Psyche's Loneliness

Love requires close and careful attention by each to the other. You would think that Cupid, the god of love, would have known this. Apparently he did not.

Each night he came to Psyche and they made exquisite love. However, after a while, that was not enough for Psyche. She wanted to know who came to her in the night and made her feel more alive than she had known was possible. She wanted to make love in all the ways, and not just with their bodies.

"What is your name?" she asked Cupid one night.

"Why do you need to know my name when you possess my soul?"

"If I cannot know your name, may I light a lamp so I can see your face?"

"If you should ever see my face, you will lose me forever."

"Why?" Psyche wanted to know. "Are you ugly? Are you afraid I won't love you if I see your face?"

"Perhaps I am afraid that if you see my face, it will be that that you will love and not me."

"I understand, believe me. I know what that feels like."

"Perhaps you do. Nonetheless, if you see my face, I will leave you."

"Then, tell me your name."

"Call me your beloved. That is the name I know myself by since you came into my life."

"I could love you even more if I knew who you are, if I could gaze upon your face."

Cupid did not know that one way of making love is to share your fears with the other. His situation was like that of a wealthy and beautiful woman who is afraid a man will love her only for her beauty and money and not for herself. Cupid wanted to be loved for himself and not because he was a god. He was afraid that if Psyche knew his true identity, the quality of her love might change and she would regard him as a possession to be displayed like a rare vase or sculpture. Of course Psyche knew even better than he did how it felt to be regarded as an object.

But Cupid could not think about very much beyond the pleasure that holding and touching her gave him. He was satisfying his physical need and desire, but he was not yet making love. Love is not made if you are unwilling to risk being seen for who you are.
His refusal to reveal himself to Psyche nagged at her during the long days when she was alone. Despite being surrounded by wealth, despite having servants, invisible ones, who waited on her throughout the day, Psyche began to feel she was living in a prison. What good was it to be surrounded by wealth and beauty if she had no one with whom to share it?

Cupid spent his days feeling the pain of her absence. There were many times each day when he had to hold himself back from rushing to the palace and taking her in his arms. His days were as empty as hers, but while his hours were filled with longing for her, hers became more and more filled with loneliness and resentment. When resentment is added to loneliness, the result is a quiet anger. That spells trouble in any relationship.

Chapter end