Transition and Restart Chapter 251

It was broken

The sound of two swings in the dark was the only thing that broke the silence . One of them ceased its rhythmic squeak and regressed into a jumble of dissonance as its rider jumped off and scampered up a jungle gym .

The other swing continued though . A listless sound too loud for silence but still too silent to be someone really riding the swing .

Ulf sat the swing, and Yukio had climbed the jungle gym like some monkey .

"Proud now?" Yukio said .
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Ulf could hear the despair in his voice . 'Funny that, why should you feel despair?' Of Valentine there was only minutes left . Ulf ate his chocolate . It was dark and bitter, just as Christina had promised . 'An espresso would beef up the taste another notch . '

"Urufu? Why, just why did you let it go this far?"

That voice again, like a hurt kid . 'Make that a double espresso . ' He had gotten used to that taste again . 'A cigarette even, but those are banned for teenagers like me these days . ' So no smoking . 'It's a filthy habit anyway . '

"Man, you know you could get back to her and apologize . "

And Yukio just kept on whining . 'Sure would have tasted well though . ' Back in the days he could have had a smoke . Could even have chatted with his high school teachers about the pros and cons between different brands of tobacco . Back when he knew nothing .

"If you beg her like the damn dog you are, she might just reconsider . "

Despite his absurd suggestions Yukio was still his best friend . 'It's just a piece of chocolate . No big deal, Yukio . ' Valentine wasn't even an event back then . Still wasn't in Sweden . 'Stupid event . Why keep the male part of the student body on their toes in anticipation of chocolate?'

"Man, she's the best thing that's happened in your life here . You said so yourself . "

It was great that Yukio had at least identified when a girl was good news or not . 'Eight months . Has it been that long? Funny . Will it take longer before I look with interest at another girl?' Good thing he hadn't allowed her entirely under his skin . 'And that's a lie . '
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"Urufu, damn you! You're less than you can be without her . Don't you understand what you're losing?"

There it was again, the whiny voice . One should not sound that way if one wanted to be strong . 'Loss . It's important not to become that vulnerable . No one wants to feel loss . That's why one needs to keep a distance . ' So why was he crying right now? He had kept that distance .

"Look at yourself! You're pathetic! You've loved her since the day you saw her . Just admit it! Why the hell couldn't you admit it to her?"

And Yukio just kept on yapping . Feelings, always feelings . The kid overflowed with them . Love? That was the only thing Ulf couldn't afford . And those tears shouldn't be there . 'I shouldn't feel this way . I shouldn't feel this infinite loss . '

"Urufu! Man! Look at you!"

Ulf wiped a handful of tears from his face . Then he turned his face upwards and roared .

Fear from May until today, love from June until today, the safe feeling of being two from August until today, the memory of bodies intertwined from December until today, a Christmas shared but no New Year's Eve .

Christina, whom he loved beyond reason .

It all came out in an endless scream of guilt and shame and pain .

It was after midnight, February fifteenth .

It was broken .

Chapter end