When I learned that Jiun also returned, I realized that all the plans I had made were useless.

It was the crown prince alone who reached out to me when I spaced out, watching the late emperor who proposed making me the empress while taking Jiun as the crown prince's concubine, a notion that was also supported by the noble faction. He told me he was sorry because he could not help, then promised me trembling with fear that he would protect me, abandoning the support of the noble faction that he could get easily.

But I didn't make allowances for his consideration back then. I doubted him, endlessly comparing him with the old him. When he prepared all kinds of food to sound out my preference, I even asked him why he didn't want to go to Jiun. He told me with a sigh that he already gave his heart to me, so he could not share it with her.

Nonetheless, I didn't trust him. Rather I hated him, complaining that if he had been so considerate and kind to me in the past, I would not have felt bitter like this.

On the day when I went to see him, wearing the dress that Carsein gave me as a gift, he told me, hiding his wounded feelings, that he wanted me to give him a little more opportunity. He could have taken me as his wife if he issued an order, but he made the request instead.

When I asked him why he took pains to win over my heart, he told me that he didn't want me to carry out my duty as his fiancee. He said he just wanted to win over my heart genuinely as a man who had his heart set on me, then he said he apologized to me. With much more gloomy expression than mine, he said he knew I was shunning him.

“Come to your senses! You should not fall unconscious!”

“…”

“Aristia!”

I opened my heavy eyelids at his repeated calling. Something blue flickered in my blurred vision. I felt a sharp pain just a little while ago, but I didn't feel it any more as my body was so weak.

I felt as if the world that had been spinning round in my head and suddenly sunk into the ground, just like the day when I lost his mind in his arms, dancing with him without knowing I was poisoned.

He kept expressing his affection for me when my life hung by a thread because of the poison, when I barely got up and asked to meet him. He revealed secrets and his inner feelings to me, which he had never told anybody. He told me about his feelings of inferiority as a child without any hesitation, and he even revealed the secret of his pedigree to me, which could be his greatest weakness. He showed his great trust in me by revealing such secrets, which was quite meaningful for a man like him who should be on alert and wary of people around him all the time.

Nevertheless, I doubted him. I never trusted him. It was because of my deep-rooted disbelief that I immediately asked for the breakoff of our engagement when I heard I was an infertile woman. It was only my poor excuses that I cited the political situation as the reason for my request. I was just so preoccupied with comforting myself that I again hurt him so much.

Even though I pushed him away so hard, he kept opening his heart to me. Despite the strong objection of the noble faction, he opened the royal hunting grounds for me to hold a coming-of-age ceremony there. He expressed his love by sending me an Orgel box. He made sure the High Priest would give me blessings on a regular basis. He made a deal with Grace so I wouldn't be ignored in social circles. And he watched me silently without letting me know.

But I tried to take an oath of blood just like my family used to, and he eventually exploded emotionally. He rejected the Monique family's oath for the first time in the imperial history of nearly a thousand years. His deep anger like an active volcano hidden in his cold and rational mind scared me, and his deep kiss that I experienced for the first time in my life blinded me to the reality for a moment. I was often swayed by his repeated show of kindness. I was distressed but happy when he told me he would not care even if I could not give birth to his successor.