Short, Light, Free Chapter 135

"My name's Gou Dan, don't laugh . "

"Right, right . Gou as in dog and Dan as in egg?"

"Yes . My family name is Gou and my name is Dan . "

"Do you know how valuable my name is?"

"50,000,000! And that's not even inflated . "

"Me, too! Genuinely good at a genuine price . "

"Do you wanna change your child's surname? Lowest price guaranteed, 70,000!"

"Wait, why are you leaving? What's wrong with having Gou as a surname? It sounds better than your Li, no?"

"Bastard! Come back! Try that again! Who's the dog?"

2015, October 11 . A news conference, held by the State Council Information Office of the People's Republic of China, announced the implementation of the nation's two-child policy .

2016, January 1, implementation day, is when all evil started .

The most immediate effect of the policy was a spike in birthrate .

It has always been a tradition for the first child, male or female, to take his or her father's surname .

The second child, if a female, could possibly inherit her mother's .

If the second child is a male, there's only a 10% chance of him following his mother's surname .

This was the general research outcome of that national policy . However, if this subject was brought up in the news channels, all men would say that they are willing to have their second child inherit their wives' surnames .

Ultimately, the idea of taking on a father's family name never changed, which resulted in the collapse of surnames .

By the time people finally realized it, it was already too late .

They were 30 years late and everything had already turned on its head .

From 2016, January 1 to 2020, January 1, the population of China increased by 80% .

The five most popular surnames were Li, Wang, Zhang, Liu, and Chen .

Statistics:

1 . Li - 14 . 94% = 185,300,000 people .

2 . Wang - 14 . 41% = 168,900,000 people .

3 . Zhang - 14 . 07% = 164,800,000 people .

4 . Liu - 10 . 38% = 124,600,000 people .

5 . Chen - 8 . 53% = 104,400,000 people .

These surnames occupied about 60% of China's population .

The later generations coined this period the Surname War Boom .

This war led to the demise of two-character surnames from 2022 onward .

Names like Zhuge, Ouyang, Sima, Murong, and so on .

Of course, that was just the beginning . No one really noticed when it was being reported on the news .

Some more time passed and from that period until the year 2025, the top five surnames started phasing out the rest .

They took over 80% of the population by 2025 .

Medias started reporting the phenomenon but again, no one really thought about what that meant for the future .

The government came up with a solution, which was to enforce the law that the second child must follow the mother's surname .

However, that just worked to slow the extinction of certain surnames, not prevent it .

10 years later, in the year 2035, the second surname war erupted .

The surname Li, alone, gradually took up 63% of all surnames in the nation .

Li became the official national surname . You could just grab two random people on the streets and it was guaranteed that one of them, possibly both, would be a Li .

This was yet another beginning of the surname war .

It was then that the Book of Family Names became the Book of Family Names .

Before 2016, there were a total of 504 surnames, but by 2035, only 106 were left .

The top three surnames emerged from there: Li, Wang, and Zhang .

Liu and Chen became part of the minority .

By this point, the experts were already predicting that in the next 10 years, only two major surnames would remain .

People would just be either a Li or a Wang .

They were wrong, apparently, since only one main surname was left by the year 2045 .

Li - 99 . 94% = 1700,629,418 people .

The rest of the surnames occupied a meager 0 . 06% .

Only 10 million out of 1 . 7 billion had a different surname from Li, and they were scattered all around China, few and far in between .

People finally understood the concept of the collapse of surnames .

20 years ago, the ethnic minorities became history and the Han ethnic group took over the whole of China .

People understood that those occupying rare surnames were like the ethnic minorities in the past .

Seeking one with a rare surname was akin to finding a needle in a haystack .

The collapse of surnames started affecting lives . Police stations, airports, train stations, banks and the like, were all starting to feel the impact .

Let's take a police station as an example .  

If a robber commits a crime, there is a 99 . 9% chance that he's a Li .

Whatever his name is, Li Yi for example, there would be at least thousands if not tens of thousands, with the same name .

It has become much more difficult for the police to investigate and identify criminals accurately .

Under immense pressure, the nation thought up a new strategy that was implemented in the year 2046 .

No repeated names were allowed .

All newborns must have different names .

Upon the execution of the law, naming became the most important part of having a child .

Naming children became unimaginably tough .

There were two ways of doing it . The parents could either choose a name themselves or generate one through the computer program .

Names could contain numbers and case-sensitive letters .

Names mustn't contain more than 6 characters, and a letter of the alphabet or a number was considered half a character .

So there were only two outcomes .

Some would pick a name by flipping through the dictionary and finding some characters that were extremely difficult to write .

Example: Li Goudan (李韝黵)

Even then, such names were most likely already registered .

The easier method would be to run through the name generator until something you're happy with pops out .  

Example: Li ChenG6d3 (李尘G6d3) .

But who would fancy having such messy numbers and letters?

Of course, names like Li 6666666666 were extremely valuable .

