The Place You Called From Chapter 11

This Is Just A Good Luck Charm

The incident occurred in the middle of the night, three days after I started living at Hajikano’s grandmother’s house. Under the light of a rusty desk lamp, as I turned through the pages of the book Hashiba once gave me, I heard Hajikano catching her breath on the other side of the screen. 

It was a horribly hot night. So at first, I thought she was having trouble sleeping and got woken up. A while later, I heard her making deep breaths. Trembling breaths that made me imagine someone stranded in a cabin in a blizzard, awaiting help. Did she have a frightening dream? 

While I was indecisive about whether to go look or not, I heard a sliding door open. Not the dividing one, but the one to the hallway. I didn’t hear any footsteps, but I found it certain that Hajikano had left the room. Could have been to get water in the kitchen or to use the bathroom, one of the two. 

But five minutes passed, and Hajikano hadn’t returned. Windchimes rang outside the window. I felt a vague apprehension, put down my book, turned off the lamp, and left the room. Walking carefully to not make a sound, I found the front door left open, the night wind blowing in. I put on sandals and went outside. 

I found Hajikano right away. No, “she found me” might be more accurate. Lying against a stone wall, she looked up at the night sky. When she noticed me, she sighed as if she’d been waiting there for hours. 

“You finally noticed.” Hajikano smiled with her eyes closed. It seemed like a pained smile that was forcing itself to be cheerful. “You need to watch me more carefully. You didn’t know I’d snuck out at night last night and the night before, did you?” 

“No, I didn’t. …Guess I’ve failed as a lookout.” 

I sat down next to Hajikano, put up my index finger to confirm that she was windward of me, then took out a cigarette and lit it. 

Thanks to the security lights, I didn’t miss the fact that her eyes were red. 

“You used to look at the night sky a lot before you lost your memory, too,” I said after letting out my first puff of smoke. “You were a girl who liked stars. Seems like that hasn’t changed.” 

“Yes, so it seems.” 

It was a somewhat inattentive reply. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” 

“Wow. Well done.” Hajikano put her fingertips together and her eyes widened. “Why did you think that?” 

I couldn’t answer that question. “Did you wake up from nightmares last night, and the night before that?” 

“Yes.” 

“…I see.” 

“Hey, Hinohara. Since we’re awake, let’s go for a walk.” 

She started walking without waiting for my reply. I got up and followed. 

Maybe her dreams had to do with her lost memories. It wasn’t normal to have nightmares for three days straight. Perhaps she’s reliving those “blank four days” in her dreams every night, I thought. 

We kept walking the dark roads in silence. Wooden power poles were placed in intervals along the rice paddies; small mosquitoes gathered around their security lights, and scarab beetles and ground beetles swarmed underneath. There were faint clouds in the sky, the moon dimly shining beyond them. 

We did a lap of the residential district, and as we were about to reach the house again, Hajikano broke the silence. 

“Hinohara, how long can you stay at my side?” 

“I can’t answer that very well.” 

“Can you come back sometimes?” 

“No,” I shook my head. “Unfortunately, not even that. Once August 31st passes, I think I’ll never be able to meet you again.” 

“…Ah.” 

Hajikano lowered her head and smiled lonesomely. It was a much more peaceful reaction than I’d expected. Maybe she had the possibility of such a response in mind from the start. Maybe she saw through little incongruities in my actions to figure out I was hiding something. 

“I understand. You must have your reasons too, right?” 

“No, I’m sorry for making you worry for me.” 

Hajikano mumbled. “Seven days… I see.” 

Returning to the house, we quietly walked down the hallway so as not to wake Yoshie, and went to our respective beds. 

She was right to be worried. After their bullying came to light, Funakoshi and Aida came to say hateful and despairing things more bluntly than before. The topics were always “I want to die soon,” or “I want to kill so-and-so.” Without any replacement of body parts, the two had become completely different people. They weren’t the Funakoshi and Aida who Hajikano liked anymore. She was just saddened that the girls who once made witty jokes and calmed down those around them had changed like this. 

