Unlikely Colonis
101 The Final Solution
100 Will Work For Food
99 A Governor's Journey
98 While Everyone Sleeps
97 Samir Starts An Army
96 The Dead Girl
95 The Eye of the Tiger
94 The Bicycle Thief
93 A Question of Faith
92 Samir Buys A House
91 A Fire Without Smoke
90 The Burning Man
89 The Coup That Never Was
88 The Coming of Cruz
87 Freeing Felipe
86 The Love Frui
85 Angel Love
84 The Things People Do For Love
83 A Delightful Picnic
82 How To Become A Billionaire
81 The Pain of Losing It All
80 Sailing To Salvation
79 The Crucifixion of Cruz
78 Living on an Island
77 A Perilous Journey
76 The Big Move
75 The Bandido Ultimatum
74 Meet The Mayor, Meet the Presiden
73 Salt and Gold
72 The Blue Sky in Skykomish
71 Bear's Paws
70 Lost in the Mountains
69 Today's Special
68 I Heard It On The Radio
67 Legs and Eggs
66 The Best Cook
65 Bingo!
64 Burial Party
63 The Joy of Killing
62 The Trip of a Lifetime
61 The Ambush
60 Supreme Lord of California
59 Deep-Fry Tricks & Techniques
58 A Friend In Need
57 Harper's Gold
56 The Ancient Wisdom of Sun Tzu
55 Money Woes & Wishes
54 Food for Though
53 A Girl For Sale
52 Marooned!
51 The New New York
50 Death Is Not A Dress Rehearsal
49 The Sweet Taste of Glass
48 Size Matters
47 A California Coronation
46 The Viking Imperative
45 Sunday TV
44 Fried Drive With Video Card Sauce
43 The Value of Money
42 The Gulls of Galway
41 The Solar Storm
40 Attack of the Pterodactyls
39 A New Alliance
38 Goat Curry and Mangoes
37 The Wolf Tree War
36 Soldiers and Thieves
35 First Blood
34 Governor or King?
33 Money For Everyone!
32 The Two Toasts
31 The Red Studebaker
30 The Worst Plan for the New World
29 A Gun in the Pocke
28 The Army Arrives
27 Henderson Island
26 The Sexy, Deadly Amazons
25 Power Returns
24 A Very Cruel Revenge
23 King Kirk and the Llama
22 The Vikings Are Coming!
21 The Great Western
20 The Many Lives of Gabriel Cruz
19 Dinosaur Island
18 The Tragic Fate of Gladys Pendleton
17 The Battle for New York
16 A New War in the Old World
15 The Invasion Begins
14 The Senator's Toga
13 Horses and Guns
12 A Steam Renaissance
11 The Dawn of the Vikings
10 The Naked Threesome
9 Making Love in the New World
8 The Millionaire's Clever Third Wife
7 The New World Order
6 A King's Feas
5 The Magic Bed
4 The First Colonis
3 Death in a Parking Lo
2 A Letter From the Future
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