While it doesn't make any sense, names like Li Dabian 1  and Li Zhizhang 2  wouldn't be available unless you add some numbers and letters to it .

Names have become a kind of luxury, giving birth to a new occupation in the market – Name Reseller .

Resellers would basically snatch a good name before auctioning it up .

They buy low and sell high, basically .

That way, names became more and more expensive .

If you want to get hold of a better name, you'd better be ready with at least a few hundred thousands .

It even became a normal occurrence for the rich to spend millions on a good name .

Last year, after the death of someone with the name  Li Xiaolong 3 , the name was put up for auction .

Its price went up to a hundred and forty million dollars and became the most expensive name of all time .

Of course, the resale applied only to the name and not the surname .

Newborns' surname was another story .

There was another unique profession that emerged from the black market – Surname Changer .

As the name implies, the surname changer would help a woman alter her surname because it was too difficult to name her newborn child since both her husband and herself were Lis .

Surname Changers were those who possess the minority of surnames .

They weren't Lis .

Of course, they charged differently, at times cheap and at times costly .

Even then, the cheapest surname would go for hundreds of thousands and the more expensive ones would cost millions .

If a woman was looking to change her surname from Li to Wang, she would get a divorce eight months into her pregnancy and get married to a Wang . She would have her newborn take over the surname changer's family name before divorcing him and remarrying her child's biological father .

That way, she could get a child, male or female, with the surname Wang despite the fact that both her husband and herself were Lis .

Thus, the surname changer's job was to sign a few contracts within two months and earn a big sum from there .

Of course, the government knew of this profession and strictly prohibited such behaviors .

Nevertheless, because of the appealing profits, many started forging their identities and placing advertisements in the black markets, walls, and the Internet .

The government warned those with rare surnames that they would investigate those who marry more than five times within a year .

Although those guilty would be punished by law, many surname changers still existed .

The situation was inevitable, unsolvable, and unacknowledged .

People no longer greeted a stranger with a 'have you eaten?' but rather with a 'what's your name?' .

If you wanted to know if a person is rich, you can easily gauge it from his name instead of looking at the way he dresses .

If he introduces himself as Li Xiaolong, you'd know that he's worth at least a hundred and forty million .

Year 2063 .

I'm Gou Dan, a surname changer .

Almost all with rare surnames have become surname changers .

Of course, my surname doesn't sound too great .

Yes, I know . . . Gou as in dog .

Because of that, it was impossible for me to charge a high price so I'm almost always starving in spite of this job .

"Dear Sirs and Madams, wanna get a different surname for your child? Only 70,000! Lowest price guaranteed!" I shouted, raising my identification card from inside of the black market .