Hajikano had already become unable to join with the two in their discussions, but distancing herself now wasn’t an option. She feared being left out of the group more than anything. If I abandon them, I’ll instantly lose the place I go to with my troubles. Hajikano forced herself to talk with them; if they said they wanted to die, she said she did too, and if they said they wanted to kill someone, she said the same. Hajikano was Hajikano, but cultivated the madness the other two were heading toward. 

Funakoshi and Aida’s words continued to escalate. Once it crossed a watershed line, they switched from words to actions. 

One day, the two were calm, as if they’d come to their senses. They talked lots, ate lots, laughed lots. Hajikano was delighted, as they seemed to have gone back to how they were months ago. Just maybe, the bullying at school had died down. Now we can be as close as we used to be - just as Hajikano thought this, Funakoshi casually spoke. 

“We set fire to it.” 

Hajikano was dumbfounded and couldn’t speak. The two merrily went on. About how last night, they went to the house of the classmate who led the bullies, spread around kerosene, and set fire to it. And how she didn’t come to school today. They went to look at the house on their way home, and the building was completely burned, the girl’s room showing bare. 

“What happened to her?”, Hajikano asked quiveringly. 

“She didn’t die. For better or worse,” Funakoshi replied. “But she probably won’t be coming to school for a while.” 

“School was so peaceful today,” Aida said heartily. “I never knew how much easier things could be with her gone.” 

I can’t go along with this anymore, Hajikano thought. Steadying her resolve, she encouraged the two to turn themselves in. If the police questioned their classmates, they would quickly discover their hostility toward the girl. You couldn’t underestimate the investigation skills of modern police. They could be knocking on your door as soon as tomorrow morning. Wouldn’t it be wisest to turn yourself in before that? 

“It’s fine, we’ll never be found out,” Funakoshi claimed baselessly - half to convince herself, surely. “As long as the three of us keep quiet.” 

“I thought you’d be celebrating with us, Yui,” Aida said with disappointment. “But you kinda just ruined the mood.” 

“Hey, Yui, I trust you. But that said, let me tell you something.” 

Funakoshi leaned over and whispered in Hajikano’s ear. 

“If you betray us, we’ll burn down your house too.” 

At this point, Hajikano finally realized there was no going back. She’d already failed to run from this chain of hatred, and kept herself involved in it. There was no appropriate choice. Only an inappropriate choice, and an even more inappropriate choice. 

Then the day came. On July 12th, 1993, Hajikano was called to a ruined building deep in the mountains. Opening a heavy iron door, she found Funakoshi and Aida sitting in the corner of the room, lit by a square light from a window. 

At their feet were bottles of sake and oil cans. When Hajikano saw them, she trembled. The cans were undoubtedly filled with gasoline. The alcohol was probably to get them drunk and slightly lessen their fear of death. The two of them planned to die here today - or three, including herself. 

Hajikano earnestly tried to persuade them. What good would this do? You can still recover, start over having atoned for your crimes. Since she had been complicit in the arson, they could all turn themselves in. It was too soon to turn to despair. 

But of course, they didn’t even listen. They casually poured gasoline on their heads as if it were hot water - putting extra amounts on the body parts that brought about their sense of inferiority - and demanded Hajikano do the same. She refused, so Funakoshi held her down while Aida doused her in gasoline. 

Hajikano shook Funakoshi off and tried to run, but there was only one entrance, and the two blocked it. Funakoshi approached with an oil lighter, and Aida also closed in to block her off. Seeming to enjoy watching her back away fearfully, they drove Hajikano into the corner of the room. 

I imagined that at that point, maybe their resolve wasn’t firm yet. I think Funakoshi probably only put her finger on the flint wheel as a threat. That she actually rubbed the flint was maybe a simple slip of the finger, and in the excitement of the moment, she might have forgotten she was coated in gasoline. 

The gasoline ignited like miniature fireworks. In moments, Funakoshi’s body was engulfed in flame. A moment later, there was a shriek like a beast roaring. It wasn’t certain whether that was Funakoshi or Aida. 

