DRY 😛 – Translation, Editing
Mango – Translation, Editing
Arkased – Editing

My name is Geng Geng1.

My relatives all think my name sucks, that it sounds stubborn, like holding a grudge against someone.

But I like it. How a name sounds comes second; once you get used to it, it's all the same. The underlying meaning is much more important.

Both of my parents' surnames are "Geng," and I guess when they named me they wanted me to symbolize their "strong union" or "crystallization of love" or some other foolish paradise. Thus I was named Geng Geng.

But, they later divorced.

So honestly, I'm not very sure how to interpret my name; maybe "strong union" is just a product of my wishful thinking.

The year I took the high school entrance exam2 happened to be the year that the SARS epidemic plunged our entire city into chaos. Despite being an average student of an average middle school, I somehow managed to strike a national fortune.

The English listening section was completely dropped, the math section was ridiculously easy, the writing section actually reverted back to the open-ended narrative essay prompt, and the weight of physics and chemistry points in the overall score was lowered… All these changes directly caused me, who had never in my life ranked highly3 within my class, to place into to the top three of the entire school.

Later, my classmates dragged me out to our city's Adidas store to take a picture.

They said, this represented that IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING4.

Then, they had me raise Zhenhua High School's big red acceptance letter in front of the Nike store to take another picture.

They said, this one represented the spirit of JUST DO IT5.

"Do you even know what 'JUST DO IT' means?" I asked them.

They replied, "How could we not? 'Just get it done!6'"

Ultimately, I wasn't able to "get Zhenhua done," but that's another story. At one time, when I felt so down and because of a frustrating rumour (about Adidas), I, in a fit of anger, changed their slogan to NOTHING IS POSSIBLE.

This is the actual truth. Change is the only constant in life; impossibility is the only possibility.

For the high school entrance exam, we had to fill out an application form to declare our desired high schools before the test. At the time, all three of my choices were Zhenhua: Zhenhua High School – Main Campus, Zhenhua High School – Self-Financed, and Zhenhua High School – Branch Campus7.

I remember when I turned it in, I was the last one to give it to my teacher, discreetly doing so, horrified that someone else would see.

You know, even the student who topped my class for the last three lifetimes was unsure about Zhenhua. She brooded over it for ages, but still ended up signing a contract with Beijing Normal University High School: as long as she put BNU as her first choice, they would lower her score requirement by ten points. She never went for it.

Year after year, BNU High School has used this method to snatch away students with the ability but not the guts for Zhenhua.

In the final year of middle school, after every mock test, our class would always make a fuss over her, saying that she would definitely become a Zhenhua student. We meant no harm of course, but after the last mock test before the actual exam, she ended up losing her temper.

Because of this incident, many people thought that she was unreasonable, ungrateful, or stuck up… all these insults and gossip became clouds of smoke permanently floating around the girl's bathroom. Listening to their thoughtless comments, I stood next to the stall door but  lacked the courage to tell them that "actually, I understand her."

I did understand. We carelessly used a few light compliments to raise her onto a pedestal, but didn't stay to catch her when she fell.

When I later told my dad about my worries, he very belatedly noted, "Geng Geng, at the time you already had the mentality to get into Zhenhua. You were able to think from the perspective of a 'future Zhenhua student'; that was very good!"

Are you ******* kidding me…I suddenly remembered he was my dad, and not my deskmate. How could he understand? I hurriedly swallowed the words meant to be exchanged between students back into my stomach.

No. 4

The three high schools I placed in my application form, and their order, were determined by my dad's persistence. The score requirement of Zhenhua's main campus was ten points higher than that of the branch campus, but even the branch campus offered excellent resources. My dad's goal for me was to get into Zhenhua's branch campus and reach for self-financed.

And maybe, just maybe, get into the main campus.

I cut him off: "Dad, if I make it, it's definitely going to cost me something, maybe even a few years of my life."

Later, I actually made the main campus.

Zhenhua's main campus!

The devil must have forced me to make a deal with him. I almost saw my lifespan cut off, many years lost forever.

No. 5

In our entire middle school, only three people applied to Zhenhua: Yu Zhouzhou from Class 7, Shen Shen from Class 2, and I.

Shen Shen underperformed on the actual exam. Rumor has it that she’s that one person who studies English vocabulary, even while using the restroom. Three years of hard work for this meager result; I don’t know what to say.

On a hot summer day, I was sitting on the KFC steps and trying a new ice cream flavor to escape the heat. I lifted my head and happened to see Shen Shen passing by. She didn’t have a parasol or even try to hide from the sun's burning gaze. She was still carrying her bulging backpack no differently than she did before the big exam. Her face was oily and pimpled.