My name 39 s Gou Dan, don 39 t laugh . Right, right . Gou as in dog and Dan as in egg Yes . My family name is Gou and my name is Dan . Do you know how valuable my name is 50,000,000 And that 39 s not even inflated . Me, too Genuinely good at a genuine price . Do you wanna change your child 39 s surname Lowest price guaranteed, 70,000 Wait, why are you leaving What 39 s wrong with having Gou as a surname It sounds better than your Li, no Bastard Come back Try that again Who 39 s the dog . . . 2015, October 11 . A news conference, held by the State Council Information Office of the People 39 s Republic of China, announced the implementation of the nation 39 s two child policy . 2016, January 1, implementation day, is when all evil started . The most immediate effect of the policy was a spike in birthrate . It has always been a tradition for the first child, male or female, to take his or her father 39 s surname . The second child, if a female, could possibly inherit her mother 39 s . If the second child is a male, there 39 s only a 10 chance of him following his mother 39 s surname . This was the general research outcome of that national policy . However, if this subject was brought up in the news channels, all men would say that they are willing to have their second child inherit their wives 39 surnames . Ultimately, the idea of taking on a father 39 s family name never changed, which resulted in the collapse of surnames . By the time people finally realized it, it was already too late . They were 30 years late and everything had already turned on its head . From 2016, January 1 to 2020, January 1, the population of China increased by 80 . The five most popular surnames were Li, Wang, Zhang, Liu, and Chen . Statistics 1 . Li 14 . 94 185,300,000 people . 2 . Wang 14 . 41 168,900,000 people . 3 . Zhang 14 . 07 164,800,000 people . 4 . Liu 10 . 38 124,600,000 people . 5 . Chen 8 . 53 104,400,000 people . These surnames occupied about 60 of China 39 s population . The later generations coined this period the Surname War Boom . This war led to the demise of two character surnames from 2022 onward . Names like Zhuge, Ouyang, Sima, Murong, and so on . Of course, that was just the beginning . No one really noticed when it was being reported on the news . Some more time passed and from that period until the year 2025, the top five surnames started phasing out the rest . They took over 80 of the population by 2025 . Medias started reporting the phenomenon but again, no one really thought about what that meant for the future . The government came up with a solution, which was to enforce the law that the second child must follow the mother 39 s surname . However, that just worked to slow the extinction of certain surnames, not prevent it . 10 years later, in the year 2035, the second surname war erupted . The surname Li, alone, gradually took up 63 of all surnames in the nation . Li became the official national surname . You could just grab two random people on the streets and it was guaranteed that one of them, possibly both, would be a Li . This was yet another beginning of the surname war . It was then that the Book of Family Names became the Book of Family Names . Before 2016, there were a total of 504 surnames, but by 2035, only 106 were left . The top three surnames emerged from there Li, Wang, and Zhang . Liu and Chen became part of the minority . By this point, the experts were already predicting that in the next 10 years, only two major surnames would remain . People would just be either a Li or a Wang . They were wrong, apparently, since only one main surname was left by the year 2045 . Li 99 . 94 1700,629,418 people . The rest of the surnames occupied a meager 0 . 06 . Only 10 million out of 1 . 7 billion had a different surname from Li, and they were scattered all around China, few and far in between . People finally understood the concept of the collapse of surnames . 20 years ago, the ethnic minorities became history and the Han ethnic group took over the whole of China . People understood that those occupying rare surnames were like the ethnic minorities in the past . Seeking one with a rare surname was akin to finding a needle in a haystack . The collapse of surnames started affecting lives . Police stations, airports, train stations, banks and the like, were all starting to feel the impact . Let 39 s take a police station as an example . If a robber commits a crime, there is a 99 . 9 chance that he 39 s a Li . Whatever his name is, Li Yi for example, there would be at least thousands if not tens of thousands, with the same name . It has become much more difficult for the police to investigate and identify criminals accurately . Under immense pressure, the nation thought up a new strategy that was implemented in the year 2046 . No repeated names were allowed . All newborns must have different names . Upon the execution of the law, naming became the most important part of having a child . Naming children became unimaginably tough . There were two ways of doing it . The parents could either choose a name themselves or generate one through the computer program . Names could contain numbers and case sensitive letters . Names mustn 39 t contain more than 6 characters, and a letter of the alphabet or a number was considered half a character . So there were only two outcomes . Some would pick a name by flipping through the dictionary and finding some characters that were extremely difficult to write . Example Li Goudan Even then, such names were most likely already registered . The easier method would be to run through the name generator until something you 39 re happy with pops out . Example Li ChenG6d3 G6d3 . But who would fancy having such messy numbers and letters Of course, names like Li 6666666666 were extremely valuable . While it doesn 39 t make any sense, names like Li Dabian 1 and Li Zhizhang 2 wouldn 39 t be available unless you add some numbers and letters to it . Names have become a kind of luxury, giving birth to a new occupation in the market Name Reseller . Resellers would basically snatch a good name before auctioning it up . They buy low and sell high, basically . That way, names became more and more expensive . If you want to get hold of a better name, you 39 d better be ready with at least a few hundred thousands . It even became a normal occurrence for the rich to spend millions on a good name . Last year, after the death of someone with the name Li Xiaolong 3 , the name was put up for auction . Its price went up to a hundred and forty million dollars and became the most expensive name of all time . Of course, the resale applied only to the name and not the surname . Newborns 39 surname was another story . There was another unique profession that emerged from the black market Surname Changer . As the name implies, the surname changer would help a woman alter her surname because it was too difficult to name her newborn child since both her husband and herself were Lis . Surname Changers were those who possess the minority of surnames . They weren 39 t Lis . Of course, they charged differently, at times cheap and at times costly . Even then, the cheapest surname would go for hundreds of thousands and the more expensive ones would cost millions . If a woman was looking to change her surname from Li to Wang, she would get a divorce eight months into her pregnancy and get married to a Wang . She would have her newborn take over the surname changer 39 s family name before divorcing him and remarrying her child 39 s biological father . That way, she could get a child, male or female, with the surname Wang despite the fact that both her husband and herself were Lis . Thus, the surname changer 39 s job was to sign a few contracts within two months and earn a big sum from there . Of course, the government knew of this profession and strictly prohibited such behaviors . Nevertheless, because of the appealing profits, many started forging their identities and placing advertisements in the black markets, walls, and the Internet . The government warned those with rare surnames that they would investigate those who marry more than five times within a year . Although those guilty would be punished by law, many surname changers still existed . The situation was inevitable, unsolvable, and unacknowledged . People no longer greeted a stranger with a 39 have you eaten 39 but rather with a 39 what 39 s your name 39 . If you wanted to know if a person is rich, you can easily gauge it from his name instead of looking at the way he dresses . If he introduces himself as Li Xiaolong, you 39 d know that he 39 s worth at least a hundred and forty million . . . . Year 2063 . I 39 m Gou Dan, a surname changer . Almost all with rare surnames have become surname changers . Of course, my surname doesn 39 t sound too great . Yes, I know . . . Gou as in dog . Because of that, it was impossible for me to charge a high price so I 39 m almost always starving in spite of this job . Dear Sirs and Madams, wanna get a different surname for your child Only 70,000 Lowest price guaranteed I shouted, raising my identification card from inside of the black market . Shit Retarded Bruce Lee

Chapter end