As Funakoshi’s body burned, she held her throat with her hands and ran around seeking help. Aida’s legs buckled, and when Funakoshi reached out to her, instantly, the fire spread to Aida’s body. This time, there was a scream that was clearly Aida’s. 

Hajikano reflexively ran. Aida’s screaming behind her died out in seconds. Once out of the ruins, Hajikano ran as fast as she could, and she thought. No matter how much I hurry, it’s twenty minutes to the nearest house. There aren’t any public phones around here, are there? She searched her memory, but knew she at least hadn’t seen any on the way there. At any rate, she quickly descended the mountain. Not a minute to waste. Not a second to waste. 

When she finally found a phone, fifteen minutes had already passed. Hajikano dialed 119 with trembling hands. She told them she saw some strange smoke from the mountains, grew scared when she heard screams, and let them know the exact location of the ruined building, but hung up without revealing herself. Once she put down the receiver, she collapsed on the spot. The public phone continued to ring above her head, likely a redial from the fire department. 

* 

When I looked up from the diary, I made eye contact with Hajikano sitting up from her futon and looking at me. She just had a weak smile, and didn’t seem to blame me for reading her diary without permission. Maybe she put her diary by the bed wanting me to read it in the first place. 

"Disappointed, aren’t you?” Hajikano lowered her gaze. “Yui Hajikano - no, I left two girls to die, then went on to erase that memory and try to escape the weight of that sin. …So it seems.” 

“Does it say anything like that?” I tilted my head. “It just seemed like the story of a pitiable girl who unluckily got involved in the crimes of others.” 

“If everything written here is the truth, then maybe that’s a viable point of view. But there’s no guarantee that I didn’t distort the facts of my past to make it more convenient for me.” 

Hajikano stood up, folded her futon, did a small stretch with her back to me, then asked without turning around: 

“…Will you still stay with me today?” 

“Obviously,” I replied. “I would be even if you said no. I have a lookout job to do, you know.” 

“…Yes, so you do.” 

Hajikano smiled with relief. 

“I picked it up earlier,” Hajikano replied concisely. “Where do you think I got it?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“The only place I can think of where you’d pick up a knife is at a dump.” 

“A phone booth,” she said. “And Hinohara, I’m going to have you kill me with it.” 

Seeing my shock, Hajikano smirked. 

“Sorry for playing dumb, Hinohara. To tell the truth, I already know. How your life’s going to end on August 31st, and how the only way you can be saved is by killing me.” 

Hajikano was blurry in my vision. I was so thrown off, I couldn’t even focus my eyes. 

“Why do you…”, I started to ask, then suddenly realized. “Did the woman on the phone tell you that?” 

She slowly nodded. “I was surprised when I first got a call. I was walking around by myself at night, and a public phone suddenly rang. I gave in to curiosity and answered, and without any introduction, the woman on the other end said: "Your memories don’t seem to be returning, Yui Hajikano.” It was just two days ago. …Of course, I was so scared I hung up right away, so I didn’t hear any more than that.“ 

Hajikano flipped and tilted the knife in her hand, observing it from many angles. Likely not because she wanted to look closely at the knife, but because she didn’t want to look me in the eye. 

The woman on the phone really didn’t seem very pleased with me defiantly enjoying my time with Hajikano, I thought. She wanted to get in my way to the point that she’d twist the way things had been so far - until now, she didn’t interfere with anyone but those involved in the bet. 

"But when she called again the next night, I could listen to her more calmly. That woman knew all sorts of things only I should know, and in more detail than I did. She even knew exact details from when Funakoshi and Aida died that I didn’t write in my diary. I asked her why she knew these things, but she just laughed. I thought, I must be hearing things. I’d already lost my memory, so a malfunction like that wouldn’t be too strange.” 

Hajikano put her index finger to the side of her head and smiled lonesomely. 

“But after the call ended, that event started to feel like a revelation. It wasn’t a big deal whether that woman was a real person, or a fictitious one made up by my subconscious. I came to think that she was trying to tell me something important, and that message was incredibly significant to me. Whether it was coming from inside my head, or from externally.” 

