Published at 5th of October 2022 01:19:00 PM
211 – If there's One Thing I Fear More than Dying… (Part 1)
In truth, I knew right away.
I knew that Lemegeton came alive.
Conversely, he had been acting like a puppet up till then, so when he came in, I realized it.
But I pretended not to know. I was afraid that I would wake from this dream.
I asked him, is there anything that you fear more than death itself?
But I wasn't looking for an answer.
I continued before he could even open his mouth.
「For me, the answer used to be no. You know the story about Arthur and me, right? Having felt the fear of death at the time, I thought that there was nothing scarier. But as the years went by and I got older, I became obsessed with another fear.」
『We'll become 1st ranked together. Let's never again leave each other alone. Together, you got that?』
We had our first big argument after that incident. I mean, why wouldn't we? We both chose to save each other, meaning we both chose to give up our own lives.
We both took our lives for granted and we got mad at each other to never do that again.
Arthur and I survived and became Adventurers. We vowed to become 1st rank.
Arthur hasn't changed at all since then. Just and noble. Always looking ahead.
『So, you two are the miracle duo? Hmm… Tell me your story.』
In the beginning, Merlin thought that if she stuck with us, she could find a way to meet Spirits without having to go to the Spirit Shrine. But as we worked together, I could tell that she became an ally in her own way and became attached.
Still not giving up on her childhood dream, though. Still aiming for the day she can genuinely meet the Spirits again.
『Hah? Adventurer? Are you insane? I'm a freak.』
We found Mordred on our journey to find allies.
He was being persecuted in his own village. He's a Normal, but he can reproduce the special attributes of more than ten races at once. The strength of a Werewolf, the wings of a Birdman, the scales of a Dragonkin, the agility of a cat Demi-Human, the kicking strength of a rabbit Demi-Human, and so on.
It also changes his appearance, but a young Mordred wasn't skilled at controlling this ability.
The villagers feared the fact that he could change suddenly at any time.
What was it that I said to him at that time?
『You aren't abnormal, you're special. Come with us, and I'll prove to you how amazing you are.』
Eventually, Mordred agreed to become our ally.
Once he's set his mind to it, there's no changing it.
『You would have me as an ally? …You shouldn't bother, it would be a waste of time for both of us.』
Galahad held the extremely rare Job of Guardian. He was in a previous party that had an eye on his rare Job, but eventually kicked him out because they could only see his abilities as “A Paladin with the lowest attack power.”
Galahad was hurt by that. He thought that it wouldn't be so easy to make allies.
So, we decided to have a match.
Even with all four of us attacking him, Galahad showed that he could withstand it all.
『I would like you to defend us from any and all threats. By doing so, we will continue to win battle after battle, showing the world just how sturdy your shield is.』
Galahad looked surprised and then he started giggling.
Ever since then, we have worked hard to fulfill that promise.
Unlike me, each and every one of them is amazing.
They all genuinely believe that we'll be in 1st rank.
I know it. That their abilities are equal to those at 1st rank.
They all genuinely believe that I am a Hero worthy of 1st rank.
I…became unsure of that. If I am worthy of being 1st ranked…then why are we always 2nd?
So, I couldn't show this weakness to my most trusted allies.
I wasn't able to consult with anyone about this suffering.
「Lem, living in a dream isn't all fun and games. But that's fine. This is my own decision. Isn't that right?」
「…Yeah.」
「It's alright because the only thing at stake is my life. Even if I fail, I'll be the only one laughed at. I can endure that. But we Adventurers, we work as a party.」
「…Yes.」
Everyone followed me on this journey.
We have long since dreamed of becoming 1st ranked together.
They have all worked so incredibly hard. I couldn't ask for more.
And yet…why? Why are we always…2nd rank?
「But what I…what I can't endure is my allies being laughed at. No matter how many times they achieve results, there's always someone there making fun of them. Do you get it? It's because we're 2nd rank. It's fine if you're climbing the ranks. It's fine if you're struggling for supremacy. But you can't be stuck in 2nd rank.」
I know that there are many who respect and praise us.
The Adventuring industry is tough. If we weren't popular, we wouldn't be able to stay at 2nd rank for so long in the first place.
I also understand that this is a luxurious problem to have.
However, even Lem, even in a 4th ranked party, is ridiculed just because he is a Black Sorcerer.
Whether we're at 2nd rank or having gathered the best party members possible, there will always be a pile of heartless criticisms.
It has been ten years since we became 2nd ranked.
For a decade, we have continued to challenge an insurmountable wall.
All the while, drawing in negative comments after another, each one like a knife to the heart.
「Arthur, Merlin, Mordred, Galahad. They are all top-of-the-field Adventurers. I couldn't help but think… If only the leader they followed wasn't me… Think about it. If every one of my allies is the best and worthy of being at 1st rank, then the reason that they can't become 1st rank…falls to the Hero.」
「Ex…」
「The thing I'm afraid of, Lem, is…that my allies' lives were destined to end in failure the moment they formed a party with me. That them choosing me as their leader might have been a mistake. I dread the day that they realize the mistake they've made…」
This is why, in this dream, I am a leader who is leading my allies to 1st rank.
A world where my precious allies' lives won't end in failure.
I wasn't able to tell anyone about my fears until now.
Definitely not to the 1st ranked Aerial, but neither to the 3rd rank or below Adventurer who were chasing after him.
Of course, I couldn't tell the fans. They're supporting us. They are the kind people who have always wished for us to be 1st ranked.
The kind-hearted Lem in front of me makes a pained expression when he hears the words of this pathetic senior.
He hangs his head, grips his fists, shoulders shaking, and then…he exhales.
I wonder how long he'd been worrying about it.
He raises his face with a pained expression, looks up at me, and says…
「But you still have to try. Right?」
Ah…this kid really is…
「You're strong. …I'm weak.」
His attitude toward life itself is a yell of encouragement to those who earnestly strive hard.
Those who are laughed at, told that they can't do it. You'll never make it. They scoff at you, saying that you don't have the talent, the Aptitude, that you're not cut out for it.
Just how many people with dreams has he encouraged?
He declared that he would become a hero even after he had awoken as a Black Sorcerer, and he dashed up the ranks to 4th rank while being treated as dead weight to his allies. Treated unfavorably by the public, the comment section of all of their videos was a storm of criticism.
Going so far as to be called a parasite clinging on to his best friend, he still continued to work hard to make sure his allies won.
Even he was driven out of his party.
I truly felt that it was a shame when I heard that he left the Fenix party, but when I saw him in the Tag Tournament and understood that he still continued to be an Adventurer, I was very happy.
No matter what anyone says, no matter how high a wall, even if all avenues are closed, he didn't give up. He isn't discouraged. He doesn't yield.
He keeps on moving forward, one step at a time.
This is also the difference between me and him.
「That's wrong.」
「…What?」
「You're strong.」
I know that he's the real-world Lem.
He probably used his wish from the Spirit to come in here and bring me back.
So those words are nothing more than words to cheer me up.
That's what I thought.
But his eyes weren't clouded. On the contrary, they were burning with passion. A red, fiery hot passion
Chapter end
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