She barely glanced at me, and passed without stopping, calmly, like I was a stranger.

But her gaze disturbed me.

Maybe because I felt guilty. She might not even know who I am.

Yet I felt like I stole her acceptance to Zhenhua, her ice cream cone, and was smiling and happily  licking away in the corner.

Only later did I learn that she was also attending cram school. The end of the entrance exam lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, but for Shen Shen and other top students who had bitterly prepared, a new battle had only just begun. They spent the entire summer vacation studying the first year curriculum beforehand with the best teachers of Zhenhua.

Yes, it didn’t really matter who won that ice cream cone; Shen Shen was still Shen Shen.

I suddenly envied her.

She was someone everyone would remember. Ten years later when everyone thinks back, regardless of anyone's opinion, she'll still be that Shen Shen; she would always be Shen Shen. For her hard work, for her persistence, no one will, no one can, ever forget her.

As for me? They would say, that’s… that’s the girl who just barely made it.

Troubled, I gave my mother a call that night.

My mother scolded me with her usual, hurried tone: "Her mind-set during the test was poor! But what does that have to do with you? Have you nothing better to worry about?"

My mother never sympathizes with those who lost.

That's why she divorced my dad.

No. 6

Before hanging up, my mother mentioned that my Zhenhua acceptance was the only success my dad has had since they married.

I thought silently, for him to earn such recognition, I'd be okay with losing a few years of my life.

She's always said that if she had the time, she'd raise me herself.

Seeing me become like my dad, aimlessly trudging through life, my mother felt like she couldn't tolerate it.

I heard that when they were marrying, my dad's mother was strongly opposed, simply because the fortune teller said they would be incompatible, that my mother would bring misfortune to her husband. My grandparents really believed this.

The financial circumstances of my mother's family hadn't been great, and her strongly competitive nature had indeed brought misfortune to my dad, proving the fortune teller right. According to rumors, because my grandmother had implied how much better their circumstances were, suggesting that my mother would leech off their status, my mother's temper erupted and she lost control.

I thought it strange; given this conflict, how did they still marry?

Faced with my question, they answered nonchalantly.

My mother said that he wouldn't marry anyone but herself, and that he even cut ties with his parents over this issue8.

I was still young, so I foolishly asked, "Why?"

My mother raised her brows: "Why? You don't think your mom is worth it?"

In response, my dad (stupidly) smiled : "Beautiful and capable, of course she's worth it."

Hopeless.

I can't imagine my good-tempered dad arguing with his family. My mother had always said that he was a pushover.

Yet, for her, he fought and argued.

And in his bravest moment, she didn't even care to notice.

No. 7

My mom, with her tenacity and skills, managed to climb the corporate ladder, coming to manage a mid-sized lending company and working so much that her health started to deteriorate. Meanwhile, my well-off "finance family" background dad was still muddling through his original job, practicing Tai Chi and messing around with various pastimes in his spare time.

From looks, to personality, to skills, and to IQ, I'm much more like my dad.

None of my mother's beauty, IQ, or competitive nature were inherited by me.

With the chance to pick one of two, I chose the wrong one, so when it came to selecting from four choices, it wasn't a surprise that I couldn't pick the right answer.

When I called her, she was really busy, and I didn't want to waste her time on the phone.

After hearing about my preparations for school, she was about to hang up.

Even though she said she'd call again "in two or three days," I still decided to suddenly call out.

"Mom!"

"What else?" in her usual, irritable tone. If I didn't know about her impatient disposition, my knees would have softened, and I'd have kneeled in apology toward the phone.

Yet here, at this moment, not knowing what to say, I could only tightly grasp the phone.

"What happened?" Her tone softened, just a bit.

"Dad's getting married. Did you know?"

1. The protagonist’s name 耿耿 (Geng Geng) can mean integrity, i.e. keeping promises. It can also mean being bothered by something, kind of like having a lump in your throat that you can't get out (figuratively speaking).
2. In China, Grades 1-6 are elementary school, Grades 7-9 are middle school, and Grades 10-12 are high school. Students must take the high school entrance exam in their last year of middle school, and their scores determine how good of a high school they can enter.
3. In Chinese schools, test scores are publicized and students are ranked.
4. It’s written in English.
5. It’s also written in English.
6. The Chinese term used here for "get it done" is 做掉他, which can be a euphemism for telling someone else to kill a someone.
7. The main campus is like a public school, the self-financed is like a private school where students pay their own tuition, and the branch campus is a separate but affiliated school, usually smaller and in a different location.