She was silent for a few seconds as if confirming the meaning of her words. Then she continued on. 

“And just earlier, as I got out of the bath and was waiting for you, the public phone across the street rang. "To tell you the truth, Yuuya Hinohara who you currently live under the same roof with has only days left to live.” “The reason he will only be able to stay with you until August 31st is because he will die on that day.” “And the cause lies with none other than you, Hajikano.” …Strangely, I wasn’t even surprised. I was able to swallow that irrational declaration. Ahh, of course, I thought. So it probably wasn’t a coincidence that Chigusa and Yosuke went away, either. I didn’t know the reason, but maybe people who depended on me were fated to be unhappy.“ 

Hajikano looked up from the knife at my face, then quickly lowered her head again. 

"After a long silence, like waiting for my despair to set in, the woman went on. "There is not necessarily no way of saving Hinohara. Please, look under the phone book in the booth.” I did that, and on the shelf where the book was, there was this knife. As soon as I grabbed the knife, the woman said: “Have Hinohara stab you with that knife. That is the only way to save his life.” Then she hung up.“

Once Hajikano was done, she approached me and held out the knife. 

"I don’t think anyone will suspect you if you do it now,” she said. “Everyone in my family knows I’ve attempted suicide, and my sister and granny will verify that you cared for me. Everyone should believe that I ran away while you were in the bath.”

She took my hand and wrapped it around the knife. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to see my death through to the end. Just stab it into my chest and drop me in the sea, Hinohara. Don’t think of it as killing me to save yourself. Please, think of it as killing me to save me. …If I keep living, I’m sure I’ll make the same mistake again. So end my life by your hand before that happens.” 

Hajikano slightly bent her head and gave a transient smile. 

I held up the knife she put in my hand and stared at the detailed design that brought to mind the spray of waves. 

Tossing the knife into the sea would be easy. But in the end, that would just be a temporary postponement. Simply refusing her demands didn’t seem like it would persuade her. 

Holding the knife, I approached Hajikano. She shook briefly, then closed her eyes as if ready for anything. 

I brought the knife to her chest, and slid it along her collar to put the blade to her heart. I felt like I could feel it beating through the knife. Hajikano gulped. After a sufficient pause, I slowly moved the knife on her chest. Her face twisted from the sharp pain. 

When I removed the knife, there was a light cut about 3 centimeters long. Blood came out of it in no time, dying the fabric of her one-piece. I ran my finger over the wound to wipe the blood. Hajikano’s body stiffened from the pain of having the wound touched. 

I painted the right side of my face with the wiped blood. 

It was a kind of good luck charm. 

“What are you doing?”, Hajikano asked, wide-eyed. 

“In Andersen’s The Little Mermaid,” I said, “when the warm blood from the prince’s chest touched her legs, it would fuse them and revert them to a mermaid tail. …But in my case, I’m sure this much blood is enough.” 

Hajikano tilted her head. “I don’t get what you’re saying, Hinohara.” 

“Right. You don’t have to. This is just like a good luck charm.” 

With a big swing, I tossed the knife toward the open sea. Soon, I heard a distant splash. 

“Now, let’s get home and treat that wound.” 

Hajikano stared blankly at where the knife fell and lightly sighed. 

“…This won’t do anything,” she mumbled. 

“Nope. I won’t allow it.” 

“There’s no need to seriously vow it. A lie’s fine.” 

On our way back, we heard the sound of a ringing public phone many times. Just as one seemed to stop, another phone in a different location started. Sometimes there was the sound of a phone in places where it seemed like there couldn’t possibly be one. Hajikano gripped my hand tightly every time. 

“Hey, Hinohara.” 

“Right. If I change my mind.” 

“I won’t mind being killed by you.” 

“Yes, I know.” 

“I’d be happy if you kissed me at the end.” 

“Great. I can’t wait.” 

We innocently walked home as the sound of ill-omened phones echoed through the night. 

Chapter end